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servantheart -> RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "cheater?" (6/12/2008 9:15:52 AM)
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~fast reply~
First off, let me say thank you so much to slaveluci for having the guts to start this thread and to everyone brave enough to share such a personal part of themselves. It is appreciated more than you all know.
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Original:DesFIP I tried to fix the relationship but one person can't. Since he didn't want any part of me I decided I was free to do what I wanted as long as I understood the meaning of the word discretion. Which I did. Having this support gave me the ability to look at how bad my life was, and to realize that I deserved more...
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Original:slvemike4u Though I suppose it was just a symtom of a dead marriage anyway
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Original: ownedgirlie As my very Christian sister told me, "Hey, he cheated you when he denied you affection and stopped being the husband he vowed to be." What a refreshing response. It's interesting that this is the vow everyone gets so wacked out about, when there are other vows that marrieds break which can be just as damaging and painful, if not worse.
Sometimes things don't work out the way we thought they would those many years ago when we promised to "forsake all others" for the rest of our natural lives. Spouses change, become neglectful and distant, both physically and emotionally. The relationship dies because it takes two to make it work and one partner refuses to admit that there are problems, much less do the work to fix it, because they are dishonest with themselves and apparently happy to stay deluded. Before long, we find ourselves doing things we never in our wildest dreams thought we'd do. Things we swore we wouldn't do even under the worst of circumstances. We thought we were above such things and looked down our noses at those who chose a different path. Life has a way of knocking us off our high horses, though, and forcing us to take a long, hard look at ourselves. It becomes crystal clear exactly why people step out, despite their best intentions at the beginning of their marriage.
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Original: proudsub I cheated 5 years ago after 34 years of loyalty.... I'm not proud of it and don't believe "once a cheater always a cheater"
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Original: ownedgirlie As for the "Once a cheater, always a cheater" crap - ignorance at its best. I wouldn't dream of lying to my Master or cheating on him. When you're satisfied in your relationship, those thoughts don't cross your mind. Cheating is generally a symptom of a much bigger problem, and usually both parties own that problem.
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Original: WyldHrt When one partner cuts the other off physically and emotionally, and refuses to even try to fix what is wrong, it's devastating. IMO, one who does this has forfeited their right to expect fidelity, as the marriage is dead. All that is left is for the other to get to the place where they have the strength to walk away- which is not as easy as some make it sound, esp if the marriage in question is one of many years.
Many people don't understand why one can't pack up and leave if they're unhappy. It's just not that simple. Leaving is something that takes time. There are multiple factors to take under consideration. It often takes years of planning, particularly if one doesn't want to be financially dependent on another person once they do leave or uproot their UMs from the only life they've ever known.
Finally, while it's true that dishonest people cheat, not everyone who cheats is a pathological liar, nor are they necessarily the kind of person you can never trust again in a relationship. The guilt that one often experiences when stepping out is crushing, and takes its toll on a person.
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