Politeness and Ordering around subs

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Shewalksinbeauty -> Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 7:46:41 AM)
So I keep seeing the whole "My domme doesn't ask me to do things, she states it/demands it/requires it" etc popping up a lot in some of the threads here. I'm wondering why dominant ladies would be disinclined to be polite and demand things in less unforgiving terms. I mean, on some level and in some relationships there is probably significance but the recurrence of it seems to be a lot more than I'd think. Especially when you are out in public. Personally, I like to make my demands sound like requests, even when we're completely alone. Does it sound less domineering? Yes. But that doesn't mean that my sub is less inclined to listen. In fact, he's probably more receptive when I'm sweet about it than when I'm demanding just because he knows that I mean business either way.

DominantJenny -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 7:56:41 AM)
I generally phrase things as requests, too. It's a good hint to my guy that he's crossing the line when I stop using the nice voice. (Except in the bedroom...there I don't ask, I tell.) I imagine my parenthetical is probably why a lot of guys like the ordering tone.

mztresn0w -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 7:58:14 AM)
As long as her SAM side isn't making an appearance. I ask her to do things. If her Sam side is coming out then I don't ask. I change my tone and even the way I look at her and demand. She is so cute when she realizes that she has pushed to far and I am going to collect on it. Some complain about the Sam side. But with mine it is part of who she is. So I can enjoy it and know that I will make her regret her actions.

Wickad -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 12:18:20 PM)
(fast reply) Greetings, Interestingly enough ... a lot of submissive guys seem to believe that being 'bitchy' (in tone and action) makes someone a Dominant Woman. Perhaps there are some Dominant women who also think along these lines. For myself, I try to be as polite as possible. I've always thought that if you yelling or being domineering that you have lost control of yourself and thus, for the time being, should not be in control of anyone else. Just my opinion and your mileage may vary. Wickad

Lashra -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 12:43:27 PM)
I request things to be done in a polite way, but he knows they are commands just in a form that I prefer using. Works for me and for him and thats all that matters. ~Lashra

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 1:05:01 PM)
Actually, in my real time experience, I've found that most women are quite polite to their slaves/subs. I am. I find that the "Bitch Goddess" persona is more prevalent in the more fantasy-based places in the lifestyle such as online, in print and in Pro Dom work. I explained right up front, however, that when I say, "Would you get me something to drink, please?" I mean, "Get me something to drink. Now." and I expect it to be acknowledged with a, "Ma'am, yes Ma'am." Just because I want it now doesn't meam I always bark the order. It's against my nature to do such unless I'm starting to get angry. Master Fire

Shawn1066 -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 1:29:32 PM)
My Owner is very polite. I'd be shocked if she didn't say "please" or "thank you" when its appropriate. DV's Fox

Skully7000 -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 1:43:10 PM)
every now and then you see the "bitch goddess" attitude come out when My friends and I are at a club. we all just roll our eyes at the exact same time. Honestly unless it is a specific scene it usually just looks like you don't have control over your sub, or worse, don't have control over yourself. One time the host of the event went up to the woman and said quite clearly "Madame, Either show some decorum at my event or you will be asked to leave" Turned his back on her and walked away. she just stood there with her jaw hanging open while those around were Laughing. While I agree that I don't always have to "ask" there are very few times that I'm Rude...and if I am...it is quite obvious that is the type of play at hand...especially since I'm extra polite to everyone around(it adds to the sub's feeling unworthiness) Cheers Skully

jonathan -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 4:06:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Shewalksinbeauty So I keep seeing the whole "My domme doesn't ask me to do things, she states it/demands it/requires it" etc popping up a lot in some of the threads here. I'm wondering why dominant ladies would be disinclined to be polite and demand things in less unforgiving terms. I mean, on some level and in some relationships there is probably significance but the recurrence of it seems to be a lot more than I'd think. Especially when you are out in public. Personally, I like to make my demands sound like requests, even when we're completely alone. Does it sound less domineering? Yes. But that doesn't mean that my sub is less inclined to listen. In fact, he's probably more receptive when I'm sweet about it than when I'm demanding just because he knows that I mean business either way. Behaving that way is not the least bit "not domineering". It's just You being You. If the Bitch Goddess needs to show up for some reason, then She comes out. i prefer to avoid that, and just get a "boy, I need..." request. And learn habits as best i can and anticipate. For instance, if i know that She always has 2 mugs of tea after breakfast, and the current one is getting old & cold, then, PRESTO, fresh hot/iced tea appears magically. And there is nothing wrong with being quietly severely assertive in public. It usually happens when my attention wanders....... That actually is a turn on for me.

