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RE: advice please - 6/2/2008 10:47:43 PM

MasterFireMaam

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If he's not willing to lead you to the place you were before (being bound and such) then he's got no right to complain that he doesn't get the results he wants.

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Post #: 21

RE: advice please - 6/2/2008 10:49:58 PM

RedMagic1

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My take on it was that the place she was before no longer exists. Don't you think they have to lead each other to a new place, that includes some of what the old place looked like?

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Post #: 22

RE: advice please - 6/2/2008 10:55:18 PM

MasterFireMaam

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I read it as she wasn't able to go where she used to go because he wasn't recreating what got her there. But, it's late and I'm tired, so I could have gotten it wrong.

At any rate, It's his duty to lead the relationship. He's dumb if he doesn't at least ask his second in command where he should lead them, just as you suggest. He doesn't have to go there, though. She can choose to follow...or not.

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Post #: 23

RE: advice please - 6/2/2008 11:31:28 PM

mistoferin

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I don't know if this will help you at all but....in the event that he just really doesn't budge on the bondage issue.....

I went from a dominant who wanted to restrain me every single time we played...to a dominant who wanted me to restrain myself. Mental bondage. It was a very difficult transition for me to make at first.

What I had to do was find something as powerful as leather and chains and the only place I had to look for it was within him....and even more so within myself. You are very concerned about the external picture you are presenting...and I do understand that. What I needed to do was let go of how it was appearing on the outside and focus on what was happening on the inside. I started to stare deeply into his eyes and pull from his strength. I allowed the desire I saw there to feed me. I had actual mental conversations with myself, at the times when it felt it was just too much I'd ask myself "why"? Why am I here? The answer was in his eyes. "For you". The words started to cross my lips...quietly....slowly....at the toughest moments...."For you".

What I found was that I had to dig deep, really deep. To the very core of my submission. It put me in touch with my center. To the very reasons why it is that I am who I am and I do what I do. That depth was profound. The connection between us as a result was amazing. So profound that play without physical restraints is now my preferred way to play. Now I feel like heavy play with restraints is easy....too easy. I don't have any control in that....the play is just something that happens to me. Without restraint I have to be an active participant, I have to find the strength to surrender inspite of every normal mental and bodily reaction to shut down. For me it adds...not subtracts...to the depth of our play. I have found that I can take far more unrestrained now than I can restrained. When unrestrained I have to heavily occupy my mind and when it is that busy it doesn't have time to panic in response to the pain.

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RE: advice please - 6/2/2008 11:47:44 PM

crouchingtigress

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awesome perspective erin thank you....it sounds like you both shared something very deep....i learned a lot from reading you post :)

i would think that for that level of connection that there would have to be listening and connecting on both sides....i see her trying to connect with him and him saying that he needs to refind ballance, that he will do it all on his own, and then doing nothing to shift anythng....i wonder did that person you wrote about keep his commitments to you? did he compare you with others and blame you when you were not able to so wonderfullly tranistion at first?

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Post #: 25

RE: advice please - 6/3/2008 12:08:07 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
i wonder did that person you wrote about keep his commitments to you? did he compare you with others and blame you when you were not able to so wonderfullly tranistion at first?

No, he was supportive. He was supportive because he knew that I was working towards what would please him and that it was a new and different experience for me. Of course that is the best possible scenario and definitely contributed to the positive outcome. The OP will have to decide what is ultimately going to work for her. It does sound like she is pretty invested in this relationship so I only posted to give her an alternative perspective should she decide to try to work with it. It would be lovely if he could meet her halfway...but history has taught me that you can't change people and sometimes you have to decide if what is before you is something that you can find a way to work with or not.

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Post #: 26

RE: advice please - 6/3/2008 12:48:56 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdevoted1

I have told him I feel like I have failed. I feel inadequate, afraid, and hopeless when we enter the playroom. Yet, we both want the hard play so very much.

Any advice would be appreciated. How can we get back to where we can play hard again?

The rppt of your feelings sound like (forgive if I am wrong) well they sound like you feel a comparative failure.....compared to other girls, compared to how you were when you set out plaing?
I don;t know if these feelings of being inadequte ever go away (and this is purely personal exeperience). It's NOT the same as self-esteem issues because I for one have no esteem issues outside of my Master/slave relationship. (I've been accused very often on here as having esteem issues by the way).
I think it is part and parcel of being with a Master: that these very feelings of being inadequtes are sewn into the tapedtry of feelings i for one allow myself to have when at a Master's geet or in his presence. That's why i would esteem him a master because for those moemnts in tme I look up, look to and worship that man as above me. Feeling 'less than' becomes the motivatore that pushes me to do more, accept more and follow more.
just me....hope it helps.
Prin

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Post #: 27

RE: advice please - 6/3/2008 5:54:26 AM

slaveluci