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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
Men may cheat out of boredom. I dont believe women cheat for the same reason. Women cheat because they are not getting the attention they need from the spouse.

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The Affairs of Men
Phil was on Colbert last night and it was an interesting interview. It appeared as if Phil was saying that men are highly sexed and thus should be excused from their sexual indiscretions.

The article is long, but definitely worth the read, and seems to leave the door open much more to questioning the concept of monogamy and whether we can get past the idea that men having indiscretions is just a part of life and how we should deal with the shame. He even has a whole section on polyamory and quotes from The Ethical Slut.

The Affairs of Men: The Trouble with Sex and Marriage
http://nymag.com/relationships/sex/47055/  One of the interesting comments on the article was this:If it is a betrayal of trust for a man to have sex outside of his marriage, then it just as much a betrayal of trust for a wife to stop having sex on a regular basis with her husband. If you want to be the sole source of sexual gratification, then you have to make sure you fulfill your partner's sexual needs. If there is no food in the house, I will not apologize for going out to eat.
 Thoughts?

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Aren't men supposed to spread their seed across the land?  lol

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ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

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 One of the interesting comments on the article was this:
If it is a betrayal of trust for a man to have sex outside of his marriage, then it just as much a betrayal of trust for a wife to stop having sex on a regular basis with her husband. If you want to be the sole source of sexual gratification, then you have to make sure you fulfill your partner's sexual needs. If there is no food in the house, I will not apologize for going out to eat.

 
Thoughts? 

i absolutely agree with that comment. 

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To those who say "men cheat out of boredom" - you are incorrect.  Men cheat out of a genetic imperative to spread their seed to as many potentially sound child-bearing women as possible.  Women actually cheat for similar reasons; it sometimes comes down to biology when we're dealing with sex.

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ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

But sista...i thought most divorces happen because of financial problems.  Maybe the hubbies are paying too much on hookers...it's a vicious cycle....

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
The Affairs of Men: The Trouble with Sex and Marriage
http://nymag.com/relationships/sex/47055/  One of the interesting comments on the article was this:If it is a betrayal of trust for a man to have sex outside of his marriage, then it just as much a betrayal of trust for a wife to stop having sex on a regular basis with her husband. If you want to be the sole source of sexual gratification, then you have to make sure you fulfill your partner's sexual needs. If there is no food in the house, I will not apologize for going out to eat.

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ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou

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To those who say "men cheat out of boredom" - you are incorrect.  Men cheat out of a genetic imperative to spread their seed to as many potentially sound child-bearing women as possible.  Women actually cheat for similar reasons; it sometimes comes down to biology when we're dealing with sex.

Well what you say would be true if humans operated solely on instincts.  But we don't.  Biology is not the sole driving force for humans anymore.  We have evolved, and it's a simple minded person that excuses away wrongdoing because of our genes. 

We have an instinctual desire to commit violence or retreat when faced with stressful situations.  But we don't excuse away violent behavior or cowardice just because our instincts urge us to act in such a manner.  Our ability to overcome our instincts with our reasoning is what has kept us from going extinct for 40,000 years.  People who don't control their urges are people that are short-sided simpletons who never grew up. 

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ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

It is important that both people's needs are met in every relationship. sexual and non-sexual. However, at least in my far from humble opinion, there is no excuse for cheating based off of that, the comparison used is bullshit, since you can not really compare the life or death need for food with the want for sex, there are very few cases where sex is needed, and you wont die without it.

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A long and supportive marriage may be more valuable than a sexually faithful one, Squire says. “Why does society consider it more moral for you to break up a marriage, go through a divorce, disrupt your children’s lives maybe forever, just to be able to fuck someone with whom the fucking is going to get just as boring as it was with the first person before long?”

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Normally slaveboy, I agree with you.  On the issue of instincts, I am not sure if we agree or not.  I feel that anyone who tries to ignore their instincts or suppress them completely is asking for trouble.  My instincts have saved my life on a number of occassions.  As for my instincts that say I need to spread my genetics, I have no qualms about admitting that they are there.
If you've ever felt desire stirring for a strange woman when you are with your better half, thats biology and instinct.  
My wife and I are poly so I don't have the pressure I once had to "not look."  I remember when I was in previous relationships bring made to feel guilty and being stressed because I found other women attractive.  Guilt and stress have been proven to be killers.  I say acknowledge your instincts, temper them (not suppress) with wisdom, and allow yourself to be who you really are. 
Cheating in my household is lying to your partner about it or breaking agreed upon rules.  As long as I'm honest with my wife, sex is pretty well fair game.  The lack of pressure also made our sex life 1000 times better.

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ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou
No Irish, I am not saying to ignore them completely.  I use my instincts all the time too.  If I have a bad feeling about something, I get the fuck out of Dodge.  If I get a creepy feeling about a person, I lean toward caution and suspicion. 

Yeah of course I lust after women.  I have and still do find many of my friend's wives or girlfriends extremely attractive.  But I don't fuck them or attempt to fuck them.  Loyalty and friendship are more important to me than getting laid.  When I am in a relationship, I look all the time.  I openly admit it, and I expect my lover to do the same.  But if we agree on monogamy, than I expect them to abide by the agreement.  I have NEVER cheated on anyone I have been with.  It's unbelievable how many people think I am lying when I say that.  But I have never done it. 

I don't have anything against poly relationships, as long as that is the agreement between all parties.  It's not my cup of tea; I am an admittedly jealous person.  But if it's what you prefer, you'll hear no judgment from me. 

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ORIGINAL: Real_Trouble


We can argue all we want about our rationality and ability to surpress our instincts, and in some cases it is true, but that doesn't mean we do not have instincts or that we are not motivated by them; believing that humans are some hyper-rational being that can choose to ignore their biology at will is a dangerous world view.