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sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 12:00:29 AM

controlme54

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/6/2008
Status: offline

i'm sure this has been asked and answered before so my apologies for that. but i am new here and would like advice. i just posted my profile a couple days ago and the response has overwhelmed me. i received a lot of emails, but i'm not interested in casual play and don't know how to narrow it down. some respondents were obviously not a match, but many seemed promising.

i'm not asking for safety advice regarding a first meet. i'm asking how other subs have successfully navigated this and made choices which proved to be successful. and this is sounding like a stupid question even to me. lol.

anyway. if any of the subs here have advice for this situation, please give me a hint. and if any doms would like to add anything, please do.

thanks very much!

Post #: 1

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 12:41:01 AM

SaraZeal

Posts: 144
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

Put details in your profile. It will usually narrow it down to less people. Also state if it's for a long-term relationship. It won't stop them from replying altogether, but you'll get less of those who just want to play a weekend.

Putting interests also helps.

I'm not that experienced myself, but I know I get much less replies since I changed my profile. It was very open-ended before and I'd get 20-something emails a day. I narrowed it down and now I get 3~5 a day maybe.

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 2

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 2:26:37 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Somewhere buried in the text of your profile, add for them to tell you your favority color is blue. If they don't have the word blue in their email, they didn't read your profile. ;-)

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 3

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 3:09:13 AM

shivermetimbers

Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

Having viewed your profile, I'll give my honest impression from a purely male perspective. Many men will view you as an opportunity, a married woman who wants something on the side that her husband can't or won't give her, and they want to be the guy to give it to you. It makes it easier for them, because if they do something you don't like, who are you going to tell?

I hope I don't come across sounding judgemental, because I'm not trying to. Your situation, needs, etc. are unknown to me, but I hope that you can understand that I am pointing out many men see "horny, frustrated, kinky woman, and it's our little secret." That's a lot of temptation for stalker types.

I'd also suggest you do as SaraZeal mentioned, put more detail into what you are looking for, and it will slow down. Saying you are looking for chemistry, and not a particular type will only continue with an avalanche. You might want to think about the open ended sound of that in your profile. An example could be something along the line of your interests. You love art galleries. You could use something like "If you don't know Monet from Picasso, we won't be a fit."

Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded

http://www.thebuccozone.com/piratesong.htm

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 4

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 3:20:27 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Being slave to your email is not how the lifestyle was meant to work! lol Hell, big bad Dom here and I got caught up in that laborious crap when I first found the Net, but I soon learnt to prioritise....

The only one who knows what you like and relate to is *you*. So I'd suggest you treat email from strangers as they treat you. If anyone is rude, demanding or generally obnoxious to you, you don't even owe them a reply and I'd recommend simply blocking and deleting them. Regard your mailbox as your personal property that others need to respect.

Next down the list is the lazy one liners - they're often just "form msgs", copy/pasted to any and all "new meat" they come across. I mean, if they can't make a decent effort, why should you cater to them? Most subs actually put something in their profile stating that one liners etc will be ignored.... Since they're not being overtly rude, I'd suggest you just delete and give them the chance to try harder next time.... lol

As for the rest, that's for you to prioritise. For eg, do you really wanna get caught up with intense emails with someone on the other side of the planet that you're not likely to even meet? Don't get caught up thinking you owe every dom (or whoever) a reply just because they wrote you a few lines. I'd never tolerate my girl spending 2-3 hours a day just answering her mail....

Sincere mail is something I respect and take the time to respond to. And like the above, all I'm really doing is treating those strangers as they've treated me, too....

Welcome to CM.... :-)

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 5

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 3:28:03 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Honestly, so many go through this the first week or so that a new profile appears. Most of the emails will be from those who sit there like a starving wolf, just waiting to pounce on new CM flesh. This is the same for subs and doms. It will slow down considerably very quickly.

Shiver is right, many men will see you as a woman looking for a bit on the side. They think they owe you no effort, and that you will be there on tap, so to speak, at their whim. Which you might be completely into, and that's ok too, but I'm just saying.

Any that are rude, crude and disrespectful can be deleted and blocked. Look out for those who see you as a real human being, and not a set of tits and an arse. There are many wonderul doms here (and subs) but there are a lot of wankers who think that any woman is happy to get an email saying "what size tits ya got" and "send me a pussy shot"

.

Anyhoo, have fun, be careful and good luck!!

