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too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 4:37:14 PM   
splitmeinhalf83


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/29/2008
Status: offline 		I had this one mistress for 6 months and we only meet twice. Not only where there too few meetings, but she blew me off on some occasions when we were supposed to meet. Granted, I am not a perfect sub, but she broke her word without so much as an explanation. This has caused me frustration and wasted time I spent expecting us to meet. My question is, 1. Does a mistress have to explain why she blows a meeting off, or does her status as a mistress give her the privilege of not having to explain and can just "be busy"?
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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 4:39:12 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		any relationship is two way...not one way....she might be the boss...but certainly isnt a good one....i'd have left her long ago.

no time for your sub...then why the hell have one??? neglect is a very serious issue.


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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 4:39:28 PM   
snappykappy


Posts: 616
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline 		some think they do just like subs think they do
but she should have more consideration that u want to please her

(in reply to splitmeinhalf83)
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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 4:39:49 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		While it is polite to explain in any situation, a Domme is no more obligated to explain why they are not available than a sub is. I know, personally, if I say I am too busy I do not always offer a reason. Sometimes, theose reasons are personal and I dont really particularly see a need for someone else to know. If there is a trusting relationship than my bieng too busy to do someting should be all it takes.
However, It doesnt sound like that was the case. There s no obligation for anyone to do anything, but the red flags should definately go up if this hapens more often than plans actually come together.

DV


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(in reply to splitmeinhalf83)
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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 4:42:10 PM   
snappykappy


Posts: 616
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline 		i agree with both faerytattoodgirl and DiurnalVampire

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 4:48:28 PM   
thegirlincharge


Posts: 68
Joined: 4/1/2006
Status: offline 		Actually, it all boils down to what you and she expect from the situation. It is a matter of what you accept as a sub and what she expects from you. Some people might get off on being treated that way. The reality is anybody has a right to treat anyone the way they want as long as it is not breaking the law. So your question should be whether or not you're willing to accept being treated that way. If not......there's your answer.

(in reply to splitmeinhalf83)
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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 5:05:25 PM   
Baliblues


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline 		Personally I don't believe there needs to be any explanation as to why Her plans had changed, however, common courtesy would dictate that she at least communicate to you what her intentions are for any future meets and I certainly would think twice before trusting her to keep any subsequent appointments....you know the old "fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you" seems to come into play here and does not apply only to Dommes.  That kind of inconsideration seems to be running rampant and sadly has become accepted behavior with a lot of folks.  Sigh.....Bali

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 5:28:15 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Does anyone mind if I throw in a different perspective?

It's just about 8:30 PM My time.  I literally just walked in My front door after leaving My house for work at 6:00 AM.  That means I'm coming in from a twelve hour hideous shift, plus travel time.   (What?  You though all Dommes kept banker's hours?)  I'm exhausted.  I'm dirty.  I would be in My shower, and not sitting at this desk if I hadn't wanted a diet pepsi more than anything else on the planet.

In other words, though I usually enjoy seeing My sub in the evening, it just wasn't happening tonight.  The best entertaining I'm going to be doing is for the wonderful folks here at CM (if I happen to say anything entertaining) or maybe chat briefly on IM.  So, perhaps, on this particular evening, I'm too tired/overworked/drained/busy to be a Mistress.  I figure, that's ok, because I'm not just a Domme.  I'm a person, too.  Sometimes, as much as I enjoy My sub's company, the best thing I can do is relax after a long day, and sleep well, so I can be a better Domme tomorrow.


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(in reply to Baliblues)
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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 6:06:25 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		yes but you see your sub more than twice every six months.

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I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 7:08:57 PM   
moki1984


Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		sorry to hear that.
patience and you will find someone who fits you.


(in reply to splitmeinhalf83)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 7:13:47 PM   
khem


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		If it makes you feel any better, I've had similiar situations where someone comes all strong and then gets honest about how much is going on in their life and how little time they have.  

