Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes

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Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/10/2008 9:08:42 PM

ObediantMan1

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

Its frustrating. A Domme responds to you and asks you a simple question. In my case, are you married or how long have you been divorece. When I answere, she just disappears.

Do dommes prefere married men? Is being divorced taboo? A bit confused here.

Post #: 1

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/10/2008 9:41:18 PM

Baliblues

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

If She disappeared in the middle of a communication without even a "thanks but no thanks" or something similar, then yes it was rude. But you may want to consider that maybe something happened on Her end that called Her away unexpectedly. You have no way of knowing and I'd just put it behind you and not judge all Dommes on this one instance. As for preferring married men, I personally do not but it does happen and it is entirely up to the parties involved if that is the dynamic they prefer. Being divorced is not taboo, just a life experience.

(in reply to ObediantMan1)

Post #: 2

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/10/2008 10:15:22 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

People are rude sometimes, for no reason.

You might as well ask, "Why are people rude sometimes?"

It's not exclusive to dominants, submissives, males, or females. It's just a human thing. The best thing to do is roll with the punches and move ahead. Most rude people aren't worth a second thought.

DV's Fox

(in reply to Baliblues)

Post #: 3

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/10/2008 10:31:23 PM

ObediantMan1

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

I have met and served two great Dommes....but I will say many seem to think that being rude is part of being Domme. Subs need to respect their Dommes and if you dont show common courtesy then, well, most know what that means.

In trying to find a worthy Dommes, it is just very frustrating. Too many playing a role rather than what they feel inside...and subs frequently wind up being the waste product.

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 4

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/10/2008 10:42:57 PM

bbwsubnnorcal

Posts: 104
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

As I have said many a time---

A Dom/me is a leader, not a domineering ass-hat. There is a big difference. It doesn't matter what gender they are.

Rude is as rude does. And yet, they can't figure out why no one wants to play with them.

_____________________________

"i Have Nothing Against God, It's His Fanclub i Can't Stand!!!"

(in reply to ObediantMan1)

Post #: 5

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/10/2008 10:45:32 PM

Vampirevixen34

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/10/2008
Status: offline

Hello, from my experience, It really depends on how the subbie to be considered aproached the Domina, about being her sub. There are sometimes when I have to be rude to submissives, just because they can really become annoying asking way too many questions without any intentions of setting a session for the day.,..And when It comes to married, or not, too me, it really doesn't matter, it's on their minds, not mine. Maybe, they have an open relationship with their partner, or maybe their partner is too vanilla to play in our world... I don't know, really, but, to me it's the desire to really serve me that turns me on, and makes me decide whether or not I will continue a conversation with someone....

_____________________________

To swim inside your veins, like gently ripping cellophane

(in reply to ObediantMan1)

Post #: 6

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/10/2008 10:45:54 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Why do submissives start threads whining about negative experiences when all the evidence shows that positivity attracts where negativity repels?

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to bbwsubnnorcal)

Post #: 7

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/10/2008 11:10:55 PM

ObediantMan1

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

You can do better than that. Is a question that confronts a reality in any lifestyle always a negative? Do we always have to hold hands and agree? What progress is EVER made when there is a concensus? I know it is late, but that certainly wasnt the best response I have seen you make.

Every perspective is different....Lets at least agree that there are multiple angles from which we can view one topic.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 8

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/10/2008 11:13:34 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ObediantMan1

You can do better than that. Is a question that confronts a reality in any lifestyle always a negative? Do we always have to hold hands and agree? What progress is EVER made when there is a concensus? I know it is late, but that certainly wasnt the best response I have seen you make.

Every perspective is different....Lets at least agree that there are multiple angles from which we can view one topic.

