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RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 4:16:41 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
It's a turnoff for me for the same reason that "footslut" would be a turnoff in a screen name. To me it means that their kink is the most important part about them and the primary thing they want to show, and/or that they don't really "get" what all of this is and are using that as a way to be the most likely to be allowed into the group or get attention.

Yes.

And, on the other side of things, I am convinced that 99% of the female profiles of the form "hotbabe4u6969" are operated by scammers... or bored, lonely men.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 41

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 4:21:58 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

"pondscum4Leatherist"

Catchy, no?

nonononoooooooooooooooo............

"diaperslut4Leatherist"

Pay attention!

damn it's better than reading Tatler

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 42

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 4:28:34 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Just wondering, another thread I posted in today made me decide to look up the amount of people who chose a username which started with the term “worthless”. Perhaps it’s just me, but I find it sad that even on a site with tens of thousands, or more users (I really have no clue as to the numbers of profiles here) that there are even as many as 51 who choose such a username (not to mention those that have the term later in the name, or those that contain terms which are similar in meaning).

Out of 51 people, approximately 72 percent were male and 28 percent were female; all were submissive.

Now, I have to wonder whether this type of username is chosen more often from an honest view of yourself as worthless or a belief that such a perspective will attract the attention of a desirable dominant.

So, I have questions for both sides here:

To the dominants out there, does seeing a term like “worthless” in a submissive’s username attract you? If so, why? If it does not attract you, why not and do you think you could foreseeably look beyond such a moniker.

For the submissives, what do you think when you see someone using such in their username?

Or, if you have chosen a such a diminishing username; what made you decide upon it? Also, what type of reaction do you receive that you are sure is due to your using such a name?

As this has long been one of my personal pet peeves, i'm honestly curious about the motivation behind and effectiveness of using this type of name.

IMO, it is not uncommon for a submissive, particularly a straight male submissive, to have a serious kink for humiliation and degradation. Seems likeliest to me that when people choose to use 'worhlesss' in their nicks, they are attempting to better reach the "audience" which may fulfill this humiliation kink. JMO.

pinksugarsub

_____________________________

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 43

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 4:46:54 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I understand that many people feel this way, not just those who use it as a scene name. These people usually have the desire to change that feeling. Seeing it in a scene name turns me off. It's as if they are admitting defeat, in some way. Logically, I understand that most you'll run across with that name are looking to fulfill a humiliation fantasy, but emotionally it just squicks me.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 44

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 5:00:53 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

I should start a fake profile as a Dom, and be something like 'worthlessTop'. 'complete waste of perfectly good flogger suede'. what do you think?

id prolly end up dating you....~sigh~

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 45

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 5:15:08 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Humiliation sluts are NEVER that easy to deal with. There is usually a ton of baggage behind it. It only works if they own up to it-and aren't in a victim mode over it all.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 46

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 5:15:30 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

The reason that this type of thing is a major pet peeve of mine is that i ultimately see it as a reinforcement of the stereotypical idea of the male submissive that many (mostly male dominants and people that are vanilla but have a basic understanding of the rudiments of Ds... though i've seen it in female dominants and submissives as well; this is also a sentiment that i am guilty for hold against most male submissives i know in the real world) still hold... that of the "gimp", or the spineless puddle of flesh in a male body.

For this reason, i tend to get a little offended (and amused) when i get the comment "Gee, i would have never guessed that you were a submissive.". Like, what did you expect? A snivelling coward unable to stand up for myself and with no personality beyond that which might be ascribed by the one holding my leash? (by the way, Ma'am has yet to put a leash upon me; not that i would mind)

Yes, i am guilty of viewing male submissives under this same stereotype; but it is only because so many of them seem to hold it up as the ideal to be perpetuated. If i, as a submissive myself, see little of worth in other male submissives; why should i be surprised if others do the same (to me even)?

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 47

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 5:21:06 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

why should i be surprised if others do the same (to me even)?