Edited because I can't type or spell, lol.

< Message edited by MissMagnolia -- 6/9/2008 3:30:38 AM >

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 6

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 3:32:34 AM

MollyTroubletail

Posts: 44
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

My mentor taught me to ask 2 questions of anyone who really sounded promising:
What makes you believe that you are a dominant man? If you had the opportunity, how would you go about enslaving a submissive woman?

Obviously these questions may not pertain to what you're looking for, so you may want to devise your own. We got a lot of men who said variations of "I don't know, I just am" to the first question, and a lot who said "reward and punishment" to the second. These men were of course disqualified. Once you narrow people down by location, age, interests and whatever else matters to you, it's a big help to ask them such open-ended questions. Their replies will often contain red flags or prompt further conversation on the topics which really matter to you. As a newbie, chances are that you may not even know what to ask them. Predatory types of men will thrive on this naivite and use it against you. Your best bet is to keep educating yourself and possibly using these forums or a good friend in the lifestyle to help you use your screening tools.

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 7

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 3:53:57 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

A cut and paste from a post I wrote elsewhere that you maybe find useful...

Firstly and most importantly.... you maybe a submissive but until you CHOOSE to submit to someone then you owe them NOTHING more than basic politeness. They may call them self a Dom, a Master, A switch or grand high poohbah highlord of the domlyverse and it still doesn't matter, you haven't given consent and they have no RIGHT to make demands of you.

Don't get that confused with someone saying "This is what I expect if this conversation is to continue"... there you are being given a choice, accept or walk away, no drama, no pressure, no games. But if someone tries to force the issue, trys to make demands of you before that point... they don't get it, block/delete/ignore! If they don't understand the whole issue of consent then what else don't they understand?

Also watch for the very typical... "If you where REALLY a sub/slave then you would do X", total bolloxs and a clear indication that the person making that claim had less understanding of the Dynamic that you'd find in most playgrounds!!! submission to specific people is one thing, they have earned your trust, your respect, you feel drawn to serve them, to please them, to obey them.... submission to some random nutjob on the net that you have just met..... OK girl you need to get a grip because you are doormatting and heading into a world of potential misfortune.

On many sites you are likely to be inundated with mail, especially if you happen to be young and good looking.

"Kneel bitch" memo's... see above! No consent, no obligation, they don't understand that... delete!

One liners... Are you looking for someone who either doesn't have the social skills to properly communicate or is too lazy to put in the effort? delete

TXT SPK.... If you are 16 and on Myspace discussing the latest crappy rap tune then TXT SPK might be par for the course.... otherwise it usually indicates immaturity and laziness... delete

Mails that contain nothing about you... no indication they have read your profile or blogs/journals/posts.... likely to be a cut and paste that some lazy muppet has just spammed half the sites subs with. If someone is serious about contacting YOU then they will have read what details you have out there... you will be more than just a random 'hit' on the site, they will be writing because there is some possibility of compatibility.... if not... delete

Distance... have you stated in your profile that you are looking locally? or that you are not open to relocate?.... those outside that area... Delete

Age... have you a stated age range? those that have ignored that and memo'ed anyhow... delete

OK that should have cut down the volume by about 95% at least! Notice I didn't say "mail them with a thanks but no thanks"... I simply say DELETE.... yes when you first start you may feel you are not being polite if you don't give them some reply.... Trust Me, DON'T. Too many will not accept it, will either return with a stream of vitriol or simply try to convince you as to why they are the exception. Remember the first point... it applies here too, you don't OWE them a reply... do you reply to spam mail? If you have been talking with someone and realize that the compatibility isn't there fine, then it would be polite to let them know rather than just stopping replying, but initial mails.... if they are obviously not what you are seeking, better to simply delete them.

Same applies to the remaining 5% or so, if you are not drawn to reply, delete them.

If you get any offensive mails... don't take it to heart, simply block, delete and ignore them. you get trolls all over the net, guess what, yep even on sites like this.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 8

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 4:26:37 AM

cluelessslave

Posts: 29
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

Put a lot of "then don't bother" and "move on to the next ad" and "wannabes, flakes and posers" types of rebukes all over your ad, repeating them to create a hypnotic wall of discouragement. Then after about six paragraphs and the very last thing, say that you only want a peg-leg pirate who drives a BMW and bathes in fresh milk on Thursdays. That should screen out a good half of the replies. Then for the remaining ones, sort through them using a visualization process. Look at their picture and visualize their face contorted in the throes of orgasm. When you stop laughing, go with the one with the most money.

