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Service Submissive - 6/6/2008 1:43:03 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I am curious to hear from submissives who spent time being a strictly service submissive (for this post being defined as outside of an sexual/romantic relationship) far enough in their past to have allowed some personal growth and perspective to occur so they can objectively view the experience. I am only interested in real world, same room activities, and so please state the type of intereaction as well if you can.

Things I am particularly interested in:

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?
Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?
What sort of service?
Was there a formal contract and time limit or?
What, if any, rewards were you given?
Was the relationship strictly service or?
What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?

Of course every relationship is unique but I have a few perceptions I am curious to see how valid they are. I have never accepted someone into the service roll but I am considering it. Before I do I want to ensure that I am coming to it from a good place and more importantly that my actions, even in hindsight, have integrity and are constructive for whomever I might allow into a service role to me.

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RE: Service Submissive - 6/6/2008 3:23:53 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?

He did own his own business. It wasn't high profile or anything like that, but he was the man in charge and made a comfortable living.

quote:

Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?

Hmm .. It was what I thought I wanted at the time. I learned from it but I wouldn't exactly call it positive. There were, however, positive end results so I'd go with option C .. it was a growth experience.

quote:

What sort of service?

It was domestic services (cleaning, cooking, doing his books, grocery shopping etc.) and I also served as his target/practice dummy for his sadism which fed my masochism quite nicely.

quote:

Was there a formal contract and time limit or?

No. I'd never heard of anything like that back then so if it existed I didn't know of it and he never mentioned anything along those lines.

quote:

What, if any, rewards were you given?

::chuckles:: I'm sorry for laughing but this question just brings back such memories. Master A pretty much designed everything so that anything I did was always wrong. Okay, I'm probably exaggerating a bit, but getting something right was not a cause for reward (nor would I have thought it should have been.) There were no rewards but there were plenty of punishments.

quote:

Was the relationship strictly service or?

Strictly service. I had no feelings for him other than the respect I automatically gave to any Master. I didn't much care for him as a person (he wasn't very nice to people).

quote:

What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?

The main problem was that we were so incompatible in virtually every area. Being fresh out of the wrapper with a very warped sense of self and holding tight to my preconceived notions of what a Master 'should' be like combined into a perfect formula for disaster. He was exactly what I thought a Master should be ... cold, harsh, cruel and uncaring which was what I (thought?) I needed that back then. The communication was actually adequate but without a stable base of compatibility, turned out to be fairly useless in the grand scheme of things.

I guess, in the end, I would say that each of us would have been better served to really examine what it is that we were looking for which requires reflection (not my strong point back in 1982!), make sure there is room for growth (or that we at least had the ability to recognize that something had been outgrown) and to be able to meld our two parts into a stronger whole. We failed miserably in that area.

I wish you great success in your endeavor, Michael. I think it can be really rewarding if you start with a strong base and build it up slow enough so that each layer is solid before trying to add in another one.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Service Submissive - 6/6/2008 4:00:50 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?

Not particularly, much more the stereotypical loner geek anti establishment type

quote:

Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?

Overall it was positive, definitely growth.
[qutoe]
What sort of service? [/qutoe]
Primarily domestic stuff. The lack of sex and kink in our relationship was due to his illness, not a choice. I lived with them and served them.

quote:

Was there a formal contract and time limit or?

Nope, never done that.

quote:

What, if any, rewards were you given?

Emotional support, friendship, a push in the back sometimes when I needed it

quote:

What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?

The real hard part was his inability to be emotional and deny anyone else's emotions. We were a lot alike in how we fought with eachother which was probably a relief to him.

I think the important aspects here would be to make sure the service they are fulfilled giving is really the sevice you want.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Service Submissive - 6/6/2008 4:25:56 PM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am curious to hear from submissives who spent time being a strictly service submissive (for this post being defined as outside of an sexual/romantic relationship) far enough in their past to have allowed some personal growth and perspective to occur so they can objectively view the experience. I am only interested in real world, same room activities, and so please state the type of intereaction as well if you can.

