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AAkasha -> RE: Does a sub have to be reluctant? (6/1/2008 6:41:50 PM)
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ORIGINAL: pinnipedster
quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Once a femdom is attracted to you...
Well, of course, getting to that point is the first problem. :) And part of what I am really wondering, as it just seems like the subs that Dommes are most attracted to are my diametrical opposites. I do tend to be pretty passive, at least in the presence of dominant women.
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A femdom often just wants to be able to *pursue*...
Now, this is interesting, in that I've been told it's kind of the opposite, at least socially. A Dominant woman friend of mine has said that she's noted, at socials and open parties and such, that with male doms/female subs, it's the men who do the approaching. And with domiant women and submissive men...it's the men who are expected to do the approaching.
This may be partly because the ratio of male subs to femdoms is so high. It may be because of something I have commonly heard from Dommes, that she wants a sub who is interested in HER in particular, not just in finding a dominant woman in general. Or it may just be because that's the way society in general works: men are expected to court women, not vice-versa. (Which I hate; one reason I am attracted to female domination was the hope that women would be more prone to take the initiative...but that doesn't seem to generally be the case.)
You may be referring to how you pursue the sub once the initial connection has been made, or some such, but I do have a problem of figuring out how to balance being assertive enough to get noticed in the first place, without going over the line to "pushy."
If you tend to be passive, that's a problem. Some sub men have this fantasy that a femdom will come into his life, pursue (and/or kidnap) him relentlessly, make all the moves, show all the initiative...that's part of the ideal. I have bad news for you. If you are passive, it's not going to happen. You must be remarkable in some way, and have the ability to show it. You must have some of these traits: brilliance, charisma, charm, class, wealth. Period. The shy, passive, boring guy isn't going to attract a woman unless it's out of pity - or, he is SO good looking that she wants to mold him. Dominant women are attracted to power, charisma, class, self confidence. Not the weak or those with low self image or self esteem. You have to be able to show INITIATIVE on some level. That's where you are going to have to get creative. Just putting yourself "out there" isn't enough.
Yes, I like to pursue or be predatory - but, that's after I see something I like. That's where the "passive" thing won't get you anywhere. I have always pursued men after they showed me something in their personality that I liked -- either from afar, or by charming me to death. I also always gravitated to men who were exceptional in some area - some talent, intelligence, physical strength or beauty. Or, very creative. Quirky, geeky, or just simply hot - there had to be something. Something had to spark my interest. Then, they had to not push me over with their fantasies, needs, desires, or wimpiness.
But more specifically when I said "pursue" I meant pursue the dominance in the relationship - be the one to control the speed, direction, tempo. Too many sub men are pushy, demanding, whiny, or sulking....it's so annoying. They do not give dominant women a chance to even build up some desire - they are like a broken record. When a submissive is more focused on getting to know the WOMAN first and foremost, and being charming about it, it gives her a chance to want to peel him like an onion -- to get inside of him (both literally and figuratitvely).
At the core though, one thing must be present: Attraction.
Akasha
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