Dear chylde:
with as much beautiful hair as that to grab you by and drag you round the floor well I for one don't see you as either worthless or useless

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 48

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 5:33:16 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Yes, i am guilty of viewing male submissives under this same stereotype; but it is only because so many of them seem to hold it up as the ideal to be perpetuated. If i, as a submissive myself, see little of worth in other male submissives; why should i be surprised if others do the same (to me even)?

Does it matter? At the end of the day, you get positive attention and they get nothin'... what more do you want?

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 49

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 5:47:24 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Yes, i am guilty of viewing male submissives under this same stereotype; but it is only because so many of them seem to hold it up as the ideal to be perpetuated. If i, as a submissive myself, see little of worth in other male submissives; why should i be surprised if others do the same (to me even)?

Does it matter? At the end of the day, you get positive attention and they get nothin'... what more do you want?

That's easy, i want other to act in such a way that i am not so often served with an automatic disrespect because of the stereotype perpetuated by others who call themselves male submissives. i watch dominants of both genders get a certain level of automatic respect from the community, even submissive females.

But i've had a number of conversations over the years where i could be talking with someone casually at a social or such, and we get along man-to-man (at least in the case of a male dominant) until it comes up that i don't have a "girl" there, and in fact a submissive myself. Sometimes in words, sometimes not; but often i am immediately disregarded as a human being completely.

i know that this is a gripe that many subgroups have in many areas of society, but it sickens me that i often have to be exceptional to be given the same respect as just about everybody else does.

Edited to Add: Sorry, i'm done whining on this subject.

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 6/5/2008 5:49:57 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 50

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 6:00:27 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

The reason that this type of thing is a major pet peeve of mine is that i ultimately see it as a reinforcement of the stereotypical idea of the male submissive that many (mostly male dominants and people that are vanilla but have a basic understanding of the rudiments of Ds... though i've seen it in female dominants and submissives as well; this is also a sentiment that i am guilty for hold against most male submissives i know in the real world) still hold... that of the "gimp", or the spineless puddle of flesh in a male body.

For this reason, i tend to get a little offended (and amused) when i get the comment "Gee, i would have never guessed that you were a submissive.". Like, what did you expect? A snivelling coward unable to stand up for myself and with no personality beyond that which might be ascribed by the one holding my leash? (by the way, Ma'am has yet to put a leash upon me; not that i would mind)

Yes, i am guilty of viewing male submissives under this same stereotype; but it is only because so many of them seem to hold it up as the ideal to be perpetuated. If i, as a submissive myself, see little of worth in other male submissives; why should i be surprised if others do the same (to me even)?

Seriously good post. And it put into words something that i finally internalized this past weekend. i have a 15 yr history of being strictly lesbian and as vanilla as a dyke can be. That being said, the past year has opened my eyes to a whole new world and its the best one so far.
i was dismayed to discover in myself an internalized phobic response to male submissives. i had thoughts that i personally could not allow to be perpetuated in my own mind, let alone act on them. i was severly disappointed in myself and went to work immediately to find male submissives and male switches that i could talk with and get to know so that i could change my own mind. i had a hard time finding male subs that were willing to interact with me in a non sexual way. And i had a very unfortunate experience early on with a man who introduced himself to me as dominant and suddenly "went sub" on me mid scene and that looped me all the way around twice. i had such a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that i may not be as liberal as i had previously believed.
Long story longer, this last weekend i met the Connecticut version of the male sub you speak of here. ive known him for a bit in passing, small community, smaller group of truly active members of the public groups. i had seen him play with other subs and had heard tales of his scenes on the other side of the pain. i was on my way out the door for the nite and came in for a hug (swear thats all i was looking for). The man in question here hugged me tight and began to whisper such truth to me that within 27 seconds i was swooning and admitting things ....all the while, the femdom that we were all talking to prior to my sudden scene was domming him from behind me. i looked deeply into his eyes once my tears had cleared and saw in him the true definition of a switch and all that a submissive male could be in my own humble opinion. i knew that this man could not only take me where i long to go but be taken to his place simultaneously. This prolly comes from all his many years of experience and to no small part his femdom wife...and who cares? Point was, i finally saw what was truly possible and was so happy to find that i was sooo wrong. Now i need to go about my new goal of setting up some play time with this man and his wife....the heirarchy is a wonderous thing when im firmly entrenched at the very bottom.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 51

