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stella41b -> RE: Vanilla family dysfunction and BDSM lifestyle questions. (5/30/2008 2:51:42 AM)
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I wasn't born. My parents were too poor, apparently they were so poor a charity shop donated me to them - when they were out shopping. I was the unluckiest kid around. I got a rocking horse when I was small for Christmas, and my teddy bear rode off on it. I'm the one who found a bunch of bananas in the street, but when I peeled back the skins I found they were all empty.
I come from a dysfunctional family, so dysfunctional I was brought up by my grandparents for the first few years of my life in Glasgow. Part of the family who were emigrating to Canada at the time wanted to adopt me, but my mother backed out at the last minute. I survived my childhood.
The recovery process took some 25-26 years and there are times I still remember and things that maybe I shouldn't remember.
But I blame nobody and don't have too many regrets. Cookies crumble in certain ways and you just learn to deal with it. In fact I'm quite happy it turned out this way, it's helped me on my own journey of evolution and self-discovery. But then again let's not forget the destructive effects of my gender issues.
But you know, had I have had a different family, a different upbringing, or even been born to be as I am now I don't think it would have made much difference, as I sometimes feel that what brought me here and into such communities and lifestyles lies much deeper than my past.. in fact I believe that part of it lies very deep in the core of my soul.
I have what I can only describe as a restored family.. taken from the assumption that back in 1969 in Glasgow a different decision was taken which explains why my closest family ties now exist in Canada and not the UK.
You have to be very careful however because this is an issue which courts social stigma from both outside and within the community and for some throws up a red flag, on the assumed thesis that because you were abused as a child that you come into the community seeking abuse or potentially as an abuser.
the thing is that if you are over 30 (a rhetorical age) then you have a past, issues and a certain amount of baggage, even if you claim you don't. There's no stronger influence on you as a person that your own mother or parents, but I also believe that children are much tougher and resilient than perhaps we give them credit for and no doubt there are some among us who have gone through such experiences that they just don't feel able to talk about here on a public forum. Then again it is your baggage, past experience and issues which by and large make you the person you are, for better and for worse.
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