RE: Is there a reason?

RE: Is there a reason? (Full Version)

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CrazyC -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 10:22:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness tuts ... because when you are a submissive you dont need to take responsibility for anything ... which means you can be a bad person with impunity and no one will call you on it because you can pass the buck onto the D whenever you need to ... I take it you didn't get the memo? Interesting. In fact, I love it! And of course add on the fact that this "protects" any future sub from getting hurt. Haven't we prooven over and over here on CM that one person's jack ass is someone else's hot dream?

TwoNYCDommes -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 10:44:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maya2001 most single women especially those rearing children live below the poverty lines Can you give a citation for this? It is not true in the U.S., and I have trouble believing it is true in Canada.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 10:44:38 AM)
I'm certain that there are bad submissives, slaves and switches (let us not exclude them). Recently on another thread "Dom Boot-Camp" LA had made a comment about the number of Asshole Doms, and those that don't know what they are doing. Her comment actually was like a haunting memory. Why? Because it was the same exact thing I was told over 20 years ago when I was formally introduced to "the lifestyle". Strange thing, is that nothing much has really changed in the last 20 years. Ok, now along comes this thread. I think there is some valid measure of truth to all this. When you think about it. Doms are the ones who like to be in control, the ones who enjoy using and abusing and doing crazy things to submissives or whoever they get with. Now, there is a fine line of what Control Good and Conrol bad is, Good Loving Abuse, and Mean real abuse. Still dealing with elements of control, abuse and use of another human being. BDSM would be a natural gravity well for any DOM who's into this regardless of what lines there is. For the most part, many assholes simply abuse other people. It's a sort of twisted natural fit for them to discover and be drawn to "the lifestyle". The line between control good and control bad, and abuse good and bad.. at times is a somewhat blurry line in "the lifestyle". A few things such as death, body part removal and etc.. are not safe and sane. There are DOMs or Masters that have ended relationships, because the sub partner wanted to take thing further.. higher control levels, higher levels of S&M play. Ok, simply a conflict of interests. Pretty peaceful, compared to a DOM, that does not know when to knock off pushing or taking things past another human beings levels and limits. I don't know what the actually percentages are of true asshole Doms are. It's rather difficult to actually define what an asshole dom is. Somebody's asshole dom, might be anothers ultimate dream come true. Somewhat subjective and confusing at best. Just don't be suprised to find many asshole control freak abusers under the DOM orientation title, well it sort of fits with the job description if you ask me. I think it's important for people to know what lines they will cross or are willing to have crossed on a consensual basis.

TwoNYCDommes -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 10:50:16 AM)
It makes sense to me that subs would complain more than doms of any gender, but I don't have any theories on why female subs would complain more than male subs.

simplyfyre -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 10:54:26 AM)
fr` some have nothing better to do than find new ways of ,'if i cant have you no one else will'. it reminds me of jr high where the jealous ex g/f start talkin... or the ole ... i did it with her kind of thing when they didnt even get it up...[:o] some one always has an ulterior motive or some sort of agenda... whenever they bad mouth someone be it male female dom or sub not to say that 'true cases' of abuse do not exist cause sho nuff they do

missturbation -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 11:00:32 AM)
I personally would like to think that sometimes there is just genuine concern that whatever happened to them / someone else will not happen to anyone again. I don't think its all 'high school bitching' and 'whining'. However its seperating what is genuine concern and what is whining / sour grapes from each other that becomes the problem.

DesFIP -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 11:42:12 AM)
Doms can do a lot more damage swinging a paddle than a sub can in taking it. Now obviously a sub could call the cops, threaten and blackmail, but so could a dom and the rate of that higher incidence of danger is less. What we here more of is the stuff that isn't in legal territory.

UncleNasty -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 1:08:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness tuts ... because when you are a submissive you dont need to take responsibility for anything ... which means you can be a bad person with impunity and no one will call you on it because you can pass the buck onto the D whenever you need to ... I take it you didn't get the memo? A real tragedy that so many actually live by this sort of "creed." The lifestyle is a great way to eschew all responsibility and put the blame on someone else. I've been there, done that, now see them coming from blocks away, and run fucking screaming. To comment on the OP our society is one in which you are guilty by virtue of having a penis. Uncle Nasty

virgini970 -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 1:08:50 PM)
I have been a sub, slave, switch and now a Dom i have known lots of Doms subs and they all say the same thing if a Dom he or she they can not show any fellings at all if they then the sub will not respect them i am not that way i am who i am take it or go a way i get pissed off with the best of them and i do show it i will just tell who every to kiss my ass Nails.

missturbation -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 1:56:57 PM)
quote: To comment on the OP our society is one in which you are guilty by virtue of having a penis. I really really do hope that this is not true.

