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explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 10:35:04 AM   
selena123


Posts: 62
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline 		Male subs/slaves especially but females may of course respond as well. How do you and or your Domme,  explain your obvious submission and servitude, when asked about it by the general public friends, acquaintances etc..?
My friends say that my very macho man is whipped, some wonder what the hell is wrong with him - doing (almost) everything I say, and others  (most) say "does he have a brother?" How do you guys explain it to people you care about without divulging the lifestyle?
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RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 11:07:44 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think that men have to explain it. Men are precieved to wear the pants in the family. I agree with you that a man is precieved to be henpecked when the tables are turned. Unless you have a ego problem just let it pass. You can always say under your breath "You stupid jackass".

(in reply to selena123)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 11:12:49 AM   
selena123


Posts: 62
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline 		ah , but I did ask about responding to " people we care about" not just any jackass, but a good acquaintance who is curious. My pet has no problem with it. My friends ask me anyway not him. I'm just wondering  how others explain it.I just tell my good friends but just say he's a great guy to acquaintances.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 11:13:30 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Were I him I'd simply say that I like to defer to my partner within the relationship.

Hell, I'm not him and I've said it.  I know some staunch extreme feminists and they've asked me why we don't appear as equals, that is the answer I give and it's never gone further.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 11:33:35 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I would guess that a fair comment would be well you aren't in the relationship so you cant really comment on it, we are both happy end of. Most people just accept that when I tell them but to be fair i am open about my oriantation so its not a big deal to me to tell people

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to selena123)
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RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 11:41:54 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Why bother explaining it. Just shrug your sholder.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 11:50:21 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		"We've found this is what works for us, but thank you for your concern."

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 12:09:15 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I wouldn't hang around or be an aquaintance of any significance with people who made such lame comments. Problem solved.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to selena123)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 12:12:31 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

My friends say that my very macho man is whipped, some wonder what the hell is wrong with him


I would be left wondering what the hell was wrong with my friends that they would make such comments about my guy and my relationship.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to selena123)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 12:16:43 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		To the regular public, we look like any other couple in love.  He treats me respectfully, even when we're being playful or covertly naughty.

I don't have any close friends anymore, and my sorta close friends are all in the lifestyle, so no explanation is necessary when we socialize with them.

The only others we socialize with are His friends, and they all know and accept it, even if they don't really understand. 

Unless someone is at a lifestyle event, to me, the relationship should always look "normal" with everyone acting and being treated in a respectful manner.  No one needs to be privy to the fact that one person defers to the other or that one person is serving the other. 

Should questions arise from "outsiders", depending on who they are, a simple explanation could be offered up from the dominant side...... he/she enjoys that I take charge of things in our relationship and he/she enjoys taking care of me. 

I have told family or casual friends that I get great pleasure from taking care of Him and doing things for Him..... and that I happily allow Him to be the one in charge in our relationship.  I am confident and non-chalant when I make those statements, and no one ever blinks an eye.  Sometimes I even have people tell me they wished their relationship had more definitive roles.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 1:10:43 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		Everybody close enough to care about me knows that He is my Master.
Even if its just the bare bones, i am completely open and honest about the fundamental elements of Our relationship..
My family, my vanilla friends, no exceptions & they all have some, if only slight, understanding of my lifestyle choice and they accept that. If it was an issue then they simply wouldn't be a part of my life..
i see it as them accepting who i am, just like my sexual preferences.. and it comes with huge benefits, like not having to think up an excuse/lie about why i can't do something.. As it is i can just tell them i'm not allowed and they don't question that.
Works for me anyway..


_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to selena123)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 2:32:09 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		In the first place, we are not that blatant about it around the vanilla public, although I do wear a locked chain around my neck.  But when people do figure out what goes on, they get it.  In 2008, this lifestyle is not that foreign a concept to most people.  Every once in a while, people do not get it.  Several years ago, my ex's sister was convinced I must be gay to let her push me around like that.

< Message edited by slavekal -- 6/11/2008 2:35:23 PM >

(in reply to selena123)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 4:24:40 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We don't. We treat each other with respect and caring. He doesn't bark "Bitch, make me more tea". Usually just asks if I can bring him another cup next time I'm up. I finish what I'm doing and then go get it.

Friends and family think we are just soppy and romantic because we obviously enjoy doing things for each other. Plus they witness his quick kiss, and "thanks baby" when I bring it. We are rarely on edge with each other, we still hold hands five years later and everyone we know thinks we have a great relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 5:02:55 PM   
uliveonce


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

We don't. We treat each other with respect and caring. He doesn't bark "Bitch, make me more tea". Usually just asks if I can bring him another cup next time I'm up. I finish what I'm doing and then go get it.

Friends and family think we are just soppy and romantic because we obviously enjoy doing things for each other. Plus they witness his quick kiss, and "thanks baby" when I bring it. We are rarely on edge with each other, we still hold hands five years later and everyone we know thinks we have a great relationship.


Good for you, and as far as I am concerned, that is how it should be.

I always find it humorous when vanilla people mistake my being an attentive compassionate guy for being my girl's sub.





(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 5:23:35 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Explain it in vanilla terms.  "He really likes making me happy."

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to uliveonce)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 5:27:36 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		This was incredibly nice to read!  (smiling)

Mss

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 5:35:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_673932/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#673940
questions about coming out

http://www.collarchat.com/m_603184/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#603237
Coming Out

http://www.collarchat.com/m_594649/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#594704
Telling Family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_552712/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#552726
real world acceptance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_500172/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#500695
So I came out...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_191844/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#192641
family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_87719/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#87743
Talking to vanilla people


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to selena123)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 6:14:59 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

"We've found this is what works for us, but thank you for your concern."

Cali

Precisely. The actual operation of a relationship is nobody's business except the people involved in the relationship.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 6/11/2008 6:15:37 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 8:56:07 PM   
Daddyslilpookie


Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline 		 We keep that part of our relationship private it is nobody's business but our own, but a very few very close friends know about me being a sub to my man. Our other friends we party with on the weekend see us as a regular loving married couple and that is the way it should be.

_____________________________

Princess Andie


"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to selena123)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: explaining sub to vanillas - 6/11/2008 9:01:39 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		We semi-jokingly call Fox my housewife. They are impressed that he does the housework, brings me or joins me for lunch whenever he is home and I am working. He has my coffee ready when I get home, and calls before I leave to see if I would like anything with my coffee (coworkers have overheard our conversations).His family just find it amusing, and often make cracks about things he does that "the girlfriend is supposed to do", but he is happy and they like me so it doesnt really cause a fuss. Anyone who knows him doesnt find it the slightest bit odd that he is with someone who is in charge, and anyone who kows me doesnt find it odd I run things. It isnt an issue for us.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Daddyslilpookie)
Profile   Post #: 20
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