Dominates with PTSD?

Dominates with PTSD? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety

Message

dommistressmelan -> Dominates with PTSD? (6/7/2008 1:50:11 PM)
I read a lot of posts on here about subs having PTSD and how that comes into D/s play. Are there any dominates out there with PTSD? How does that work in your relationship? Subs how do you handle it when your dominate has a flashback or a trigger comes up? Do you think less of your dominate when this happens?

RumpusParable -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/7/2008 4:00:05 PM)
I've PTSD, it doesn't really effect much in my topping or domination as I don't have or currently desire a live-in sub/slave. I just avoid what play and treatment would bother it, which isn't much at all from the top end of things. I'm semi-lucky in that the things a sub could do to trigger it would be things that, without any PTSD issues, I would not find acceptable as part of the personality of a sub of mine. To other things/people triggering upsets from it, since I don't live with any sub/bottom much of my dealing with that in their presence is avoided... I just don't have them over that day or let them know I need some downtime or private time if we're at an outing -same as with any friend or acquaintance. I'm very private about dealing with such things.

dommistressmelan -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/8/2008 12:30:21 AM)
Thanks for your response, I was curious because it seems to me like more /s's seem to have these problems, but maybe it's because domintates tend to keep these things to themselves.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/8/2008 12:57:33 AM)
RumpusParable, I love your signature line! OP, I have just a touch of PTSD left. I try to always make sure a boy knows well in advance of meeting me, what my triggers are. Some are things that he can mitigate. So just him knowing, can help lessen my outward symptoms. I tell him about the triggers, and my likely responses.

wandersalone -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/8/2008 6:28:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dommistressmelan I read a lot of posts on here about subs having PTSD and how that comes into D/s play. Are there any dominates out there with PTSD? How does that work in your relationship? Subs how do you handle it when your dominate has a flashback or a trigger comes up? Do you think less of your dominate when this happens? Not a dominant however I would imagine that there are just as many D types with PTSD as there are s types. I haven't experienced a dominant experiencing difficulties relating to PTSD during a scene however if they did I would speak with them calmly and slowly, assist them to focus on deep breathing, maybe some mindfulness strategies to bring them back into the moment eg. can you hear my voice, can you feel my touch on your arm (if they are ok with being touched during an episode) etc, and give them time to work through it. I would not feel less of anyone who experienced this. I would hope that a dominant would feel comfortable advising me of any potential triggers/difficulties early on if it is something that they have experienced with any sort of frequency. I would also like them to give me any advice on what helps them when they are having a flashback so I would know how to assist them. Hope this helps.

RumpusParable -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/8/2008 1:23:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dommistressmelan Thanks for your response, I was curious because it seems to me like more /s's seem to have these problems, but maybe it's because domintates tend to keep these things to themselves. Also, just a lot of the things that are PTSD causing or triggering tend to be more of a risk with bottoming or submitting. Not all things, of course, there are a lot that can bother each side. But a good number. Me, I do sub a limited amount and bottom quite a bit. My PTSD issues come into concern MUCH more with that and I avoid play that will trigger me, such things fall under my hard limits. For example, verbal abuse and humiliation play/scenes/dynamics. -I can top/dom all day long on those, but cannot bottom/sub to it. Same with a few types of physical play, too.

dommistressmelan -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/8/2008 8:32:21 PM)
Thanks to everyone who responded. I can see how being a dominate in a scene can keep those triggers at bay. do verbal triggers come into play at all with anyone?

DesFIP -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/9/2008 7:18:12 AM)
If they know what the triggers are, they ought to be communicating this to their partner so the trigger isn't accidentally hit. If the flashbacks are random and frequent, endangering other people, then professional help and treatment should be sought. Same if the sub is the one with the disorder.

jlf1961 -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/11/2008 3:48:15 PM)
Actually, there can be a problem with Doms with PTSD, specifically with the form I suffer from, which is combat related. While it may not be the sub that triggers an episode, the sub may be present when it occurs. And the first person that says if you are on meds and seeing a therapist it wont be a problem better think again. I am in a group with Vietnam vets, and people that good ol' Reagan sent into harm's way. Those of you old enough should remember in 1983 Ronnie sending troops on two peace keeping operations, and then getting bent becuase the Cubans were on Grenada. So, as I said, the sub may not trigger it, but she/he may sure be around when it hits.

dommistressmelan -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/11/2008 6:42:42 PM)
Jlf1961: How does your slave handle it when you trigger? what do you want them to do to bring you back if anything?

jlf1961 -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/11/2008 7:42:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dommistressmelan Jlf1961: How does your slave handle it when you trigger? what do you want them to do to bring you back if anything? At present I am without a slave. I have had a few major upheavals in my life, most of which concerning a loss of a family member. As for bringing me out of it, the only person that had a sure fire way that worked was a slave who actually threw a bucket of cold water on me. Since I presently live in the country, I am relatively free of episodes, although when my neighbor recently got his class two dealer's license and proceeded to cut loose with god knows how many rounds from his new toy, I did suffer a major event. My sister was home and ended up calling my therapist and he called an ambulance. The end point is a two week stay in a mental ward, and not enjoying a minute of it. Now, concerning my neighbor, he is a wannabe, never wore a uniform, worked in security for most of his adult life. My sister went over and informed him that the next time he decides to do something that stupid, she will wait to call my therapist until after I have dealt with the perceived threat. (You have to see my sister in action, without going into detail, she could chill the marrow in the bones of any seasoned combat vet.) Of course, she did not tell him that while I am planning on purchasing fire arms in the future, at present all I have is a crossbow.

