One couple & One or more sub/slaves ~ How do you cope?

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One couple & One or more sub/slaves ~ How do you cope? - 10/27/2005 9:00:01 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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eI’m primarily targeting dominant couples of any mix gender, ethnicity and age with this question, however thoughts from everyone will be more than welcome and valued.

You are a dominant couple who have a slave/sub or several. Any or all may be collared to either or both of you.

1. How do you deal with the dynamics and interaction between the sub/slave/s and your partner?

2. Does this interaction create you problems in your personal relationship?

3. If not what steps have you both taken to keep the home front happy and positive?

4. What thoughts do you have for any couple about to or thinking about having sub/slaves?

This is a general question. Neets and I have found our own way to deal with these things but our way is not necessarilly the best and I'll always be happy to find ways to improve anything we do.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 10/27/2005 9:01:57 PM >

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RE: One couple & One or more sub/slaves ~ How do you cope? - 10/27/2005 9:45:18 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
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For us it was and still is like when we first explored our open marriage and was to sit and discuss our feelings on what we had experienced when we first felt our Dom sides emerge then as with every thing in life rules were set and these were

quote. How do you deal with the dynamics and interaction between the sub/slave/s and your partner? quote

1: Subs and or Slaves have to realize it is a couple and that they are with 2 and not 1.
2: Punishment is to be administered by whom ever was wronged and at no time interfered with by the other.
3: Play is to be enjoyed by either at any time so long as it is shared in telling later on and told by the Sub or Slave in their words so that reaction can be seen and to what level it was enjoyed by them also.
4: If in Public we are treated with respect but the Sub or Slave may interact with us and with our no lifestyle friends as family would ( any disrespect or bad behavior is dealt with at home in private )

As to not having a Sub or Slave living with us full time as of yet but visit us there is not to much of a problem with the home front but as we were swinging long before discovering being both Doms and at no time did it cause us any concern or jealousy of each other when we do have visits there is not a problem even when one of us is at work and infarct some times when hearing the story from the mouth of the Sub or Slave it is even more enjoyable even for the person who was home and partaking in it all.

To any couples just beginning their journey our advice would be to sit down together and firstly talk it all through and as deeply as you both can dig on everything you can think of and find on it all but most of all work out rules of engagement and stick by them they may have to be changed in time or with circumstances but do so together.
As we have had to in wanting to have a liven full time Sub or Slave with us in the near future.
In many ways it is like having a kid in the house again (Sir shudders at the memory) that has to be taught what not to do and what they can and cant do.
These are our ways here and we hope that in any small way they are of help to those about to begin it all together but we are still learning and exploring as well as everyone else.
It may be easier for those where one is Dom and the other Sub that we look forward to reading indeed

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RE: One couple & One or more sub/slaves ~ How do you cope? - 10/27/2005 10:48:18 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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Boy, does this ever come at a perfect time. Master and I are dealing with these issues in our search for the right house slave right now. In fact, just today I had to let one know he was not right for us. It's hard to find that "perfect" fit.

quote:

1. How do you deal with the dynamics and interaction between the sub/slave/s and your partner?

We've found that most slaves want to serve one or the other of us... not both. In my opinion, a slave needs to be told in no uncertain terms that they WILL answer to both members of the dominant couple, and that they are expected to obey, regardless of who it is they're spending more time with. They also need to know they will NOT be allowed to interfere with the primary relationship.

quote:

2. Does this interaction create you problems in your personal relationship?

Only if we allow it to happen. Since Master trusts me, and I'm the one conducting most of the "interviews" (I hate that term when discussing relationships), He only sees those individuals I believe MIGHT make a good match. The person we eventually bring into our lives will be a friend... and a part of our family... not just a slave. So that person would likely not be one who would cause us any problems or have any difficulty interacting with either of us equally, because I'm extremely picky, and I won't have someone I even suspect MIGHT be a problem for us.

quote:

3. If not what steps have you both taken to keep the home front happy and positive?

It's quite simple. Our relationship takes precedence over all others. If a potential slave seeks to interfere with that relationship, they're out the door. We come first, and we make the rules. Anyone who cannot understand and/or accept that will not be serving us.

quote:

4. What thoughts do you have for any couple about to or thinking about having sub/slaves?

Take your time. Make sure YOUR relationship is absolutely rock-solid before trying to bring in a third party, and pay attention to your instincts. There are a LOT of pretenders and "do me" bottoms out there, and it can become terribly frustrating, as we are learning.

