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Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 11:36:24 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Good Day All,
I was wondering how many Masters commonly reward their sub/slaves for a job well done.
It seems in my local community half the Masters feel serving in itself is a reward enough on it's own, and half to use positive reinforcement methods.

I know if I've been really good, my Master gives me what we term Good girl spankings. I love to sit in his lap facing him, hugging his neck, and being spanked by hand. We do lots of other things as well for rewards my Master chooses to afford me for a job well done. I know I'm a very lucky girl to be with my Master indeed.

With all the discussion over giving in to a subs desire is letting her top from the bottom, or makes you weak so that you're viewed as bottoming from the top, I wonder what the general view is of intentionally pleasing your sub somehow for her/his hard work.

First I'd like to know if you do or do not approve of positive reinforcement?

If you could also share with all of us one of your favorite rewards you'd use and feel was appropriate I'd appreciate the efforts immensely. Mind you if it's more a thing like permitting someone to say go out with friends, or go to college, computer time, a new dress or something like that I'd value non-sexual or play methods of incentive or rewards as well.

Sincerely,
sub suzanne

Post #: 1

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 12:13:32 PM

wolfinside

Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

I use rewards, (love to in fact) but I am a bit more careful what I give them. (read the story "a neat cocktail" on my profile if you want to see how it can backfire. LOL)

Wolf

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 2

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 1:02:10 PM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

Positive reinforcements? Of course. Specfics? Depends on the occasion...under the right circumstances a word and a touch can leave a sub glowing. Being allowed time to engage in his favorite activity, or arranging a speical surprise are also rewards.

~Cloudz

(in reply to wolfinside)

Post #: 3

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 1:11:01 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

First I'd like to know if you do or do not approve of positive reinforcement?

Yes I very much approve of it and feel its a very important tool in training and managing the relationship. I can point to a stack of books on psychology that agree with me and explain in great detail why it is an important and effective tool.

Hmmm... just one example aye... that's hard to choose from. The list of things I do as a reward is by far longer than my list of things I do as punishments. When you think about it, that makes a lot of sense... if a slave is being well behaved and pleasing me I should then have far more need of and use for rewards than for punishments... with a good, well behaved slave, punishments should rarely be needed.

One particular reward I use borrows an idea from the boy scouts combined with a charm bracelet. It works like this. Over time I give a slave a list of various things I want them to learn to do, which they then choose from and begin working on much like earning a merit badge. Each "merit badge" requires them to learn to do specific tasks held to defined standards. When they finally get it right, they get a charm that in some way symbolizes that task / achievement which goes on a charm bracelet. The charm bracelet is theirs to wear at all times (I have sometimes used them as an alternative to a collar in public, but it can also be in addition to a collar and I once came across a collar I could modify so as to hang the charms directly from the collar, lots of possibilities), a constant reminder of not only being a slave, but of their achievements as a slave. Some charms I have custom made but over the years I've found a few vendors through the web that sell kinky charms and things. Can you tell I used to be a boy scout?

Here's a few links for those interested in using the idea.
PureTNT - bracelet
Fools Errant - Jewelry

My general feeling on rewards and privileges is that they must be earned. In other words I don't hand them out because I was feeling mushy at the moment... if I'm feeling mushy you get a hug, a kiss, or some other show of affection. I keep rewards and privileges for those things a slave has done to earn it, through pleasing service, through achievements, through going beyond my expectations in things. They are a way of affirming that what she did was right, and worth doing again.

People who worry that rewarding a slave might make them seem weak, generally already are weak and trying to hide it.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 4

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 1:22:16 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I love rewards and I do get them. Right now it's for reaching a certain weight because he knows how much getting in shape means to me. I don't lose the weight for the rewards, but hearing his "good girl" and having something arrive in the mail is just thrilling and very appreciated. I quit smoking and when I have been free for three months I will recieve another reward that I purposely asked for and he said yes. Of course the best reward for me comes in four months when this horrible long distance can end.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 5

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 1:39:41 PM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Each "merit badge" requires them to learn to do specific tasks held to defined standards. When they finally get it right, they get a charm that in some way symbolizes that task / achievement which goes on a charm bracelet.

