RE: Definition

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hejira92 -> RE: Definition (6/2/2008 12:54:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra However, emotional sadism can be much more than that. It is designed to hit on things like fears of abandonment, the need for consistency, the feeling that it should somehow be a right to know in advance what you're going to be doing so that you can prepare for it, just to name a few. It involves taking what is the very hardest thing for you to do and then, putting you in situations where you have to do that very thing. (For me, it's affection. I am a very touchy feely person with someone I care about. It's the one thing I could say I need the most. It is also the one thing he withholds from me except in rare moments. I am constantly turned on end because of this and often it feels like it is more than I can handle... and just when I feel I can't take any more, he's there with a touch, a caress or simply something said so quietly that I almost think I missed it. But when those moments come..... they're beyond compare - in part, precisely because they are more often withheld - and I'm turned on end once more. The entire process is positively delicious.) Emotional sadism as we play with it is very difficult to describe, but I really would never consider it therapy - even if there are times when it does acheve theraputic results. juliet Now you have me questioning my whole idea of what emotional sadism is, because this is just the type of thing Master would NEVER do to me. When I talk about being emotionally safe at the end of the day- I mean I have His affection and He is very generous in the physical display of such. Physical affection is my love language and I was totally deprived of it for so many years. Master knows this and He also knows that His affection is exactly the foundation that keeps me safe for all the other play He does. My emotional sadism is more along the lines of verbal humiliation and objectification- the rougher He is during sex and play, the more I enjoy it. Maybe what we do is just "play", or "scene", emotional sadism, because I know where I am with Him, always. Hmmmm.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Definition (6/2/2008 1:10:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hejira92 quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra However, emotional sadism can be much more than that. It is designed to hit on things like fears of abandonment, the need for consistency, the feeling that it should somehow be a right to know in advance what you're going to be doing so that you can prepare for it, just to name a few. It involves taking what is the very hardest thing for you to do and then, putting you in situations where you have to do that very thing. (For me, it's affection. I am a very touchy feely person with someone I care about. It's the one thing I could say I need the most. It is also the one thing he withholds from me except in rare moments. I am constantly turned on end because of this and often it feels like it is more than I can handle... and just when I feel I can't take any more, he's there with a touch, a caress or simply something said so quietly that I almost think I missed it. But when those moments come..... they're beyond compare - in part, precisely because they are more often withheld - and I'm turned on end once more. The entire process is positively delicious.) Emotional sadism as we play with it is very difficult to describe, but I really would never consider it therapy - even if there are times when it does acheve theraputic results. juliet Now you have me questioning my whole idea of what emotional sadism is, because this is just the type of thing Master would NEVER do to me. When I talk about being emotionally safe at the end of the day- I mean I have His affection and He is very generous in the physical display of such. Physical affection is my love language and I was totally deprived of it for so many years. Master knows this and He also knows that His affection is exactly the foundation that keeps me safe for all the other play He does. My emotional sadism is more along the lines of verbal humiliation and objectification- the rougher He is during sex and play, the more I enjoy it. Maybe what we do is just "play", or "scene", emotional sadism, because I know where I am with Him, always. Hmmmm. I wanted to quote both of the above in their entirety because of the polar opposites and yet they both define emotional sadism to me. Juliet, what you describe is exactly my experience, as well, although the withholding of affection is so painful sometimes I don't think I can continue. And yet there is something very raw and real about actually hurting for him...truly emotionally suffering, that puts me in the most intense places. As the level of pain increases, I continue to learn to cope with it. At times I want to pull away, and yet I can't. My Master actually did find that fine line of how far he can push, by pushing slightly over it. We nearly fell apart as a result...and yet we didn't. The result is I am even more aware of his power over me and his ability to crush me if he wishes, and renewed trust that he never will. We are in a place now that I had not envisioned before. Amidst the pain there is something so tender and sweet, just beneath the surface, in the form of appreciation, trust, gratitude, and complete vulnerability. Hejira, I wouldn't question things too much. Even with what I have described above, I know I am emotionally safe at the end of the day, and my confidence in that comes in a form other than affection. Neither is better, neither is wrong or right. We both might feel that sharp blow right in our gut when certain words are said, or when we are put in various circumsances. But when all is said and done, we both know we are cared for and where we belong. Like you, I was also deprived of emotional security for years, and completely deprived of affection. Perhaps this is why it sometimes hurts so much when I don't receive it now. And yet, I am allowed to express myself by being affectionate with him, even if it is not often returned, and I have learned to receive his way of expression and understand it. Affection can be given verbally as well as physically, and it took me...oh...about four years to understand that. [;)] But whether in play or in day to day experiences, we may be feeling the same things; we're just taking different roads to get there.

