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Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 1:33:44 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Another thread (concerning length of time before knowing where a bdsm partner lives) started me thinking about the concept of the 'honeymoon period'.
In so-called vanilla relationship the honeymoon could be defined as:
1. A holiday or trip taken by a newly married couple.2. An early harmonious period in a relationship

Was there/is there a honeymoon period in your bdsm relationship(s)? If so does it differ for you from that in a non-bdsm context and what marks it out as a honeymoon period for you?  Would you use another term for this period (for example under consideration)?
Fascinating, entertaining and informative to know.......


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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 3:55:42 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		I think you'd find this in any relationship, regardless of whether it's nilla or lifestyle. A relationship is a growing, living thing, always changing. There might be that sweet rush of a new relationship but with time, it grows into a deep intimacy shared between 2 people.

As for personally, let me get back to you. I've only been here 10 days with Lumus...... Though it's going great so far. *winks*


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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 4:05:33 AM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		I didn't see any difference between BDSM and non BDSM.  The honeymoon period for me marked the time when both parties overlooked or ignored issues that were important to work on before going any further with the relationship, because those issues weren't going to be ignored forever.  And of course, those issues would ultimately doom the relationship.  It's that "we're in love, and love conquers all" mentality.  To be honest, there was something so raw and exciting about that stage of vulnerability and defiance to common sense. But having learned from past mistakes, I can now look forward to a honeymoon period that starts further into the relationship, after the commitment is made, not beforehand. 

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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 4:12:47 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		I think in all relationships there is a honeymoon period.   It's new, fun, exciting, fascinating, etc.   Then real life kicks in and you come to understand there is more to the relationship than the fun, excitement and wild rides. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: shivermetimbers

To be honest, there was something so raw and exciting about that stage of vulnerability and defiance to common sense. But having learned from past mistakes, I can now look forward to a honeymoon period that starts further into the relationship, after the commitment is made, not beforehand. 


I very much agree with the above.    As I've gotten older and hopefully wiser, I believe the honeymoon period comes after the committment of a relationship.   It includes all the fun and excitement and vulnerability, but with a lot more.  


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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 4:22:44 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I'm going to side with this being a dynamic for both BDSM and non BDSM relationships.   I'm also going to raise the bar here and apply it to new friendships as well.   Friendships even tend to have a Honeymoon period where everything is all new and excieting.  Same thing with starting a new job.   Think this dynamic can apply on so many levels that it's not funny. 


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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 4:43:01 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i'm in that phase after meeting/dating someone local for a month now. it's been a variety of nonBDSM related fun between us and my girls as well as the kink behind closed doors. so far so good ...and no complaints from him. we're not into that formal text of calling this "under consideration" ...we're just two people enjoying each other's company with a little kink spice.

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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 4:51:26 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRainfire

I think you'd find this in any relationship, regardless of whether it's nilla or lifestyle. A relationship is a growing, living thing, always changing. There might be that sweet rush of a new relationship but with time, it grows into a deep intimacy shared between 2 people.

As for personally, let me get back to you. I've only been here 10 days with Lumus...... Though it's going great so far. *winks*


Oh ten days how lovely..I didn't realise but had seen the pic of you both together and thought it really sweet ........if the honeymoon gets really too raunchy then you can always send me mail....I am a total voyeur pervert.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/9/2008 4:53:28 AM >

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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 5:01:24 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

I'm going to side with this being a dynamic for both BDSM and non BDSM relationships.   I'm also going to raise the bar here and apply it to new friendships as well.   Friendships even tend to have a Honeymoon period where everything is all new and excieting.  Same thing with starting a new job.   Think this dynamic can apply on so many levels that it's not funny. 



I take your point and I am not disagreeing for disagreements sake. I personally think that the friendship honeymoon often works the other way round for me. a friendship can start and there is no 'raw; connection. My friendships are formed with people from all different walks of life. But then overtime what in part defines it as a friendship is that there will be a surprising 'honeymoon' period much later or even years later. What I mean by this is that that person can very often come through, out of the blue, in a surprising way, perhaps someone whom I have felt absolutely no connection with, even a degree of antagonism. Indeed I have a couple of friends I can think of where the rlationship started off as antagonistic but quite suddenly turned to the better. I may have been vulnerable or in need or just needed advice or a shoulder and the have been there for me like a rock.


