Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Door mats


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Door mats Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Door mats - 6/10/2008 9:11:58 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		This was a post to someone I was attempting to hit with a clue by four but decided to simply hint instead...

Which do you find more impressive, the person who trains a poodle or a lion?

Does a child look at a toddler and laugh at the silly decisions they make? Does a teenager look at a child and think the same thing? Perspective comes with time, faster for some, slower for others.

For you, perspective came much faster than it did for me, you are in a far better place at 32 that I was in. However, I have 10 MORE years of growth than you and perhaps I can see things you don't, Domina has only a couple more years than I but has FAR more wisdom than I.

You can't see it but SOME of those unruly subs owned by someone you think of as a fake/weak dominant are not little poodles that are poorly trained but are instead LIONS who submit not because they must but because they choose to.

So, what do you want to be, a trainer of poodles or a trainer of LIONS?

THAT is the point about doormats, ANYONE can fucking dominant them, do you want to be just the next anyone? I have ZERO interest in that, I want to be the ONLY one who has been able to tame my partner. I haven't turned her into a docile domesticated pet, she is a wild animal, barely restrained but ALIVE with spirit and fire and so "taming" is a relative word here.

The choice is yours...

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Door mats - 6/10/2008 9:28:04 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Michael, does that mean you are saying anyone can fucking dominate me or be my owner?

Lions can be doormats, that doesn't take away from them being lions.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Door mats - 6/10/2008 9:29:50 PM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings,

I remember when SJ and  I were first together making a comment to him about my concern that he would get bored with me since I'm not much of a challenge.  He doesn't have to force me to obey, he doesn't have to do long training sessions with me since I pick up things pretty quickly, there isn't a lot of work involved.  I'm more like the poodle than the lion. 

His response was one I'll never forget.  He told me he didn't want another challenging girl who he constantly had to battle.  He wanted someone who he could explore the depths of submission with and who wanted this as much as he did.

The most important part of this is that we discovered the person who fit with our needs, wants and desires.  Part of the journey is finding out for yourself who and what you are and what you need to be fulfilled.  It's much more important than any label one might use.

well wishes ~ fairer than she


_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Door mats - 6/10/2008 9:34:39 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Michael, does that mean you are saying anyone can fucking dominate me or be my owner?

Lions can be doormats, that doesn't take away from them being lions.


Lionmat?


_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Door mats - 6/10/2008 9:49:19 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Michael, does that mean you are saying anyone can fucking dominate me or be my owner?

Lions can be doormats, that doesn't take away from them being lions.

You are kidding right?  It's the difference between "i'll take whatever I can get b/c I can't get any better" vs "I can have anything I want and this is what I want."

per Michael via telephone:
it's kind of like the difference between and abuse and BDSM.. Women who stay in abusive relationships do so because they feel they don't have a choice.. Whereas, women who know they can have a vanilla relationship if they wanted one but instead choose to be in a BDSM relationship..

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Door mats - 6/10/2008 9:55:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well then Michael isn't talking about a doormat, he's talking about desperation.

A doormat can certainly choose to be a doormat.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Door mats - 6/10/2008 10:02:30 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		For D/s relationship I appreciate anybody who Obeys and serves.  OK, if I use them for a doormat for awhile then use them for something else.  So what...

I do enjoy intelligent doormats that can assert themselves and their thoughts. Basic communication things that are important to me. 

Just because you might view somebody or label them as a doormat does not mean I'm going to be mindless wiping my feet all over them all the time.

But how could I go wrong in owning a doormat, that obeys, serves and is totally committed to the relationship.

I believe the word doormat is overused at times, instead of questioning the character of the submisisve, one perhaps should be questioning the character of the Dom instead.   Basically, if a prospective and a submissive are not a good combination together, it's a bad match.   Why pick on submissives that are willing to give so much of themselves and are willing and wanting to have a TPE relationship. 