Things I am particularly interested in:

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?
Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?
What sort of service?
Was there a formal contract and time limit or?
What, if any, rewards were you given?
Was the relationship strictly service or?
What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?

Of course every relationship is unique but I have a few perceptions I am curious to see how valid they are. I have never accepted someone into the service roll but I am considering it. Before I do I want to ensure that I am coming to it from a good place and more importantly that my actions, even in hindsight, have integrity and are constructive for whomever I might allow into a service role to me.

I feel I am in a very similar position. I have had people serve me for the night at events and such and we both received good things from it...but my biggest concern towards a long term relationship is keeping a service sub Busy. On one hand I'm creative like that.. on the other hand how many times can I order them to mop the floor before I'm just plain bored with them.

to answer your questions from a dom's perspective(including what I have gotten from those that served me)

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?
I was usually running an event, so I was quite busy and while I would like to have done it all myself...Delegating is quite often necessary.

Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?
I enjoyed the bond we formed. the Teamwork aspect of it, and I definitely loved the doe-eyed look of respect that I was given when I solved a problem they were having or held them together if they were getting overwhelmed.

What sort of service? various task of running an event.
guest list formulation, decoration, equipment set up, keeping people company.

Was there a formal contract and time limit or?
nothing formal, very little negotiation... "I am producing this event. would you be interested in serving me for the night"
What, if any, rewards were you given?
I view it similar to almost any Team Sport. the rewards were the feeling of belonging to/being a part of something. working together to acheive a goal. the satisfaction of having someone trust your leadership. or the satisfaction of pulling your weight for your leader.

Was the relationship strictly service or?
it was strictly service. we were Friends but relatively new. she was romantically involved with someone but he couldn't make it out that night.

What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?

again I bring back the Team/sport mentality: being a part of something. Knowing that you will not let those involved Down. you are willing to do your very best to pull your weight and make something beautiful happen. Knowing that others can rely on you. its also important for me to remember that everyone has a job to do. I'm not "above" mopping the floors. and my sub is not "below" doing the bills. but when I'm good at math and she isn't...you bet I will be balancing the check book while she grabs the mop. While It is Quite Geeky: I come from the Picard school of leadership " never give an order you wouldn't follow yourself"

there are many more aspects to this but its friday night... and I'm going out:)
Cheers
Skully

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Service Submissive - 6/6/2008 11:40:21 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?

No.

Twice in my life, i have served as an unpaid, live-in, submissive, servant to men, with no kink or sex or romance involved. The first was a divorced father, with full custody of his 2 little ones and he worked the night shift and needed a live-in housekeeper/babysitter.

It lasted about 4 months and ended primarily because conflict between the man and his ex-wife caused too much drama for me to want to deal with.

The 2nd one was an older retired career soldier, with some health issues and a large property in the country, who needed a lot of help with the house, the yard and personal care, although not sexually. In addition to housekeeping and yardwork, i was a companion to him.

It lasted for 2 years and ended because i found a Master who wanted to own me, outright and use me sadistically, as well as domestically.

quote:

Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?

Positive, although the 2nd was more positive than the 1st. Both satisfied my need to be a 24/7 in-home servant. And, the experience showed me just how much i need to be in a full-time servant position, with or without sex, kink, or love. Service, along with being controlled is my #1 need and kink. It's what turns me on.

quote:

What sort of service?

Primarily domestic.

quote:

Was there a formal contract and time limit or?

No. It was an 'at will' arrangement, on both accounts.

quote:

What, if any, rewards were you given?

Free room & board and, nothing more.

quote:

Was the relationship strictly service or?

Yes, although they were both friendly and there was companionship and some affection with the 2nd.

quote:

What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?

If there had been more control exerted over me and if sex and BD/SM had been involved, it would have been more satisfying for me.

But, seeing as i advertised my desire to provide my services, in exchange for free room & board, in 'vanilla' personals, it would have been very unexpected to get anything other than a 'vanilla' situation.

