Underconsideration

Underconsideration (Full Version)

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subeos -> Underconsideration (6/10/2008 9:00:01 PM)
Greetings, i write here because i am confused. i have been on collar me for almost 2 weeks maybe a tad more. i was put under consideration a few days ago. i am finding out now and my Sir has been honest. That he wants a poly situation. i am okay with that. His Sub is only into their relationship for three months. Just found that out last night from him. she and i talk about it on myspace, but it seems difficult. she said she had a concernt that i was straight. i have told her i was bi curious. she said, he and ( she calls him by his first name) her have always talked about if it became poly that it would be with a bisexual women. Being a new little sub (her) she is very needy and i remember being that way as well. But, i am feeling left out and plans that they are making i guess i am just finding out. My question is. Is there a difference bettween a Sub and a slave? Because when she asks me questions i just tell her i will do what Sir wants. she does not seem to get that. Any feedback would be welcomed. slave eos

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Underconsideration (6/10/2008 10:41:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subeos Greetings, i write here because i am confused. i have been on collar me for almost 2 weeks maybe a tad more. i was put under consideration a few days ago. Just to let you know, this isn't a passive thing. You have to agree to it as well. quote: My question is. Is there a difference bettween a Sub and a slave? Because when she asks me questions i just tell her i will do what Sir wants. she does not seem to get that. Any feedback would be welcomed. slave eos Actually it's much more likely you don't get it- you didn't even know he wanted poly until a few days ago. To suggest you're going to be capable of doing whatever he wants immediately is fairly unrealistic. Is there a difference? Depends on what you decide for yourself. Either way, it doesn't have much to do with how you form your relationship.

Focus50 -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 5:27:51 AM)
You've become part of their fantasy, esp his.... That usually means it's easy to overlook that you're a real person with wants, needs, feelings and fallibilities of your own. It's not for me to tell you how to run your life but, if you are so new to this, their (or his) fantasy poly will probably be one big downer of an experience or lifestyle intro for you. There are differences between sub and slave. Simplistically, for sub/slave, think woman/wife. All slaves are submissive (all wives are women) but not all submissives are slaves - the difference (as with woman/wife) is committment to another, which validates the title. I think you're a little guilty of getting lost or caught up in the fantasy of something that excites you, too, and you could really do with stepping back and taking in what you've experienced so far. Your "Sir" doesn't seem sure what he wants (other than "it all") - that's trouble for everyone involved.... Welcomt to the Forums.... :-) Focus.

Dnomyar -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 5:33:49 AM)
Mmmm no profile so no comment. Probably a good thing.

slavegirljoy -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 6:20:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subeos Greetings, i write here because i am confused. i have been on collar me for almost 2 weeks maybe a tad more. i was put under consideration a few days ago. As was already pointed out to you by LA, you don't get "put under consideration" any more than you would get 'put into a collar' or 'put into a marriage or engagement', unless it's a forced situation, which is not what i think you are talking about here. When someone is "under consideration", it is a 2-way street. You are each actively involved in 'considering' each other for a possible relationship. In other words, while you are "under consideration", there is no relationship, yet. You are in the discussion phase of deciding if you want to take things to the next step and have a relationship with each other. At least, that is the way my Master and i handled it. You might want to ask the Master that you are "under consideration" with, how he looks at it, just to clarify, in your own mind, what exactly he means by that, so you can both be on the same page, starting off. While "under consideration", there is a lot of 'discovery' that takes place. Discussions of what each sees as the 'ideal' relationship that each wants to have, how each sees their own role and the role of the other within that relationship, what each means when they say things like, "serve" and "obey" and "honor" and "share", etc. quote: i am finding out now and my Sir has been honest. That he wants a poly situation. i am okay with that. His Sub is only into their relationship for three months. Just found that out last night from him. Being a new little sub (her) she is very needy and i remember being that way as well. But, i am feeling left out and plans that they are making i guess i am just finding out. Okay, so he already has a sub and she has been in this relationship with him for 3 months. And, you have been "under consideration" with him for a few days. And, you didn't know right from the start that he already had another and that they were seeking a 3rd for a poly situation? And, yet, she's the "new little sub"? Now, i'm confused. Oh, well, that's for you all to sort out. quote: she said she had a concernt that i was straight. My question is. Is there a difference bettween a Sub and a slave? Because when she asks me questions i just tell her i will do what Sir wants. she does not seem to get that. i would be concerned about more than just whether or not you are "straight". It sounds as though there is a lot all 3 of you should be talking about, together. Any way, yes there is a difference between "submissive", when used as a noun, as in "I'm Joe's submissive" and "slave", when used as a noun. There have been, and, no doubt, will continue to be, many discussions on these boards about the differences and they are very easy to look-up by doing a simple search of the two terms. But, i will say this, being a slave to another doesn't mean that i don't have the ability to voice my opinions, as my Master permits and, even encourages me to do. So, if another person, whether submissive or Dominant or neither, asks me questions, my response is not, "i will do whatever He wants." Like the "new little sub", i don't get your response, either. When i am asked questions that have to do with me, i answer with my opinions, thoughts, feelings, prior experience, etc. As a slave to my Master, i have a brain and i do use it. joy Owned servant of Master David

