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RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 12:23:25 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Being released and/or being taken back never happens the same way in any relationship so it's a toss up regarding what might happen here. I'm with LA - I just don't see how this guy was at fault but I am sure there are parts of this story that you have not shared here. If someone questioned my trustworthiness they'd have to have a pretty compelling apology worked up. One that places half the blame at my doorstep would not cut it.

(in reply to JANAAZ1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 1:09:22 PM   
Strongmindbody


Posts: 264
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub03

I havent read any of the replies yet but I just have to say point blank....he's married. No doubt once so ever in my mind, you probably wont believe me but I guarantee you he is. There is only one reason that I have come across why a man wont take you to meet any of his friends or let you know where he lives....because he's married.


Unfortunately, the simplest explanation is most likely the correct one: married, long term girlfriend, or long term lack of commitment to you (based on what you said).

Even assuming this isn't true, however, I would have to agree that it *looks* like you have put demands on your master to make him change. Does not really bode well for the future. And it *looks* like you really need something else out of the relationship - something he might be willing to provide only due to your pressure. And that may also not bode well for the future. No matter what, some of the dynamic between you will be gone.

Just my opinion, but I would look for another relationship that starts out closer to meeting your long term needs. Hard as that seems in the painful fog of separation, this is the perfect time. But by all means, sit down and have a conversation about this. Just don't expect it will happen at his place...

< Message edited by Strongmindbody -- 6/8/2008 1:12:04 PM >

(in reply to Sub03)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 1:43:16 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		If he has chosen to keep you seperate from his personal life  this long then it will likely continue even if he does accept you back ..if this is not what will make you happy then it is time to move on..casting blame is not going to make things better or help make changes 

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(in reply to Strongmindbody)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 1:50:54 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Dear janaaz: Who released you? I think if you look deeply then you released yourself at that point at which you lost trust in him. There is only that one issue here in my opinion. It doesn't matter on one level if he was or wasn't doing what he said he was doing, or if he had a hidden agenda about which you knew nothing or indeed if he was lyiing about where he was living and so on. That is his responsibility.
Thr truth is, and you said it in your own words, you suddenly vented about not being certain about it. At that point you released yourself. At that point you left the dynamic. He may then have used the words and said he released you but you had released yourself from the dynamic already by then. No master can hold a slave against his/her will. You are owbed by your own consent. You can released youraelf by your own consent or he can release you  I agree. but i think you snapped and you were the first to quit.
I haved known more than one domianant say that they have released a girl to save face when all along she left the relationshipfirst. I have been in a relationship with a master and I released myself. He did not feel he had to save face and it was he that reminded me I had been owned by my own consent, that consent was the only real chain that bound me and that he could not keep me against my will and did not want me if I did not want to be his slave.
Now you want back. My opinion is that it will not work to go back unless there are changes. The changes might be required in the way you relate to him AND the circumsyances of where he is living or simply in the way you relate to him. Or it may require the simple common sense solution of being invited to where he now lives. There should be common sense in ownership as well as anything else in my opinion.
I could not and would not trust anyone if I did not know where they lived it is that simple: either in a dynamic or any other relationsip. I have tried it and it was a disaster.


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(in reply to JANAAZ1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 2:02:24 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub03

I havent read any of the replies yet but I just have to say point blank....he's married. No doubt once so ever in my mind, you probably wont believe me but I guarantee you he is. There is only one reason that I have come across why a man wont take you to meet any of his friends or let you know where he lives....because he's married.


ROFL.. .

I've been with my Master now for about 6 years. He never had my address, came to my home, met my friends, children or even extended family for the first two of those years. I wasn't ready and I wasn't about to be pushed into it. Thankfully, he recognized what was going on and didn't jump to the conclusion that I was married. I am definitely NOT married, and haven't been now for 10 years. However, my house is precisely that and no one - I mean NO ONE gets in here unless they're invited. He wasn't invited. And once he was, he's been welcome ever since. But my house, my family, my timeline.. and if people want to think I'm married because of that, then they're welcome to their beliefs. But they'd be wrong.