If i wasn't owned, i would again choose to be an unpaid, live-in, servant to someone, somewhere. That way of life gives me more satisfaction than being in a "traditional" relationship. It wouldn't matter if i were serving a man, a couple, a family, or a group. Just so long as i am someone's unpaid servant.

Fortunately, i now have the best of everything. i am owned and under the absolute control of my Master, i am His round-the-clock, live-in servant, and i get the sex, the kink, and the beatings i love. Who could ask for anything more?

joy
Owned servant of Master David

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 6/6/2008 11:52:34 PM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Service Submissive - 6/7/2008 4:44:56 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?
- No, he was an ordinary retired working class person who wanted and needed a submissive to make his life easier.

Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?
- Looking back, I'd have to say the experience was a combination of all three. It ws negative in the sense that I entered into a power based dynamic without fully understanding what I was getting myself into. It was both positive and a growth experience as I learned so much about myself as and I was able to gain first hand experience living a life based upon the d/s concept.

What sort of service?
- Basically I was his personal cook, housekeeper, gardener, cleaning person. Our relationship was based upon me catering to his needs and it was made clear right from the beginning that this was not a romantic relationship but a relationship solely built around the power dynamic of Master/slave.

Was there a formal contract and time limit or?
- No formal contract, yet the one long term goal was that I would eventually get a work permit and permanently relocate to the States.

What, if any, rewards were you given?
- I had a roof over my head, food to eat and an owner who wanted, needed and cared for me almost in the sense a person would take care of a pet.

Was the relationship strictly service or?
- I'd have to say the relationship was about 90% service and 10% sexual

What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?
- Granted there were moments where I questioned my sanity and had a few rough spots with him, The main reason why that dynamic failed was we were not suited for each other enough for it to be successful long term. The overall experience was a great learning experience for myself and for personal growth. It helped define my wants/needs and desires and provided a basis to work from as I search for a Dom who is better suited for me and me for him.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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Post #: 6

RE: Service Submissive - 6/7/2008 7:46:03 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?

they were both high profile and in a leadership position

quote:

Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?

positive

quote:

What sort of service?

house-keeper/nanny

quote:

Was there a formal contract and time limit or?

nope

quote:

What, if any, rewards were you given?

none given; seeing the results of my service was reward in and of itself.

quote:

Was the relationship strictly service or?

strictly service.

quote:

What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?

what made it wonderful was the freedom of my time and in choosing my priorities...

what made it awful was the day i had to step aside due to conflict of personalities...

i loved my service, but i could not make myself love serving the people i came to loathe.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Service Submissive - 6/7/2008 10:28:49 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

this slave has had several experiences with strictly service, outside of a sexual/romantic connotation. the following answers relate to just one of those experiences.

quote:

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?

they were 3 very demanding, unemployed individuals.

quote:

Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?

it was incredibly positive and tremendous growth occurred for everyone involved.

quote:

What sort of service?

domestic duties such as cleaning, cooking, shopping.

basic first aid and evaluation of medical issues, using home remedies when possible, taking them to the doctor if serious.

driving them everywhere, as they were unable to.

educated them in the use of proper English--taught two of them how to read---mathematetics through Algebra and basic geometry, local and national history, nutrition and good manners.

spiritual guide

costume designer and maker

party planner and hostess

talk-therapist

educated them and provided opportunities for them to care for and learn about domesticated and wild animals and basic obedience training for dogs.

social planner/engineer

quote:

Was there a formal contract and time limit or?

no formal contract, but this slave told them repeatedly that once they were 18, they were on their own and this slave would not be serving them anymore, so they better have some plans.

quote:

What, if any, rewards were you given?

joy, pride, affection, love, wisdom and several funky ceramic figures this slave had to be told what they were.

quote:

Was the relationship strictly service or?

