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The new priest - 10/31/2005 9:06:23 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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RE: The new priest - 10/31/2005 9:25:38 AM

frenchpet

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Joined: 8/19/2005
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I'd go to church more often with such a priest !

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RE: The new priest - 10/31/2005 1:17:30 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
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LMFAO! That was awesome! Thanks for sharing!

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"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

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RE: The new priest - 10/31/2005 5:43:33 PM

pinkpleasures

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Keep em coming! ROFLMAO.

pinkpleasures

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RE: The new priest - 11/1/2005 10:27:36 AM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
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I saw that a long while ago... it was terribly amusing then - and every bit entertaining now.

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Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

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RE: The new priest - 11/3/2005 12:49:53 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
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ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyy gawd

i can't cross my legs any longer.........

i laughed so hard i gotta pee

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RE: The new priest - 11/6/2005 9:04:12 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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On humor alone, St Peter has to leave the gate cracked open for that just in case you aren't on the list.

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