DarkSteven -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 6:35:07 AM)
subeos, I reread your post. The crux of the matter is that you stated "i am finding out now" but it is not clear just WHAT you found out. If it's that he wants a poly situation, then that's a BIG one. Especially if he already has a submissive that he, um, somehow forgot to mention when he took you under consideration.

subeos -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 6:53:16 AM)
Yes i am for real my profile is on hidden at this time. Because i am considering a few things and wish to have time for this. slave eos

KatyLied -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 7:04:41 AM)
When you were put "under consideration", was there a discussion regarding the type of relationship you have and what it means to be under consideration?

OsideGirl -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 7:54:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subeos i was put under consideration a few days ago. I see. Was he put under consideration too? Typically, under consideration means that the Dom doesn't know if he wants you yet, but he doesn't want you to end up with anybody else. Considering that men far outnumber submissives in WIITWD, submissives actually have the ability to "consider" a multitude of Doms. I think "under consideration" should go both ways. quote: Being a new little sub (her) she is very needy and i remember being that way as well. Poly only works when all parties feel secure in their roles. If she's a novice submissive and she's the wife.....now is not the time to be involved. quote: My question is. Is there a difference bettween a Sub and a slave? You're an experienced "slub" and you don't know the answer? The answer is that there is no answer. It only ends up being what you want it to be. Personally, I fit what most would describe as a slave, but I refuse to be called a slave based on my moral views. quote: Because when she asks me questions i just tell her i will do what Sir wants. she does not seem to get that. I would have issues with that answer as well. To me it means that you don't think for yourself. Personally, I want a beta that can be self-sufficient, that has hopes and dreams, that has the ability to be pro-active (anticipating needs) vs. reactive (always needing orders and obeying). Personally, I think this situation has a large potential for disaster and wouldn't commit to the situation until I'd seen it work for several months. If I became involved at all.

sub4hire -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 9:43:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: subeos i was put under consideration a few days ago. I see. Was he put under consideration too? Typically, under consideration means that the Dom doesn't know if he wants you yet, but he doesn't want you to end up with anybody else. Considering that men far outnumber submissives in WIITWD, submissives actually have the ability to "consider" a multitude of Doms. I think "under consideration" should go both ways. quote: Being a new little sub (her) she is very needy and i remember being that way as well. Poly only works when all parties feel secure in their roles. If she's a novice submissive and she's the wife.....now is not the time to be involved. quote: My question is. Is there a difference bettween a Sub and a slave? You're an experienced "slub" and you don't know the answer? The answer is that there is no answer. It only ends up being what you want it to be. Personally, I fit what most would describe as a slave, but I refuse to be called a slave based on my moral views. quote: Because when she asks me questions i just tell her i will do what Sir wants. she does not seem to get that. I would have issues with that answer as well. To me it means that you don't think for yourself. Personally, I want a beta that can be self-sufficient, that has hopes and dreams, that has the ability to be pro-active (anticipating needs) vs. reactive (always needing orders and obeying). Personally, I think this situation has a large potential for disaster and wouldn't commit to the situation until I'd seen it work for several months. If I became involved at all. Without typing a lot of what you aren't going to listen to anyway. What she said. Sounds like a relationship that is going to end soon and very badly to me.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 9:44:38 AM)
from my experience and from reading here/elsewhere. poly to me is a relationship based highly on sex. once the Master is bored with you they will search for a new an hotter looking girl. then move on to the next one...and so on. someone usually ends up being hurt and neglected in this process. i am not saying that it is a wrong way of life. i am just saying do what you think is best for you. be prepared to be more slut like in this type of relationship. jealousy also plays a part in this. it could be from you or from the other sub. competition can also play a role in this. you and her will be competing.

