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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/6/2008 2:17:00 PM

RexLongBeach

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quote:

If you lied to your sub/slave, hiding the fact that you were training another sub, knowing it hurt her deeply, would you (as a dominant man or woman) be able to ask her to forgive you or would you just expect her to 'get over it' ?

I could ask her to forgive me. I could expect her to get over it. Wouldn't make much difference, the relationship would be over either way. Heh.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/6/2008 3:00:05 PM

Owner4SexSlave

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I'm very compelled to make another post.   With regards to lies. It's best to deal with this as you would with any other human being. This is not a BDSM issue per se as much as a General issue.

These type of lies will undermine trust and respect in any relationship. Be it friendships, co-worker relationships, family, and deeper inter personal relationships.
The cause and effects are identical.

Now with regards to D/s relationships, some Doms/Masters take the attitude of I can anything I want to.   This is fine within reason.   You still have to understand how you actions will effect others, and be accountable for your own actions.   Your choices and decisions will in fact effect other people.   Just because one is a DOM, does not magically change this fact.

It's pretty clear, that "the Dom" in question, knew ahead of time, what the effects of his actions would be with the submissive.   Sounds more like he attempted to do whatever he pleased but does not want to be held accountable for it.

Now, there are a few details missing in your OP. For instance, has the truth come out about him training another Submissive?   This is an important detail here.

If the truth has not comes out, I suggest the DOM sits down and figures out what he really wants.   He could simply call it off with this second submissive. Clean up his mess and act in private.   I would hope he would reflect upon his actions and learned something from it.

If the DOM wants to continue things on with this second sub in training! I suggests he comes clean with it to the other submissive.   Because clearly, he must be feeling a bit like a lieing bastard. Does nothing for this DOMs self esteem and sense of self worth.

Inform the other submissive about what is going on, that there is another sub in the picture.   Be prepared to take responsibility for the out come of actions. If it really does hurt the other submissive, apologize, don't ask for forgiveness or be let off the hook for doing something wrong.   Taking responsibility includes being prepared for the submissive to pack it on.   Clearly if the submissive wants to pack it in, it will be a difficult choice for her to make.   Nobody wants to give up and walk away from a relationship at a drop of a dime.

There may be a price to this mistake! If you wanna play be prepared to pay for it. If it costs one a relationship because of it, consider it a lesson well learned.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/6/2008 3:05:12 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wet4youruse

I was wondering how true dominants would answer this question:

If you lied to your sub/slave, hiding the fact that you were training another sub, knowing it hurt her deeply, would you (as a dominant man or woman) be able to ask her to forgive you or would you just expect her to 'get over it' ?
(This is not my situation but the question stems from a conversation that I recently had with a Master here on collarme.)

I've had occasion to apologise and even ask forgiveness from my girl for fucking up or making a poor choice etc, but nothing to do with betrayal of trust. Personally, if *anyone* in a relationship hasta lie about a 3rd person, then that relationship is on the way out anyway....

Focus.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/6/2008 3:17:59 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

IMO anyone who would resort to lies in such a situation isn't a damn Dominant at all so wouldn't be IN such a position!

RUBBISH - "Dominants" are still human and are no more or less likely to be lying, cheating arseholes than any other demographic!

One only hasta talk to a fem/sub or spend some time reading the Forums to be aware that there are plenty of "dominants" all too willing to lie, cheat and generally manipulate naive subs, most esp the "new meat".

Ahh Raven, tis good to be back... ;-)

Focus.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/6/2008 3:26:30 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SilentTigresss

How could you still have a relationship then ?

because we would communicate and try to repair the relationship before making any decision to end it. keyword here is communicate ...plus i know Daddy would apologize and ask forgiveness too but it doesn't mean i will accept either and/or both.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/6/2008 5:36:12 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

IMO anyone who would resort to lies in such a situation isn't a damn Dominant at all so wouldn't be IN such a position!

I wouldn't go so far to say that he wasn't a Dominant person... but does appear to have questionable ethics.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/6/2008 5:59:29 PM

BikerDomRealTime

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wet4youruse

I was wondering how true dominants would answer this question:

If you lied to your sub/slave, hiding the fact that you were training another sub, knowing it hurt her deeply, would you (as a dominant man or woman) be able to ask her to forgive you or would you just expect her to 'get over it' ?
(This is not my situation but the question stems from a conversation that I recently had with a Master here on collarme.)

I would not do such a thing without discussing with my sub/slave first and having her being okay with it. I am a pretty much a monogomous person and would only play/train another if my sub/slave was there. But to answer your question, a Dom has to hold himself to the same standards as his sub/slave. He would not expect her to say to him to 'get over it' if she lied to him and was 'training' another Dom. He cannot hold himself to a seperate and lower standard. He should come clean, tell his sub/slave the truth, and then pay the consequences.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/6/2008 10:17:57 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wet4youruse

I was wondering how true dominants would answer this question:

If you lied to your sub/slave, hiding the fact that you were training another sub, knowing it hurt her deeply, would you (as a dominant man or woman) be able to ask her to forgive you or would you just expect her to 'get over it' ?
(This is not my situation but the question stems from a conversation that I recently had with a Master here on collarme.)

This would simply indicate to me that his desires were more paramount to him than our relationship..and the Dominant lying is a simple indication that he knows that his actions are wrong....Tempting

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 2:18:21 AM

MasterFireMaam

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In my world, this question is moot; a good (never mind 'true') Dominant wouldn't lie.