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 6:45:13 PM

SubRefuge

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Perhaps it’s just me, but I find it sad that even on a site with tens of thousands, or more users (I really have no clue as to the numbers of profiles here) that there are even as many as 51 who choose such a username (not to mention those that have the term later in the name, or those that contain terms which are similar in meaning).

It is either a way for them to call attention to themselves, or a cry for help; you know, the same reason a man grows his hair long.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 52

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 7:08:59 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubRefuge

It is either a way for them to call attention to themselves, or a cry for help; you know, the same reason a man grows his hair long.

well, i'll refrain from the smartass question about male-pattern baldness... instead i'll state why i grow my hair long

until my late teens, my hair was alway long; then i gave my time to Uncle Sam and my hair to the local Ronald McDonald House

the time i had without long hair showed me something important about myself: i have an overly long slender neck, a pronounced larynx and ears that stick out a little too much... i look alot better with long hair, and alot less like Alfred E Newman

but i could just say that i'm an old fashioned guy who asks himself What Would Jesus Do, or be more lifestyle oriented and state that i'd have cut it during the hot summer in the last two years if my Owner didn't love my hair long

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 6/5/2008 7:13:03 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to SubRefuge)

Post #: 53

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 7:18:44 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubRefuge

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Perhaps it’s just me, but I find it sad that even on a site with tens of thousands, or more users (I really have no clue as to the numbers of profiles here) that there are even as many as 51 who choose such a username (not to mention those that have the term later in the name, or those that contain terms which are similar in meaning).

It is either a way for them to call attention to themselves, or a cry for help; you know, the same reason a man grows his hair long.

Or it could be that he just happened to find something extremely successful. Most of the male subs on this site would give their right arm to have a wonderful Dominant as he does, not to mention the high view of several other Dominant women around these parts.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SubRefuge)

Post #: 54

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 7:21:44 PM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

I think it is a good post - it brings up some issues when you are browsing profiles.

We do tend to make judgments based on the profile name - is that a good or bad thing. Does it proclude us from getting to know a little more about the person behind the profile?
The name that someone chooses -without judging them can also tell us a little about who they are - but I hasten not to dismiss them outright.
The profile name is also almost a 'sales' tool - do we readily click on 'hornyblondeready4use' - feel free to use that one - LOL
The profile name is also just a starting point - does the remainder of the profile read like the name?
I guess if I have a point it is that we should try to not judge right away what we first see on a profile name.

Sincerely,

N

and yes the irony of my name is not lost on me!

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 55

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 7:23:45 PM

SubRefuge

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
well, i'll refrain from the smartass question about male-pattern baldness... .

don't refrain; you'll pop an aneurism.
Besides, I don't have it, so it wouldn't bother me if you asked.

quote:

instead i'll state why i grow my hair long

You are assuming that I want to know.

quote:

What Would Jesus Do

And I always thought WWJD meant "What Would Judas Do". It applies to more Christians than the other popular translation.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 56

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 7:24:57 PM

SubRefuge

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Or it could be that he just happened to find something extremely successful. Most of the male subs on this site would give their right arm to have a wonderful Dominant as he does, not to mention the high view of several other Dominant women around these parts.

You attribute his wonderful Dominant to his long locks? Tell me his Dominant isn't so shallow?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 57

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 7:31:56 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubRefuge

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
well, i'll refrain from the smartass question about male-pattern baldness... .

don't refrain; you'll pop an aneurism.
Besides, I don't have it, so it wouldn't bother me if you asked.

quote:

instead i'll state why i grow my hair long

You are assuming that I want to know.

quote:

What Would Jesus Do

And I always thought WWJD meant "What Would Judas Do". It applies to more Christians than the other popular translation.

