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Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 2:53:23 PM

trav608

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/5/2008
From: Upstate South Carolina
Status: offline

I have lurked here for a while, just joined – I am a reasonably fit and attractive 40 year old (so I have been told) – a bit shy about posting a pic yet but will work on it. Recently divorced, and I would like my next relationship to have this aspect to it as well. I listed myself as a switch – my experience has mostly been a spankee to a reluctant spanker, and she was rarely interested in getting. I’m not interested in being a slave or having one, I want to have an apparently vanilla life with the occasional spanking involved, and open to new things behind closed doors. Am I at the right place? Do people meet and find a new friend here, possibly more? - Thanks for any advice

Post #: 1

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 2:55:12 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

umm .. yes

put something like that ... but maybe with a little more clarity in your profile ... and am sure you will find someone

I would ... if you are actually looking for a real time partner ... get yourself to some munches, clubs .. parties etc ... and meet people in the flesh for the flesh

good luck *s*

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to trav608)

Post #: 2

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 2:59:13 PM

Phin

Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

yep... what she said.... be clear about what you are looking for...

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(in reply to softness)

Post #: 3

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 2:59:59 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Yes, flesh out your profile with some information on your non-bdsm interests, desires and life in general. The main things are to be patient, honest and up front about your expectations and desires. Though, things will likely go slower for you here than finding a local (some drive 3-4 hours or more to get to an event) munch or social to meet people in real life. It is perfectly ok to just be into the physical aspect, many of us "serious" life-stylers started off that way (though it seems most seem to completely forget the fact); and many people never move beyond that stage, which is also perfectly alright.

Edited to Add: Dammit, those fast typers beat me to it.

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 6/5/2008 3:01:22 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to trav608)

Post #: 4

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 3:01:55 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

yes i agree. i met my master on this site and it started completely casual. just fill out your profile and be aware that this could take some time. this is my second profile and i've been on the site two years, and i've only recently met Him.

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the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 5

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 3:02:09 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Take a look at the ask a mistress forum... look back and you'll see a lot of GREAT advice from women, among others, about profiles.. what Dominant women want .. and then some...

good luck

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to trav608)

Post #: 6

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 3:02:24 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

On the Collar me side you should think about maybe posting a picture that hides your face then at least the can see the good looks you are proud of.

Beyond that put in your profile EXACTLY what you want and what you are looking for in a partner and what your partner would be getting in you.

And then just start reviewing Profiles in your area as well as surrounding areas and if you like thier profile stop by and say Hi and tell them why in a reply.

I think you could find a person who suites your desires.

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
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(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 7

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 3:07:28 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

My advice. Don't post a penis picture. It puts alot of people off.

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 8

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 3:35:06 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

And he speaks from experience.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 9

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 3:39:05 PM

trav608

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/5/2008
From: Upstate South Carolina
Status: offline

Thanks for all the fast responces, It's not that I am proud of my looks - it's just that I'm not the comic book store guy from the Simpsons either - and thanks all for the advice - I will work on my profile and see what happens - thanks for the warm reception

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 10

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 4:31:32 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

My advice. Don't post a penis picture. It puts alot of people off.

CD

I find I have mood swings on this one. Some days I need a face pic another day I prefer a cock shot.
getting both I like well kerchung!! stability

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 11

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 5:11:05 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

Although you may have luck on collarme, I also suggest you join some vanilla dating sites. None of the activities you suggest seem to be that kinky, and on non-kinky sites, the female-to-male ration is a lot more even (here on collarme, I imagine women are outnumbered at least two to one, possible much more). You could just add a little bit on the profile that you like getting a little wild. ^_^ Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 12

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 5:12:58 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trav608

I have lurked here for a while, just joined – I am a reasonably fit and attractive 40 year old (so I have been told) – a bit shy about posting a pic yet but will work on it. Recently divorced, and I would like my next relationship to have this aspect to it as well. I listed myself as a switch – my experience has mostly been a spankee to a reluctant spanker, and she was rarely interested in getting. I’m not interested in being a slave or having one, I want to have an apparently vanilla life with the occasional spanking involved, and open to new things behind closed doors. Am I at the right place? Do people meet and find a new friend here, possibly more? - Thanks for any advice

Lots of P/pl on CollarMe seem to have a spanking kink...s'times it's T/their only kink. Yr in the right place, and i wish You well in Yr search.

pinksugarsub

_____________________________

(in reply to trav608)

Post #: 13

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 5:16:54 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

My advice. Don't post a penis picture. It puts alot of people off.

CD

I would agree with this - I have to say, as a female that has seen more penis' than average, that it isn't the finest part of a male. Now , give me a good butt shot, and i'm all over it.
I do think penis pictures are off-putting. There is something about an isolated penis that is just sad!

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 14

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 5:19:51 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like a kinkster to me!

Plenty of kinksters hanging about looking for something that isn't necessarily a total power exchange and whatnot.

Just be honest and open about what you are looking for! :D

Good luck

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 15

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 7:05:07 PM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

Of course you are in the right place -but - not having read your profile and just from your post it seems like you possibly like to indulge in some kinky stuff from time to time - or when the urge hits you. There is nothing wrong with that. As long as you are upfront about it - and are not seeking to deceive anyone who may want a relationship with you as a submissive, for example. It is really important that your communication is clear about what you want.
There are also plenty of pro-dommes who satisfy some of those urges fairly well also.

Sincerely,

N

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to Aine)

Post #: 16

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 8:05:39 PM

opensoul

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline

I have been reading Collarme for over a year, may i suggest, read a few books on Bdsm, to see what may arouse you. I met my Master on a different site and He suggested several books . Then we talked about what i liked, what scared me and we went from there.

Screw the roses, send me the thorns, is good IMHO. This is to the OP

< Message edited by opensoul -- 6/5/2008 8:06:49 PM >

(in reply to MrSpectacular)

Post #: 17

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/5/2008 9:13:06 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

And he speaks from experience.

Steel

Yep. My old profile was "TwoHandsNeeded" and I had 29 marraige proposals and 2 porn movie making offers in 2 days. I killed the profile and now live a life of seclusion and denial . Or was that delusion and senility?

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 18

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/6/2008 3:39:20 AM

ViceVersa

Posts: 137
Joined: 11/29/2005
Status: offline

Hi trav608,

If you haven't already investigated it, you might also see if there's a local group nearby for you to join and meet people. Local groups often have workshops, munches and special interest groups (SIG). For example, we had a local group here that had a very successful Spanking SIG for a number of years. Here are a couple of resources for finding local groups (in addition to googling):

http://domsubfriends.com/a-wwwdir/org.shtml
http://www.fetishscene.com/fetishscene/cgi/main.cgi

Good luck!

Vice

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 19

RE: Advice for a new guy please - 6/6/2008 7:30:31 AM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

lol cock shots. sometimes I like viewing them, other times I don't. However prefer asking for them, a cock shot being sprung on me without notice.....*shudders*

Also, cock shots rarely do much for me, unless there is something rude being done with it. (CBT,and what not.) if even then.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to ViceVersa)

Post #: 20

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