And in my world, just as my home is mine and open only when I say it is, his information is his to share when he chooses - not before. It took him just as long to let me into his world. Personally, I like the long, drawn out discovery process. I get to see new parts of him all the time as he feels more comfortable to share more and more of his history and his personal life. And he sees more of me in that same way.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 6/8/2008 2:08:28 PM >

(in reply to Sub03)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 3:13:16 PM   
CreativeSadist


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/30/2004
Status: offline 		*nods*

(in reply to mzbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 3:54:50 PM   
MasterGreg43


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
Status: offline 		lil janaaz1 yes a Master can take back a released slave, why not, the slaves I have both have had to leave Me for one reason or another but it is that mature release with a mutural understanding of what you both agree to allowing this release, when Mine was gone that refuse to totally stay out of contact with Me so they understand what they lose and what they have at that time if it was better or worst, so coming back yes u Might eat crow as they say if u indeed was the reason for the release but never give up hope and if u left as friends then the friendship May guide you back to service.

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PA Dominant King
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Master of Sweet House of Pleasure & Pain

(in reply to JANAAZ1)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 4:08:46 PM   
Stusmobile


Posts: 145
Joined: 5/26/2008
From: No fixed abode
Status: offline 		Strictly in reply to the original post .....

The way you have worded that makes it sound very much like a storm in a teacup. I'd be more worried about a minor (to my mind) argument being indicative of deeper problems that he felt the need to release you.

To my mind there is a time when telling someone to go away, reflect and think of their actions and talk to me a day or two later would have been the way to go, thats not being released. A lot of things are easier worked out without the heat of anger and this would for me have been one of them. You seem to have been accepting of his circumstances for some time and if that works for you then so be it ...... but even so he should be explaining why he's not sharing that part of his life, not you digging to find things out. Now if the release is being used as a punishment or a test .... thats low. Within the context of a long term (you said a couple of years) relationship, there is no excuse for using the D/s aspect to "win" an argument that needs openess and honesty.

As far as taking back after a release ..... no, if it has gotten to the point where release has become a real conscious thought then the relationship is in terminal decline for me. The decision to release (unless it's a timed contract) should be taken as thoughtfully as the initial collaring and done with the same respect.


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(in reply to JANAAZ1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 4:57:44 PM   
JANAAZ1


Posts: 43
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline 		He and I have been talking on and off all day today. He knows everything about this post, about my befriending a girl he once trained, all of it. He, himself, wants to see if we can't work some of this out. He has put alot of time into me, and, vice versa. He won't bend on certain issues, and, I understand and respect that. He does, however, agree that we need to sit down and talk and that, yes, he does need to be more open with me about basic issues and that yes, it is time I am allowed to see where he lives, that he is not being secretive with me. That trust is a two way street.  I am grateful that he is open minded enough to realize that walking away, refusing to reopen the door and at least try to work out these key issues could end up being a mistake for both of us. I have learned so much from this man, and, I would like to think he has learned a thing or two from me as well..Life is complicated. We may find that we are are the right path, just at a crossroad right now, we may fimd out that this just isn't gonna work in the end, but, one way or the other, I got the answer to my quesion... NO, "Released" is not a set in stone. Well, it is with certain Masters, but, not all.....LOL

(in reply to MasterGreg43)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 5:13:47 PM   
cluelessslave


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		I wouldn't be interested in a relationship that involved anyone exploding. Never mind the other stuff. Explosions are a hard limit for me. I might play pull my finger but that is as far as I would go.

(in reply to JANAAZ1)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 5:49:58 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

NO, "Released" is not a set in stone. Well, it is with certain Masters, but, not all.....LOL


Okay, that is as clear as mud.