If this was directed at me, i'll simply say that i see this (or a version of this) exact question pop up on at least a weekly basis. After a point, i see it as nothing more than whining; period.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to ObediantMan1)

Post #: 9

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 4:32:24 AM

LadyJeelys

Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

You ask why---
First, Dommes get emails right and left. In my experience, a lot of those emails are....well, I pretty much know what the sender was doing while he typed. And frankly, that's assuming I can even understand what the guy was trying to say. It often seems that the hand action put a halt to the brain action.

Second, in my experience, some subs seem to think that becase they are interested and take the time to email, the Domme just has to be interested too. I have in the past tried to be "nice" about letting some guys down (I am NOT interested in married men, and am clear about that), an in response I get junk like, "Oh, but I love you, let me serve you. I'm miserable without you, I need to serve you. You're not being fair, you're not be nice, you should make time for me." Eeeeeek!

And, finally, time---its very hard to find time to respond to a bunch of emails....and tend to other areas of online life....and family life....work life....friend life....pet life....animal life (ok, so I like spending time with Secondar :) ).

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 10

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 4:57:57 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

Sometimes I am rude when someone has placed unrealistic expectations on me without even knowing me.

I often receive first messages such as "I'm kissing ur feet and am avaialbe on cam for you to tell me what to do". My usual reply, "Good for you. Go away." Not terribly rude, not terribly polite either. I don't care. If someone doesn't approach me in a respectful manner, do they really deserve my time or kindness? I don't think they do so they get whatever reply I feel like giving, if they get one at all.

I am not rude to those who approach me in a friendly manner. Though sometimes, I'm brief and direct as my time might be spread out amongst other things. For instance, if a submissive in his sixties contacts me, I'll usually reply simply, "Not interested". This isn't to be rude, it is to let him know to move on to someone else instead of wasting his time indefinately for a reply.

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(in reply to ObediantMan1)

Post #: 11

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 5:08:00 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

DC I totaly agree with you. Why do whiners think that we will all take pity on them. With a little self motovation they might achieve what they ae looking for.

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 12

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 1:26:57 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

To the OP,

I disagree that Dominant Women are rude. I think there are some cyber personalities that are rude. That being said, would you be starting this same thread if she had responded with something like:

"Well, to bad for you. I'm only looking for married men who are cheating. If you hadn't been such a cry baby and divorced your wife, then you would have gotten to play with a breathtaking Goddess like me. To bad for you - you lose!!"

Sometimes getting a response is not always what you are looking for and it is definitely not always a sign that someone is 'not rude'.

As others on this thread have said, move along now. Chalk up what happened to you as a crappy experience and endeavour to look for people and experiences that reflect what you want and need.

Wickad

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 13

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 1:36:10 PM

tosted

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

true ive seen my fare share of profiles that apper to be rude. rember this tho rude and crud are the way of some doms. but not me. im a soft dom.

< Message edited by tosted -- 6/11/2008 1:37:05 PM >

(in reply to Wickad)

Post #: 14

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 1:46:16 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ObediantMan1
In trying to find a worthy Dommes, it is just very frustrating. Too many playing a role rather than what they feel inside

Sounds as though you are looking for a "Domme," not a person. I hit Ignore in my chat window when a woman tries to do that with me, and I'm a guy, with a lot fewer messages to return each day than the female dommes on this site get. But if a woman treats me like an object, she doesn't get my phone number.

Oh, and one example of something that can be accomplished by consensus: a consensual BDSM relationship. If you come across as a contrarian, instead of someone open to a new partner, with all her quirks and imperfections, you will have a hard time convincing women you are worth facetime.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ObediantMan1)

Post #: 15

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 3:20:25 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Of course Dominant Women can be rude sometimes.

She might be dining with friends and begin choking on
a shard of bone left carelessly in her dish during
preparation. Could one blame her for marching
confindently into the kitchen and thrusting her fork
into the jugular of an unsuspecting su' chef. Rude?
Could be perceived as such, but who should judge?