(in reply to angelstrands)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Door mats - 6/10/2008 10:45:56 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well then Michael isn't talking about a doormat, he's talking about desperation.

A doormat can certainly choose to be a doormat.


LA, then our definitions are 180 degree apart.  Its like saying there is no difference between a frog and a bird if the bird is sitting on the ground.  The frog can't choose to fly but the bird can choose to sit on the ground.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Door mats - 6/10/2008 11:03:24 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelstrands

Can anyone give a sub advice on 'red flags' that may indicate that he/she is being too much of a doormat and also on Dominants/Masters that might enjoy treating subs in this way?

What's wrong with being a 'doormat'?  Being a doormat doesn't have to be a negative.

doormat
n.

Slang. One who submits meekly to domination or mistreatment by others.

Meekly doesn't mean weakly.

meek
adj.

Showing patience and humility; gentle.

Easily imposed on; submissive.
 
"Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth."
[Matthew 5:5 King James Bible]
 
For your consideration, here is part of a very inspiring essay on the virtue of meekness:


In time of adversity meekness inclines not to revenge, but to gentleness and patience, to pardon personal insults; and in trials allowed by God's providence - to patience and resignation. It helps us to endure difficulties that we encounter in those of different tastes and dispositions. It is an indispensable aid to charity in bearing wrongs patiently, and avoiding bitterness when misunderstood or undervalued. It saves one from answering back quickly with wounding words, that afterwards one wishes had never been said.  In a word, it enables one to endure affronts and injuries in a spirit of mildness dictated by reason enlightened by faith. In all such situations it drives the thought and inclination to revenge out of one's mind and heart, thereby removing a key obstacle to the work of the Holy Spirit in the soul. 

It would be a grave misconception of meekness to confuse it with timidity or cowardice. The modern world may look upon meekness as a weakness, as one afraid to stand up for his rights, as one unwilling to fight back in the face of insult or offense. Yet, on the contrary, as Fr. W. Farrell, O.P. explains, "the meek man is a conqueror; for he has subdued the wildest passion of man, the passion that strikes most suddenly and most devastatingly. This is not the task of the timid person, but rather of a fearless rider of a wild steed he has subdued"
 
Meekness, then, is rooted in spiritual strength, for it requires great spiritual strength to keep the emotion of anger under control; and the very practice of that virtue calls for frequent acts of such strength. Understood properly, the meek are those who are truly strong in the Christian sense, strong with the strength that brings about conquests the fruits of which are eternal. Yet, as we saw in the case of a righteous anger, the meek person will fight back with controlled anger, when his rights or the rights of others are abused.
 
(Source: BLESSED ARE THE MEEK, By Father Paul A. Duffner, O.P. The Rosary Light & Life - Vol 52, No 3, May-June 1999  http://www.pacifier.com/rosary-center.org/ll52n3.htm)
Just as i am not a slave to everyone and anyone, or a masochist to everyone and anyone, neither am i a doormat to everyone and anyone.  But to The One, who i am a doormat for, i am very happy to be there for Him in that capacity.
 
Edited to add:  i just saw this quote and it really struck a chord with me and i feel it deserves repeating. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

I believe the word doormat is overused at times, instead of questioning the character of the submisisve, one perhaps should be questioning the character of the Dom instead.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 6/10/2008 11:13:36 PM >

_____________________________

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

(in reply to angelstrands)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Door mats - 6/11/2008 2:50:12 AM   
MasterGreg43


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
Status: offline 		I agree with kinkypuppy, a doormat is basicly like a robot, she has no mind, we have plenty of wanna be Dom, Master, the take on a sub or slave and dont educate them at all, they use them for what they can, and that sub dont realize that it is so much more to living this Lifestyle then to just saying "yes Master", a true sub is giving ways to learn how to please they Master more and more daily, weekly, she is taught further ways to impress their owner, otherwise she is allow to use her brain and fully enjoy all new experience with that Dominant leader, I seen on this site lots of sub/slave serving year online and off line and never see the many level of submission that is why I post on here and 360 page advice for newbie sub/slave to see and enrich their mind to serve a Master much better and further open that mind for a life time of sevice to any Dom, her joy should be as the months and year roll by she should be able to look back at her beginning and see the amount of learning she has recieve and test them always to be better and better submissive women.

