Being Submissive to a Couple (Full Version)

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chamberqueen -> Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 5:01:36 AM)

I have been tasked with finding a female sub for myself that would also serve both my Master and me.  It seems that most subs prefer a Dom to themselves, or to be the Alpha female.  My guess is that being a sub to a sub would work best for someone who is married or for other reasons doesn't have much time to play.

What is the best way of finding someone who might be interested in someone who would enjoy this?  I have searched on profiles, and have contacted a few people, but I want to make sure that I don't offend anyone.  I know, going into this, that it simply would not be a lifestyle choice of many and I certainly respect that.  



DesFIP -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 5:47:28 AM)

Is he looking for a sub or just an occasional extra sex partner? Because if the latter, then the two of you should be going to swinger parties together. Assuming that giving him the number of a local escort service wouldn't work. It doesn't seem from your focusing on married women that a friendship is going to be the primary reason for the third, just that he will want an oncall other sex partner.

The easiest way to get that is to pay for it.



chamberqueen -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 6:02:43 AM)

My mistake - I didn't mean to focus on someone married.  I'm trying to understand who would be most likely to enjoy being sub to a sub, and most of the profiles mentioned being married.

I actually just emailed him the question about whether He truly wants it to be a sub or someone that is just poly.  I have seen a few posts of women who seem that they would enjoy a relationship like this but they are not within driving distance.  I was just hoping for advice on how to find someone who would be open to at least considering this; someone who doesn't need either to be the only sub or to be in a 24/7 relationship.



peppermint -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 6:26:43 AM)

You are looking for something that other couples have searched years for and not found.  Hopefully your Master has not set a time limit on your search as it could take several years.  As you've discovered, there are many subs willing to be poly IF they are the Alpha sub, and few willing to be the beta sub.  There is no easy way to find that illusive third.  Keep looking here.  Go to munches and events and meet people there.  Make sure you're friends know what you are looking for as they might know of someone.  If you're lucky you might find what you seek. 



OmegaG -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 8:05:27 AM)

before my current relationship, I explored becoming part of a relationship with a man and his s-type wife.  I wasn't opposed to it as they dynamic between the two of them was great and the three of us seemed to mesh well together.

I was looking at the strenghth of their relationship, how strong their bond was and I was most interested in where she felt that I fit in as I wanted to avoid jealosy.  Actually, before we parted ways I felt comfortable that I had a good friendship with her and that if we became intimate that it would be a good dynamic.

She was the one that contacted me originally but he quickly joined in the conversations.  They used a couples profile (on another site) so that I knew as much about both of them before we really started exploring.



RCdc -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 8:15:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
I actually just emailed him the question about whether He truly wants it to be a sub or someone that is just poly.  I have seen a few posts of women who seem that they would enjoy a relationship like this but they are not within driving distance.  I was just hoping for advice on how to find someone who would be open to at least considering this; someone who doesn't need either to be the only sub or to be in a 24/7 relationship.



I underlined a major concern and wanted to just suggest/advise you not to contact anyone about this- yet. It sounds as though you both haven;t really discussed nor decided what is wanted - and it wouldn't be fair to raise anothers hopes only to drop them when you both realise you want something different. A dominants sub having a submissive or slave and effectively dominating that person isn't impossible - or even there being an alpha and beta, but you both need to define the exchange of authority first and your posts do not indicate you have.
 
So the advice I would suggest is do not contact anyone and focus on the parametres first.
 
the.dark.



URFarmPet -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 8:15:28 AM)

I was a sub for a couple and it worked for me because both are dominant,
which is the only way I would sub for a couple.  Guess it makes them appear
more as one.  Also, I think it is my way of letting the other female know that
I am there for them, not just him.



chamberqueen -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 8:29:14 AM)

Thanks for the input from everyone.  I agree - I need to find out more about just how the relationship would work.  I know that jealousy definitely needs to be avoided.  I am an active switch, and I daily play both roles - at least online.