Hello Sir,
Wow, Thanks for sharing. What a wonderful gift of memories. That's just too cool!!!
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 6

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 3:17:33 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Those collar bracelets are nice......thanks for posting those links.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 7

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 3:26:09 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Rewards are for bounty hunters....love is for everyone.....positive re-inforcement is for Pets and small children.

So, if I were to acknowledge a submissive for a job well done, I would probably say, "That was great Baby, l am proud of you", and then take her somewhere nice to eat to wine and dine. Not as a reward, or positive re-inforcement, but to aknowledge that our chemisty was working and I was happy to be with her.

If she was lucky enough to catch Bin Ladden....let the government reward her..not me!

< Message edited by fastlane -- 10/26/2005 3:30:49 PM >

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 8

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 4:31:25 PM

wolfinside

Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

The submissive loves I have had, have a very deep and real need to be "cherished".

I think showing that I cherish them and their submission is a good thing.

A very nessesary thing.

Rewarding them can be part of doing that.

Wolf

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 9

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 4:36:30 PM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

BF Skinner all the way.

I am not at all romantic when it comes to the practical things that make relationships possible in the first place. It's not that people are dogs or pigeons, it's simply that conditioning works. Any behavior can be trained or modified with enough attention and positive reinforcement. Anyone that wants to ignore these simple and reproducible techniques isn't going to be much of a dom or a leader in the end.

Obviously my own humble opinion...ymmv.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 10

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/26/2005 10:12:20 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

I like positive reinforcements and rewards. It tends to make my Sub work harder. I don't give the rewards out often. They have to remain special, but 'attagirls' many times are just as good. As for what to use for rewards, ..... well that depends on the person and the situation. Rewards should be special to THAT PERSON so she may like one thing and another Sub would prefer something totally different. A good Dom is aware of what his Sub really likes and desires. For instance mine likes Hostess Susie Q's and anything that has rasberry flavoring. She also likes soft slow sex once in awhile among other things. I know what she likes and I can use that to be a reward.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 10/26/2005 10:13:03 PM >

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 11

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/27/2005 9:28:31 PM

girl4you2

Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

the reward is intrinsic in the giving, with no outward sign needed. pleasing Him is the reward to me.

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 12

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/27/2005 11:13:44 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

First I'd like to know if you do or do not approve of positive reinforcement?

If you could also share with all of us one of your favorite rewards you'd use and feel was appropriate I'd appreciate the efforts immensely. Mind you if it's more a thing like permitting someone to say go out with friends, or go to college, computer time, a new dress or something like that I'd value non-sexual or play methods of incentive or rewards as well.

For us, positive reinforcement works much better than punishment, and a pat on the head and a "good girl" does wonders in terms of keeping me happy and wanting to serve Him. For more elaborate rewards, dungeon time is the most common, simply because we rarely have an opportunity to play, and I have a LOT of free time to do whatever I wish to do, since He's rarely home these days (in fact, He is now gone and won't be back until Thanksgiving!).

However, the absolute BEST reward I ever received was one afternoon about three years ago. He took me downstairs and locked me in the birdcage - a 3.5' diameter, cone-shaped chain & wood suspended cage. He handed me a book and went shopping. About a half hour later, He returned home, and I heard Him moving about in the kitchen above me. About a half hour after His return, He came downstairs with a small plate. On that plate was a sauteed portobello mushroom, which He fed to me. I was impressed, because Master HATES mushrooms, and had learned to sautee them just for me. He then left me alone again for nearly an hour. Then He came downstairs, freed me from the cage, blindfolded me, and led me upstairs. He led me through the kitchen and sat me at the dining table. When He removed the blindfold, before me was a candlelit table, a dozen roses, and a fabulous dinner of pasta alfredo with sauteed mushrooms and scallops, salad, bread, and tiramisu for dessert. After dinner, He had me get dressed and we went out to the first of many plays we have seen.

I will never forget that night.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 13

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/28/2005 1:12:00 AM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: girl4you2
the reward is intrinsic in the giving, with no outward sign needed. pleasing Him is the reward to me.

That's not the whole story I think, but I have to give it high marks for the near perfect reply from a woman identifying as a submissive.

