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HypnoticDan -> RE: Questions That Haunt Me (6/20/2008 8:49:44 AM)
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Can you cry under water?
Yes.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Hm. Good question. Let's murder a series of people in growing level of importance and see what the reports say.
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Yeah, seriously. Your ideas aren't worth that much.
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
In where?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why does your lumpy brain come in a pointy head?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Life.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
We used to have steamer trunks and assistants with strong backs. Then we had smaller bags and strong backs. Now we have wheels. Who said this was a good idea?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Because both drool on themselves.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Yes, and very loudly, too.
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Because movies are bigger, and you can fit in a movie.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
You look DOWN?!
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Maybe if you'd dressed nice, put on some music, and danced while you did it he'd have a reason to stick around. Remember, he has to do checkups on strippers, too.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Because taking off panties are twice as much fun.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
For our secret alien overlords, duh.
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
the oldest version of the song was "jim crack corn", meaning "cheap corn whiskey". The song is all about a slave who was supposed to keep the blackflies off his master. One day the master's horse is bitten by a fly, kicks the master off, and the master dies. The slave is not charged with killing his master, as a coroner's inquest blames it on the flies.
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
The law doesn't specify living or dead, only that the other passenger(s) are human. Question: Is a corpse of a human still a human?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
He's holding out for a marry-anne/ginger threesome.
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Goofy symbolizes man's eternal struggle to "rise up" and deny his baser instincts. Pluto represents the simple, zen joy of devolution.
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME STUFF, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Where do you think the roadrunner came from? He accidentally let it out of the box, expecting it to be dead. ACME: the Enron of of the material supply world.
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
I'm not sure, but the head factory is at the Neverland Ranch.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Yes.
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Yes.
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Nice try - I've had "Suffragette City" stuck in my head all day.
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
No.
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