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

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RE: One couple & One or more sub/slaves ~ How do you cope? - 10/28/2005 5:09:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
1. How do you deal with the dynamics and interaction between the sub/slave/s and your partner?

In my situation, they let it grown organically. I knew my position was to serve and be of service. We allowed life to shape the specifics. I had to adapt to their individual tastes.

quote:

2. Does this interaction create you problems in your personal relationship?

No, they were extremely communicative between themselves. They both considered me a good thing to take away stuff they had to do before that they really didn't like (for a cute example, I could go to the romantic girly movies with the wife, and I could go fetch groceries for the husband)

quote:

4. What thoughts do you have for any couple about to or thinking about having sub/slaves?

If you don't already know how to work together as a team, don't even try. You hae to sit down beforehand and figure out the boundaries.

For the slaves- yes it can mean twice as much work, but it also means twice as much support and guidance.

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RE: One couple & One or more sub/slaves ~ How do you cope? - 10/28/2005 5:17:18 AM

sunshine333

Posts: 203
Joined: 8/16/2005
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IronBear ... i can tell you how it feels from a slave's perspective. i was owned by a dominant couple who had one of the healthiest marriages i've ever seen. they were totally in love and completely devoted to one another. i was told that i helped to strengthen their bond. i suppose because they, as a couple, had more of their needs met. their strong connection made me feel very safe. almost like a child with parents? when they fought (which was rare) it would upset me greatly. and when they were doing well i felt most at home. it was a very loving relationship and there really were no problems on the home front. we all were very certain of our roles ... which never wavered. i think the consistency and clarity they gave me made me feel secure and so no strain was put on their relationship. i also knew i was loved and valued ... which, to me, is paramount. i don't think either one of them experienced jealousy because they both really wanted the other to be happy and fulfilled.

my suggestion to any couple wishing to add a third to their relationship would be this: make sure ... very very sure ... that your existing relationship is stable and strong. adding someone to an already unhealthy relationship will only serve to make it even more unhealthy and is unkind to do to yourselves and the new person.

humbly,
sunshine

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RE: One couple & One or more sub/slaves ~ How do you cope? - 10/28/2005 12:52:06 PM

twistedphoenix

Posts: 6
Joined: 10/24/2005
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quote:

You are a dominant couple who have a slave/sub or several. Any or all may be collared to either or both of you.

1. How do you deal with the dynamics and interaction between the sub/slave/s and your partner?

2. Does this interaction create you problems in your personal relationship?

3. If not what steps have you both taken to keep the home front happy and positive?

4. What thoughts do you have for any couple about to or thinking about having sub/slaves?

This is a general question. Neets and I have found our own way to deal with these things but our way is not necessarilly the best and I'll always be happy to find ways to improve anything we do.

...

Greetings Sir and Ma'ams..

Greeetings Iron Bear Sir as my Mistress knows I have much time with a poly house with Two Doms a male and female married She has asked me to interact on this post..I am more then glad to share my ideas and experience..

1..It is sometimes not easy as I feel the marriage has be strong and both Dom's have to be secure within themselves..As the sub/slave needs know she fits into their lives and feels like she is part of the family not just a painting per say on the wall..They should do things together but knowing that the Doms needs to have time to themselves to as they are married and need time alone.. As I was collared to Both my Doms it was sometimes hard and even harder when they braught the second sub in as there were things that I had done for so long and not had to share but then I had to learn to share those things thatwere priceless to me..But as I was with them for 10 years it got easier..and trust me the subs or slaves have to work together to please the Owners not apart..