Lumus -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 2:04:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes Can you give a citation for this? It is not true in the U.S., and I have trouble believing it is true in Canada. I'm not about to speak for the person you originally quoted; however, as a resident of Ontario, Canada I can tell you that the majority of this province is under the poverty line. That includes single mothers, single fathers, and families of all sorts of configurations [especially since gay men and women can marry up here]. The reason it is made so difficult to calculate hard figures on this is thanks to Statistics Canada: "Statistics Canada's low-income cutoffs (LICOs) are income thresholds at which a family would typically spend 20 percentage points more than the average on the necessities of food, shelter and clothing. The LICOs vary according to family and community size." LICO makes the actual poverty line blur. My father has worked for the government for years now, under OntarioWorks [colloquially referred to as Welfare], and I couldn't tell you how often he's quoted stats to me for unemployment and poverty. My entire immediate family, in their own small branches, is considered under the poverty line [yes, myself included]; but proof...? You're more likely to get a straight answer from Stephen Harper. Pardon me while I go over in a corner and piss myself laughing over the odds of -that- happening...

Prinsexx -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 3:04:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite Could it be that Doms are just more vocal than subs,slaves or Dommes and therefore, by virtue of this, stand out more and attract more attention-good and bad?. I disagree as I can scream pretty loud. [:D]

pinksugarsub -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 3:31:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation I've always said there is good and bad in all walks of life!! So it would stand to reason that there is the good and bad in the D/s lifestyle. Bad dom's / domme's, subs / slaves, tops / bottoms etc etc. So how come i only hear about bad Dom's? You very rarely hear (if ever) someone complaining /warning about a sub, a domme, a slave. In my circle of lifestyle friends i have only ever heard talk of the bad Dom's. I know i have never been told about a slave / domme behaving badly, playing games etc etc. So why is this? I know its not that there are only bad Dom's and every other is perfect. Is it a Dom / Domme not wanting to be seen as weak by speaking about bad experiences with slaves/ subs? Is it just that slaves /subs are more open to airing their dirty laundry in public? Is it that slaves / subs genuinely feel after a bad experience that they should warn others? They are the only reasons i could personally come up with. Its baffling me to be honest!! The reason that springs to mind for me is that the Dom, esp, and to some extent the Domme, is in control and therefore in a position to do harm....the very worst kind of Dom/me is one who abuses P/pl under the guise of D/s. i expect also that Dom/mes have a degree of pride in Their dominance that might cause Them to be reluctant to speak ill of a submissive or slave who disappointed, stole, or elsewise behaved badly. But hey i'm just speculating. pinksugarsub

metalmiss -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 3:57:27 PM)
Wrong account Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

RavenMuse -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 3:58:47 PM)
In My experience there is two main reasons.... The first being, the Dom is the one supposedly in control, supposedly in charge, if something goes wrong then much of the time the buck stops there.... either they have cocked up Themself OR have made an error of judgement about the submissive. The second is the community... a sub complaining about a Dom, everyone is so sympathetic, yes yes it is ALL His fault, poor subbie there there... a Dom has a complaint about a sub... stop copping out, putting the blame on others, take responcibility for Your Own actions. Some, as indicated by the first reason, is justified... but not ALL by any means.

Skully7000 -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 6:51:54 PM)
I am of the oppinion that if a relationship fails it is most often a lack of compatibility. so if my ex and I were not compatible there is not a reason for me to warn someone else. if we are talking on a more extreme level..."this man was a sub but then after getting hit to hard turned around and beat his mistress" then yeah I would spread the warning....but making sure that I explained what I Know vs what I Heard vs what I Think

Evility -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 6:55:24 PM)
The question isn't "Why do I only hear complaints about bad doms?". Look at the source and then ask "Why do I always hear _________ complaining?". There's your answer.

Leatherist -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 8:08:04 PM)
For the same reasons they are otherwise valued. A sense of dignity. Personal acountability for thier part in things-rather than whining denials.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 8:50:47 PM)
I have to agree with Raven muse...the buck does tend to stop with the one in charge. If the Dominant went whining about his disagreeable submissive, he would then be viewed as whining,weak,unable to be in control,unable to accept responsibility, and less of a man, let alone a Dominant man..and lets face it..women are much more verbally ascerebic than men..so hence the female Dominant has essentially escaped being seen as less than in many ways, she does not have to worry about being seen as a weak male and she also is able to use the verbal skills that many women posess to strike back....Tempting

Lordandmaster -> RE: Is there a reason? (6/3/2008 9:03:05 PM)
I think you're on the right track. I'd say there's a general acceptance of complaints by female subs. The big manly male doms want to rush in and play knight-in-shining-armor, and for a few of the man-hating fem-dommes on here, it's all just further grist for the mill. But I have to say that, over the years, I've seen people become rightfully impatient with that kind of bullshit. If you had a bad experience or a bad break-up, the Collarme forums really aren't the place for you to trash the person who hurt you. quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Is it a Dom / Domme not wanting to be seen as weak by speaking about bad experiences with slaves/ subs? Is it just that slaves /subs are more open to airing their dirty laundry in public? Is it that slaves / subs genuinely feel after a bad experience that they should warn others?

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