No. there was/is a deep and abiding emotional connection as well.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 6/7/2008 10:30:27 AM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Service Submissive - 6/7/2008 10:57:23 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am curious to hear from submissives who spent time being a strictly service submissive (for this post being defined as outside of an sexual/romantic relationship) far enough in their past to have allowed some personal growth and perspective to occur so they can objectively view the experience. I am only interested in real world, same room activities, and so please state the type of intereaction as well if you can.

Things I am particularly interested in:

(1)Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?
(2)Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?
(3)What sort of service?
(4)Was there a formal contract and time limit or?
(5)What, if any, rewards were you given?
(6)Was the relationship strictly service or?
(7)What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?

(1) He was a business owner, he made good money and was prominant in his local community (both vanilla and BDSM), I was never a part of that public life at all and can remember fewer than 10 occassions where i was with him outside his home or a hotel room.
(2)Largely at the time I saw it as very positive. I certainly grew in many ways during my service to him and since leaving I have used those experiencesto continue to grow. Recently however I have started to see other kinds of service and see that any enrichment and growth i experienced was what I created for myself, not what he created for me.
(3) mostly domestic, some clerical, very very rarely he would want sexual service. when he couldn't get it elsewhere he would play with me. i was there to clean the house, sort the bills and fill the freezer. i think the biggest service he wanted was not to have the house empty

(4) no formal contract or time limit, I was at university about 2 hours travel from him, it was understood that if i didn't make the effort to spend at least 1 weekend a month with him then he would find someone else

(5) difficult .. at the time i viewed sex and play with him as the reward, as the dynamic of our relationship changed sex and play became the punishment rather than the reward ...

(6)from his perspective it was strictly service based, i doubt he ever had affectionate or romantic feelings for me ... i did have those feelings for him , and ended up breaking my heart over him.. he called me owned .. but never collared me, he called me slave but never Mastered me. He took little or no interest in my life and made no move to enrich it. He did make some (as i see them now) perfunctory steps to extend Dominance into the time i was away from him.

(7) I would say that nothing about *that* relationship would be good to universalise. I dont think I can have an exclusive relationship with someone based purely on service, and even if I could I wouldn't want to. I dont want to be in service if I can't also give love, and care and affection, and participate in play, and have sex, and go to the movies, and the supermarket. That said there are many people who *dont* want those things, or don't want them from you ... check you are considering someone like that.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Service Submissive - 6/7/2008 9:22:14 PM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

I served a gay Master quite happily for six months. (The only reason I mention he was gay is to show that there was no chance of anything sexual happening) As well as being Master he was my bestfriend and if he was straight more then likely we would have ended up married. I cooked and cleaned and did what ever he requied me too, we played and scened together and enjoyed each others company.

I didn't need rewards as the reward was in the service itself.

Willow

(in reply to softness)

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RE: Service Submissive - 6/8/2008 12:20:42 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Going down your list, I'll acknowledge that I've been a service submissive in a few relationships. I'll keep my answers geared to one in particular, for the most part. I served a woman as her service submissive for three years before she decided to make me her personal slave, so I'll talk about that first three years.

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?
She was not a person in leadership, but she was a well-known professional dominant. I met her through the place where she worked (she was the owner), even though I had not been one of her clients. She took me on as a service submissive with the recommendation of one of hte women who worked for her.

Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?
The experience was very positive. I learned a lot about both service and myself during this time.

What sort of service?
The service started out as mainly cleaning. All sorts of cleaning. Way too much cleaning. Did I mention cleaning? Anyway, slowly it branched off into other things, like going places to pick things up, and then it slowly (over years) evolved into personal service, like preparing things for her (like her bath, her food, doing dishes, that sort of thing). Sometimes, I would escort one of the female employees to the BART station, or drive them home, or escort them to a function when they needed a last minute date.

Was there a formal contract and time limit or?
A formal contract did not occur until I became her personal slave. Then it was a signed contract for a year at a time.

