Collaring/Switcher revisited

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Collaring/Switcher revisited - 10/28/2005 10:41:12 PM

Morgaine289

Posts: 57
Joined: 7/1/2005
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This is a text i wrote for a maling list.

Collaring is indeed a interesting topic for me.

I am as my nearly 93% dominant husband likes to label it "the only living switch". Yes, this is a joke and it is not a joke.

I always felt very much at home, here on this list, where ( I do not know the current situation) for years and years gathered the more Tpe orientated people. This as a switch should be not the ideal enviroment, because we per se are defined as people who are (not play, not assume) on both sides of the fence. It was to my utter astonishment as i noticed that there are people out there in the universe of BDSM who are only onesided, because my being a switch dates back to at least being 6 years old, leading the one of the two children village gangs. Naturally we hunted some of the other gang down and bound them on trees and i was the one to decide what will happen to the bound one, but on the other hand
in predominantly male childrengangs, you only stay leader when you are able to fight everybody else down and can endure some pain. And so on a bitter day the other gang hunted me down and i was bound to a tree.

I cherished both experiences.

As i tend to respect the value and meaning people see in collars, it is impossible for me to accept one or to give it to somebody, bc as a switch, i always belong firstly to me and i am owned only by me.

Added

However the relationships i take up are nowadays always for the long run and structured as the relationships of the onesided people.

So what is your take on that topic? Have somebody accepted a collar from a switch? If you are a switch, could you take a collar and live up to the expectations of the collarer?

And what is the Attitude of the Onesider (the majority i think?)? of our community?

YiS (Yours in Shibari)

ZD

_____________________________

Der Pinsel ist das Schwert
des Geistes

das die Weite des Papieres füllt.

DragonOfTheDawn / 19/07/2003

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RE: Collaring/Switcher revisited - 10/29/2005 3:35:58 AM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
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I am what is called in this lifestyle, a switch, though im not keen on any labels as they kinda predetermine accepted levels of functioning.

But i met and fell in love with my partner, who is purely D. I accepted his collar, but gave it back last week. I found that i couldnt be 'submissive' all the time, because it was only 'part' of me.
How can a switch, give their 'whole selves' to another that is one sided? its just not possible, coz the one sided person, doesnt require all sides of the switch.

My reason for no longer trying to be a submissive, was i felt constrained by the title submissive. Only allowed to act in a certain way, or phrase things in a certain way. And he was not high on protocol. Was very indulgent of my assertive side, as he particularly wanted a life partner he could converse with, have debates with, someone who would challenge him if he were wrong etc. and not be a doormat.

We are a monogamous couple, he is my lifepartner, we live together, but stepping outside of a D/s dynamic is proving to be a whole new ball game, one that we need to grow into. Some parts of submission, i have no qualms with, most parts really, its just the whole, 'being submissive all the time thang' that i had trouble with.

I am me, i am all of me, i cannot hide a side of me, because it doesnt fit the D/s dynamic any longer.
Being a switch, is like being a bisexual, i find others are not quite sure how to take you, and seek to push you toward what 'their' idea of these roles are. Unless you are, your just not going to 'get it' are you.

I wish, truly wish -i could be one sided for him, but despite the risk of losing him, i would rather be true to myself. I dont want to go play with others so i can top, i just dont want to be submissive all the time, it felt like a cage at times. So i spoke with him, and told him i couldnt continue being his collared submissive and be healthy.
I was not 100% sure i wanted to give the collar back, as it came with so much gain for us both. I feel very lost at the moment without it. But it would be dishonest to me, to him and to us, to put it back on.

pandora's 2 pennorth worth

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RE: Collaring/Switcher revisited - 10/29/2005 9:21:35 AM

Morgaine289

Posts: 57
Joined: 7/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pandoravampire

Being a switch, is like being a bisexual, i find others are not quite sure how to take you, and seek to push you toward what 'their' idea of these roles are. Unless you are, your just not going to 'get it' are you.

Thank you pandoravampire for your interesting words. I have the feeling that we share some experiences. Being in this middle position *in german it is called: between the chairs* of switch/bisexual is to say the least interesting. I wish you and your partner all the best!

Ruth

_____________________________

Der Pinsel ist das Schwert
des Geistes

das die Weite des Papieres füllt.

DragonOfTheDawn / 19/07/2003

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RE: Collaring/Switcher revisited - 10/29/2005 10:19:42 AM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I'm a sadist and a masochist. I'm capable of being fulfilled as the d-type or the s-type in a relationship. And, though I ID as a dyke, I've been in happily long-term relationships with men and with women.

I'm currently in a 24/7 d/s relationship with a non-masochist man to whom I am submissive. That means that I never dominate him, and I never top him.

And it causes absolutely *no* problem with my being a switch.

Being bisexual doesn't mean that one *needs* to be in relationships with both men and women - it means that they are *capable* of, and *fulfilled* by, either. Being a d/s switch is similar - it doesn't necessarily mean that one *needs* to be on both the d and the s sides at the same time. It means that they are *capable* of, and *fulfilled* by, either. It's like saying that both red and purple are your favorite colors - it means that you're happy wearing either, not that you have to wear them both at the same time.

Which means that a monogamous bisexual can have one relationship with a man, and the next relationship with a woman. Or the monogamous switch can have one relationship as the d, and the next relationship as the s.

Of course, a nice fix to all of it is having a poly arrangement, if you're wired that way :)

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RE: Collaring/Switcher revisited - 10/29/2005 2:25:24 PM

Morgaine289

Posts: 57
Joined: 7/1/2005
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Thank you ImpGrrl for your point of view. It is very interesting for me to discover, that you are wired in a total different way than me.

Because i can not live only with one side. Because i need the balance, the power have to fluctuate for me, to osziallate between me and my partner. The pain although have to be given and received. Luckily my husband likes to fight, as long as he is moving the pain i give him feeds his dominance in essence. He only can*t stand pain, when he is passive. This is a problem for us, because i feel rejected when he is not able to give himself over to me, when he is not able to hand himself to me as i am able to surrender to him.

But from time to time he has a day (and i seize them) where he can travel down this road a bit.

Even after 5 years together i am still overwhelmed, to which lenghts he is going out of his love for me. Till we met he never, ever switched, not even a little bit.

_____________________________

Der Pinsel ist das Schwert
des Geistes

das die Weite des Papieres füllt.

DragonOfTheDawn / 19/07/2003

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