Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (Full Version)

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inkedninja -> Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 5:38:52 PM)

Does anyone have any advice for a beginner dominant as far as finding a sub?  I haven't been in any local scene, and am not quite sure where/how to start.  Obviously I'm going to try and talk to people on this site, but any advice would help.

--Ninja



MadRabbit -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 5:42:15 PM)

I don't have any advice on that, but if your not cheating on your wife, you might want to make that clear before this thread gets to page 2.

Otherwise, everyone will automatically detract to the lowest common denominator and assume that you are.



inkedninja -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 5:47:44 PM)

Good point.  Definately not cheating on my wife.  Open relationship.  Stable.  Sorry for confusion.



GreedyTop -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 6:09:28 PM)

nice ink :)  I don't know where Monroe is, but Seattle has a very active kink scene.  sorry, I don't have any links.. I'msure someone does.  I know theres a club called Wet Spot... I've heard good things about it



BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 6:13:17 PM)

You say you haven't been in the local scene.  Have you checked to see if there is a BDSM community near you somewhere?

Because generally speaking, that would likely provide you with contacts and the chance to get known by those submissives who might be interested in what you are looking for.  And depending on the community, it could also provide you with the chance to attend educational events/demos to help build up your skills in various and assorted play.



inkedninja -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 6:16:38 PM)

Monroe is 35-40 min northeast of seattle.  I dont have time to go down to seattle for the scene.  My wife has been to the wet spot many times before I met her.  Between work and my family(children) the only free time I have seems to be on the computer.  Obviously I'm going to need to make time once I find a submissive.

But for now, no time for seattle, and as far as I know there is no scene locally.  But I will look further into that topic.  And I will definately try to go to the wet spot with my wife when I have time.  Thanks for the input.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 6:27:02 PM)

You don't have time to drive 40 minutes two directions, and stay at an event for two hours, but you have time for a secondary relationship?

I are confused.



inkedninja -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 6:35:38 PM)

So am I.  Still trying to figure it all out.  Its not often I can get a babysitter.



peppermint -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 6:51:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkedninja

So am I.  Still trying to figure it all out.  Its not often I can get a babysitter.


Perhaps you should put your search for a submissive on hold until you can figure out how you will find time to add another person to your life.  When I was searching I had many married men who were interested in me.  However, not one could explain how he would give me time without taking time away from his primary responsibility, his family.  I refused to be the reason why UMs are shortchanged their time with their father. 

If you follow the link in my signature you will find more munch groups in Western WA.  If I remember correctly, there is one in Everett and that should be an easier drive than Seattle. 



Madame4a -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 7:10:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkedninja

So am I.  Still trying to figure it all out.  Its not often I can get a babysitter.


Its a really good idea to have all your figuring done before you impact another person's life that much...

I have a similar experience to peppermint's -- married guys wanting to give me their undying devotion, but they have no clue exactly when that will happen...



inkedninja -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 7:10:59 PM)

I was just thinking the same thing 10 minutes before checking this thread again.  I'm too mentally over-zealous.  Best to withdraw from the hunt until properly prepared.  I definately know that much.

Thanks for the responses all.



Leatherist -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 7:28:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkedninja

I was just thinking the same thing 10 minutes before checking this thread again.  I'm too mentally over-zealous.  Best to withdraw from the hunt until properly prepared.  I definately know that much.

Thanks for the responses all.



Smart man. I wish we had more like you on here.



Lynnxz -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 8:21:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkedninja

I was just thinking the same thing 10 minutes before checking this thread again.  I'm too mentally over-zealous.  Best to withdraw from the hunt until properly prepared.  I definately know that much.

Thanks for the responses all.




O.O

Brilliant!



inkedninja -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 8:44:56 PM)

Oh yea.  Definately don't want to jeopordize my family situation.  I have a good thing going too.



GreedyTop -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/10/2008 11:13:36 PM)

Congrats... you're one of the few newbies most of us have seen here that exhibit common sense ;)   Good luck to you, and I personally hope you'll continue to participate on the forums!

(edited for redundancy)



MasterGreg43 -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/11/2008 2:39:36 AM)

I dont know why come question cant get a simple answer, or why other offer opinion when it is not needed, now as far as finding first sub, this site is good I have found a couple here, but first u would need to create a good profile and be up front explaining being new to the Lifestyle, but I would poll lots of site and get ur self a base to how u would want to teach a sub and the direction she/he would follow serving you or in a poly house such as stilling a wife if she is part of the BDSM scene then u would want to make sure she is comfortable with another sub around pt/ft, what are the role each would play, and also I would join a few other chat groups where u could get further advice on the direction u might want to take while searching or putting self out there to allow submissive women to investigate you, lot of newbie subs enjoy honesty an dont mind a newbie Dom as long as u are always working towards learning more and more espeically about the safety in enjoying the Lifestyle in all areas of it as well.



beargonewild -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/11/2008 6:36:35 AM)

What makes good sense to me is for the OP to actively enlist his spouse in the search for a secondary sub. The end result is the secondary is going to have some sort of interaction whith his wife and with her input, makes more sense for them both to seek one who is compatable with the secondary and avoids any friction and conflict.



OsideGirl -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/11/2008 7:35:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkedninja

Does anyone have any advice for a beginner dominant as far as finding a sub? 
Honestly, it's just going to be something that takes time and patience.

Men out number women in WIITWD 3:1

When it comes to online, I've heard numbers as high as 10:1

Add in the factor of finding someone when you don't live in one of the major metro areas. (Or the fact that you're not willing to go to metro area.)

Next, let's add in the fact that you're inexperienced.  (Yes, that will matter to a large chunk of people.)

And finally add in the factor that whom ever you end up with has to be okay with getting only the 'table scraps" of your time. It's a tough place be when the Dom you're seeing considers you the last priority.

You've narrowed your field considerably and the pool of submissives that fit your situation is small. So, it's just going to take time and patience.




TyrAnasazi -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/11/2008 9:16:59 AM)

Well if you are married, the question would first be if she will be acceptable to you having a sub outside the marrage. Next be patient! If you are looking for quality it takes time. There are as many players that are subs and slaves as Dumbnants. As long as I have been here there has been only one that had a quality affect on the potential of a relationship, but there were barriers at her end. Remember these subs when they hit on line the get bombarded with e-mails from the men here, so what is going to make you stand out from others. Me personally I don't care if they answer or not, but the ones I do write usually say something in their profile that provokes thought.

Next be willing to become a friend. I wonder how the heck can someone collar someone that they don't know that much about. I spoke once of add water and you have a collar. I am totally against that type of BDSM relationship, I guess that is why I don't seek. With the internet there are too many that are "Needy" remember this as well. Get to know your potential as a person before you know them as a sub/slave. This will open the door to success.

Most importiant is KNOW WHAT YOU WANT! Will you settle for anything? I have been on the net now 14 years, and have seen a lot from the old chatrooms now to this type of format. Make sure you get what you are looking for that is compatable with your standards and not that if you are the Dom you mold to her. I laugh anytime I see a Dumbnant submit to someome who stated she was a "sub / slave" there are those out there that are looking for a man, and see you as just another fish to hook.




antipode -> RE: Finding First Submissive(other than my wife) (6/11/2008 9:40:14 AM)

It is probably all going to happen just like your profile - gone.



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