MsStarlett -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 4:18:47 PM)
I'm actually a sweetie. No, really, I am. I prefer to 'bend' a sub to my will rather than 'break' them quickly. Most of them seem to respond much better to requests... It also lets them know when they've done something that displeases me if I change the tone.

MistressSybella -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 5:07:44 PM)
I too am nice. I usually say, "I would really like it if (blank) was taken care of." Or, "It would make me happy to see (blank) done before the day is over." Or sometimes just, "Coffee please," while handing my slave my coffee cup. Heck, sometimes I just hand her my cup without saying a word. I think that is enough. LOL! I am generally fairly easy going. ;) Sometimes, when I am instructing, I will give a firm and direct order. For example, when I was instructing my slave on how I wanted a cabinet redone (things taken out, the cabinet wiped down, and things put back), I did tell her, "If you don't do it the way I want, I WILL make you do it again." You see, I like my foods all facing front, in lines and arranged by what they are. All fruit in one line, all veggies in other, all soups in a third, and so on. But for the most part, I make requests and expect them to be treated as orders. It's during scenes that I give short and crisp orders, mainly for clarity sake. If someone's in subspace, they don't need to try to figure out what you want. ;) Miss 'Bella ServeMeWell

slavekal -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 5:44:13 PM)
I don't mind at all when a Mistress is polite and ladylike. Doesn't make her any less of a queen.

PsyVamp -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 6:14:41 PM)
Most of my demands are requests... There are times when one needs to be firm, but in my house that happens less and less as time goes on. Sometimes my pet gets in a teasing mood and I'm okay with it, if he crosses any lines, or goes to far, he knows because my whole demeanor changes. It is then he'll get an order as opposed to a polite request. Lady Jag

AtlantaMistress -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 6:29:27 PM)
My boy tells me all the time "You are so sweet...but evil". I love the combination , and I actually am very sensual, and somewhat softspoken not harsh and demanding when I ask for what I want. I enjoy the dichotomy...my favorite whip I call "the bitch" - so I don't get bitchy...I just get the bitch out.

Shewalksinbeauty -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 7:08:01 PM)
I appreciate all of the replies to my post. And I agree with you all on most things. You get more with sugar than with vinegar as the saying goes. I just happened to notice the phrasing in a few other threads and it made my mind wander. [:)]

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 7:22:06 PM)
I am polite unless given a reason not to be. I can also identify with MasterFireMaam's answer. Sometimes Dommes are 'expected' to be mean and cruel,yes I can be mean and cruel but I can still be polite while I'm doing it.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 7:25:59 PM)
What Master Fire said. [:D] Part of being a Princess is being gracious.

MissMagnolia -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 7:30:21 PM)
I have had complaints that I am far too nice and polite. I say please and thank you and acknowledge a job well done. Dominants don't need to be rude to be effective. I don't anyway.

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 7:35:36 PM)
I enjoy not having to say please. It's delish. But to be barking at someone all the time would be a lot of heavy energy, very consuming, and would probably make the submissive sad and droopy. And the stern voice would lose it's meaning. There are times when I've made a statement in that tone of voice, to be answered with, "Yes," eyes down, request completed. We know when Mama isn't happy ... Mss

RumpusParable -> RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs (6/9/2008 8:11:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Shewalksinbeauty So I keep seeing the whole "My domme doesn't ask me to do things, she states it/demands it/requires it" etc popping up a lot in some of the threads here. I'm wondering why dominant ladies would be disinclined to be polite and demand things in less unforgiving terms. I mean, on some level and in some relationships there is probably significance but the recurrence of it seems to be a lot more than I'd think. Especially when you are out in public. Personally, I like to make my demands sound like requests, even when we're completely alone. Does it sound less domineering? Yes. But that doesn't mean that my sub is less inclined to listen. In fact, he's probably more receptive when I'm sweet about it than when I'm demanding just because he knows that I mean business either way. For me it varies based on the sub/slave, our dynamic, and/or my mood. Some people inspire that aggressive tell, order, demand manner in me. Some I only express orders as requests with. Most are a mix of the two. I just do what comes naturally in that interaction. The in general answer as to "why dominant ladies would be disinclined to be polite and demand things in less unforgiving terms" is that for some people and some dynamics, that's what is natural and comfortable for them. For others, it itself is their kink play.

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