Ignoring the other flippancy as you'll make a personal attack, then i'll do the same and we'll go back and forth all day; and i don't know you well enough to have that kind of fun... i do like the What Would Judas Do comment, quite witty if unfitting; as i never said WWJD.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubRefuge

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Or it could be that he just happened to find something extremely successful. Most of the male subs on this site would give their right arm to have a wonderful Dominant as he does, not to mention the high view of several other Dominant women around these parts.

You attribute his wonderful Dominant to his long locks? Tell me his Dominant isn't so shallow?

No, She is not so shallow. But my long hair is one of the first things that attracted Her to me and She does love my hair as it looks great and is fun for Her to play with. But, i'd have to ask why you choose to hold to the personal attacks; are you feeling such a lack of self-esteem that you must try to bring another down to make yourself feel better? If that's the case, get a puppy and treat it right; that kind of unconditional love tends to make one feel better about themselves and their life in general.

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 6/5/2008 7:35:42 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to SubRefuge)

Post #: 58

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 7:37:39 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
That's easy, i want other to act in such a way that i am not so often served with an automatic disrespect because of the stereotype perpetuated by others who call themselves male submissives.

I can relate. I have a dominant profile, and I don't care for it when "dominants" behave like raving, emotionally unattractive assholes.

I don't quite know why I thought of that just now, though. Strange.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 59

RE: Self-Diminishing submissive names - 6/5/2008 7:50:31 PM

SubRefuge

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubRefuge

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
well, i'll refrain from the smartass question about male-pattern baldness... .

don't refrain; you'll pop an aneurism.
Besides, I don't have it, so it wouldn't bother me if you asked.

quote:

instead i'll state why i grow my hair long

You are assuming that I want to know.

quote:

What Would Jesus Do

And I always thought WWJD meant "What Would Judas Do". It applies to more Christians than the other popular translation.

Ignoring the other flippancy as you'll make a personal attack, then i'll do the same and we'll go back and forth all day; and i don't know you well enough to have that kind of fun... i do like the What Would Judas Do comment, quite witty if unfitting; as i never said WWJD.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubRefuge

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Or it could be that he just happened to find something extremely successful. Most of the male subs on this site would give their right arm to have a wonderful Dominant as he does, not to mention the high view of several other Dominant women around these parts.

You attribute his wonderful Dominant to his long locks? Tell me his Dominant isn't so shallow?

No, She is not so shallow. But my long hair is one of the first things that attracted Her to me and She does love my hair as it looks great and is fun for Her to play with. But, i'd have to ask why you choose to hold to the personal attacks; are you feeling such a lack of self-esteem that you must try to bring another down to make yourself feel better? If that's the case, get a puppy and treat it right; that kind of unconditional love tends to make one feel better about themselves and their life in general.

Two items:
One: I have not made a personal attack. I made an observation which you took to heart. It's not my fault you thought my comment was made directly to you. The comment, however, was also a commentary on your "pet peeve" on how people named themselves. Jeez - why are you telling others "I find it sad that even on a site with tens of thousands, or more users ... that there are even as many as 51 who choose such a username " your statement was in poor taste, denigrating the choices of others. Sad indeed is someone who feels the compulsion to start such a thread with such a statement. What if I started a thread using the same words but substituting "long-hair metalheads" in the place of choice o f the name "worthless" (yes, it wouldn't work exactly - but go with the concept, not the exact execution). Your choice of hair length is just that - YOUR choice. Not something that someone else should make a thread about.

Two: you did, indeed specifically mention What would Jesus Do (although, I suppose you could argue you didn't specifically say "WWJD". See post #52 )

quote:

but i could just say that i'm an old fashioned guy who asks himself What Would Jesus Do

So, in conclusion, my personal attack (since you seem to want one): STFU about other people's names. It is none of your business.

< Message edited by SubRefuge -- 6/5/2008 7:51:43 PM >

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 60

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