Master Fire

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 3:37:48 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
RUBBISH - "Dominants" are still human and are no more or less likely to be lying, cheating arseholes than any other demographic!

Then Your definition of Dominant is vastly different than Mine. There are many wannabe's out there, many who self-label as such. Ask yourself why someone in that situation would have the need to lie? The only answer is that they haven't got the guts to get what they want honestly. Either by working with the girl they have and bringing her onboard, or if she isn't compatable with what He wants... end it and seek someone who IS compatable. A liar is a coward....a weak fool with no self control or integrity.... THAT to Me is anything but Dominant.... more diminant!

Ah, now thats more like it.... Focus is in the wrong again... the world is as it should be

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 6/7/2008 3:38:44 AM >

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 5:06:01 AM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
RUBBISH - "Dominants" are still human and are no more or less likely to be lying, cheating arseholes than any other demographic!

Then Your definition of Dominant is vastly different than Mine.

Ah, now thats more like it.... Focus is in the wrong again... the world is as it should be

Guess so; 'Focus' being "wrong again" or not, I'm sticking by my post - that Dominants are human....

Lol, too easy!

Focus.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 5:17:37 AM

KatyLied

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There are dominants who lie and cheat. Any time spent around here would make that obvious.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 5:22:35 AM

Aileen1968

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
RUBBISH - "Dominants" are still human and are no more or less likely to be lying, cheating arseholes than any other demographic!

Then Your definition of Dominant is vastly different than Mine. There are many wannabe's out there, many who self-label as such. Ask yourself why someone in that situation would have the need to lie? The only answer is that they haven't got the guts to get what they want honestly. Either by working with the girl they have and bringing her onboard, or if she isn't compatable with what He wants... end it and seek someone who IS compatable. A liar is a coward....a weak fool with no self control or integrity.... THAT to Me is anything but Dominant.... more diminant!

Ah, now thats more like it.... Focus is in the wrong again... the world is as it should be

Being dominant doesn't make anyone a better person just by that label. Someone with sucky morals who views themselves as dominant would just be a dominant with sucky morals.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 7:01:19 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
RUBBISH - "Dominants" are still human and are no more or less likely to be lying, cheating arseholes than any other demographic!

Then Your definition of Dominant is vastly different than Mine.

Ah, now thats more like it.... Focus is in the wrong again... the world is as it should be

Guess so; 'Focus' being "wrong again" or not, I'm sticking by my post - that Dominants are human....

Lol, too easy!

Focus.

Raven,

Focus and you are using the word Dominant in different contexts. You, Raven, are using the word in the context of who "we" are. Focus is using it in a broader context, as in "all/most" who call themselves dominant and are the cause of 2/3 of the posts here, the same ones who think they can beat/guilt/beguile someone into being a better submissive.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 7:17:20 AM

daddysliloneds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wet4youruse

I was wondering how true dominants would answer this question:

If you lied to your sub/slave, hiding the fact that you were training another sub, knowing it hurt her deeply, would you (as a dominant man or woman) be able to ask her to forgive you or would you just expect her to 'get over it' ?
(This is not my situation but the question stems from a conversation that I recently had with a Master here on collarme.)

i measure the value of a person by how well they keep to their word...

someone flat out lying to me, no matter who they are, isn't someone who cares whether or not i plan on forgiving them, so it's a wasted effort, in my opinion.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 7:17:46 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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That would be a breach of trust in our relationship and would be a deal breaker. Being deceitful would not be a forgivable thing.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 8:07:27 AM

IronBear

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One would hope that the honourable course would be taken and admit giving the falsehood in the first place, appologise and if necessarfy offer the opportunity for the lied to sub/slave to leave the relationship if that was how they felt. It takes an honourable action or course to redress in part a dishonourablke action or course in the first part..One would also hope that the Dominant in question also had the moral fortitude to accept the consequences, learn from the mistake and move forward.. Really, one would have no other course in my world if they wanted to maintain honour.

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(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/7/2008 8:08:37 AM >

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 10:23:19 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Raven,

Focus and you are using the word Dominant in different contexts. You, Raven, are using the word in the context of who "we" are. Focus is using it in a broader context, as in "all/most" who call themselves dominant and are the cause of 2/3 of the posts here, the same ones who think they can beat/guilt/beguile someone into being a better submissive.

As I said, His definition is different..... I don't care what someone calls themself.... a lying cheating weasel is no Dominant in My eyes.

They have a right to call themself whatever they want, but I have the right to see them for what they are... if it walks like a duck, has feathers and quacks, I am not going to take any notice of the "I am a Cat" label strung around its neck, apart from to laugh at it.

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 10:29:42 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

They have a right to call themself whatever they want, but I have the right to see them for what they are... if it walks like a duck, has feathers and quacks, I am not going to take any notice of the "I am a Cat" label strung around its neck, apart from to laugh at it.

mmmmmmmm and maybe they are a turkey pretending to be a duck. What you "Think" they are is not necessarily what they are.

Just because I think you are a fake.. doesn't mean you are. any more than you say a person a duck when they call themselves a Cat.

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RE: A question of forgiveness - 6/7/2008 10:34:46 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wet4youruse
I was wondering how true dominants would answer this question:

I don't wear or buy leather, and I enjoy bottoming sometimes, so I am not a true dominant. I also try not to lie -- and I've had plenty of practice apologizing for dumb shit that I've done.

You might have the cart before the horse here. Is it more important to you to have a "dominant" -- or a decent human being?

A lot of malesubs have problems like this -- looking for a walking, talking fetishist, instead of a real woman who is imperfect but kinky as hell.

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