< Message edited by cluelessslave -- 6/9/2008 4:27:02 AM >

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 9

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 9:18:50 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Mmmm MM speaking of showing flesh. To bad I can't do a wolf call. OP most on here bitch about not getting any mail. I actualy got one from a nigeran this morning. How pathetic is that.

(in reply to cluelessslave)

Post #: 10

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 9:51:49 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

TXT SPK.... If you are 16 and on Myspace discussing the latest crappy rap tune then TXT SPK might be par for the course.... otherwise it usually indicates immaturity and laziness... delete

i'll disagree gently with this....

if i'd declined to speak with Daddy because he has crappy spelling and uses shortcuts, then i'd have missed the last year of learning who i am, and what makes me tick, and also being loved so very much. and while i'm moving away, i wouldnt have missed a minute of our times together.

yes, i do see that you said "usually"...and gods i'm normally a grammar nazi and wouldnt have given him a second chance...i'm oh so glad i did, though.

the kitten also known as adoracat...

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 11

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 10:44:28 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

If you can't recognize when someone's words "connect" with what you're searching for then how are a group of strangers going to be able to? Trust your gut instincts.
Figure out what you need, what you can compromise on and then write a profile that expresses it and wait for someone to fit that critieria.

_____________________________

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 12

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 11:54:09 AM

controlme54

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/6/2008
Status: offline

thanks to all of you for your great replies. most have been very helpful. thanks for taking the time.....you're very welcoming here. i like it.

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 13

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 11:59:56 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

i'm asking how other subs have successfully navigated this and made choices which proved to be successful.

this slave had not participated in any sort of BDSM community, message boards, etc. she had no idea what to expect and hadn't asked anyone's advice on how to handle it. she had a brief experience with another BDSM personals site ( not this one) a few weeks prior to that which had resulted in lots of replies, but no real prospects, so this slave opened up her search area and tried another site (not this one).

she filled out the checklist of interesting activities and created a profile, just a simple description and a small paragraph which consisted of what this slave thought to be the most pertinent information. she received 50 replies in the first week.

this slave then turned the profile OFF, sifted through the 50 responses and eliminated 40 for various reasons, narrowing it down to 10 "semifinalists". this was then narrowed down to a top three, after some meditation and prayer. wrote a nice reply back to #1 on the list. we met within 2 weeks for a drive, dinner and drinks. we spent the night together the first night we met. this slave never turned the profile back to ON.

over 5 years later, this slave wouldn't have changed a thing about how she went about successfully finding someone to connect with. we live a life that is incredibly satisfying for both of us.

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 14

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 1:55:19 PM

controlme54

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/6/2008
Status: offline

thanks very much for your advice and congratulations on how it all turned out for you...

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 15

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 3:29:32 PM

controlme54

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/6/2008
Status: offline

thanks for the male perspective. i think you have made some good points.

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 16

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 7:08:28 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

After a bit, it becomes relatively easy to sort out the replies.

First off, set strict filters. I filtered anyone who wasn't from my state, who was older by me then 8 years, who was under a certain height, etc. Just because someone didn't fit those qualifications didn't nessecarily knock them off the list, my Master actually got filtered to my bulk mail.
Also-you don't have to reply to everyone. Although I try and write a reply to anyone who has taken the time to write me something thoughtful and polite, if some idiot troll popped off an e-mail saying, "On UR nees, bitch. I R UR Master now." then he'd just get deleted. If you feel bad not replying to your e-mails, put a note on your profile that you can't reply to everyone, and that people who don't fit your qualifications don't warrant a reply at all.

Next off, dismiss anyone who appears not to have read your profile. I got lots of e-mails from men that they clearly had copy and pasted and sent to dozens of submissive. I had men send me oodles of information, including their size, promises of future punishments to come, even their yearly salary....and they're sending this info out to every submissive in a 200 mile radius.

To be honest, even something as simple as, "Hey, I like mini-golf too." was more likely to catch my attention and warrant a reply than some five-paragraph essay all about the man e-mailing me.

_____________________________

"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 17

RE: sorting through replies to profile - 6/9/2008 9:12:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

A stranger choosing to email you does not suggest an obligation on your part to read or respond. Do you open and respond to all your spam? Every telemarketer?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 18

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