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bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 4:16:33 PM

jim64

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i have been in the same relationship for over 25 years. We have had our ups and downs. We have had lots of kinky sex over the years. Yet, we have only started in this lifestyle in the last year. So many people seem to be poly. Or at least bi . What about us boring non poly, bi, etc. people?????

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 4:21:51 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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What about them?

They're doing the things that fulfill them. You and your spouse are doing what fulfills you. I don't understand what your problem is? If you think there's some hanky code of bi-poly-kink -- think again. There isn't. There are as many ways to do the BDSM tango as there are people doing it. Do what you like and what works for you. Forget the rest.

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 4:25:23 PM

Madame4a

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nahhh.. it just seems that way.. and sometimes people are simply poly or bi on paper...

frankly IRL, I know a ton of wholly monogamous and hetero or strictly homo people...

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 4:41:47 PM

MySweetSubmssive

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(smiling)

And lots of other people look for years for a BDSM partner, and might look enviously at your position. You're fine.

Mss

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 4:45:20 PM

Stusmobile

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Its not you in the BDSM lifestyle, it's the BDSM in your lifestyle.

Find what fits you, enjoy the exploration and journey and don't allow anyone but yourselves to define you or your relationship.

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 4:47:09 PM

MasterFireMaam

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I know plenty of people in real time who are mono. Follow your own bliss.

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 4:52:21 PM

lronitulstahp

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jim64

i have been in the same relationship for over 25 years. We have had our ups and downs. We have had lots of kinky sex over the years. Yet, we have only started in this lifestyle in the last year. So many people seem to be poly. Or at least bi . What about us boring non poly, bi, etc. people?????

Don't worry...there are plenty of us around here. Actually...it's sorta cool having various types of relationship dynamics from which to choose. A kink buffet for every taste

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 4:58:36 PM

Celeres

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quote:

i have been in the same relationship for over 25 years. We have had our ups and downs. We have had lots of kinky sex over the years. Yet, we have only started in this lifestyle in the last year. So many people seem to be poly. Or at least bi . What about us boring non poly, bi, etc. people?????

There are a lot of foot fetishists out there, and people who love the cleansing of a golden shower... these might not be for you and so, who cares that some are Poly and you aren't?

I agree with the consensus here: do what makes you two feel good. BDSM isn't a goal, it's simply a forum in which you can explore your personal desires. A medium if you will. =)

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 7:33:34 PM

JohnWarren

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jim64

i have been in the same relationship for over 25 years. We have had our ups and downs. We have had lots of kinky sex over the years. Yet, we have only started in this lifestyle in the last year. So many people seem to be poly. Or at least bi . What about us boring non poly, bi, etc. people?????

It is my opinion that the majority of people in the scene are conventionally monogamous. Where the problem appears is that poly and bi's don't feel the social stigma in the Scene they do in vanilla life. For this reason they are more open and so it seems there are more of them.

I recall when I was in academic life. There was rarely a moment when the faculty club wasn't rife with whispers of who was sleeping with whom. It was a forbidden undercurrent. In the scene, it's just accepted.

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 10:38:51 PM

rubberpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jim64

i have been in the same relationship for over 25 years. We have had our ups and downs. We have had lots of kinky sex over the years. Yet, we have only started in this lifestyle in the last year. So many people seem to be poly. Or at least bi . What about us boring non poly, bi, etc. people?????

While being bi-, poly, and whatever else someone wants to throw into the mix seems to be the popular choices in BDSM, Mistress and I are both straight, completely monogamous, and we have no plans to change that. It's who we are and it makes us happy. I am Her slave, Her boyfriend, Her lover, and wear Her collar...no one else has those honors or distinctions. She is my owner and goddess...no one else has the honor or privilege to call Her Mistress. We don't plan on incorporating anyone else in our relationship except for friendship...no extra dommes, no extra subs. Even though we are 900 miles apart at the moment, we are just as devoted to one another as if we lived in the same house.

I don't believe it makes us boring because we are far from boring...just ask anyone who's seen us together!

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 10:47:52 PM

chickpea

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I think all those years together, you've built up a lot of trust and know each other well. Your play can be so much more intense...especially in a monagamous situation.

I think poly or bi, tends to erode trust and dilute intensity, cuz your attention is diverted and you can get jealous.

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/8/2008 10:52:28 PM

CoasttoCoast

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Joined: 5/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jim64

i have been in the same relationship for over 25 years. We have had our ups and downs. We have had lots of kinky sex over the years. Yet, we have only started in this lifestyle in the last year. So many people seem to be poly. Or at least bi . What about us boring non poly, bi, etc. people?????

Um. Play on?

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/9/2008 6:54:37 AM

jonathan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

What about them?

They're doing the things that fulfill them. You and your spouse are doing what fulfills you. I don't understand what your problem is? If you think there's some hanky code of bi-poly-kink -- think again. There isn't. There are as many ways to do the BDSM tango as there are people doing it. Do what you like and what works for you. Forget the rest.

Quite. Monogamous & het, here.

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RE: bdsm in a monogamist relation - 6/9/2008 7:38:10 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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Dominant, monogamous and het here, but I have experimented with every other orientation...um...quite a lot!! Some mistakes are too good to only make once

But seriously, a lot of people crave the singular devotion of monogamous true love and cannot find it. They have to settle for being one of many sex partners. Be grateful for the good thing you have

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