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still learning. - 10/26/2005 3:04:58 PM   
MistressSamii28


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		Greeting A.all I have a question I would like to ask Eeveryone. I have found My Domme side when I was 22. I have only owned 1slave and 1sub here on the internet We spent most of our time in vp chat, I am kind of scared to own a sub/slave in real live because I really don’t know how is that command? I think I am confused lol..

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its 420.. pease an »-(¯`v´¯)-» stay safe an be well A.all
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RE: still learning. - 10/26/2005 3:15:53 PM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline 		I would say jumping into the water is one of the ways to learn how to swim. Either you drown yourself or you keep on the surface somehow
But I wouldnt know really because I am a new one myself

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I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to MistressSamii28)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: still learning. - 10/26/2005 4:24:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Get yourself out there...explore. Yes you will make mistakes, but as long as you are working towards knowing things more, using the resources you have, it's fine.

Letting fear prevent us from being who we are is never a path to fulfillment.

(in reply to MistressSamii28)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: still learning. - 10/26/2005 4:38:24 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSamii28

Greeting A.all I have a question I would like to ask Eeveryone. I have found My Domme side when I was 22. I have only owned 1slave and 1sub here on the internet We spent most of our time in vp chat, I am kind of scared to own a sub/slave in real live because I really don’t know how is that command? I think I am confused lol..


I know exactly how you feel. When I started discovering my desires in my late teens, I scared the living daylights out of myself with my sadistic desires. I tried it out a few times when I was a young adult but would have feelings of guilt. This led to me taking on the role of a submissive for a few years while I figured stuff out. I'm not suggesting that anyone should do this, but it worked for me. For the record, though I "played" a good submissive, when push came to shove, I made a very lousy one ;-)

Then when I started getting a little more comfortable with my Top/Sadistic/Domme side, I did exactly what Kasia and LuckyAlbatross (gosh! I wrote Em... this is going to take some getting used to) suggested. I got out there, being careful and honest with people about my experience level. I think one of the greatest highs I ever had was when I realised that I was actually doing it. I was actually commanding the will of a big tough guy (ok, I have a thing for dominating big tough guys) and I remember feeling so very focused, fulfilled and sure of myself. I knew that I had tapped into who I really was.

You'll have to figure out the path that is right for you. Let me tell you that there are great resources now online that were not available when I started searching.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: still learning. - 10/26/2005 4:43:34 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I am kind of scared to own a sub/slave in real live because I really don’t know how is that command? I think I am confused lol..


How do you do it on the internet? Do they know you were online only? Did they like you? Is it them you want to go r/t with?
Be honest with yourself and your partner. Let them know you are new. My dom only had one prior sub to me. He was honest...that was quite refreshing to me and we are nearing our 7th year as a couple.

(in reply to MistressSamii28)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: still learning. - 10/26/2005 9:44:51 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		There are books on this subject that might lead you in the right direction. "The loving Dominant" by our own John Warren is a good candidate but there are lots more. There are also people like John Warren, Iron Bear and many more right here that are usually willing to answer questions and express opinions to help the 'newbies'. There are also quite a few Subs/Slaves on this site that are VERY knowledgeable and can tell you what works for them and doesn't. Never pass up an opportunity to learn something.

As for the jumping in to the live relationship, ........... Just be honest. Be sincere and don't lie to your Sub. They need to know that you are new and learning too. Communication, whether in person or otherwise, is always an asset.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to MistressSamii28)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: still learning. - 10/26/2005 10:27:25 PM   
punkdom


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: offline 		I think one thing that more newbie Dominants need to know is that its pretty hard to do wrong if you're a well-meaning, intelligent Dom. Yes, you need to abide by common sense safety measures like have safety scissors for real time binding and make sure to have an extra key stored someplace safe if you're using a lock set, but besides matters related to injury and abstaining from abuse, there is no right or wrong way to Dom.

If its working online, it will pretty much work in person.

Some other suggestions -- make sure to prepare in advance. Think of tasks or possible punishments beforehand. Buy stuff if you're lacking it. This is why reading a lot about BDSM helps, you get ideas you can modify or work with.

Also take your time with it. **SUBS DON'T READ THIS** Here's a trick -- If suddenly you get nervous or something catches you by surprise, just either pull your sub by the base of their hair (behind the head) or place one finger under their chin and force them into direct eye contact and say either "You're doing well / you have dissapointed me -- wait in X position and so that I might come back and reward / punish you" See... Its not that tough. (I know Doms and Magicians shouldn't always reveal their tricks)

Also, don't forget ... its okay to learn from you sub. The sub who introduced me to D/s great piece of advice. "Domination is about producing that jumpy feeling in a sub."

You'll do fine.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: still learning. - 10/26/2005 10:44:16 PM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Greeting A.all I have a question I would like to ask Eeveryone. I have found My Domme side when I was 22. I have only owned 1slave and 1sub here on the internet We spent most of our time in vp chat, I am kind of scared to own a sub/slave in real live because I really don’t know how is that command? I think I am confused lol..


Every successful person (in any area of life that they deem important) has probably failed a number of times (I know I did). The only thing to draw from that is to not quit and be responsible.

Do as little damage to all parties involved (tell them, hey I'm not perfect, but we are going for the ride wherever it winds up - assuming they have agreed to of course) as you can in getting to where you need to go.

I have been so horribly scared (in ridiculous situations - not this one, when I was younger than you) that it required someone else to take that initiative to get me through it. You can wait, or you can do it yourself.

These days I do it myself.

Never knowingly harm someone against their will is about the only other thing I can say.

D (owner of j).

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to MistressSamii28)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: still learning. - 10/26/2005 11:18:34 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		Go ahead and take the plung start at the shallow end with slow strokes ( with what ever you decide to use) to the deeper part.
Use the mistakes as learnign and as everyone has said take it easy and just begin with basic equipment and tools.get it right with those then add one or two more geting each thing correct firstly.
Let us all know how it turns out and fo rmore help as you explore it all

(in reply to Wolfie648)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: still learning. - 10/26/2005 11:33:13 PM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline 		One thing you may want to check out is what BDSM/fetish groups are in your area. From there you can often find people who have real life experience and are willing to help you.
What are you looking for advice on? Control, flogging, piercing, fisting or… the list can go on and on ;-)
Diving right in can be a bit scary. You do need to be aware that many of the toys we use are dangerous. Practice makes perfect though.
Make sure you know the person you are playing with limits and tolerances. Communication is always the key. And I’m sorry “the fake `til you make it” ideal works fine… as long as you remember that you are in charge of a real person that you can do damage to. Long term and lasting damage.
Books are a great starting point. There are also some very informative websites. And of course some reall bad one ;-)
Hope that helps,
Tony

(in reply to MistressSamii28)
Profile   Post #: 10
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