_____________________________

Master Greg
PA Dominant King
Dominant King of Sweet Palace of Pain
Master of Sweet House of Pleasure & Pain

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Door mats - 6/11/2008 4:15:59 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

DesFIP,
 
I would normally agree with you about testing but what Focus is talking about is setting someone up to fail to prove they are worthless but to show them that as long as they try they are doing well is quite different and I could see how that could be empowering as long as they were also allowed to succeed.

Whoa, I said freakin' WHAT????
 
A snippet from earlier in the same post you refer to:
 
Focus:
>> "- do I just set her up to fail or we can both pretend, for eg?  I don't think soooo...!" <<
 
The "test" I did refer to is simply designed to show a submissive who might be hung up on not failing that her definition of "failure" most likely won't be mine - and in my relationships, we'll be using mine!  Yeah, ok clever people, technically the fail test does set her up to fail - but only in the sub's definition of failing, which is entirely the point.
 
SimplyMike, now that I've got that off my chest (lol), perhaps you meant that statement to read:
"I would normally agree with you about testing but what Focus is talking about is setting someone up to fail, not to prove they are worthless but to show them that as long as they try they are doing well.... <snip>"  ?
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Door mats - 6/11/2008 4:32:44 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I normally agree with Focus but personally his testing for trying wouldn't work for me. I'm one of those people who won't try if I don't think it's doable. I do a lot better if it's just explained to me what he's aiming at. I don't do well with testing and tend to look at those who do this with a jaundiced eye. Now if it's a play thing and they both agree to it, great. But I don't like having stuff sprung on me without explanation. I balk and withdraw trust in such situations which is why I said I find this childish, because it is to me.

This is blown waaaay out of proportion....  My "fail test" is more about teaching or training than testing per se'.  I don't do it universally - if it ain't broken, I don't need to fix it, but if I think it is....
 
In my less experienced days, I had a few problems with subs who wouldn't safeword because they rationalised it as failing - and it's hardly uncommon.  So I learnt my lessons from it; a simple "fail test" was one of those lessons, along with being more atuned and observant to her reactions, too....
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Door mats - 6/11/2008 5:03:17 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

quote:

IE, I didn't task her to come up with a colour, I asked her what *she* thought.  And I really don't wanna hear "whatever you (me) think" - that ain't an opinion.  I regard owning my girl as owning all she is and having a right to it.  Somewhere inside is the *independent* opinion of a mature female adult - there are plenty of times I want that, too!


Even so, a true doormat would have an independant  thought if s/he was told to have an independant thought.  I did that with my ex-husband for years.  Besides, if you told a sub to give her opinion, and she turned it back on you, it would be disobedience not doormatence.

Naaaah, reluctance and lack of confidence etc is a long way from disobedience.  The latter tends to have an associated attitude and determination.  And "doormatence", ay?  lol

quote:

quote:

But to expand on that; when a room needs painting, the work involved doesn't vary with the chosen colour.


Sure the work varies with the chosen color.  If you put a light color over a dark color you're going to end up having to paint a whole lot more coats than if you had put another dark color over the original dark color.  Same goes if you try to put a light color over a dark color.  (I used to paint with my dad and my former Master was a house painter and I followed him around alot.)

