RE: Accepting a mismatch? (Full Version)

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Kasia -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (10/26/2005 2:27:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop

People aren't play dough.

You dont just throw them against the wall, spin them up on a wheel,and viola,perfection.

No, most unfortunally they are not [:D]
Although I wouldnt like them to be either, I would probably get bored with perfection....... its much more fun as it is.



Sensualips -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (10/26/2005 2:27:44 PM)

I don't know, JustaTop. I think I saw that done in a scene last Thursday.

Seriously though, of course you are correct. I think everyone is in agreement core properties/values/personalities do not change.



chgodomcouple -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (10/26/2005 8:10:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop
Ditto-artifical chemical joy is a hard limit in this house.

Legal or not.

What if it were prescription drugs like anti-depressants? Those certainly change "who" a person is, for the better (ideally).

And I personally need caffeine in the morning. And lots of people like alcohol. Not to mention nicotine. What about chocolate happy chemicals?


Same here caffeine is a must for me in order to function in the morning.. and through out the day



MistressDREAD -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (10/26/2005 9:55:16 PM)

quote:

Accepting a mismatch?

My BDSM Rules and Proticals forbid such a thing.
In My world that would be concidered a crime.
Because the things I practice and the way I am
would not nor could not be comprimised by a mis
match. As a Dominant it is My duty to keep true
to My values, honor, integrity no matter how warped
it is to the normal society and kinks and know when
to just say .No. I know Me and My limits where a
inocent sub or switch or even a Top or vanilla wouldent
have a clue as to what they would be getting theirselfs into
no matter how attractive I might be to their minds or labido
or they to mine.
How could any trust Me if I dident keep to My core?



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/26/2005 8:49:31 PM)

honor i can understand but when one lies to get something for ego purposes then its just dead wrong call it karma in action hurt those for selfish gain and the wheel of fate its getting ready to lay its hammer on you yep yep :)[&:]



veronicaofML -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/26/2005 11:54:48 PM)

it would seem Ma'am,...women have tried to mold men intio better husbands for centuries but if i observe the violence in marriages and divorces semi accurately.......???????

it doesn't work.


i do not believe there is such a thing. and i always have to ask-----
WHY?
why even try to mold someone.........why not just accept what you have and deal with it?
we males are not allowed to mold wives or we are called control freaks...but yet women try it constantly.......why?


in relationships my grandparents told me it is best to just meet somewhere in the middle and see if there is common ground or not.
for me personally????/ i have never met 1 lady in my life that is even close to my tastes....
i settled for 2nd best 3 times..........never do it again.

take care
good luck Ma'am.



EvilGeoff -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 12:22:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chgodomcouple

Same here caffeine is a must for me in order to function in the morning.. and through out the day



If I get too much blood in my caffeine system, I start to go into withdrawal...



Vendaval -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 2:11:31 AM)

It is quite pointless to attempt a complete make-over on a personality. That is best left to qualified psychiatrists, psychologists and animal trainers. If the person has a positive attitude of wanting to learn new behaviors or unlearn old ones, and is willing to committ to whatever methods are necessary for change, then yes, personalities can be altered.

The ironic twist is that it is usually more difficult to UNLEARN an OLD behavior than to acquire a NEW one. The prime example being - stop smoking and overeating -counterbalanced by - eat healthy and stick to an exercise routine.

YMMV,

Vendaval



MHOO314 -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 9:05:18 AM)

I have learned that in some cases, there is no molding, I let a sub go because he needed a strict disciplinarian at all times-- I am just not there---and we had many vanilla things in common--but his need was so great and he kept saying, "you'll adapt"-My head never got there so I knew My hand wouldn't either--My question is--would you do it if it was vanilla? Probably not--trust the gut



slavedesires -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 9:40:01 AM)

What we are is created in us from birth..who we become is created by ourselves.
I believe a good Dom will CREATE desires in a girl.



candystripper -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 10:03:44 AM)

Not necessarially in reply to slavedesires; but rather to everyone:

Gawd, i'm loving my 50's. Besides the huge rise in libido amd the discovery of D/s, i am also possessed of certain knowledge, hard won. (And i have great genes; i still look good, LOL.)

