Troika

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Vampyrefledgling -> Troika (5/28/2008 5:55:35 AM)
I really, really need some advice! My Master and I have just decided that at some point in the future we would like to be involved in a Troika (that is, a three person relationship). I agreed to it wholeheartedly and really am interested in pursuing it. That being said, not three days later, my Master tells me that he has met another sub who is interested in joining us. I'll admit, I freaked out! I'm not sure how I should be feeling. But I'm feeling jealous and very confused. I wanted US (he and I) to find that third person, not him on his own. Am I being ridiculous here? Someone, please clue me in as to how to handle this! I want to please my Master and I want to explore this for myself. But how? ~Fledgling

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Troika (5/28/2008 6:05:41 AM)
While you will both have to agree to her being there, his finding her on her own is not necessarily the wrong way to go about this. The forums often have threads about the ton of female subs who are searching for their thirds on the master's requests, so ofthe they are the only one looking. Having the Master do his own search is not bad, since he has to be served by her. The part you HAVE to be involved in is deciding if you wish to include her or not. He cant exclude you from that decision, but keep in mind the discussion of his wanting this poly situation may very well have been brought up BECAUSE he had met her. He might have had her in mind already, and just waited to make sure you would be comfortable with hte idea to mention her for the first time. A little jealousy is perfectly normal, it is a new situation, but try not to let it blind you to a possible good match. And, if she is not one, do not agree just to make Master happy either. Be honest in how you feel, and if this girl doesnt work make sure you mention your desire to be part of the search to him when you begin looking again. DV

Vampyrefledgling -> RE: Troika (5/28/2008 6:09:16 AM)
I think you just hit the nail on the head. I think I am wondering if he wants this Troika BECAUSE of this other sub. That they are the two bringing me in instead of the other way round. And I don't like that. Is that wrong? Thank you for your advice. ~Fledgling

celticlord2112 -> RE: Troika (5/28/2008 7:21:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vampyrefledgling I think you just hit the nail on the head. I think I am wondering if he wants this Troika BECAUSE of this other sub. That they are the two bringing me in instead of the other way round. And I don't like that. Is that wrong? Thank you for your advice. ~Fledgling I won't say it's wrong, but if you're open to the idea of a troika, what does it matter if he has had the idea for a longer time than you, and has identified a potential addition to your relationship and dynamic? If a troika is in fact attractive to you on its own merits (meaning as more than a way to make Master happy), does it not make sense to at least meet the girl and learn who she is specifically? Pass or accept on the basis of who she is, not on the basis of who came up with the troika idea first.

DesFIP -> RE: Troika (5/28/2008 3:48:26 PM)
Are you sure what is freaking you out isn't the possibility that he met her before and then manipulated you into accepting her? Do you have veto rights if you don't like her? Is your relationship sufficiently long term, meaning years not months, to have worked out all possible issues before bringing someone new in?

MsHoney2you -> RE: Troika (5/28/2008 3:52:56 PM)
I'm with celticlord on this. It's not the girls fault for the sequence of events, meet her, GO SLOW since it's your first time. Things to consider: your base relationship, how stable is it? How much time/energy have you two built with each other? What's the agreement/code word for problems that you and he need to connect privately and discuss? MANY things will come up in a Poly house, have you talked with others that have already walked this path? good luck, Ms Honey

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Troika (5/28/2008 4:08:14 PM)
I think a lot of this smells really bad, but isn't necessarily wrong. Just be sure to take it slow and easy and make sure everyone is comfortable and on the same page before making any sudden moves. Exactly what did this other sub say? I would be wary of someone willing to join a threesome they haven't even met all the parts of yet!

nwcutie102 -> RE: Troika (5/28/2008 5:59:52 PM)
wow!! he works quick. which came first... the chicken or the egg?

MstrVik -> RE: Troika (5/28/2008 6:32:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vampyrefledgling I think you just hit the nail on the head. I think I am wondering if he wants this Troika BECAUSE of this other sub. That they are the two bringing me in instead of the other way round. And I don't like that. Is that wrong? More likely, and for sure a better way to see it, is that he has probably have long entertained the idea of a troika, and then this other sub appeared, which made it a good time to bring it up with you. This is just another guess though. A tinge of jealousy is natural, just don't get carried away with it. - Maybe it's simply that you need to get used to the reality of a troika situation, rather than the idea of it.

tigerseye -> RE: Troika (5/28/2008 11:53:52 PM)
my Master and i have played around with the idea of bringing in another into our relationship, a sister for me, and it has been one of the very few things that i have said "not now" to Him. i know our relationship isn't stable enough to bring in another person, nor do i know if the idea sits perfectly well with me yet either and He totally understands. however if/when we do bring in another sub He wants the both of us to search for one. so that she not only gets along with Master, but me as well...cause to have 2 girls in the house, 2 kittens even, is fun.....but when they don't get along...makes you want to run and hide ^_^ i do hope things work out.