Not in my experience.  Yellow's a bitch for covering almost any colour but otherwise, I haven't had any grief going over dark colours with light using only the traditional two coats.  Bear in mind that this artiste's sole expertise is the painting of houses, walls and associated trim and cupboards etc, and that most housepaints are relatively thick...

quote:

And, yeah, I know its a hypothetical example.  I was just being ernest.  lol

Yeah, well, cut it out - am typing up a storm in this thread....  lmao

quote:

A thought:  if a doormat s-type didn't have an opinion on something that their d-type couldn't be arsed to have an opinion about, then it would seem that the d-type was just as much without independant thought as the s-type. Wouldn't that make the d-type just as much of a doormat?

Ditto here....  I have no idea what this even means; my head hurts!  And "arsed"?  Isn't it "axxed"?
 
Hmmm, unless you mean.....?
Asking my girl for her opinion doesn't necessarily mean I don't have one to default to.  It's just that, what's *her* opinion = more input.  As if the mighty Focus Uberius could ever be a doormat...!  Pfffft...
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Door mats - 6/11/2008 7:12:04 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
LA, then our definitions are 180 degree apart.  Its like saying there is no difference between a frog and a bird if the bird is sitting on the ground.  The frog can't choose to fly but the bird can choose to sit on the ground.

That my be true- did you read my initial post in this thread?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Door mats - 6/11/2008 7:49:22 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Gee people are so pissy lately.  Focus, you are right, I forgot the "not" before worthless in my post.  I was attempting to defend and clarify what you said.  The rest of the post is pretty clearly on your side but sorry for dropping that one word.

LA

"The people who are most against being "doormats" are often the ones most afraid of it.  There are many who embrace the concept and proudly go to that place in themselves. "

There are many doughnuts who live happy balloons too!  If you want to redefine a word for yourself fine but don't expect the rest of us to go along.  Doormats, can be stepped on and walked over by anyone, not exactly the image most of have of how you lead your life.  We have a poster here on CM who loves to be stepped on and walked all over, one who you rail against, or at least did to you tired of her, doesn't seem like you support her and THAT is MY definition of doormat.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Door mats - 6/11/2008 1:12:07 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Doormats, can be stepped on and walked over by anyone, not exactly the image most of have of how you lead your life.

There's more than one way to look at "doormat".  One is to "submit meekly to domination".  To me, that isn't a negative thing.  And, to me, that isn't the same as allowing yourself to be abused. 
 
The other is submits to the "mistreatment of others", which i do see as a negative.  But, one person's definition of "mistreatment" is another's enjoyable kink. 
 
Being "stepped on" and "walked over" is enjoyable to some and not considered to be abuse or mistreatment.  i, for one, love to lay flat on the floor and have my back walked on.  It's relaxing and helps to ease the tension in my back.  i know that's not what you meant but, it is part of my point that people have different ways of viewing "walked on" and "mistreatment", etc.

doormat (n. )

Slang. One who submits meekly to domination or mistreatment by others.

Meekly doesn't mean weakly.

meek (adj. )

Showing patience and humility; gentle.

Easily imposed on; submissive.

Why would being a doormat to one necessarily mean that someone is a doormat to anyone?  Are Dominants, dominant over anyone?  Are submissives, submissive to anyone?  Are sadists, sadistic to anyone?  Are masochists, masochistic with anyone?
 
Just as i am not a slave to everyone and anyone, or a masochist to everyone and anyone, neither am i a doormat to everyone and anyone.  But to The One, who i am a doormat to, i am very happy to be there for Him in that capacity.  Not anyone.  Just Him.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

_____________________________

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Door mats - 6/11/2008 5:21:36 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think I'm redefining anything- I'm just refusing your projection of what the label MUST entail.

To me you're like some vanilla dude telling me that I must lack self esteem because I crawl on the floor and call myself a dirty slut.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Door mats - 6/12/2008 1:05:36 PM   
selena123


Posts: 62
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline 		some people are really pleased by giving so much of themselves as to appear to be "a doormat" and there are those Doms that love it. I personally enjoy a bit of a challenge so it wouldnt work for me, but there is a lid for every pot.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 38
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Door mats Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078