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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 7:50:26 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

Think this dynamic can apply on so many levels that it's not funny. 


The same dynamic operates with small groups too.  I'v seen it and learned to work with it teaching classes.  Every semester follows the same pattern: first couple weeks, lots of excitement and energy from students; then the middle of the semester hits and its like slogging through mud; then things pick up a bit in the last couple weeks of the semester but on a more serious note.  Its a fascinating cycle. 

People who study/theorize small group dynamics have a anacronym: FSNP (Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing)  In the formation period of a group, energy and excitement are high and everybody likes each other; then the storms start and people discover their conflicts and differences; during the norming period, they learn how to work together.  Only then, can they start performing.  I think the general idea could be used to understand the life cycle of other partnerships, including dyads and triads.

As for my own relationships, I dunno.  I'm pretty much a realist and way too pragmatic for my own good.  I've been on the receiving end of new relationship energy type stuff where I've been idealized.  I hate that 'cause I know when I come down off that pedastal, its going to be a hard fall.  I've learned to keep a low profile at the beginning of a relationship so things can take a more even course (dunno if that makes any sense to anyone else but me).




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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 7:53:48 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think most relationships have a honeymoon phase.  It is heightened by the fact that many people are on their best behavior during the early courtship period.

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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 8:28:11 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Oh ten days how lovely..I didn't realise but had seen the pic of you both together and thought it really sweet ........if the honeymoon gets really too raunchy then you can always send me mail....I am a total voyeur pervert.


*laughs*

Raunchy? With Lumus? I wouldn't call it raunchy but ohhhhhhhh, heavenly works very well. And yes, I moved here to with him permanently - another CM success story. Though we met here on the boards and not on the other side. That's what happens when I swore up and down I wasn't looking for anyone and was very happy as a single.... Now I'm even happier as His.

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to Prinsexx)
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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 9:04:25 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRainfire

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Oh ten days how lovely..I didn't realise but had seen the pic of you both together and thought it really sweet ........if the honeymoon gets really too raunchy then you can always send me mail....I am a total voyeur pervert.


*laughs*

Raunchy? With Lumus? I wouldn't call it raunchy but ohhhhhhhh, heavenly works very well. And yes, I moved here to with him permanently - another CM success story. Though we met here on the boards and not on the other side. That's what happens when I swore up and down I wasn't looking for anyone and was very happy as a single.... Now I'm even happier as His.

Sending blessings 

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/9/2008 9:06:07 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 11:34:51 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Well my Master and I are probably still in the honeymoon period although as I am 33 I am quite comfortable even in the early days of a relationship saying "this doesn't feel right to me" or "that's an aspect I am uncomfortable with" etc. so we have not ignored issues that might otherwise have been big problems further down the line.  We're settling into each other, to the extent that when he asked me the other day what I was smiling about I replied "you smell like home".  It's kimda cool (very big grin)

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RE: Honeymoon - 6/9/2008 2:43:12 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		i believe this is something which happens on several levels, some of them commonly lasting for months, years, or a lifetime.. Because a relationship is a fluid thing, constantly growing and evolving between both or all partners concerned.. And i don't think this differs any between Us and any non-BDSM couple.
Perhaps what is commonly viewed as the honeymoon period ending with most couples is when reality kicks in and with it comes the realisation that a relationship takes an awful lot of work.. So it ceases to be roses.

Having been living 24/7 with my Master for 7 months now, literally since the day we met in real life for the first time.. i guess what most would class as Our honeymoon period lasted the first couple of months as We began to learn each other, and it has slowly faded away with time. This was something i struggled with a little, but then gradually came to terms with, as nothing between Us has particularly changed.. Just the newness wore off thats all.
The Dynamic between Us has never stopped growing. The excitement of a brand new blossoming relationship has been replaced by an understanding of each other that grows deeper with every day, a natural intimacy on a level which i have never been open enough to experience with Another before.

For me there is no honeymoon period.. Just an ever growing, changing & evolving relationship.


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"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

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