quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMarmalade1


he thinks that i should incorporate him picking up after me and tidying into our so-called sessions.  that i should use his weaknesses and his sub space to make him clean up around the house, basically that i shouldnt expect him to do anything, that i need to make it part of our play time.

(another way of putting it is: if we get slave X off the street to serve us, he comes to my house and i should tell him what to do.  but with my slave, this flat belongs to both of us, and i think as another person living in this house with me, he should do things automatically. however he wants me to put a collar around his neck and beat him, so he associates it all as part of the session) 

quote:

ORIGINAL: BotanicalMiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMarmalade1


he thinks that i should incorporate him picking up after me and tidying into our so-called sessions.  that i should use his weaknesses and his sub space to make him clean up around the house, basically that i shouldnt expect him to do anything, that i need to make it part of our play time.

(another way of putting it is: if we get slave X off the street to serve us, he comes to my house and i should tell him what to do.  but with my slave, this flat belongs to both of us, and i think as another person living in this house with me, he should do things automatically. however he wants me to put a collar around his neck and beat him, so he associates it all as part of the session) 

I can see where some say that the OP should pick up after herself, form better habits, etc... However, this part of her initial post says to me that isn't what he wants that at all, but rather to that he wants his duties to be incorporated into their D/s dynamic and not just expected of him as the man who shares a home with her. 

quote:

this "issue" began as his alone, and he tried to communicate it to me, but it was hard for me to see it as a serious problem so i for the most part ignored it, which i admit, is my fault.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress

I TOTALLY understand as I have just moved in with my boy (yes for those of you that followed - I've been off the boards for awhile, very busy, and moved in!). Real (vanilla) life takes over and D/s takes a back seat. We don't play nearly as often, but I do believe that the D/s foundation of our relationship has allowed it to be built with more open communication and trust than any other relationship I have ever experienced. When the relationship originally became serious, and therefore more vanilla in many ways, we agreed I would always have the last word. That alone is just not enough some times. I have the last word - tell him something I want, and yet it doesn't happen my way. I have decided that we MUST make time to session - for reward and punishment...but scenes don't have to be an hour long. If he has been really good, I will call him from the other side of the house - tell him to lie down on the ground, put on a new pair of stilettos and walk on him as if he isn't there. Trust me, for a boy with a Trample Fetish, this makes me his dream girls. If I have to repeat myself for something I want or don't feel like I am getting, instead of arguing or getting bitchy, I get out the bitch (my 4 strand leather whip) - he HATES that. It may be only for 5 minutes, he will be getting ready for bed - I don't even have to get dressed up. I just tell him firmly "on your knees" then put cuffs on, tie him to the bed, blindfold him, and whisper in his ear each thing that he did that pissed me off, and does he understand not to do it again - then WHACK! I hated the bickering, and the adjustment after moving in was hard, but since I have remembered our D/s roots, and made a very little bit of time for reward and punishment, things are much smoother and we are both very happy.

My advice for your situation would be to do the same: figure out what chores you want him to normally do as part of the "routine/regular/vanilla" lives. If he doesn't do it - use something he DOESN'T want as a punishment. If he LIKES for you to order him to clean things, then do that every once in a while, just as a reward for doing them without having to be told, or following whatever rules you have set.

Although it may seem like it is impossible to keep up the "roles" all the time, we are who we are. Simply dressing in leather corsets and thigh high boots is not what makes you Dominant. You are always his Mistress, in our out of a scene. You don't have to go all out for a session just to give him reward/punishment BDSM style and remind him of his place. Several others also hit the nail on the head though...with submissive men far outnumbering Dominant women - he really needs to understand how lucky he is. That doesn't mean he shouldn't be able to communicate, but should be careful complaining, and realize NOTHING is perfect, but many men would think what he has is far closer to perfection than they will ever get!

quote:

ORIGINAL: coca
before I end, coca has a question he would like me ask to who ever would like to reply "If you do the house work in your home, how long do you spend doing the various chores (ie cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry, etc)?"

thanks again,
Lady Marmalade and coca

quote:

ORIGINAL:

before I end, coca has a question he would like me ask to who ever would like to reply "If you do the house work in your home, how long do you spend doing the various chores (ie cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry, etc)?"