First time playing together. How do you do it?

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First time playing together. How do you do it? - 10/27/2005 2:56:25 PM

Tawilla

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Joined: 9/12/2005
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(this is written in the dom viewpoint as that's what I am. Please answer or change the questions as they best suit you)

1) Do you cater to the things you know your partner will enjoy or do you take care of your own needs/fetishs/desires first and foremost?

I notice that I tend to do a mesh of things I know they are keen for and things I enjoy for the first play date. Over time I tend to merge more of my own wants into the scenes. (odd how the needs of us both mesh so well over time and with good communication)

2) On your first play date, do you take it light and easy or do you let the "beast" out to rip and roar ?

I've always leaned on the side of caution for a variety of reasons. First, you don't *really* know the person you are playing with and how well they will respond to you and what you do. I also don't want to overpower them and have them think me a monster.

On the other paw, I don't want to be seen as a wimp <grin>. How do you all find that common ground? Time together?

Tawilla

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RE: First time playing together. How do you do it? - 10/27/2005 2:59:33 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tawilla
1) Do you cater to the things you know your partner will enjoy or do you take care of your own needs/fetishs/desires first and foremost?

Think of having a first scene as exactly the same thing as having sex for the first time. Since most of us are not virgins, it's a good parallel experience to draw from.

You do things in a scene that will make it an experience for you both to remember fondly. However you do that is your business.

quote:

2) On your first play date, do you take it light and easy or do you let the "beast" out to rip and roar ?

I always go slowly. Sometimes I might feel a beast trickle out, but I keep reins on it. There's always time for more later.

quote:

On the other paw, I don't want to be seen as a wimp <grin>. How do you all find that common ground? Time together?

There's nothing like it and no short cut for just spending time with them and getting to know them in the experience.

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RE: First time playing together. How do you do it? - 10/27/2005 3:04:07 PM

Oumae

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Time certainly helps and lots of communication..... I like to build it up and savour each moment as I learn their body language. I also enjoy teasing so thats part of it too.

Oumae

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( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

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RE: First time playing together. How do you do it? - 10/27/2005 4:09:04 PM

WickedKev

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quote:

1) Do you cater to the things you know your partner will enjoy or do you take care of your own needs/fetishs/desires first and foremost?

I let it flow, and it always seems I match it appropriately for the mood of the scene. I couldn't tell you if the next time I play it will be a totally sensuous scene a totally sadistic scene or anywhere in between. As for catering to her likes or dislikes again it depends on the mood I am in.

quote:

2) On your first play date, do you take it light and easy or do you let the "beast" out to rip and roar ?

First play date I will always start out easy slowly building it up, all the while learning her body language. As for letting the beast out, no not until I know her limits (how much she can take) better.

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Those who can make you believe absurdities
can make you commit atrocities.
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It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong
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RE: First time playing together. How do you do it? - 10/27/2005 10:58:43 PM

Evanesce

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The first time I play with someone, I tend to take it easy on them. Although I do inform them that when I play, it's all about me, I don't get into any type of edge play, and I try to keep it light and pleasurable. There's plenty of time for the beast to run free after they've come to know what to expect with me.

However, there are a couple of people I've played with who got the beast their first time out, because they'd seen me play; they knew what they were getting into; and they asked for it. In those cases, I simply tell them their safeword is red.

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

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RE: First time playing together. How do you do it? - 10/27/2005 11:07:43 PM

Phoenxx

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I find it hard to say there is one style. I tend to vary my play depending on the person, what we have talked about, and our moods. Mostly I start slowly to learn the other girl's body language and her tolerances. After all if you scare them away, you don't get to play again.
I also find a play contract helps. If you know what both parties want and need, it's easier for both to enjoy.
I do not think anyone does the same thing time and time again though. Communication is as always, what I believe to be the key.

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RE: First time playing together. How do you do it? - 10/28/2005 5:06:42 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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There's a very cuddly local male sub who hangs a "Player's Manual" around his neck, with a few paragraphs about himself and a whole checklist of stuff. It's totally awesome and I told him I was going to steal the idea.

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RE: First time playing together. How do you do it? - 10/28/2005 8:28:43 AM

OscarHargraves

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Personally I like to go rather slow and pay special attention to the Sub. I watch for signs of extreme pleasure or pain and note those items for later reference. I also work a little harder to try to make this a really pleasurable experience for them. Afterwards I make sure to spend some time holding her and asking questions about what was good and bad for her. That shows her that I am concerned and it helps me with plans for later meetings.

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RE: First time playing together. How do you do it? - 10/28/2005 9:08:24 AM

plantlady64

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Hello There,
I think the first play session can vary greatly. Where you play and how you relate to the other person has a lot to do with what level a power exchange can comfortably unfold into.
Sometimes the first play is minimal and very light. With others it was very severe.
For me it's really reflecting the energy of the Dom in charge of our playtime, much like a mirror. If he's hot, heavy and confident than I can be to. If he's reserved and shy I can play light also.
Though it can vary greatly I usually have a good time no matter what unfolds.
I've found on average I have a much better first encounter in the public dungeon here in my DC area. I know I can feel completely safe there. Playing closer to the edge somewhere I know my trusted friends are close by just in case things go bad is eliminating a lot of the risks I'd feel in private.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

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