softness -> RE: Definition (6/2/2008 2:49:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Hurting someone is easy and requires little skill, hurting someone in a way that at the end of the journey they end up in less pain and more joy, THAT takes talent. Emotional sadism is very much that, most are the former, very few are capable of the latter. the wave that comes after being in a place of emotional anguish and torment .. is one of the more powerful releases i can be given and there is also something deeply intimate and powerful in the way He can reach right into my head and heart ... and manipulate my soul as much as He can my body .. any idiot could hold me down and fuck my body ... I only know one who can make me hold myself down while He fucks my soul

julietsierra -> RE: Definition (6/2/2008 4:54:51 PM)
But hejira.. we're doing the same things in different ways, that's all. I can't handle humiliation. He finds a better way to do thing that work for me. You can't handle withholding of affection. Your Master finds better ways of doing things for you. In the end, I think it's really just a "you say potato, I say potata" kind of thing. Both of us are experiencing similar things in different ways. And what's even better is that regardless of how our Masters do it, they're taking us on the ride of a lifetime and I know that I wouldn't change it for the world. It sounds as if you wouldn't either. Just like ownedgirlie and softness, the things these men do to our minds are exponentially more painful and more extraordinary than anything we've ever known. And boy oh boy! Isn't THAT a wonderful thing!!

julietsierra -> RE: Definition (6/2/2008 5:08:14 PM)
But getting back to the nature/attributes of an emotional sadist... I'd say, in my experience, an emotional sadist is very aware of his capabilities. He has a plan for how he wants to do things and not a whole lot happens without thinking things all the way through. The emotional sadist I know, love and respect is intuitive, empathetic and methodical. He loves but he loves in his own way. Sometimes I can see it, sometimes I can not, and it's up to me which I believe. The emotional sadist I know stops me from crying when he knows I'll fall apart and makes me cry when he knows I won't. He has a strong ethic that he lives his life by, regardless of where he is and who he's with. That ethic shows itself in the work place and in his family life and in every aspect of how he conducts himself. He is an ethical man. The emotional sadist I know is kind. I know that sounds strange, but he is. He's the first person to support someone no one believes in and along the way, helps them learn to believe in themselves. He gives back to his community. He believes strongly in that calling and in that responsibility. He loves to laugh and is quick-witted. He has lived a life of service in his own way and I admire him greatly because of that. At the same time, the emotional sadist I know is calculating. His favorite line when I am hurting is to say "so... you say you feel like you're being... tortured? GOOOOD." And then, whatever he is doing that is hurting so much... he keeps on doing it, because he knows that, to quote Pat Benetar, it "hurts sooo good." At the same time, he can tell the difference between me hurting because of his sadism and me hurting because I'm devastated by something that's happened and when it's the latter, he's right there to talk to me, listen to me and if necessary, just hold me. He says what he means and means what he says and I can always believe in that. I can always believe in him. So, to me, he's the embodiement of everything I was looking for in a man - and then some. Hope this helps you Jade. As you can probably tell, I'm completely enamored with him - and I have been for over 6 years. That thrill has never gone away. juliet

LadyBug1967 -> RE: Definition (6/2/2008 5:23:34 PM)
My former Master was emotionally and verbally abusing me and I was well aware of it. When I finally had enough, I called it quits. But until just now I never thought of Him as an emotional sadist, even though all my friends pointed out to me what He had been and was doing to me. He would set up situations that I could not possibly succeed in doing. Then He would punish me for being unable to do them. For two years He told me what a bad slave I was. Then once I was out of the relationship I met a guy who said to me "If you were such a bad slave, then why did he keep you so long?" Made perfect sense to me and helped me move on. I think that in some way I will always love Him. But I realize now how much control He had over my life and how bad He was for me. I broke up with Him December 31st and my life has been SO much more peaceful since then. He is a Drama King! Hmm . . . emotional sadist. I'll sure remember that term for future reference. Peace.

