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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 5:36:57 PM

DrkJourney

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Is there an example of this email somewhere? Kind of hard to answer your question without seeing it. Saying it's full of honesty tells me very little. Are you still writing your email to them personally, or it is something like I've gotten a thousand times before; someone will write me an email, I"ll respond, then the second is some generic cut and paste of either his profile, or what should be on his profile. With these there's nothing really to respond "to". And it kind of puts me off that I'm not special enough for them to write to "me", they are just sending a form letter.

As someone else stated, without seeing what you are sending, it's just a bunch of guessing.

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/12/2008 1:20:44 PM

KindLadyGrey

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I have to admit to having done this frequently. I get messaged by boys all the time and I will usually answer the first message out of courtesy, and if they don't interest me I often end up ignoring subsequent messages. It's not that I don't want to say "sorry, not interested," it's that I am usually busy with other things when sitting at my computer and i tell myself that I will say "sorry not interested" later when I am less busy and then I just forget because chatting with random internet strangers isn't really on the top of my priority list.

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/13/2008 12:00:13 AM

shivermetimbers

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I'm just wondering in the second response, are you telling her what you think she wants to hear, or are you actually providing requested information? I did that long ago, telling my whole life story in an email. It's overwhelming. Let her set the pace, she'll ask what she wants to know, or what's important to her. I mean, it's not like a Domme gets a hundred e-mails a day from submissive males.

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/13/2008 5:27:26 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside

I have noticed lately that I will message a Domme of interest and they will respond. Fo the most part I usually try to be respectful and curtious at all times. However when it comes to sending the second message, I'm not sure if I am being to straight forwards or what the deal is. Either way I rarely get a response to a second message. Please help me with this one. I am not trying to scare anyone away, I just want all the details to be known at the beginning. I realize that I am not going to be compatable with every Domme, but why respond to the first message if you don't feel you two are complatable.

When you say you are being straight forward in the second message is that the appropriate time for all that information?

Ideally to me a first message would say "Hi, I saw something you posted on the forum and I was interested in what you said."

I'd say "Thank you blah blah blah."

The second message would be "Would it be possible to talk about your ideas/experience a bit more in email here on Collarme?"

Depending on the nature of the thread and how I busy I am I may agree and then we have a conversation.

Then several message later, someone might say "I think you are really very cool and I'd be interested in learning more about a relationship with you."

If then you receive a "let's talk about that" response that's when you lay out everything about you. Not the second message.

To me, being so "straight forward" in the second message sends the message that you aren't interested in me so much as finding someone to scene with.

Of course, I'm not looking in Collarme or RL for another to add to my household so any such request would get a "thanks but no thanks" response from me right now.

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/14/2008 2:08:36 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside

I am not trying to scare anyone away, I just want all the details to be known at the beginning. I realize that I am not going to be compatable with every Domme, but why respond to the first message if you don't feel you two are complatable.

Is being truthful a bad thing? YES!!!

It can be.

Are you an "over disclosive" personality? Revealing too much too soon without being asked to do so? In a way that makes other - more private - people uncomfortable? I am!!!!!

Do you find people hinting that you need to be more tactful? Discreet? Circumspect? Are you too revealing? Too quick to trust others?

Humans grow intimate by trading their secrets. One person reveals something a bit personal and so the other reciprocates by revealing something equally personal. Then a bit more and so on. Trust builds over time, not instantly.

Bit by bit they become vulnerable to one another and a relationship forms.

Blurting your intimate details upfront is jumping the gun. The other person is probably not ready to match your level of disclosure. And they do not want to know your private business yet.

A Dominant personality will probably also be uneasy that you are trying to dictate the pace of the relationship. A submissive should 'speak when spoken to' ie answer the Domme's questions truthfully, but not waste her time with information she does not want.

There are some things the Domme should know immediately such as whether you are married and where you live. However, for other information try to follow, not lead, the pace of building intimacy.

As pixel says, you should be taking your cues from the Domme.

