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Doing something wrong? - 6/4/2008 12:59:14 PM

Kittypurrs

Posts: 14
Joined: 2/3/2008
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I have posted for a Domme and yet of all the Domme's I write, most don't bother to write back, or they write once or twice and then cease communication. They seem very interested but then nothing. I also find alot seem to be fake as when I ask nicely and respectfully to chat via webcam or phone so I may verify with whom I'm talking to they make an excuse and that's the last I hear of them. I figure I must be doing something wrong that I seem unable to attract the attention of an honest, and real time, Mistress. Any suggestions for me would be appreciated. Thank you!

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/4/2008 1:17:21 PM

MsIncontrol

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I just perved your profile...and don't think you are doing anything wrong. But what you seek is something of a niche and not too many people will fit that.

I think you may do better if you have a photo in your profile...at least for me..it helps.

As a domme, I would own a female slave, however, I wouldn't share her with a Dom, personally. I need to be the one in charge and wouldn't want to compete for or share in the ownership of another.

So other than that..its a numbers game, luck, chance and hard work to find a partner. Good luck!

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/4/2008 1:24:22 PM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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There are many threads with advice like this -- take a moment and read back in this forum.

Also, your profile is 4 months old, if that's how long you've been searching and you're whining (at least as I perceive it) already, you might want to quit now. There are people who have been searching for a lot longer than that.

You, like me, are searching for a very small and rare needle in a very large haystack full of things that don't work for you (or me). It's likely to take some time and so I urge you to exercise patience. In time, the universe will provide what you need.

oy! I need some coffee.. listen to me! *grin*

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 6/4/2008 1:27:25 PM >

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/4/2008 1:36:48 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
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From: Hell
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The top two things about your profile that come up as red flags (at least for me) are:

* No picture.
* Very short profile that contains no information about who you are or the type of person you seek.

I'm just as visually oriented as men are reputed to be. While I do care to an extent about your physcial fitness (or lack thereof), I care a lot less about the rest of the package than your eyes and smile. I have a *thing* for those so a nice picture of your face is a must.

I also want to know if we'd be a good match before I spend time exchanging email. For this, I look to your profile. If your favorite activities include NASCAR and bungee jumping, we're not going to mesh well. However, if you live for coffee houses and sci-fi movies, it might be worth my time to talk to you. Unfortunately, you don't have any of that sort of information in your profile. You automatically fall into the "waste of time" category. At best, I might send you one of the automated replies available through CMail. More likely, you'd get no reply at all. I just don't have time to reply to every person who emails me. It's not fair, but that's how it is. I highly recommend you look up Stephann's post on how to meet women on this site. It contains a wealth of useful information.

It's also possible that you're asking for webcam/phone contact too soon. Women have to be wary of sleazeballs posing as women who just want free wank fodder. I, personally, do not establish contact with cam or phone until I've spoken with someone in email for at least 5 - 7 messages for each of us. Then I move to an instant messenger if I get a good feeling from the person. Remember, this is a trust-building process on both sides. You want verification of female identity so as not to waste your time and that's understandable. However, you have to earn a woman's trust before she's going to give you greater personal contact.

As for the other Dommes who haven't responded or have blown you off after a few messages...chalk it up to mutual incompatability and let it go. It's a process and you have to have a lot of patience. Good luck.

Edited for typos.

< Message edited by SylvereApLeanan -- 6/4/2008 1:42:01 PM >

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/4/2008 1:47:17 PM

Kittypurrs

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Thank you all very much for your viewpoints. I appreciate it. I realize it's a tough search and will be patient!

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/4/2008 2:42:43 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kittypurrs

I have posted for a Domme and yet of all the Domme's I write, most don't bother to write back, or they write once or twice and then cease communication. They seem very interested but then nothing. I also find alot seem to be fake as when I ask nicely and respectfully to chat via webcam or phone so I may verify with whom I'm talking to they make an excuse and that's the last I hear of them. I figure I must be doing something wrong that I seem unable to attract the attention of an honest, and real time, Mistress. Any suggestions for me would be appreciated. Thank you!

Sometimes people just lose (or don't have) interest or the conversation isn't flowing comfortably so things pitter out.