(in reply to moki1984)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 7:15:44 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		A Mistress doesn't owe anyone anything. If she is super busy as I am yes, sometimes my slaves wait quite a while to see me. The situation was explained to them before anything started. They are very happy when they do see me, but don't bitch about it when they don't.

However, good manners cost nothing and I am a stickler for good manners, mine as much as anyone elses.

If you're unhappy with the situation, then move on and find someone who can see you more often.

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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 7:17:42 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

yes but you see your sub more than twice every six months.


True, but he was still quite disappointed this evening.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/1/2008 8:00:29 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Do you require that a Mistress do these things in order to be fulfilled in the relationship? If yes, then she needs to do it. However, you can't control other people's actions and reactions, so that means you need to find someone who more closely matches your needs and wants rather than demanding someone who wouldn't normally behave that way to do it.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 6/1/2008 8:01:06 PM >

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(in reply to splitmeinhalf83)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/2/2008 12:42:01 AM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		splitmeinhalf83,

quote:

splitmeinhalf83:
I had this one mistress for 6 months and we only met twice.  Not only where there too few meetings, but she blew me off on some occasions when we were supposed to meet.  Granted, I am not a perfect sub, but she broke her word without so much as an explanation.  This has caused me frustration and wasted time I spent expecting us to meet.  My question is, 1. Does a mistress have to explain why she blows a meeting off, or does her status as a mistress give her the privilege of not having to explain and can just "be busy"?


I've only heard one side of the story, but it sounds like your Mistress was repeatedly rude, unreliable, and inconsiderate.  When BDSM is involved, people often get confused about basic things such as courtesy.  Rudeness is rudeness.  Period.  So, to answer your question, a Mistress doesn't have to explain anything, however, if she wishes you to stick around, she'd be wise to be considerate of your time, reliable, and generally polite, and to show that you are of value to her.

quote:

faerytattoodgirl:
any relationship is two way... not one way... she might be the boss... but certainly isn't a good one... i'd have left her long ago.

no time for your sub... then why the hell have one???  neglect is a very serious issue.


Re-wording faerytattoodgirl's question, if your Mistress has no time for you, why be in the relationship?  The answer is there is no reason to be in the relationship, unless you enjoy being alone and having a Mistress only in your imagination.  In other words, if you're going to be single, then you might as well be truly single.  I've encountered this problem a few times (either during courting or while in a relationship proper).  It never ceases to amaze me that there are people who think they can ignore their partners, leaving them to wait indefinitely for communication, instruction, and affection.  I'm beginning to think that making someone wait is one of the cruelest acts a Dominant can bestow upon a submissive and vice versa.  There's an adage that covers this situation rather well:  don't make someone a priority who doesn't make you a priority.  There is a big difference between someone who indicates they are monetarily busy and/or unable to keep an appointment versus someone who simply fails to communicate and fails to show value and concern for you.

I agree with faerytattoodgirl.  Move on.  There is little point in giving this woman any more of your time.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 6/2/2008 12:52:31 AM >

(in reply to splitmeinhalf83)
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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/2/2008 2:46:10 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: splitmeinhalf83

I had this one mistress for 6 months and we only meet twice. Not only where there too few meetings, but she blew me off on some occasions when we were supposed to meet. Granted, I am not a perfect sub, but she broke her word without so much as an explanation. This has caused me frustration and wasted time I spent expecting us to meet. My question is, 1. Does a mistress have to explain why she blows a meeting off, or does her status as a mistress give her the privilege of not having to explain and can just "be busy"?

There is a reason,
why you meet people in your life, splitmeinhalf.
you had to learn from her, and so you did.
you learned that someone who says they r Domme, isn't
automaticly a good one, because they say so. They better prove in their actions, they are one, and treat you, as they would like to be treated, respectfull and with kindness, or would you want that anyway else?

~Actions speak louder then words~

A famous saying, which is so true, they can say whatever they want, and some are pretty good at smoothtalking, that goes for all both sides in D/s, but let them show what they are worth in real life first.