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/14/2008 3:50:11 AM

SpiderInWaiting

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Sometimes I will respond to the first message even if I am sure that the slave is not what I am looking for. Other times I wont answer even the first message first because my profile states what I will and will not answer to so if I am sent a message by someone who doesn't meet the criteria clearly expressed in my profile I just ignore the message. Other times I wont answer a first message or a second message just because they are too rude or tacky to even get a reply from me. If someone is polite, sincere, and meets the criteria in my profile but appears to be someone that is not compatible then I will send a polite response letting the person know that I am not interested. Being a dominant does not exclude the use of good manners and politeness. I am not sure why you think you might not be truthful or forthcoming because the question seems very vague but the best I can tell you is to be polite, to the point, and direct.

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/14/2008 4:32:26 AM

LadyJeelys

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I think it depends on what you're being "honest" about. I'd rather know up from if a man is married or single (it rather annoys me that I get approached by married men who want when my profile specifically states I'm not interested in marrieds.) But I'd rather not know every detail about "some guy" let some mistress do to him, or every detail about how lonely he is, or every woman he ever dated.

I also don't like the blame thing. Often after one email, guys seem to think they are collared slaves merriting my time because I am a dominant (and I bet it happens to others as well.) I don't know if this is because guys are so excited to get a response or what, but it can be a huge turn off.

Personally, I prefer to get to know a person gradually. Some bits of truth such as marital status, age, gender and one or two Ds interests are helpful. At the same time, I like to get a know a person through normal conversation--not through verbal purging.

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/14/2008 3:31:18 PM

joyinslavery

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Yes, you should ALWAYS lie...

For example, I own a jet, yacht and private island.

Guess I should also mention in the spirit of full disclosure that I commute to work on my bicycle.

Have fun.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 6/14/2008 3:32:39 PM >

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/14/2008 6:25:52 PM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Yes, you should ALWAYS lie...

For example, I own a jet, yacht and private island.

Guess I should also mention in the spirit of full disclosure that I commute to work on my bicycle.

Have fun.

Hey joyinslavery, you may get to enjoy a nice spin on the cranks in the mornings (or would that be a cranky spin on certain days?), but in the spirt of full disclosure, you left out the part about your daily communte home in your chauffeur driven limo while getting a massage from your personal masseuse!

- pixel

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 7/2/2008 9:46:55 PM

LPslittleclip

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telling the truth is not bad but not disclosing things can be. i have often made the mistake of offering more info than requested. this may be the case for you, when responding to the e-mail answer the question give only what was requested as it was explained to me don't act like a excited puppy be respectfully and honest. i hope this helps you in your journey.

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 7/2/2008 9:49:35 PM

Misstoyou

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

... it was explained to me don't act like a excited puppy be respectfully and honest. i hope this helps you in your journey.

Some of us enjoy excited puppies...

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 7/2/2008 10:27:01 PM

SadisticalDomme

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Getting to know someone is a bit like a dance. You take it one step at a time according to the melody of the music.

Perhaps you're overwhelming them with too much information in your second message to them that they may not be ready to learn about you. There are some things that a woman, particularly Dommes, will ask you only when they want to know it. Until then, it's best to follow their signals and take things at the pace they set. If you say too much all at once, you may come across as being needy or as topping from the bottom, pushing your own agenda instead of focusing on learning more about her while allowing her to do the same with you.

It can be a real turn off for many when you unload everything about yourself all at once and don't take the time to allow for the back & forth conversation to naturally occur that allows these things to slowly come out on their own.

- pixel

Well said and I totally agree, and this is probably what is happening, although difficult to surmise without more details.

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 7/3/2008 5:25:57 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

... it was explained to me don't act like a excited puppy be respectfully and honest. i hope this helps you in your journey.

Some of us enjoy excited puppies...

I had to smile at that. Actually, he knows how it makes Me smile to see him get so excited about things that he just can't sit still.

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RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 7/3/2008 7:54:52 AM

MsStarlett

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I normally do respond to every message I get. But sometimes, there is just no responce. If you send "Hi" - That doesn't leave me a whole lot of responding to do.

So many of the messages that I - and I can only assume every other FemDom gets - are either just a nice "You're beautiful" or even a rude "Great Ass". If I find the note complimentary, I answer "Thank you." If I think it's rude, nothing.

I generally tell my boys that they do not have to wait on me to respond if they have something they wish to say - just WRITE! Every now and then I get busy or go out of town. I'll get back to the messages when I can.

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