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The List of Intolerables - 6/11/2008 4:08:55 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline 		i've had the same list for 20 years.  If a man does s'thing on the List, i dump him -- without explanation or hesitation.  (i'm a little mean that way.)
 
i thought it would be interesting to post the items on my List, and see if A/anyone else has anything similar.
 
Here it is:
 
Neglects me.
 
Cheats.
 
Lies -- about anything.
 
Hits me.
 
Throws a tantrum, raising his voice or putting a hole in the wall with his fist.
 
Reveals that he's a bigot.
 
Doesn't vote.
 
Looks at my UM 'funny' (as in, with desire).
 
Treats my UM with disrespect.
 
Treats me with disrespect.
 
Chronic unemployment without any effort to find work.
 
Tries to isolate me from friends, especially other men.
 
pinksugarsub

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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/11/2008 2:42:08 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		good list.  i'd add drinks, smokes and uses illegal substances, all three are forbidden in my home, my ex is a drinker and i won't deal with that again.  as we have athsmatics in my home, smoking is not allowed and any involvement with illegal substances is out of the question, i won't have it.  three of my boys are adopted, removed from their parents due to neglect and abuse due to substance abuse.  i won't have it repeated in my home. 
PM

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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/11/2008 2:56:48 PM   
spinninsweetness


Posts: 477
Joined: 3/6/2008
From: London
Status: offline 		Interesting you have lies about anything in there- so maybe its your birthday soon, you say 'are you planning anything special?' He says no..... and he gone and has planned a big party... Are you dumping? Is this an absolute.

For my (hypothetical) list I'll also add smoking and substances, and over-drinking. Also added to bigot, racism or a poor attitude to peoples differences.

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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/11/2008 3:02:28 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i've had the same list for 20 years.  If a man does s'thing on the List, i dump him -- without explanation or hesitation.  (i'm a little mean that way.)
 
i thought it would be interesting to post the items on my List, and see if A/anyone else has anything similar.
 
Here it is:
 
Neglects me.
 
Cheats.
 
Lies -- about anything.
 
Hits me.
 
Throws a tantrum, raising his voice or putting a hole in the wall with his fist.
 
Reveals that he's a bigot.
 
Doesn't vote.
 
Looks at my UM 'funny' (as in, with desire).
 
Treats my UM with disrespect.
 
Treats me with disrespect.
 
Chronic unemployment without any effort to find work.
 
Tries to isolate me from friends, especially other men.
 
pinksugarsub

Good list..Are you single?If so, for how long now?


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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/11/2008 3:16:33 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I dont believe in absolutes or lists. There is one thing that can cause someone to amke me leave them without a look back, and thats cheating. Everything else is way too subjective, and if I am seeing things and missread something I would hate to toss a good realtionship out after a bad day.
DV


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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/11/2008 4:30:22 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I dont believe in absolutes or lists. There is one thing that can cause someone to amke me leave them without a look back, and thats cheating. Everything else is way too subjective, and if I am seeing things and missread something I would hate to toss a good realtionship out after a bad day.
DV


I think that's a very rational and open outlook.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/11/2008 4:36:45 PM   
cravesdom


Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I agree with pretty much everything on the list. I don't think I would end it because of not voting, but don't you dare complain about who's in office! I would also add smoking and substance abuse. Drinking does not bother me as long as it doesn't lead to anything else on the list!

**Lead me not into temptation, I can find it just fine on my own.**

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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/12/2008 6:06:17 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		~FR~

I would think that some things should not be an "intolerable". I had smoking as a definite "no way, I would never even talk seriously with someone who smoked" just a short while ago. I would never have even considered a smoker. Yet, I met someone here on the forum boards, got to talking with him and lost my heart to him all before I even knew he smoked. Would I give him up just because he smokes? No. First and foremost, he's a man who happens to smoke. A wonderful, intelligent, funny, sexy, incredible man. I would hate to think that I lost out on this wonderful love just because he smokes. Yes, I live with him now, and wouldn't change a thing about him. If he decides to quit, great. If not, that's ok too... I love the man, not the cigarettes.

