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looking for support - 6/3/2008 3:14:31 PM

Aroha

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/3/2008
Status: offline

Hi

I'm looking for support. I'm a sub and have only recently got hubby to dom me. He still needs encouragement by me asking him to do things, which is kinda annoying as I'd like him to always take the intiative. He has started getting better but I do seem to have to be the one most of the time who says "I'd like to be tied up tonight" etc

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RE: looking for support - 6/3/2008 4:18:47 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Welcome to CM.

Have you two checked out any books on BDSM such as Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns or The Miss Abernathy Compendium by Christina Abernathy? Those might help him get into a more Domly frame of mind. Screw The Roses also has an excellent negotiation checklist. You can point to things and say "gee, that sure sounds like fun, honey. I'd like to try that sometime." He may just need some time to get comfy with the idea of it or might need some ideas for things to try.

Or you could just send him here to read up. Nothing like a bunch of D-types "talking shop" to put wicked thoughts into his head.

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RE: looking for support - 6/4/2008 9:02:49 PM

strongonedm

Posts: 9
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline

I don't know if he is a book-reader type, but "The Story of O" is a classic, written by a woman that had a pretty good understanding of the primitive erotic nature of domination and submission. The depth of it adds substantially to earth shaking sensuality for both men and women readers. It communicates well the whole concept and feeling of the submission of a woman without simply being a "how to" book. If he is a thinking male with a pulse, he will get the big picture and probably see a side of D/s that deeply excites himself as well as you. After that epiphany, the rest comes naturally without your specific suggestions.

if he is not a book-reader type, there are a couple of movies based on the book, one is ok but old, the other is new but bad.

Your direct suggestions to him probably wouldn't be productive, but maybe buying the book, reading it, and leaving it out for him may be subtle enough to make it interesting.

< Message edited by strongonedm -- 6/4/2008 9:16:49 PM >

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RE: looking for support - 6/9/2008 6:21:37 PM

Aroha

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/3/2008
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Thank you for the book suggestions.
I already have "The story of O" but don't think it's his type of book to read. Am looking into "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns or The Miss Abernathy Compendium " and hubby says he has already been looking for books and has a couple in mind. (I didn't know that, nice to know he's thinking about this too)
I don't want to make too many suggestions but up until recently that seemed to be the only way to get him going (and sometimes still is) I want him to just take the innitiative. We are getting there slowly.

(in reply to strongonedm)

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RE: looking for support - 6/9/2008 7:33:00 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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It's wonderful that he is willing to share this journey with you..I wish you both all the best :)

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RE: looking for support - 6/9/2008 10:45:25 PM

ProfoundDarkness

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/8/2008
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i have been having the same problem, have you tried askign him what the hell is his problem? i had a huge problem punishing and being commanding, even speaking a harsh word. but then i thought to myself... "she is asking for all this, grow a pair and give it to her!"

sometime all it takes to be a dom is reaching down between your legs, grabbing hold of what you got, and sounding off like you deep down always wanted to. trust me, once he gets a grip, it will become smoother.

ask him what the hell his problem is, or have him message me. im new enough to be able to realte and set him strait for you hopefully.

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RE: looking for support - 6/10/2008 10:33:36 AM

Dnomyar

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Joined: 6/27/2005
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Im going the oppisite way. If he has at least showed an interest then you have a good start. Most don't get that far with their spouse. Keep talking with him and working your way slowly along. You will be ok.

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RE: looking for support - 6/11/2008 9:47:32 PM

ProfoundDarkness

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/8/2008
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as i am new i can really only relate things to myself and my own experiences. thats just the way i was. truly a chicken shit at first.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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