BBWnNC72 -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/11/2008 9:05:50 PM)
my Dominant has PTSD, former Special ops, green beret, 82nd airborn, and one other that i can never remember. Was in Haiti during a very bad time. He has told me things that He saw and did that made my want to hide in the closet and i wasn't even there. He does have episodes. When we first got tegether, He was upfront, said He could be difficult, gets detatched. Stays to Himself, basically, just locks Himself away while not at work, till they are over. During that time, He gets hyper sensative, can't stand to be touched, can't stand hearing anyone, can't stand smelling anyone else. He puts on His headphones and listens to music. He is actually going through an episode right now, going on a week now. But with the last few, including this one, He has made an effort to be with me. Although, we have only cuddled. For example, if i stroke His arm, He pulls away. i feel very furtunate that He trusts me during His episodes, that He has let me in that part of Him. Even though, while He has an episode, His visits are short. We do not play bdsm wise or have sex during these times, as He does become detached and wouldn't want to harm me in anyway. i have learned to let Him be, not judge, be very patient. i am very conscience of how i act, what i say, when i am around Him while He is like this. i trust and know He would never harm me while having an episode. And for this, He trusts me and can be around me, which means a lot to me. He can't even stand being around His mother at times like this, so i feel very lucky that He trusts me to this depth. This one was brought on by the meat dept at His work leaving a bucket full of innards out over night and the smell of rotten meat got Him when He went in the next morning. It triggered memories. The last one was he buried my cat for me, the smell of the dead and the earth as He turned it. One of His and His troops duties while in Haiti was to do death patrols every morning, finding the people who died during the night and having to take care of them and then bury them. Yesterday He said something to me that brought me to tears. He told me now that He has private insurance, He wants to try a private therapist. He told me He loves me so much that He wants to be the best He can for me and if that means going through therapy, then He will. As for what He wants me to do, He wants me to be patient, understanding, and just be there. To which, i am honored to do this for Him and it comes easily. He doesn't go to the VA, for anything anymore, doesn't like how they treat the vets. Had tried in the past, didn't like the idea of the VA putting a group of PTSD people together to evaluate and re-hash what caused the PTSD in the first place.

HarleyKitty69 -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/11/2008 9:15:54 PM)
BBW, bless yer heart, I know what you are going thru... My late husband was 82nd and 173rd Airborne and a Nam vet, I know excatly what you are going thru, I been there , done that, My late husband when he had an episode would play his 7 piece drumset to blues for days and days... You also need to know that when you live with someone that has PTSD then eventually you will end up with it too. I lived with my late husband for 10years before he passed away, and I too got diagnosed with having PTSD..... like my late husband used to say.... it just kinda rubs off on you

BBWnNC72 -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/11/2008 9:37:02 PM)
We don't live together, though He does live next door. With one of my UM's still at home and Him taking care of His mother, it just isn't possible at this time. We both think that for now, living apart, but so very close, is the best for both of us and our relationship. One of the things that bothers Him when He is going through this, is that He thinks i am hurting. i am, but i try not to show it. i hurt mainly for Him. i wish He wouldn't tell me sorry so much, because i know He can't help it. i do hope that you have found some sort of peace.

dommistressmelan -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/11/2008 10:47:20 PM)
Thanks to everyone who answered, I got a better response than i was thinking i would honestly

HarleyKitty69 -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/12/2008 5:58:36 PM)
BBW, talking about it helps getting over the episode easier, I have come to my personal conclusion that some of the PTSD is caused by survivor guilt, Well for my late husband it was evident that he was suffering from it. I used to tell him that he had to do what he had to do to stay alive so that me could meet and get married. It usually brought a smile to his face. I also wish my late husband did not share his stories, but on the other hand it showed me the total upmost respect and trust he had in me to share them. There were only two kind of people he would talk about what happen in Nam, his fellow brothers ( soldiers who were in Nam too) and me his wife, caretaker and lover. And all I could do was hold him tight and listen............... Now two years after he past away, and after some seriuos down and out griefing..... well now I have found Master and a little piece.....

DesFIP -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/13/2008 2:14:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jlf1961 And the first person that says if you are on meds and seeing a therapist it wont be a problem better think again. Nobody said that therapy and medication are a cure, unless they're started with the onset of the illness. But they can reduce amount and severity of episodes and that's important.

Isabelah -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/13/2008 2:19:08 PM)
Therapy is a big start to healing. Medication usually are used to help with flashback and anxieties. Anyone who is in the lifestyle should make sure they are doing whatever they can to deal with their triggers.

DesFIP -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/14/2008 7:19:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Isabelah Therapy is a big start to healing. Medication usually are used to help with flashback and anxieties. Anyone who is in the lifestyle should make sure they are doing whatever they can to deal with their triggers. I'd amend this to say that everyone, whether into BDSM or not should make sure they are doing whatever they can to deal with their triggers.

pinksugarsub -> RE: Dominates with PTSD? (6/14/2008 10:51:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dommistressmelan I read a lot of posts on here about subs having PTSD and how that comes into D/s play. Are there any dominates out there with PTSD? How does that work in your relationship? Subs how do you handle it when your dominate has a flashback or a trigger comes up? Do you think less of your dominate when this happens? PTSD is a poorly-understood form of mental illnesss...and the degree to which a sufferer is affected varies. Here's a good link about the illness: http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp So, there's no easy answer to Your question. How a submissive would care for a Dom who suffered from PTSD would vary from one P/person to the next. pinksugarsub

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.0390625