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Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 5:49:13 AM   
swtnsparkling


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A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 5:52:12 AM   
Wildfleurs


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From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling


A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?


I'll just say from *my* perspective.

If I fucked up like that, I'd take ANYTHING to get back in his good graces, screw "safewording."

C~

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 5:56:44 AM   
fyreredsub


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Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		no b/c that isnt a script , it isnt a scene-someone got hurt(emotionally,mentally....)
the sub screwed up r/t, and is getting punishment, however, the DOm/me in question shoul;d not be punishing while angry.

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 8:29:20 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		There are lots of good threads on safewords to check out if you do a search for them.

If you use a safeword to mean "this is too much, I don't think I can take this anymore" then it makes sense to use it whenever appropriate.

If you use a safeword to mean "somethings wrong, emergency, stop now" then you use it when appropriate.

In any case, in THIS situation, I don't really care of the person uses a safword or just walks out of the house. A "safeword" is just a way to communicate, it's not some holy high symbol that protects all from harm. The woman obviously doesn't want to be monogamous, or is expressing some frustration in her primary relationship through having an affair. The man is understandable angry about it, but throwing things is never appropriate unless you're at a sports event on the field.

To me this situation has nothing to do with honoring a safeword and everything to do with just being communicating responsible adults.

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 9:01:11 AM   
mnottertail


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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling
A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?


Crossed the line.....
Knowingly and meaningly...
So any situation is worth a safeword........

So, you murder someone and the dom calls the cops......

NO NO NO RED !!!!!!!!!!!

I suppose if the sub said " you know honey, tonight I am going out, have a couple drinks fuck somebody, feel guilty and tell you about it....."
the dom says" Okey Dokey, see you tonight, love....."
Then you got a safeword coming.
Otherwise you are lucky to escape with your life, read the papers......many have not!

Ron

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 9:09:44 AM   
wolfinside


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I believe safe words should always be honored. But I guess I have only considered them being used in the right context.

In the context of something being done to the sub.

In this case, I don't think the safe word would be in the right context.

The dom in this example hadn't laid a hand (or anything else on her) so why should a safe word come up? And it isn't even a bdsm thing in the first place, it is a man being upset about his lover cheating on him.

I never even considered that a safe word could be used improperly, thanks for teaching me something.

What's next, ......... she uses a safe word if her steak isn't cooked to her liking?


Wolf



P.S. Using the safe word in that situation might be justified if on her checklist she stated that her dom having a tantrum is a limit. (and he agreed that he would never cross that line)



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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 10:48:29 AM   
swtnsparkling


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Status: offline 		I know about safewords I do not need to search any thread on them. This was merely a made up senerio to see what kind of responses there would be.
And how others veiw them.

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Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 11:10:01 AM   
Littlepita


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Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think safewords apply at all. Like it's been said, this is r/t and the sub messed up big time. The Dom has every right to be furious. They need to talk and probably re-evaluate the relationship before punishment is given and forgiveness gained.

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 11:53:30 AM   
darkinshadows


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In an argument, should a safe word apply?
Good question. Personally, I would say no.
In the scenario you mentioned, i would say the sub crossed a line that you can't come back from. I would be very surprised to see any Dominant put up with that. That sub would lose a collar, and a dominant without hesitation, whether she/he admitted to the transgression or not. Forgiveness? Yes - but also a realisation that the Dominant has no control over this person whatsoever.

Peace and Love

< Message edited by dark~angel -- 10/29/2005 11:54:05 AM >

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 12:11:04 PM   
wolfinside


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I agree, this wouldn't be about me punishing her, this crosses the line in the relationship arena no matter if it is D/s or not.

It would get her the "boot" out of my life, not a punishment etc. (and in fact a former sub got just that from me for doing this sort of thing)

It was not fun bdsm play, it was extremely hurtful and devestating to be cheated on.



Wolf


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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 12:14:16 PM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling


A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?


Safewords?

I think they left the Ds dynamic the moment the sub choice to stop obeying. Now its just like any other relationship -- messy and its gonna hurt on multiple levels (hurt both of them).

Wow, you know the sex without my permission thing is the one sure fire way to find the door opened and the words "Out of my house" spoken in 100% seriousness. Throwing stuffy, screaming, yelling, I think I'd just be numb and do the above.


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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 12:37:45 PM   
Misstoyou


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Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling


A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?


I think asking if the safe word should be "honored" is a particularly ironic word, under the presented circumstances. I don't think the Dominant would be acting particularly dominant under the circumstances presented, but we are only human. And personally, I can see yelling, throwing stuff (though not at the submissive), and pushing stuff over as a not unexpected response to the situation. If the submissive was getting scared because of the Dominant's response, safewording would be worth a shot, I suppose, but if it didn't work, it also appears the door to leave was still available.

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 1:25:39 PM   
orfunboi


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Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		It doesn't sound like a scene and from her actions, the sub doesn't understand honor anyway.

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 4:31:10 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Forgive my mixup on words. I should of been more careful and not titled this Scene Setup. it was meant more as "What if"

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Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 5:25:57 PM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		Safeword honoured.......no not in this scenario, it has nothing to do with BDSM. I personnaly would have behaved differantly, but probably because I would have been more mad about the fact she didn't call me and ask permission rather than the fact she did a sexual act on another man. I would first find out if she wanted out. If she wanted to stay then I would uncollar her and if she thought she had to work to get the collar the first time she hadn't seen anything yet.

< Message edited by WickedKev -- 10/29/2005 5:27:16 PM >

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can make you commit atrocities.
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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 8:47:17 PM   
Evanesce


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quote:

A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?


In my opinion, this isn't a safeword situation. It's not even a Dom/sub situation. It's one human being deliberately betraying another and then being shocked that that other is hurt and angry over the betrayal.

If it were my sub, the relationship would be over. Screw the safeword AND the tantrum. Out the freakin' door.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/30/2005 12:31:57 AM   
Kasia


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

If it were my sub, the relationship would be over. Screw the safeword AND the tantrum. Out the freakin' door.

Exactly what I feel too. And it goes for any kind of cheating. In the moment I find out someone is cheating on me, the relationship is over, and no safeword can stop me in dismissing someone. Without any tantrums, never do that.

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/30/2005 6:58:30 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia
Exactly what I feel too. And it goes for any kind of cheating. In the moment I find out someone is cheating on me, the relationship is over, and no safeword can stop me in dismissing someone. Without any tantrums, never do that.

I got the impression that the safeword was to end the anger/throwing situation?

How would someone use a safeword to make cheating ok?

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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/30/2005 7:04:42 AM   
krikket


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From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?


Just my opinion, here, but..why should the safe word be "honored" when the relationship had not?

jk


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RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/30/2005 7:05:35 AM   
Kasia


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From: The Coast of Adria
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I got the impression that the safeword was to end the anger/throwing situation?

Was it? But in that case one could use the safeword to stop almost anything that is hard to handle, from having justified anger situation to being rejected and even from having relationship ended.
To me it just sounds ridicolous. If someone messes up punishment should be beared, not safeworded.

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