Vampyrefledgling -> RE: Troika (5/29/2008 11:20:42 AM)
LuckyAlbatross, I wondered about her willingness myself. It sparked more feelings of betrayal; I began to wonder what else had been going on without my knowledge and made me terribly insecure. I still don't know the exact extent of his involvement with her prior to about a week ago. Is this an overreaction? I really am okay with the idea of a Troika. I have thought about it for a long time. My jealousy is coming from the fact that WE did not look for a third together. It may seem little in terms of the big picture, but it isn't something I can fight with right now. I just don't know. ~Fledgling

zuki -> RE: Troika (5/29/2008 12:28:54 PM)
i wonder if she has been on the scene for longer than you realise

Evility -> RE: Troika (5/29/2008 12:45:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vampyrefledgling LuckyAlbatross, I wondered about her willingness myself. It sparked more feelings of betrayal; I began to wonder what else had been going on without my knowledge and made me terribly insecure. I still don't know the exact extent of his involvement with her prior to about a week ago. Is this an overreaction? I really am okay with the idea of a Troika. I have thought about it for a long time. My jealousy is coming from the fact that WE did not look for a third together. It may seem little in terms of the big picture, but it isn't something I can fight with right now. I just don't know. I don't know you and only know of you the information that you have offered in this thread. I think you are over reacting. If the manner in which the two of you meets and selects a third is that important then tell him this potential third can be dismissed and come to a clear agreement as to how the both of you will proceed from here. I don't think dismissing her outright is the best strategy - I would at least meet her first - but if this is truly something you cannot get past then you have only one choice as I have outlined above. In my personal opinion - again, only from what I have read here - I do not feel that you are quite ready for this new relationship dynamic. This is a fairly minor blip by all indications and you've become jealous and suspicious of your own partner as a result. I really don't think you are ready for this and may not even be cut out for it in general.

MzNaia -> RE: Troika (5/29/2008 3:37:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vampyrefledgling I think you just hit the nail on the head. I think I am wondering if he wants this Troika BECAUSE of this other sub. That they are the two bringing me in instead of the other way round. And I don't like that. Is that wrong? Thank you for your advice. ~Fledgling If that's the case, no, it's not wrong to feel that way. It's fair for you to expect honesty. Good luck.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Troika (5/29/2008 4:04:49 PM)
It might be something of an overreaction- I agree that there's no harm in meeting and getting the full truth right out. Best thing to do is get everyone on the same start page and begin as a group now.

Vampyrefledgling -> RE: Troika (5/31/2008 9:28:58 AM)
I greatly appreciate all the advice being posted! I've talked in-depth with my Master about this and he explained exactly how he met this other sub, the level of their interraction, so I'm feeling immensely better about the situation. I still don't know how I feel about this particular girl, but in general I am excited at the possibility. I've told him from the beginning of this discussion/debate that I was willing to talk to and get to know her. Where it would progress from there, I don't know, but I'm open to it. I don't think it is entirely fair to say I shouldn't be involved in this type of relationship because I was/am jealous. I don't know whether I 'should' or 'shouldn't' be in this relationship, but I want to try it. If I'm going to, I have to be able to admit, both to myself and my Master when I'm not feeling right about a situation. I do think I overreacted; I jumped to some wrong conclusions and allowed myself to think the worst. I've learned a lot from this. I still have questions and uncertainties, but it seems like something worth doing. ~Fledgling

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Troika (5/31/2008 9:37:23 AM)
One question to ask would be exactly what are his expectations for a first meeting?

kiwisub12 -> RE: Troika (5/31/2008 10:07:54 AM)
My Sir at one time wanted a third in our house, and bought home a girl who was in a bad situation. she wasn't my cup of tea, but i didn't hate her, so things went ok. The only problem i had was when she tried to talk to me - i had absolutely nothing in common with her except my Sir. It wasn't ideal, and didn't last all that long - a month or so, because she wasn't a true submissive, but it was interesting in that i discovered that i was more secure in my Sirs affections than i realised - i had no jealousy issues with her. And she enjoyed doing the things that i didn't. [:)] Give it a try - you may actually like her - and at least, she can help with the housework and cooking. Always a good thing to have less of.[:D]

goodpet -> RE: Troika (6/1/2008 6:05:42 AM)
I'll go along with the comments about going slow.. make sure you and your partner know the ground rules and that your relationship is sound. Give the girl the chance and as LA said get everyone on the same page and start together to see where the trio will go. We had one very stressful try at poly, we made some mistakes by mostly going to fast with it.. had to back off and end it. Currently we are working on bring in a third now, going very slow, doing it in a much more sound and sane way.. and it's working out very well. good luck

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Troika (6/1/2008 9:17:12 AM)
better get her tested for std's before you do anything.

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