To the phone/webcam/chat bit, for me personally: If you expect chat or webcam or phone early on, you're not going to get it from me. It's likely to make me lose interest in you fast as that's a normal wanker sign. I either stop speaking with those who ask or tell them clearly that I keep everything here through collarme-mail until I feel there is any reason to go forward into other contact methods.

Has zero to do with being "fake", rather the opposite. I'm a real person, in the real community, with real past and present D/s relationships, and have my own standards and ways of getting to know someone. The fastest way to weed out the wankers is to refuse chat/IM/webcam. If someone wants to get to know me as a person, they can view my posts here, write emails back and forth with me, etc. -invest some time and effort, while I do the same. If we hit it off, then I will invite them to use my private email address or IM account... usually I just ask them, instead, when would work best for them to meet me in person and we make arrangements that fit our schedules.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 6/4/2008 2:44:18 PM >

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/4/2008 4:23:21 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Are you asking them to prove themselves on camera without doing the same? That's what you're doing with pictures, it seems. Many of us have (multiple) pictures posted and prefer that the sub/slave have at least one. Many won't even look at, much less respond to, a profile that doesn't have a picture.

Master Fire

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/4/2008 5:25:22 PM

RedMagic1

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I'm a guy... but I found your profile confusing. You are looking for a relationship based on friendship and affection, but not commitment? I think I'm committed to some extent with everyone I feel friendship and affection for. Physical stuff has nothing to do with that.

Plus, you have a man. You sound a bit like the female version of the guy who wants a piece on the side. Combine that with the quick request for camming, and, well, I just don't see a lot of Dommes saying, "This is the girl for me."

Some months ago, I was talking with a woman who had a pic up that only showed a small part of her torso. Basically no info. I sent her a pic and didn't ask her for one. We started talking. She let me know that she had just retired from fetish modeling. I didn't ask for pics. We talked about vanilla stuff, and steamy sexy stuff. I didn't ask for pics. About ten days in, she sent me an email saying, "I respect you so much for not requesting pics. Here you go." When I opened the attachments, my jaw dropped so hard I had to go to Best Buy to replace my broken keyboard.

Just sayin.

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/4/2008 5:25:33 PM

BoiJen

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I've never had the problem. Then again I don't ask for private emails or phone numbers. I offer mine after an agreed upon time/event to meet at. Ask MsRumpus or LadyPact, they tell ya.

The boi
who still hasn't figured out why so many people seem to have a problem meeting Dommes

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/4/2008 5:38:01 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Your profile is contradictory. You wish a mistress to whom you can give complete control, except for the fact that you can't because you're in a committed relationship already. You're ready to serve your mistress fully except you don't know if you will be able to include sex because you've never tried a sexual relationship with a woman.

About the photo. Always helpful if you include one of you from a distance showing general shape. face shots are not required. Otherwise mention your height/weight. People always want to know beforehand if you're the size and shape of a bowling pin.

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/5/2008 9:01:51 AM

LadyLynx

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kitty, overall I liked the tone of your profile, but agree with the others that it is alittle confusing. I understand, based on your lack of experience with women, that you are unsure of what to put in your profile. how about look at other subs profiles, see what they say. If you want, I could assist you in changing your profile over, but of course can't guarentee that it will work. So if you want that, please write. Glad to help out.

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/5/2008 10:11:51 AM

Kittypurrs

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Thank you all for your input. I have tried to change my profile to more accurately reflect me and what I'm looking for. I hope it is better than it was. I am also getting a picture added that will show my body.

It's hard to know what to put as I am, in reality, very open, to various commitment levels. Of course, since I have no interest in leaving my man, that does involve sharing me. But I have heard of many Mistresses that enjoy having multiple subs so I didn't think that would be much of a problem.

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RE: Doing something wrong? - 6/5/2008 10:21:51 AM

LadyLynx

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lol. Don't assume that because a lady has more then 1 sub, she would be ok with sharing her sub. Does your man know about your desires, and what you are looking to do? If he doesn't that might be an issue with some ladies. (it would be a major issue with me. I don't mind married/involved people, but I do mind if the other person hasn't clue.)

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Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

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