First: You cannot change a Man. i dated a Dom for some months last year who was almost perfect except for ONE important thing. i tried treating that one thing as a want instead of a need, but what really happened was, i hoped He would change as we spent more time together. Instead He unceremiously dumped me. You'd think i'd know better. Well, i have strengthened my resolve and have revised my profile in a way that i hope reflects that new resolve.

BTW, when it becomes visible i'd love email feedback from a member. However, please do not post comments on the boards.

Second: as i am on a pension and need only a small part-time job (any member who can assist me please contact me) i am free to explore in a way i have never be able to before. i also know certain "must haves" in a relationship. Taken together, i find myself ready, willing and able to meet my One. He may take a long time to find, but He and i will enjoy great peace and joy (if ever i find Him).

Third: i do not need a Man -- period. i WANT to find my One, but i have zero interest in the kind of relationship where future separation is implied. i do not want a play partner; i do not want a trainer; i do not want to have a fling. Instead, i focus on making my own life better and i am happy as is. i know i'll be happier in the future, even if i do not find my One.

i wish everyone a successful search for whatever You are desirious of...many blessings on all of You.

candystripper



veronicaofML -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 10:14:11 AM)

candystripper
Corrupted
==========
happy holidays to ya.



MHOO314 -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 10:24:13 AM)

gawd girl- I am sooooooo there---this phase of My life rocks, I am dabomb, in control, sassyassed and have the world by the tail---and you are there as well, harness that inner power and allure and grab life by the ahem---ass--now as for molding, that's something that runs around the top of My walls---smiles--there is some that can happen but innate traits don't change--



IrishMist -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 11:39:08 AM)

Call me a newb but...I would think that the 'core' pricipals that attracted two people in the first place...you would not want those changed . ( this is kind of a half-assed question in disguise lol )



slavejali -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 11:56:49 AM)

quote:

I would think that the 'core' pricipals that attracted two people in the first place...you would not want those changed .


Sometimes the initial things that attract people have no substance, a lot of time they cant be relied on..but i hear what your saying IrishMist, example, Master was drawn to me because of my bright and bubbly personality, it would be pretty dumb of him to try to get me to be quiet and repressed once he claimed me, changing me into something he wasn't attracted to in the first place.

I guess the topic though is about changing something your not attracted to into something thats attractive. It all sounds like too much effort to me and the end result is not guaranteed.

Often people make bad partner choices because they are trying to satiate an immediate need, its just lack of vision and wisdom...and yes desperation.



EvilGeoff -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 12:19:07 PM)

Finding someone who is a mis-match on the surface initially is no impediment to me. The mis-match may only be a superficial one, with core values and desires actually being compatible. It takes time to learn these things. But then again, I'm the kind of person who builds relationships over time. That's a lesson I learned early on in the lifestyle:

"Do NOT let hormones create the relationship".

I made that mistake once and it cost me dearly. Lesson learned. Since that time I have not even thought about entering any kind of romantic/sexual/formal D/s relationship with anyone I have not known for at least 6 months to a year. Build a good, solid friendship FIRST, if anything else comes of it, we'll take it from there.

My current girl and I knew each other for 3 years before we started going out, and we've been in the D/s relationship now just a hair over 2.5 years. Maybe she isn't all that and a box of cookies to everyone else, but she's mine and I love her dearly. She is learning me and me desires and ways one day at a time. I didn't expect, nor require, her to be perfect in her service to me, but I am slowly training her to my way of doing things. I'm patient like that. *grins*

Mis-matched? Maybe. Molding her into what I want & need? Absolutely.

But the flip side of that? Just as the river cuts away the stone, the stone turns the river. both are changed by the encounter. I become more the Owner she needs each day as well.

YIK,
- Geoff



slavejali -> RE: Accepting a mismatch? (11/27/2005 12:21:37 PM)

Well put, EvilGeoff.



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