Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

An unusual conundrum


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> An unusual conundrum Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
An unusual conundrum - 10/24/2005 8:30:28 PM   
subaltarego


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, I am in a bit of a conundrum. I met a Pro Domme about two months ago, and offered to be her handy-sub. I met her at her place, and we discussed for a bit the things she needed done--fix a few things, build a piece of dungeon furniture, etc. She had a few things at her place that she needed fixed that I would need to pick up. When I contacted her afterwards about this she seemed a bit noncommittal, and put me off a few times.("Not today, maybe Wed." "Not today, maybe Sat.") Then I get an email from her saying that I could come over in the late afternoon on day X, and she would call me beforehand to confirm.

So, time comes and I haven't received a call from her. Now, she is reluctant to leave a voicemail on my phone, so I figure it is *possible* I might have missed her, so I give her a call. No answer, straight into voicemail. I call again, about an hour later, and the same thing. I try one more time, and again, just voicemail. So, at this point, I get the hint, and figure that if she really wanted me to serve her, she would contact me, and that any further contact initiated on my part would only serve to turn me into a harassing pest. So, the next four weeks go by, and as I've heard nothing from her, I figure that she wasn't interested, and I go on with my life, and start contacting other Dommes, one of whom I'm going to meet later this week(nonpro).

This is where the conundrum comes in. Two days ago, I get an email from her, asking why I haven't contacted her! The question is, what do I do now? On the one hand, I made a commitment to do something for her(which is something I take seriously). On the other, she's had four weeks to get in touch with me via email and phone, and never did. How should I handle this?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/24/2005 9:00:49 PM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		you have a basic human need of being wanted/needed. She did not make you feel this way, so you moved on. Unless you really want to serve her, explain that your feelings were hurt and your needs weren't met, so you feel that you aren't a match. On the other hand, If you still want to serve her, you need to sit down and ASK how she expects to meet your needs. Then, give her another chance. We are only human, after all.

Fire


_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/25/2005 2:43:14 AM   
MsIce


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		Well I would suggest that she might just be a little bit flakey
One more try perhaps, but be a little wary. Remember not to be too desperate


(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/25/2005 4:37:16 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		I would present the evidence to her that you tried to contact her several times without success and that she never called to confirm. Your time is just as valuable as hers and unless you get a commitment from her, you will just assume that she really doesn't need the services from you.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/25/2005 6:14:40 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline 		I had written a thoughtful response to this thread, and then when I decided to view the OPs profile, found it to be yet another anonymous one, in order to post here, for this thread. I deleted my response.

The last few times I've bothered to respond to a thread started under the guise of an anonymous poster, the thread became a soap opera. I would much rather respond to the sincere folks that don't hide behind false names, false personas, or maybe in even false stories.

Good luck in your choices.
K

(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/25/2005 6:52:58 AM   
subaltarego


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline 		Everyone here hides behind false names. The reason why I am not using my normal handle is so that I can ask for advice in how to handle the situation without having the Domme reading about herself here. I could just as easily log on using my normal handle, mention the Domme's name, and throw discretion all to hell. But that's not my intent. For me to figure out a way to resolve the situation with a minimum of hurt feelings, I need to ask advice. And I can't ask for advice if I broadcast my "real" name. She might be lurking here, and I don't want to broadcast anyone's dirty laundry. By not using my "real" name, I'm not implicating her in any way, shape, manner, or form. She might recognize herself in the post, but probably so could a dozen other people as well.

(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/25/2005 6:57:03 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		I'm in two different minds about your predicament. I used to see and serve and eventually become friends with a Lifestyle Pro Mistress who was/is very similar. She was considered by many to be...flakey and reviews about her on Max Fisch were negative because of it.

But I really enjoyed sessions with her and so stuck with it, accepted her way of being - last minute cancelled appointments, periods of no contact followed by e-mails that she wanted to see me - and she turned out to be so much more for me than a Pro.

Evenually I came to think of it (perhaps rationalized it??) as....She is a Mistress, and if you wish to be her submissive, you follow and accept her ways. Isn't that the basic idea behind what we say (as opposed to what we do). Of course the truth is, with a Pro no one expects or wants to put up with this. Clients expect the opposite: that the Domme will be available when they want and will do to them what they want to have done. A total inversion of D/s. But I treated her as a, as my Mistress, and she became that in many ways.

It depends on what you are looking for with her and what you see in her. You never clearly told us what you expected from this arrangmement. Explain your confusion as to her actions and the reason why you didn't contact her was because you didn't want to be a harrassing pest. (Remember too, that a Pro will get many last minute calls from clients which she has to accomodate and these may have taken precidence over the bits of work she wanted you to do. As with almost any business, income generation comes before maintainence). But as a minimum I say, if a Mistress calls or e-mails you, whether she is Pro, or lifestyle, or a woman on the boards, a sub calls or writes back.