colouredin -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 9:50:09 AM)
wow how interesting all these responses are and how much i want to disagree, but i will leave most of it alone simply wanting to reiterate what some have said in regards to the fact that despite your claiming her ignorance of things due to her being 'new' you seem to be rather ignorant of well most things regarding this relationship. It also seems that you have in your mind what the differance betweeen the two labels means and want validaton when really it has very little to do with you situation and seems to me to be a way for you to undermine her and seem to be the blue eyes girl. In my opinion? I wouldnt have a poly relationship if i were you, you seem to not desire it and could end up ruining another relationship into the bargin.

subeos -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 9:51:46 AM)
i do listen that is why i posted. i like the feedback i am getting. so Ty everyone!

MsLemon -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 9:54:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl from my experience and from reading here/elsewhere. poly to me is a relationship based highly on sex. once the Master is bored with you they will search for a new an hotter looking girl. then move on to the next one...and so on. someone usually ends up being hurt and neglected in this process. i am not saying that it is a wrong way of life. i am just saying do what you think is best for you. be prepared to be more slut like in this type of relationship. jealousy also plays a part in this. it could be from you or from the other sub. competition can also play a role in this. you and her will be competing. I have to say that this is a over generalization that is quite far off the mark. Poly is not always about sex its about having the ability to love and care for more than one individual and being willing to be open and commuicative to allow that to happen. My situation is that I am married to my male slave, love my female slave who is married and loves her husband very much (he's not into M/s bdsm at all and loves her enough to step back and let her seek what she needs knowing she always loves him too). There's no getting tired of the other partner and going looking for anothe newer/hotter version. Does what you describe happen? Yes. Is it the norm? Not at all. Some more reading and research about polyamory might be a good idea :)

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 10:11:39 AM)
quote: Does what you describe happen? Yes. Is it the norm? Not at all. Some more reading and research about polyamory might be a good idea :) i never said it was the norm. but i can tell from reading her situation what its going to be like. not to mention most (note most) profiles here or any other bdsm personals site that are of a couple looking for a 3rd are always for sexual reasons. also when first communicating...you usually end up only talking to the male party and very rarely do you ever get to speak with the female party. i have 10 years (i started 1998..first 24-7 tpe poly experience in 2002) experience in this lifestyle now. i know what im talking about. i have tried many different scenarios. i have seen even more than that. i know whats out there. like with any situation there will always be the very few that are actually working out. i am glad it is for you.

subeos -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 10:18:14 AM)
i think the best thing for me to do is just not get involved. On all levels it is prolly not a good idea. i just thank Y/you all have been helpful. eos

selena123 -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 10:53:19 AM)
Even a slave can choose to accept or refuse a situation. But once you commit yourself as a slave the expectation is that you will obey and do things whether you want to or not. To me the slave has only 2 options obey what ever the Mistress says or get out of a slave relationship. A sub to me- can say yes or no about granting the masters request and the answer should often be yes. Selena proud owner of petie

Icarys -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 11:12:25 AM)
i dont think any of us know enough about the situation to make an informed opinion..truth is in my opinion..i think you should make your own decisions..and yes some slaves are more compliant than others..if thats your nature then thats what it is..just be careful. the last thing i ever do unless there is real emotional or physical danger is tell someone to get out..they make commitments and they should stick with it until it's time for them to decide otherwise..although ppl make up there own minds..some are easier to sway especially when the person talking sounds knowledgeable ..to think just because you've been into this awhile and your now a pro at it so you can tell others how they should do it is a foolish mentality.my opinion.

DesFIP -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 4:28:02 PM)
If she doesn't have any experience, then of course she can't agree to do whatever he wants because she hasn't discovered her limits yet. She ought to be going slowly. Sounds like he wants you for immediate gratification and hard play and her for a relationship. Is that something you're up for?

Icarys -> RE: Underconsideration (6/11/2008 4:42:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If she doesn't have any experience, then of course she can't agree to do whatever he wants because she hasn't discovered her limits yet. She ought to be going slowly. Sounds like he wants you for immediate gratification and hard play and her for a relationship. Is that something you're up for? That may be what it sounds like to you but do you know enough about the situation to even make that claim?only one poster so far has even asked a question to find out..every other has ran straight to opinions ..wouldn't it be more responsible to ask questions before making calls?

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