So be happy you've had this experiance, and can look twice at the next Domme you meet, and check her out well, before you get
your heart involved, and hurt again.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

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RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/2/2008 2:56:55 AM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		i will agree with the Nordic Goddess.. For some reason She just wasn't motivated or keen. She has a right to have Her privacy and if you as a sub doesn't fit in this arrangement, then walk away from it. Who know's what could be really happening in Her life but the sure thing is She had more important things on Her schedule...

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/2/2008 3:13:43 AM   
MissIsis


Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		From what you said, she clearly wasn't interested.  Anyone who would be, would more than likely make plans more often, no matter how busy they were.  It is also bad manners to break plans without letting the other party know.  But sometimes emergencies do come up, so without knowing what happened, it is hard to say.

(in reply to petpete)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/2/2008 3:14:35 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I have a different perspective... my own. What I'm picking up here is that it's six of one and half a dozen of the other simply by the way the OP is worded.

Reality check. You don't just meet a Mistress. Not out of the blue anyway. I may be wrong, but the only situation where I see you meeting a "Mistress" out of the blue is when you go to visit a Pro-Domme. You meet a woman who could become your Mistress. There's a big difference. You might meet a Mistress in the local community but the chances are if you do you both probably know each other anyway.

Disclaimer: I have no way of knowing how much you corresponded, exchanged e-mails, phone calls, texts, IMs before you met. This could greatly influence what I'm posting here. I'm taking the OP at face value. I spent a year - in fact all of 2006 in correspondence with a 'Mistress' which never came to be. I was living in London, so was she. She was married. It was a service arrangement, not a relationship. In the end I gave up and went back to CM. I'm patient, but there are limits.

My take here is that maybe - perhaps through lack of experience, circumstances whatever - my take is that both of you had different expectations as to what the relationship was, you weren't on the same page. You might have expected her to be a Domme and a Mistress off bat, she might have offered that, but felt uneasy, unsure and backed off. Give Dommes their dues, it takes a lot of confidnece to enter into a relationship on their part when they know the sub, when they don't it often takes a lot of courage too. I hold my hand up here and admit I made this mistake a few times myself. I write from experience.

But then again from her side it could be a case of either a lack of confidence, not being organized, or God knows what else.

I can only echo what GoddessTeaze said.. not every 'Mistress' you come across is a Domme, some are, but for some it's a fancy title and a facade. But this can be general, not everyone you meet online is who they claim to be. The proof as they say is in the pudding.

My advice would be to fotget about finding a Mistress altogether. Instead try to find a woman who wants the dominant role in the relationship, and start there.. ideally as equals and from the bgeinning. Then when she decides you will meet your Mistress, and trust me, you won't have any doubts.

Please excuse typos, I'm using Seamonkey browser which makes the text too small and I don't have a magnifying glass around.

< Message edited by stella41b -- 6/2/2008 3:16:54 AM >

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(in reply to GoddessTeaze)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: too busy to be a mistress - 6/2/2008 3:14:37 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petpete

i will agree with the Nordic Goddess.. For some reason She just wasn't motivated or keen. She has a right to have Her privacy and if you as a sub doesn't fit in this arrangement, then walk away from it. Who know's what could be really happening in Her life but the sure thing is She had more important things on Her schedule...

If you take a sub on petpete,
it means you'll take on some responsebility, and a relationship
means that there is communication, and interaction between two people, and then you owe the other person an explanation in the why she couldn't meet him, she doesn't have to lay down her most deepest secret, but if she even couldn't tell him why she couldn't meet him, well to Me that sounds as a truely bad Dominant, who was only
in it for Her own enjoyment, and didn't care about the sub in question here.

If you're not willing to tell what you're doing in life,
then why get involved with someone else?

Stay on your island and go from there!

Warm hugglz for ya misterfromdownunda

your Norlandic GoddezzT`

(p.s honesty & communication is the key to any relationship)



< Message edited by GoddessTeaze -- 6/2/2008 3:16:34 AM >

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to petpete)
Profile   Post #: 20
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