2..If the Doms are secure within themselves it shouldnt cause trouble it only does usually if their is jealousy ..And trust me jealousy will break a marriage before anything when it comes to lifestyle I truely believe that most Doms say sub or slaves can't be jealous for a poly house to work well neither can the Doms..

3..I dont feel it is only the Doms responsibilty to keep the homefront happy and postive I feel it is the whole families responsibilites as they are one not sperate..When the family starts seperating it in NO longer Poly it is just a group of friends and that is not lifestyle..

4..I think the only thing I can say is that there has to be COMUNICATION within the Doms before anyone can bring in another.. That is just like a vanilla couple bringing in a third for cascual sex if there isnt communication I will bet there will be jealousy before long plain and simple..

Sincerly Their girl

Twisted

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RE: One couple & One or more sub/slaves ~ How do you cope? - 10/29/2005 12:16:31 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

eI’m primarily targeting dominant couples of any mix gender, ethnicity and age with this question, however thoughts from everyone will be more than welcome and valued.

You are a dominant couple who have a slave/sub or several. Any or all may be collared to either or both of you.

1. How do you deal with the dynamics and interaction between the sub/slave/s and your partner?

For us, the dynamic may be different between each of us and the servant, but all of us have to be able to get along together. SR and I work together to manage the household, and in doing so, we discuss areas where one or the other of us has questions about the management of our servant(s).

quote:

2. Does this interaction create you problems in your personal relationship?

Sometimes, a servant just gravitates towards one or the other of us as hir primary "focus". SR and I both have different talents and different management styles, so it makes sense that one or the other's style may be a better "fit" for a servant. The only way that it would cause problems is if SR and I didn't communicate through the process, and if we were, in any way, unclear that the servants are servants to the House, and though they may be more comfortable with one or the other, they serve us both, and that we communicate, so there is no way to play one of us off the other.

quote:

3. If not what steps have you both taken to keep the home front happy and positive?

We try to make sure that we all get along, and are comfortable together as a household -- when that is in place, which one of us is the primary "key" for managing a particular servant isn't an issue at all.

quote:

4. What thoughts do you have for any couple about to or thinking about having sub/slaves?

I can't speak for what might work for everyone, but this is what works for us.

1. Make sure that both of you talk through your expectations, and that you evaluate the potential servants together. Lay both dominants' expectations out -- and if expectations are being shaped as the relationship develops (which is very functional for some people), make sure that there is a way that new expectations can be recognized and presented so that they don't become "assumptions" and cause a servant to stumble out of failure to respond to an unspoken assumption.

2. If either one of you is uncomfortable with a potential servant, pass on that one. Discomfort like that diffuses through a relationship, and makes the home tense and unpleasant for everyone.

3. Make it perfectly clear to any potential servant exactly who he or she is to serve. If xhe is owned by one of you and not the other by mutual agreement, then it is respectful for the non-owner to present requests/demands for that servant through the owner. We've found it more harmonious to have servants who serve our House as a whole. They may be closer to one or the other of us, but they know that they serve us both -- and we know that we must remain in communication with each other, so that the servant doesn't get conflicting messages.

4. Don't be afraid to say that something isn't working, and sit down with your mate to figure a solution out. If nobody says anything, the problems can escalate until the whole mess falls down on -everyone's- heads.

YMMV, but this is what has worked for us, not only in keeping servants, but in keeping our relationship sane and functional, even when the world around us is going to pot.

Lady Zephyr

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RE: One couple & One or more sub/slaves ~ How do you cope? - 10/29/2005 6:11:54 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
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quote:

1. How do you deal with the dynamics and interaction between the sub/slave/s and your partner?
i have no problem w master incorporating others into play, i was to be included, he was even going to let me have my own male slave.
2. Does this interaction create you problems in your personal relationship? the play was to have been very controlled by master

3. If not what steps have you both taken to keep the home front happy and positive?he does set the rules,lol,altough i was to have been given a good deal of leeway in the situation,all final approvals came from him

4. What thoughts do you have for any couple about to or thinking about having sub/slaves?

make sure they talk it well out and define the parimeters, so no jealousty issues come about later

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 10/29/2005 6:15:36 AM >

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