julietsierra -> RE: Definition (6/2/2008 6:56:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyBug1967 My former Master was emotionally and verbally abusing me and I was well aware of it. When I finally had enough, I called it quits. But until just now I never thought of Him as an emotional sadist, even though all my friends pointed out to me what He had been and was doing to me. He would set up situations that I could not possibly succeed in doing. Then He would punish me for being unable to do them. For two years He told me what a bad slave I was. Then once I was out of the relationship I met a guy who said to me "If you were such a bad slave, then why did he keep you so long?" Made perfect sense to me and helped me move on. I think that in some way I will always love Him. But I realize now how much control He had over my life and how bad He was for me. I broke up with Him December 31st and my life has been SO much more peaceful since then. He is a Drama King! Hmm . . . emotional sadist. I'll sure remember that term for future reference. Peace. It's too bad that was your experience. When I hear things like this I realize how blessed I am. Drama King is nowhere near what my Master is. I don't see emotional sadism as a bad thing. It's just a bad thing for those for whom it doesn't work. As far as the pain of it all, it is indeed the "holy moly of em all." When it comes to how we process it...that's what makes things good or bad. juliet

hejira92 -> RE: Definition (6/2/2008 10:11:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness any idiot could hold me down and fuck my body ... I only know one who can make me hold myself down while He fucks my soul Softness, I read that and said, "Now THAT"S purty!" (don't ask me where the southern 'purty' came from. It's very late....) Owned and Juliet, I once again find myself with a warm grateful feeling for being able to share thoughts and ideas with you on this forum. Thank you both. And isn't it interesting that all us subs delved so deeply into this topic here on 'ask a master'? [:D]

ownedgirlie -> RE: Definition (6/3/2008 10:25:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hejira92 Owned and Juliet, I once again find myself with a warm grateful feeling for being able to share thoughts and ideas with you on this forum. Thank you both. [sm=couple.gif]

persephonee -> RE: Definition (6/3/2008 11:41:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Hurting someone is easy and requires little skill, hurting someone in a way that at the end of the journey they end up in less pain and more joy, THAT takes talent. Emotional sadism is very much that, most are the former, very few are capable of the latter. the wave that comes after being in a place of emotional anguish and torment .. is one of the more powerful releases i can be given and there is also something deeply intimate and powerful in the way He can reach right into my head and heart ... and manipulate my soul as much as He can my body .. any idiot could hold me down and fuck my body ... I only know one who can make me hold myself down while He fucks my soul now im all crushing on softness....i need a date or a beating or a snack or something....(wanders off to the kitchen and grabs for her phone...muttering to herself)

softness -> RE: Definition (6/3/2008 12:26:07 PM)
don't blame me ... its Sirs fault ... He made me all goey and romantic and stuff am even starting to make myself sick now

persephonee -> RE: Definition (6/3/2008 1:43:26 PM)
Sorry i didnt catch that...i made a sammie and a playdate for later...thanks for the incentive. And there is NOTHING sick about what you just said.....AT ALL. Sheer poetry.

lally3 -> RE: Definition (6/3/2008 1:43:29 PM)
the only thing i can equate this to is something that happened with my ex mother in law. i remember we were walking and talking and the topic suddenly landed on my mum. mary (my ex-mum in law) suddenly started stripping my emotions down, i stood there in front of her, totally powerless to stop her and i didnt want to - she took every hurt every bit of anger, understood it utterly, exposed everything i felt, how i felt, why i felt and then slowly built me back together with every bone and nerve ending to do with my mother exposed, stripped and cleaned. i remember feeling complete peace as we then started to walk again, arms linked - the bond with her started from there. is this what youre talking about.

julietsierra -> RE: Definition (6/3/2008 5:04:36 PM)
pretty darn close lolly.. pret-ty darn close. juliet

lally3 -> RE: Definition (6/5/2008 1:44:20 AM)
a powerful thing then... was ruthless but i felt safe, she led me down this painful path and i needed her to put her arms around me but she didnt, she let me stand there emotionally stripped to the bone... and i was compelled to listen and respond she did it because she knew i needed to face up to it all. im sitting here wondering about my mother in laws orientation now... lol!

julietsierra -> RE: Definition (6/5/2008 2:11:08 AM)
lol

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