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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 10:44:52 PM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shivermetimbers

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

how about just saying "nice collar.. does it signify anything?"

Thank you also. I just wasn't sure using the word collar could be offensive if they weren't D/s. I think back many years ago to when I had no clue this lifestyle existed, and was married at the time. My ex-wife used to like to wear chokers, and if someone had referred to it as a collar, I would have taken offense thinking someone was calling her a dog, not knowing it was common terminology for another lifestyle.

good point.. perhaps substitute 'necklace' for collar :) BY asking if it signifies anything special, that may be the clue scene people would get to talk about it being a collar.. nilla folks would probably either say no, or launch into the explanation of "oh, my darling husband got me this for our nTH anniversary.."..LOL

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 11:02:25 PM

shivermetimbers

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe

From my perspective, I wouldn't have addressed the woman at all. I would have complimented the man on the beautiful collar his girl is wearing. If he is clueless, then its just her fashion statement. If not, then you have addressed the owner of the property rather than the property.

Does that make sense?

well wishes ~ fairer

Thank you, that is excellent advice!

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/13/2008 2:32:31 AM

WhiplashSmile2

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Just flash them a view of your special necklace or ring with the metalic BDSM symbol. It's sort of like the secret handshake of the Masonic Society (whatever that really is).

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/13/2008 2:34:10 AM

Asherdelampyr

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seriously, just say "Nice collar" the Dom (if he is one) will probably respond, or you will find out that its just a fashion statement
if ya get an odd look from the woman, you can say, "that necklace, its cute"

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/13/2008 2:54:58 AM

WhiplashSmile2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

seriously, just say "Nice collar" the Dom (if he is one) will probably respond, or you will find out that its just a fashion statement
if ya get an odd look from the woman, you can say, "that necklace, its cute"

You could make a joke and I mean literally say it jokingly... where's her leash to go with the collar. Then make a remark about how some people love fetishwear and some people wear things with greater meaning. Just toss it out into the air. Offer to buy them some drinks or hot dogs... give them a great big smile. Hope for the best!

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/13/2008 3:59:37 AM

Asherdelampyr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

seriously, just say "Nice collar" the Dom (if he is one) will probably respond, or you will find out that its just a fashion statement
if ya get an odd look from the woman, you can say, "that necklace, its cute"

You could make a joke and I mean literally say it jokingly... where's her leash to go with the collar. Then make a remark about how some people love fetishwear and some people wear things with greater meaning. Just toss it out into the air. Offer to buy them some drinks or hot dogs... give them a great big smile. Hope for the best!

maybe im going to much on what my personal reaction is...
I would rather just be upfront asked, about anything really... I've had it happen on any number of things that either I or my pet or wife was wearing

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/13/2008 4:14:35 AM

RavenMuse

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"Nice collar... fashionable or functional?"

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/13/2008 4:36:52 AM

Asherdelampyr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

"Nice collar... fashionable or functional?"

I like this one
simple, direct, and to the point
in my mind, the longer "kink" is treated like a dirty little secret, the longer it will be treated by others as a dirty little secret
but thats just me

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/13/2008 5:58:48 AM

cantilena

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2
You could make a joke and I mean literally say it jokingly... where's her leash to go with the collar. Then make a remark about how some people love fetishwear and some people wear things with greater meaning. Just toss it out into the air. Offer to buy them some drinks or hot dogs... give them a great big smile. Hope for the best!

If I was alone someplace minding my own vanilla business and some male stranger surprised me with a question - even a "joking" question - about a leash to go with my collar, he'd very likely get "The Look", which is generally reserved only for insects like house centipedes and for complete, irrecoverable asshats.

But that's just me.

If I was out with him and the same thing happened, I'm not sure how he'd react because at 6'5 and 220, no male stranger has ever mentioned a word about *anything* I was wearing when he's been present. I don't think it would be good, though.

(No offense intended, Whiplashsmile... I do get your point. I'm just saying some people aren't all that cool with flip comments from strangers about personal matters.)