Perhaps during a fitting of her latest fashion forward
adornment, the seamstress unwittingly sews the hem
to the soft flesh of her calf. Could one blame her
majesty for seizing the needle and thread and promptly
creating a stunning zig zag pattern as eyelids were
stitched to brow line. That inexperience might find
additional, uninterrupted line of sight. Rude?
Could be perceived as such, but who should judge?

Understanding that cookies are not made by little elves
in a hollow tree, she joyfully partakes to her hearts content.
However, evil little neighbor cherubs follow her mercilessly,
chanting " Debbie the Dominant sitting in a tree, Jenny Graig,
Jenny Graig, you can't catch me." Can one truly blame her
for the glint in her eye as she serves the freshest, moistest,
most delicious sushi to her friends on such short notice. Rude?
Could be perceived as such, but who should judge?

Least we forget when amongst those who profess a Dominant
nature, there can be a quickness of expression, a confidence,
an assuredness which one might align with rudeness. Personally,
these and many more attributes are exactly what get me wet
when in the company of Dominants. Oh wait..........damn dog.

None the less, it of course doesn't excuse behavior wherein
one might simply be crushed with heartless abandon. Yes,
a Dominant should always stop and offer bottled water and
a band-aid to the submissive who has just been introduced
to the tread and undercarraige of a well polished Mercedes.

Strength, and strength of character are truly a sight to behold.

Some shall possess one, some another, yet some both.

Chin up Obediantman, she'll prefer a strong backbone to
rest her majestic calves upon. Don't sweat the small items.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to ObediantMan1)

Post #: 16

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 4:10:40 PM

MistressSybella

Posts: 163
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Chin up Obediantman, she'll prefer a strong backbone to
rest her majestic calves upon. Don't sweat the small items.

chia* (the pet)

Oh, chia...how delightful you are! The prose was excellent and I so needed the laugh! Thank you! LOL! I hope you have found someone who makes you feel most appreciated. For your wit alone, you are indeed a treasure!

To the OP, I will say this: Being in the position of Dominant isn't always easy. I happily accept that I am to make the first move but that means if you are interested, you have to step up.

Something has to get things going, and in this online-collarme-format, text is all we have. We may not care to hear your opinions, arguments, thoughs or whatever later, but in the beginning, we have to start somewhere. "Sir, yes sir!" tells us nothing about you but that you may or may not have some protocol experience and a little display of protocol experience isn't going to get you in our house or endear you to our hearts. It's not like we are meeting in person, in a situation where we can access from other clues like body language and so on. Each person has to write, period. Again, I will say, text is ALL we have.

We ask questions to try to get to know you, to try to get conversation moving and all too often, our questions are answered in brief phrases. Sure, you may think you are being honest-to-God, good little submissives and in your mind you may thing you are being appealing but you're not. Short and to the point, crisp clean answers create an issue; do we ask MORE questions (while thinking, "Geeze, not this again!"), or do we move on? Frankly, most often, I tend to move on.

Sometimes, if there really was something about them that sparked my interest, I do go back a few days later and say, in a nice way, "Dude, give me something to work from here." Sure, I'm loaded with questions but don't try to MAKE me write you a questionnaire. If a submissive cannot put a little more into their answers, a little more self, then all he is doing is making me work. A D/s relationship is still just that, a relationship, and it takes two. I like being in charge and I like taking the lead but if a submissive isn't invested enough in their search to do more than try to make me play 20 Questions, I'll move onto another.

So, do us a favor...give us something to work with, and write well. Otherwise, it will be taken as a disinterested but dutiful response. We are not intentionally trying to be rude just as you are not intentionally being a pain in the butt. ;)

Miss 'Bella
ServeMeWell

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 17

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 4:15:43 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Why Thank You, Thank You Very Much.

I'll be here all week.

Two drink minimum.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to MistressSybella)

Post #: 18

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 4:17:46 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Ahhh Chia, I love this side of you.

Smooch.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 19

RE: Why are Dommes Rude Sometimes - 6/11/2008 4:19:51 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Okay, one drink minimum.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 20

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