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/25/2005 7:21:59 AM   
subaltarego


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline 		It was less a case of my feelings being hurt than a a realization that I had reached a point where my continuing to pursue a relationship was starting to cross the line from mildly persistent to harassing. When I saw I had reached that point, I backed off, and waited for her to contact me. When no reply came, I figured that was that. I read these forums and others a lot. I try to anticipate what Dommes want, and try not to engage in the poor behavior that Dommes here and elsewhere complain so much about(stalking, spamming, etc). I even posted one of the "What makes a good sub?" questions.

As far as being desperate? Not really. One thing I learned, and I don't know whether this is due to my proximity to NYC or whether it is due to some other reason, but I don't think meeting a Domme is anywhere near as difficult as has been portrayed, and I had been led to believe. Sure, it is difficult, but so is dating. Read the profile, chat, be witty, and maybe there will be a connection.

Nonetheless though, I made a commitment to do something for this Domme. That is something I take seriously. This is a small community, and if I fail to follow through, it may affect my reputation badly, and I don't want to be tarnished with that label right from the start.

(in reply to MistressFire70)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/25/2005 7:52:54 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't do anything.

You didn't have anything in writing, did you really even know each other, so your verbal contract appears to have disappeared. I'd say that was from her side of the verbal deal.

Her demandning why you haven't called sounds like a power game on her side.

Why would you play this with her considering she hasn't kept her end of the verbal deal?


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/25/2005 9:30:50 AM   
dommemagnet


Posts: 134
Joined: 10/6/2004
Status: offline 		From your post, you appear to be a sane and rational individual. It seems that you did what you committed to doing already by calling several times on the day in question. If it were me (and it's not) I would simply tell her that you in fact did try to contact her several times that day to no avail and not wanting to become a stalker, refrained from pestering her via e-mail or telephone. The natural assumption one would draw is that her interest had waned and your services were no longer desired.

Evidently this may not be the case since she contacted you again but surely she would understand why you assumed it to be so. All you have to do now is determine if you want to restart. As you said, there's another Domme in your future that may be a better match for you as she is non pro and maybe more predictable as well.

If you still want to provide the handyman service, great. I'd just tell her your schedule is pretty full therefore you both need to be able to follow through on any future commitment.

Good luck.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/26/2005 6:17:21 AM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		Its good that you want to be a man of your word.... I'd consider the new Domme you are planning on meeting as it may be a more positive relationship for you...what are her thoughts about it?

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/28/2005 10:21:50 AM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline 		one thing i'd ask you, sub, is are you sure you have the right contact information for this person...it's unclear, since you said you met this person when out somewhere...did the voice mail tell you for sure that you were contacting the right person...or was it a generic greeting.

Just a thought...obviously, it's possible you know it was her...and in this case, you're right...but the next time you get in touch with her...it's something you might want to verify.


sting

(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/28/2005 11:11:03 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

As far as being desperate? Not really. One thing I learned, and I don't know whether this is due to my proximity to NYC or whether it is due to some other reason, but I don't think meeting a Domme is anywhere near as difficult as has been portrayed, and I had been led to believe. Sure, it is difficult, but so is dating. Read the profile, chat, be witty, and maybe there will be a connection.


Excellent attitude!!

Not knowing the intentions of the Pro Domme, it's hard to come to a conclusion. You've had some pretty good theories outlined in this thread so far though. The thing is, no one can read her mind. If you want to know what she intends, you have to ask her. And if you want to see this new Domme (and you plan on being exclusive), you may want to close one book before opening another. At least, that is the way I see it.

I recently had to confront an ex to figure out why the hell he was so aloof with me and it turns out that he was a confused about this, that and everything and just not ready for a relationship. It was an uncomfortable discussion but let's say that it enabled me to close the book and concentrate on the juicy details of the wonderful love story I'm co-writing now ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/28/2005 12:47:21 PM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
I'd say come out with a red flag if you please. SOunds like she's very inconsistant and playing games to boot.
I'd saynext!!!.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: An unusual conundrum - 10/28/2005 1:12:12 PM   
DrkAngl


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/9/2005
Status: offline 		Sounds like she's using this to control you.
Personally, I'd just tell her you'd called her, left messages, etc. Enough was enough and you've moved on. Honestly, I wouldn't play her game. Find someone who will really appreciate what you're doing. She sounds like she's just toying you to see how far you'll go.

(in reply to subaltarego)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: An unusual conundrum - 11/2/2005 6:35:55 PM   
subaltarego


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone for Y/your input. I did get an email back from her, saying that she didn't get my call, and that she doesn't pick up the phone when she is busy/resting. I find that hard to believe that she didn't get my message, because I left multiple messages, and one of the first things I did was put her name/number into my cell's phone book, so I would recognize when she called. Anyway, I've moved on, so thanks A/all for the advice, and hopefully, from now on, I can post under my real ID.

(in reply to DrkAngl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: An unusual conundrum - 11/2/2005 7:27:58 PM   
Jacques1000


Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline 		I agree. Sounds all rather bizarre to me. I am sure you will be happier elsewhere.

(in reply to DrkAngl)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> An unusual conundrum Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078