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/13/2008 11:16:34 AM

Deliena

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I've worn my collar in public a fair amount even in vanilla situations (I'm a goth so it fits my style quite easily), unless I'm somewhere dressy where it would be out of place entirely. I've had a couple of lechy guys in pubs offer to hook leads to it and be quite gobsmacked when I turn round and say "no-one but my owner gets to do that".

However, I've always found it very complimentary when some politely says, "nice collar" or "that collar makes your neck look long and pretty". I think the trick is to be polite, not creepy and to speak to someone discretely rather than making them feel like a spotlight just went on over their head. But of course what works for me in my life doesn't work for everyone and reactions will vary with the respondant.

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/15/2008 8:36:00 AM

Sabella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

seriously, just say "Nice collar" the Dom (if he is one) will probably respond, or you will find out that its just a fashion statement
if ya get an odd look from the woman, you can say, "that necklace, its cute"

:clap: Good advice! If I feel compelled to comment on what looks to me to be obvious fetish ware I don't sugar coat it, "nice collar!" is what I'm thinking so that's what I say.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena

quote:

ORIGINAL: shivermetimbers

{snip for length}

So my question is, is there a subtle way of asking, or complimenting someone, for what they are wearing? I was really wanting to get to know these people, because they may be part of the local community, but I didn't want to risk looking like an idiot, or worse, a troll hitting on the woman. I'm almost certain they were a D/s couple, and it would have been a nice opportunity to meet someone simply from a "I'm part of this" standpoint. And if you are out and about, how do you respond to those who may ask you about such things?

Well, yes of course there are nice ways of complimenting someone about jewelry. A few days ago on an airplane, a guy in the bulkhead seat stopped me as I was making my way down the aisle to say, "That's a very interesting pendant you're wearing." He smiled nicely.

The 'pendant' in question is a pewter padlock attached to a rather heavy, rather short, pewter chain.

He was nice... I'm not sure about the hitting on me part, because I went to my seat after that. But, yeah, it was still sort of trollish.

I'm not sure there's a way to have the motive of seeing if a piece of jewelry is a symbol of a lifestyle without appearing to have the motive of seeing if a piece of jewelry is a symbol of a lifestyle. You know?

Why be subtle about it? This confuses me, really. I know if I'm wearing fetish accessories out in public I'm fully aware I may get asked about it or receive a comment on it. I don't think it's much different from being offended if someone comments you on your pink mohawk, when you wore the pink mohawk out in public on purpose y'know? a simple "thanks!" is a great answer if you don't want to go into the items long and sordid personal history. If you or they do it's a great ice breaker.

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/15/2008 4:31:59 PM

cantilena

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena

Well, yes of course there are nice ways of complimenting someone about jewelry. A few days ago on an airplane, a guy in the bulkhead seat stopped me as I was making my way down the aisle to say, "That's a very interesting pendant you're wearing." He smiled nicely.

The 'pendant' in question is a pewter padlock attached to a rather heavy, rather short, pewter chain.

He was nice... I'm not sure about the hitting on me part, because I went to my seat after that. But, yeah, it was still sort of trollish.

I'm not sure there's a way to have the motive of seeing if a piece of jewelry is a symbol of a lifestyle without appearing to have the motive of seeing if a piece of jewelry is a symbol of a lifestyle. You know?

Why be subtle about it? This confuses me, really. I know if I'm wearing fetish accessories out in public I'm fully aware I may get asked about it or receive a comment on it. I don't think it's much different from being offended if someone comments you on your pink mohawk, when you wore the pink mohawk out in public on purpose y'know? a simple "thanks!" is a great answer if you don't want to go into the items long and sordid personal history. If you or they do it's a great ice breaker.

Just to clarify, "Thanks" and a return smile was exactly my response before moving along in the aisle. I didn't say I was offended by it - the man I referred to was a gentleman about it and it was a pleasant exchange. That said, the comment - nice as it was - still struck me as a little trollish. My point to the OP was that you can comment nicely, but that the intention for making the comment will still be quite clear. *shrugs*

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