What, if any, rewards were you given?
In the beginning, my rewards were mainly more access to her life. A year or so in, she started taking me with her when she went to exercise, so I became more of her companion than her personal servant. We talked for hours on any subject (she liked to speak on pretty much anything and was brilliantly intelligent). When I became her personal slave, well, things became a lot more intimate. During the service relationship, things did sometimes become more intimate, but that was mainly because she was a very intimate, sensual person, and the more she trusted me, the more she allowed me access to her life.

What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?
There were many mistakes made during the course of this relationship, many of which I learned by just experiencing them. Unfortunately, I'm not really comfortable talking about them, as I believe such circumstances are necessary for someone to experience so that they become part of one's understanding.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Service Submissive - 6/9/2008 12:16:08 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

this slave served a woman who referred to this slave as a "volunteer", but "service submissive" works just as well.

quote:

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?

she ran the summer program at the local elementary/jr. high.

quote:

Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?

positive and one of growth

quote:

What sort of service?

pick up/sort/put away supplies
organize supply closet
supervise and referree indoor/outdoor coordinated activities and free playtime
tutor for art projects, mathematics, english
clean up after projects
general maintenace of the space we used, bathrooms, etc.
probelm solver
anything else she needed done

quote:

Was there a formal contract and time limit or?

no formal contract, it was a program just for summer. this slave served for three summers.

quote:

What, if any, rewards were you given?

appreciation

quote:

Was the relationship strictly service or?

strictly service

quote:

What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?

it was wonderful for this slave just to serve. she was single and had lots of free time. it was wonderful to show up at the agreed upon time and perform whatever tasks or duties she had in mind for the day. there was no romantic or sexual involvement whatsoever.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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Post #: 12

RE: Service Submissive - 6/9/2008 8:25:21 PM

michaels4ever

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am curious to hear from submissives who spent time being a strictly service submissive (for this post being defined as outside of an sexual/romantic relationship) far enough in their past to have allowed some personal growth and perspective to occur so they can objectively view the experience. I am only interested in real world, same room activities, and so please state the type of intereaction as well if you can.

Things I am particularly interested in:

Was the service to someone in a leadership position, a high profile person, or?

No, just a regular guy with a regular job.

quote:

Was the experience positive, negative, or simply one of growth?

Overall it was positive and definately one of growth

quote:

What sort of service?

household duties, including cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, childcare,
valet service, massage, personal assistant-took care of home office, organized bills, paperwork, kept up with medical needs including medication, etc.
limited sexual service (no intercourse) and we engaged in some wicked S/M together both at home and at public events, i cared for the leathers and the toys, packed for trips away from home, etc.

quote:

Was there a formal contract and time limit or?

There was a written agreeemnt of understanding between him, his collared submissive and myself

quote:

What, if any, rewards were you given?

I am not sure if you mean concrete rewards, but the better my service, the more attention i received generally speaking

quote:

Was the relationship strictly service or?

we were and remain very close friends, there was love between us, although during the time that we lived togther (2 years) he was not in love with me, as those feelings were reserved for his collared. I would not say it was strictly service, as we had a deep emotional bond as well.

quote:

What made it wonderful or awful and what could have been improved that might have universal, or at least more broad, application?

What was wonderful was that he was an excellent teacher and empath. He was very intune with my needs and for the most part that they were met, although some of my desires were not. It was a wonderful poly family that offered our ums lots of love and attention from all adults. I learned a great deal during this period of my life. We had our moments as all families do but I wouldn't call anything about it awful. Lots could have been improved looking back, but honestly I feel that things happened the way they did for specific reasons and therefore I have no regrets.

quote:

Of course every relationship is unique but I have a few perceptions I am curious to see how valid they are. I have never accepted someone into the service roll but I am considering it. Before I do I want to ensure that I am coming to it from a good place and more importantly that my actions, even in hindsight, have integrity and are constructive for whomever I might allow into a service role to me.

I would just offer that many service submissives I have known over the years eventually have fallen in love with their Dominant, therefore I would just be aware and make sure that communication lines stay open between all involved.

Good Luck Sir,
-michael's

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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Post #: 13