I consider "release" to be exactly what it is.  It would be difficult for me to return to someone who has "released" me.  I'm not into being with people who don't want to be with me.  I'm funny that way.  


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(in reply to JANAAZ1)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 6:29:47 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*notices that the OP stil hasnt addressed whether or not she knows IN REAL LIFE the folks that gave the master such a glowing review*

(if I missed it, forgive me and point me to the post #)

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(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 7:25:51 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Not in my world, no.
 
I'll change anything reasonable I feel I need to-for me.
 
But I won't change my core just to be with someone else.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 8:06:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Greedy- it's fairly clear that being in a daily offline dynamic with someone is very low priority for her, so offline contacts would obviously not be important either.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 8:17:44 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JANAAZ1
I got the answer to my quesion... NO, "Released" is not a set in stone. Well, it is with certain Masters, but, not all.....LOL


I'm confused then as to what was the point of this thread. To kill time and whine about him/the situation until you talked to him? It seems the only answer you wanted, or at least cared about, was the one just from him...so what was the point of bringing this case, or rather, drama out in the open?

I mean, the issue was common sense. Sometimes people get back together, sometimes they don't; it depends on the situation and the people involved. I know some people post things even if it is common sense for pity or other points of view or even just to get validation for a choice they already know is right...but..meh, nevermind.

Someone needs to make a BDSM soap opera, I swear.

(in reply to JANAAZ1)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 9:14:52 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Sure, I can take a slave back if it suits my needs. But understand that whatever she did to cause the problem is still there. In a way, it is telling her that I don’t forgive her, but I’ll use her anyway because I don’t care about the relationship anymore outside of physical play. It could actually be better for her if I don’t take her back.

The often used reason for forgiving is that you understand the person and why it happened. That kind of goes along with only the strong can forgive. Yeah, buddy.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 9:37:56 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		LuckyAlbatross is right, of course, when she says YOU bought into this from the start, what's the deal with you whining and complaining now?
That being said, why on earth would you want to get back with someone who is so closed off from you, emotionally and physically? Enjoy your freedom! And examine your motives in letting yourself get involved with One so unavailable in the first place, or you're doomed to repeat.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 9:56:25 PM   
mztresn0w


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		Relationship end and begin. I released my submissive over 4 years ago. She is now back in my life.  But people can change. So no one knows that the future holds only time will tell. Best of luck . If you two are meant to be then it will happen. You don't need us to tell you what to do only you two can figure out what is best for the both of you.

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(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 10:03:58 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline 		this whole thing sounds lame. sounds like there's a few things you really like about him... him teaching you and stuff...and you want to repay him by continuing to be in a relationship with him when it sounds like the whole package isn't right for you (big way to repay someone. . . sheez!).  Maybe you're invested in a fantasy of how you want it to turn out, rather than how it is actually is... in the here and now.  Elements of a good relationship (like openess, not yelling at each other, and sacrifice) is good, but only if the relationship is healthy and right for you, not if you admire a few things about him.  Is someone really right for you if he hasn't let you into his life for two years?  ...Better be a REAL GOOD excuse. 

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: "Beng Released" - 6/8/2008 10:05:27 PM   
mastervalentine


Posts: 157
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline 		It has been my policy to allow everyone one chance. One trust.

It is no big deal for me to work past small things, a percieved insult from a friend, or a moment of lacking faith from a lover. We all have our weak moments and must find ways to move past them.

But letting someone or something go has always been a one way trip with me. If it has come to that measure, then I do not want to treat it like a game. Never was the type to take up an "on again, off again" anything. I either am, or am not. It is not always easy, but so far... I have found it to be right  for me.

Many would say that we all deserve second chances. I would say that some things are truly best left in the past.

Many paths, friend. May yours bring you happiness.

_____________________________

"If philosophy has taught me any one thing, it is that a rushed action invites disaster." ~MasterValentine

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(in reply to mzbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 40
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