I would never invite someone into a relationship and not look for their fulfillment.  The submissive side of me knows the craving to please, and the thrill of having someone be pleased with your efforts.  The dominant side knows how to touch the mind and build not just trust but a good relationship. 



BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 8:42:30 AM)

I know from your posts that you and your master don't live together, so I'd also clarify with him (for your sake) if he plans on playing/having sex with this other women without you being present.... or is it strictly a 3some type of situation he is seeking.  Best to talk about everything up front!

I don't know where you or your master live, but you'd probably stand a better chance of finding someone by getting active in your local community and getting to know people there. 

But truth is, you've been here long enough to know how elusive what you are seeking is for many, many couples.



chamberqueen -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 9:08:59 AM)

We have already discussed this part:  it will be threesomes or me alone with the sub.  They will not see each other alone.

I agree; it is definitely a niche role that not many would want to take on.  I'm hoping that for someone it might be perfect, though - especially if they don't want or need to play more than part time.



OmegaG -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 9:35:41 AM)

So, were I the third, it would seem to me that I would be your sub, but there would be times when his authority of you would transfer to your sub as well since this person's interactions will always center around you.



Wolfsrealm -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 10:07:33 AM)

I have no idea how to go about searching, but I will say that they are out there.  Granted, the sub you speak of is a person who greatly enjoys submission.  In my previous relationship before Master I was submissive to the female sub of a male Dom.  This was a 24/7 relationship, and I lived with them.  It was beautiful, and the reason it ended was because the two of them later broke up for completely unrelated reasons.  Just keep your eyes open.  Network and get to know as many people in the lifestyle as you can.  Call me optimistic, but I think that if you're devoted to this idea you'll find what you want.

Best Wishes,
Little Red



kyraofMists -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 10:34:05 AM)

Why?  Why do you want poly and why do you want to structure it in this manner?

Understanding your motivations for doing this is important to determine what steps you need to take next.


Knight's Kyra



Emperor1956 -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 10:37:43 AM)

FR:   Where does it say that the original post is seeking a "Poly" relationship.  I see someone seeking an additional partner for some time kinky sex.  "Poly" as I use the word, and I think most of us who see ourselves as polyamorous use the word, implies a committed relationship involving more than one other partner.

I'm not dictating terms or setting out a "one true way" here, but I do wonder when every statement of "Master and I are seeking a third girl to fuck" becomes a polyamorous quest.

E



AdorablyBroken -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 10:37:46 AM)

I am guessing you aren't looking for 24/7. I can't speak for anyone else but for my part being a slave, not a sub the idea of having a couple own me makes me feel all happy and peaceful. Being involved with that kind of love seems beautiful to me.
I am not sure what you are really looking for and not to be rude but it seems you don't either, it seems more your Master is deciding for you so I am not too sure what advice to give other than to make sure you both are on the same page on what you want and make any potential subs know what their role would be



xxblushesxx -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 11:52:17 AM)

Well...from hearing other peoples' stories of their search, you'll probably have lots of time to talk about it before you ever find her...



daddysliloneds -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 1:44:32 PM)

it's really quite simple: you advertise for a bi-sexual female who is into occassional three-somes; doesn't sound like you need a submissive for what you two desire.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 4:06:45 PM)

I think the first question iks- are you really ready for these changes and responsibilities?  That means understanding what you really want, why you want it and being able to fully provide and nurture it.

And then- what exactly do you offer that would make it appealing to someone in the long term?  You've got heavy competition out there.



Daddysredhead -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 6:32:18 PM)

Dear CQ,

What you seek is NOT impossible as Daddy and I have it twice.  There are wonderful women out there who do enjoy submitting to a couple.  I agree with those who have stated that you really must know what it is that you want and what your expectations are of yourselves as well as the girl you are looking for.  Confusion breeds confusion and insecurity.

