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sbfsubmissive -> 10 Red Flags (Or, "lessons learned from an anonymous Dom") (6/7/2008 4:03:43 PM)
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Good afternoon. I'm posting this experience because it's often therapeutic to write when something bothers me.
I recently encountered a Dom on this site and we communicated via email for several days, exchanging lots of information, including our thoughts on what really constitutes a D/s relationship. Our communication was limited to email, and he refused my invitation to speak on the phone. [red flag no. 1] .
He'd write these lengthy messages to describe just how dominant he is and how much in control he needs to be, yet when he read one of my messages where I must have sounded pretty down (nothing related to him), he invited me to chat via one of the instant messenger mediums.
Out of the blue, he suggested that he could help me with my business with millions of dollars and I kept telling him that I don't want or need help. I never want to be indebted to anyone for my business enterprises. Who in the world makes suggestions like that without even knowing the person? [red flag no. 2].
Early on, I sent a picture (face shot only) thinking that mutual disclosure is good. He didn't reciprocate, which I thought was odd. After our IM chat, he wrote a lengthy message that detailed a horrific experience with a slave he claimed to own for a year. The story goes: he moved in with the slave not knowing that her living conditions were far below his standards. Who travels thousands of miles to move in with a woman without knowing how she lives, and importantly, without having any type of personal interaction with the slave? [red flag nos. 3, 4 and 5].
His lengthy story indicated that he's struggling to get back on his feet because the slave stole all of his money and belongings and then took off, leaving him with nothing. He didn't try to find her, because he says, he didn't know what he'd do to her. Who lets someone get away with this type of theft without notifying the authorities? [red flag no. 6].
Oh, and he finally sent a picture ... so small you couldn't really tell his height, weight, etc. I know a lot of people don't have great pictures, but for me, when separated by many miles, making a good impression is essential.
And, how in the world could he have access to millions to help my business when he's struggling to get back on solid footing for himself? [red flag no. 7]
Well, in my response, I asked if he'd reveal his name to me. Guess what the answer was? The answer was not just "no" but "NO" because, according to him, he needs to know more about me than I need to know about him. Get this -- he doesn't have a CM profile but still sends messages. [red flag nos. 8-10].
Being the wise and cautious submissive I am, I promptly wrote an email explaining the red flags and told him "this situation wont work." It felt good to erase him. My search may or may not continue ... who knows.
As I write this, I'm laughing because it's so ridiculous! [sm=rofl.gif]So, to all potential submissives and slave, use your critical thinking skills when in the early phases of a Dom you don't know. I know it's advice that's given over and over, but this is just a reminder for all of you, and importantly, me!
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