Now, about intolerables, I would have to say "I will not be a smartass to my Daddy" needs to be on my list.... 


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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/12/2008 6:50:57 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		fast reply here
 
I have a few things that I consider "dealbreakers" when I look for a relationship.
 
Lying to me (about major things - no, it's not an absolute, and no, something like spinnin mentioned wouldn't be classed that way by me)
Cheating on me (if he wants a bit of strange, all he has to do is say so, rather than lie to me about it and go  behind my back)
Constantly putting me in Catch 22 situations (I don't tolerate those who deliberately set me up for lose-lose scenarios, had enough of that to last a few lifetimes)
Abuse (big difference between consensual play and abuse)
Double standards (if it's ok for him to get a bit of strange when  he wants to, it's OK for me to do so as well - period, non-negotiable.)
And one that I've added since starting a business - thinking he has any place IN that business other than what I specifically ask him his opinion on.  (My business is just that, MY business - and I run it as I see fit, not as some guy who doesn't know MY business thinks I "should" - he's there as  partner in my Private life, NOT as a partner for my Business!)

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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/12/2008 8:26:52 AM   
abcbsex


Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		funny, I put up with a guy who did all those things, but now that I'm out of the relationship I'd feel 100% comfortable dumping anyone on the spot who repeated them, except for my husband. I've told Alpha that there is one thing he can do to make me leave him, and that's hit me in anger. We're married so if he became an alcoholic or started lying, we'd have issues but it wouldn't be right to leave unless my emotional and physical safety was at risk. I'm just glad he didn't start out with anything from the list in his personality, or we wouldn't be this close and I'd probably be single. If he starts anything, I'll know something is wrong and we'll work to fix it.

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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/12/2008 9:29:37 AM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		I just kind of put everything under the "full disclosure" umbrella.  A lack of total honesty.  I can forgive a short coming, but hiding something, especially to a direct question, is a problem.  Finding out later down the road that a lie was involved, when full disclosure could have nipped everything in the bud when some issue came about, really bothers me.  I think I'm a pretty forgiving person, and each situation brings it's own unique outcomes.  A good example was many years ago when I was stationed in Okinawa, I asked the ex-wife why the bank account was so low.  She said the car needed repaired.  When I got back stateside, I came to find out she had run up a phone bill close to a thousand dollars.  Had she told me that in the first place, we could have worked out something, she didn't even realize at the time that you could put a limit on long distance phone calls (she lived in NC, her mother was sick in AZ, hence the many calls)  I didn't mind that per se, just that she didn't tell the truth, and we could have shifted some budgeting around to make sure she had carte blanche to call her mother when ever she wanted.

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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/12/2008 9:47:52 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Or how about like my daddy dom did, telling me he couldn't come over on my birthday cause it was thanksgiving and his brother and sister in law and mom expected him to come over, and so I accepted that was a bit sad an bummed but said ok just try to please, then he shows up at 9:30 out of nowhere as a suprise:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: spinninsweetness

Interesting you have lies about anything in there- so maybe its your birthday soon, you say 'are you planning anything special?' He says no..... and he gone and has planned a big party... Are you dumping? Is this an absolute.

.

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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/12/2008 9:58:30 AM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		even having to state that you will not tolerate lying seems such a moot point. how are you to develope a relationship, if one lies?
i prefer adult interactions, so being hit (in anger) or temper tandrums will not be tolerated. 
having any substance abuse would be a no go for me....the father of my youngest became submissive to cocaine then herion..impossible for me to submit to a junkie.
bad breath and/or bad kisser. i gotta be able to able to get lost in his mouth. just gotta.
closed minded and overly judgemental of others would also be two qualitites that would not work with me.
oh and a tight wad. material things don't mean a lot to me, but being a stingy bastard and not enjoying a splurge from time to time.... nope won't work for me.
 
may we all find our bliss.
 
    

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may we all find our bliss

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We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.






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RE: The List of Intolerables - 6/12/2008 10:15:01 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I would add a few:

unreasonable
dysfunctional
addict/alcoholic
not reality-based

I'm sure there are more, but those are some biggies for me.


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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
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