With our girls, it is understood at the beginning that the relationship between Daddy and I is the primary relationship, and that it will not be meddled with.  We had two prior girls who didn't seem to understand that and it caused a lot of strain on everyone, especially me, because I saw the manipulation for what it was.  Fast forward...  Now we make certain that our girls know that any attempt to create chaos will get them nothing but a "goodbye" from us.  The two girls we have been spending time with are very respectful of our relationship and we enjoy sharing it with them.  It's a pleasant balance of D/s and warm friendship.

Daddy suggests that the most important element in determining the success of any non-traditional relationship is to ensure that the dynamics of the relationship is strictly defined.  Often times, confusion sets in because each role is not clear.  This can only lead to neglect, jealousy and eventually heart break.  When you hear of horror stories, the break down of communication is blamed when is it actually the break down of the dynamics, where one party feels like they are getting the short end of the stick, which is not fair to anyone.

Just make sure that everyone knows what is expected and be patient.  These girls ARE out there.

Best of luck to you,
DRH and IM

ps ~ In our relationships, the women submit to both Daddy and me.  There is a clear hierarchy - Daddy is first, then me, and then the woman we play with.  I am always submissive to Him, but never our playmates.  We co-Top all of them, and He does not play solo with them, although I have His blessing to play solo with them.  He does not play with them solo in an effort to keep the dynamics intact, and to help prevent an unwanted "attachment" from forming between our partner and Him, which was a problem with the first two girls we played with years ago.  BTW, our two girls do not play with each other.  We make time for each of them, and they know each other, they just don't play together.

edited for spelling and clarity



slavegirljoy -> RE: Being Submissive to a Couple (5/29/2008 7:33:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I have been tasked with finding a female sub for myself that would also serve both my Master and me.  It seems that most subs prefer a Dom to themselves, or to be the Alpha female. 

You aren't alone.  Many M/s couples search for a submissive female to join their relationship, some for a full 24/7 relationship and, others for occasional play.  my Master and i have been searching for the past 2 years and have had many contacts but, very few who actually follow-through with their "strong interest" or, it just turns out that we aren't a good match for each other for various reasons.  Look, it can be hard enough just trying to get 2 people who are compatible and willing and able to form a relationship together.  Trying to get 3 who can do that is even more difficult.

quote:

What is the best way of finding someone who might be interested in someone who would enjoy this?  I have searched on profiles, and have contacted a few people, but I want to make sure that I don't offend anyone.  I know, going into this, that it simply would not be a lifestyle choice of many and I certainly respect that.  

The profiles on CM allow for people to indicate whether they are interested in joining a poly relationship or are seeking a couple.  So, if you do a search for those profiles, you shouldn't have to be concerned about offending someone by introducing yourself and telling them that you are interested in meeting someone for this sort of relationship.

Unlike what others have said, i don't think it's absolutely necessary to know exactly what you want when you look for someone.  i don't think there's anything wrong with simply exploring the possibilities with others.  It's good to know that someone has an interest in the same sort of relationship that you are hoping to develop but, that doesn't mean that there has to be the pressure of expecting a relationship to develop between people who are just getting to know each other.  Talk about your interests and desires, of course but, it can be done in a relaxed way and then see where things go.
 
i, for one, am someone who is interested in being the 'beta sub' to another female and would very much enjoy being submissive to her, so long as she is submissive to my Master.  i have no interest in being an 'alpha slave'.  Before i met my Master, i had been considering joining a M/s couple and being submissive to both of them.  But, my Master entered my life and took me for His own, instead, which has turned out to be the best thing for me.  But, i would have enjoyed being the 'beta sub' to a M/s couple.  And, i doubt that i'm the only one.
 
There are poly groups that you can join and place ads or look at the ads of women seeking a relationship with a couple.  Here are two on Yahoo:

Poly Family Personals
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/polyfamilypersonals/

BD-SM Poly
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BD-SMPoly/?yguid=244066480

Swinging is also a possibility but, not as many single women are into swinging as are couples.  Finding someone, who wants this sort of relationship and who is compatible and all takes a lot of searching so, you have to be patient and persistent.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David



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