(in reply to girl4you2)

Post #: 14

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/28/2005 3:57:48 AM

Oberonrex

Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

Yes, I do give positive reinforcement and think it important. It can vary depending on the person, for girl4you2 makes an important point (and a wonderful reply!). That reinforcement can be a "reward" (special meal, special play, etc.) but it can also be in a non-tangible form. One of the most important things is simply letting her know how pleased I am at something, and that I do not take it for granted.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 15

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/28/2005 1:33:34 PM

CitizenCane

Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Positive reinforcement is great- but it only works with positive behaviors. You can't teach a dog to stop knocking over the garbage can with praise and liver snaps. People, being a bit more complex than dogs, generally need to have changes in cognition to really alter their behavior patterns. Of course, many things can't be 'understood' without experience, so cognitive and behavioral changes need to happen in close relationship to one another.

_____________________________

Citizen Cane

If silence is golden, why is duct tape silver?

(in reply to Oberonrex)

Post #: 16

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/28/2005 3:00:47 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline

We also give rewards for both proper actions and also for a sub who is still lerning but the effort that this sub demonstrates nothing big or expensive but with our subs or slaves having to travel to us or us to them due to our isolation it is a pleasure for us to show how we feel towards them and what they mean to us.
Most times its just a gentle touch on a shoulder or a pat on the arm with a gentle word saying how well and great they are doing but not all the time as then it becomes expected just out of the blue and at such odd times which makes them try hard each time incase it is going to be one of those times.
With two we have given them a small key ring with our towns name on it ( seems no matter how small a town is they have them ) these are not used as collars or inplace of them as we know that any of our subs or slaves can find a Master or Mistress in their city but just to show that they are very special to us and that they know it all the time when at home.
To answer any questions before they are asked our Subs and Slaves travel here becuse of wanting to be with us and enjoy th epeace and quite as well away from the citys and rush and us to them to go the other way as we get a chance to go shopping and seeing what is new

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 17

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/28/2005 6:16:25 PM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenCane
Positive reinforcement is great- but it only works with positive behaviors.

That's not my experience.

See:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reinforcement
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning

There are so many things you can do to change things up that punishment can usually be based on the removal of a pleasant stimulus or no response at all. For example, if a submissive exhibits that annoying "bratty" behavior just say "I don't care for this attitude" in a very flat tone of voice and walk away stone faced. The same goes for anything you dislike - just ignore the behavior and indicate that it means s/he will be deprived of your attention. Further, I normally try to get it to where "punishments" like spankings, floggings, etc are actually taken as rewards and not punishments at all. It all just takes time, consistency (even if what is intended is intermittant reinforcement, it must be consistently pursued), and some planning.

What you never want to do is present erratic reinforcement or contradictory behavior. It just leads to confusion. If you must reverse a previous decision, explain it in such a way as to avoid confusion and misunderstandings. When everyone understands exactly what is expected and understands possible outcomes for different behavior you will find that things can run quite smoothly.

With an already obedient submissive my only deviation from the above is to occasionally present them with a catch-22 scenario and to screw them no matter what choice is made. The no-win scenario is a favorite torture which can be taken to wild extremes. If you want to watch someone unravel, that's the way to go. FWIW, people are very pliant in the resulting mental state and even more trainable.

Postive reinforcement becomes obedience. Obedience is strengthened by occasional experiences of actual terror. The experience of terror is used for further training by positive reinforcment. Just like bootcamp.

That's all very dangerous knowledge in the wrong hands.

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 18

RE: Masters Rewards?? - 10/28/2005 7:10:18 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Rewards = Positive reinforcement? certainly along with Padraig, I could point to volume after volume of psychological text books extolling the use of positive reinforcement. I also like to spoil a slave when she has pleased me in something above and beyond or just as in a relaxed veg out period. It does bring me a great deal of pleasure to see the look in a girl'sd eyes when she is being spoiled. Still such treats have to be earned and never taken for granted.

C H O C O L A T E ....... the magic word for treating slaves.. works every time but be warned slaves have been known to stalk Masters down passage ways in the hope of gathering additional chockie pieces.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 19

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