How to pass the "good boy" when purchasing play items

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How to pass the "good boy" when purchasing pl... - 10/26/2005 10:06:33 PM

Jheiracks

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I’m somewhat new to the site although not at all new to the life style. I’ve been married four years next month to a vanilla, an as much as I love him and he loves me he was “too nice” to go in for the sexual play that I enjoy. To make a very long story short he has recently begun to engage in Dom and sub play with me and it was well worth the wait! But now I’ve been trying to get him to allow me to buy sexy things to play in and with and he still has that “good boy” sense overwhelming him. The “no, bad” take on the subject and yet he obviously enjoys what I do have and play with and wear for him. It seems as though the asking part is what is getting us back in the same ditch but doing things, such as purchasing items without his permission just seems a bit low and devious. So, I’d truly like to know if me giving him more time or being low and devious would be the best thing and if someone else has another or a few other options I’d love to hear them!

-Jheir

< Message edited by Jheiracks -- 10/26/2005 11:27:45 PM >

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RE: How to pass the "good boy" when purchasin... - 10/26/2005 10:33:41 PM

OscarHargraves

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I never ask my wife's permission when I buy her a birthday present, or a Christmas present, or an Easter present, or any other present........................ Sometimes I just have to buy a 'public' present and a 'private' present. Okay, so she gets two presents. I guess she's worth it.

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RE: How to pass the "good boy" when purchasin... - 10/26/2005 10:52:08 PM

Wolfie648

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quote:

I’m somewhat new to the site although not at all new to the life style. I’ve been married four years next month to a vanilla, an as much as I love him and he loves me he was “too nice” to go in for the sexual play that I enjoy. To make a very long story short he has recently begun to engage in Dom and sub play with me and it was well worth the wait! But now I’ve been trying to get him to allow me to buy sexy things to play in and with and he still has that “good boy” sense overwhelming him. The “no, bad” take on the subject and yet he obviously enjoys what I do have and play with and wear for him. It seems as though the asking part is what is getting us back in the same ditch but doing things, such as purchasing items without his permission just seems a bit low and devious. So, I’d truly like to know if me giving him more time or being low and devious would be the best thing and if someone else has another or a few other options I’d love to hear them!

He's not too nice - he's not ready to accept that he wants it. It took him 4 years to come to where he is now.

Then again maybe he wants you to 'corrupt' him so it's not his 'fault'.

I would say try it once, without asking but at the same time not behind his back (o honeeee, do you like what I'm wearing?) see how it goes.

I don't see him saying 'not now' as putting you back in the same ditch, I see at him either saying 'not ready yet' or 'not willing to admit it but yes'. Try the experiment and monitor the results.

I would suggest you do this on more than one occasion as well unless he really reacts strongly. Sometimes we have a bad day. Try your first experiment on what you think is him having a 'good day'.

D (owner of j)

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RE: How to pass the "good boy" when purchasin... - 10/26/2005 10:59:58 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

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From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
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G'Day Jheiracks
May be try at some different times in your play to make sugestions in woundering what would happen if we used this or that especially if it is a very exciteing one or both of you readingn through the boards especially ones dealing on different toys or equipment and talking about what you see.
Going behind his back after finally geting him to take part and enjoy his roll and yours would soon make him feel it was not worth changeing his attitude we feel.

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RE: How to pass the "good boy" when purchasin... - 10/26/2005 11:17:32 PM

Jheiracks

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Very too the point Oscar ^_^ and yes it is a gift, but as Wolfie pointed out and nailed my husband feels perverted and 'coruppt' by the few items I have already expressed that I wanted and even showed to him *smiles brightly at MissDiand Sirhugh*. An even though he does somewhat want them *winks* he still is uncomfortable with me buying them.

Thank you All so much for your thoughts ^_^ I will most certainly put some of the advice I've received here into action! Thank you All again! ^_^

< Message edited by Jheiracks -- 10/26/2005 11:28:05 PM >

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RE: How to pass the "good boy" when purchasin... - 10/27/2005 5:45:19 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Since you've already made miraculous strides in this so far (trust me...the chances of your mate being turned onto this in ANY form was pretty damn near nada), then it's good to slow yourself down for his sake.

The toys will still be on the shelves to purchase later. You both have taken a huge step together and now is not the time to push for more- but to reaffirm that you are still together, that you are secure together, that you are make these steps together.

Otherwise, forget the "Naughty" toys and use what we like to call "pervertibles." Those millions of house hold items (very often in the kids toy or kitchen utensils section) that are so easily transferred into a sexy/kinky toy. Show him how exciting it is just to have all these toys already around. Maybe it will help him see that what you're doing isn't bad, it's just who you are.

But pushing and rushing at this point, when you've done so well so far, isn't the way to go.

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RE: How to pass the "good boy" when purchasin... - 10/27/2005 7:09:40 AM

MistressFire70

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From: North Carolina
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What kinds of things does he currently like? Instead of starting on a thread that is totally different, start changing, subtly, what he likes now.

For example, if he likes school girl stuff, slowly make it more slutty. Try to find a white top made of thin fabric and wear a black or red bra underneath so it shows through. Add fishnets and heels one night instead of knee socks. Go for similarly themed stuff...red riding hood, nurse...things that have the same "good girl gone bad" theme.

Getting over the "good boy" thing is hard, especially since it's been part of him for so long. The key is to work slowly.

Fire

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RE: How to pass the "good boy" when purchasin... - 10/27/2005 1:27:50 PM

luckyslaveboync

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This might or might not work for you, but lucky would suggest getting your husband a catalog and asking him to pick out five things which he finds a turn-on, telling him that then you will buy one of them. Some people would find that the choice of several, with no one of them necessarily going to be bought, takes some of the psychological pressure off, especially if he is overly concerned with pleasing you with his choices. Good luck!

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