Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (Full Version)

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KurtGranz -> Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 11:33:23 AM)

I've met a few interesting people on here, but all in all I've suffered alot because of CollarMe. Alot of getting excited that something is going to work out, and then it doesn't.

Part of me feels that as a Dom I should be this emotionless, calculating, infallible figure that can shape everything around him. And yet, I find myself very emotionally involved with D/s. I've come to understand why and that's because it's truth.

This lifestyle is Truth, pure and simple.

We are honest, and thus, we are trusted.

I've been lied to, abandoned, and had assumptions made about my character WAY too many times since joining. I'd really like to hear some other people talk about their stories and how they feel about them.

Mine are all painful. One slave I began to talk to suddenly left the site to persue her ex, on the same weekend she was to come and see me for the first time. Her parents had him stay at her house, alone with her, for two weeks without letting her call me. She told me that her parents found out about wanting to come, and even though she was old enough to make the trip and legally an adult.. she listened. So, her submissive nature and emotional involvement with her parents ended up ending our chances. So either I was lied to by someone I trusted, or abandoned.

The second slave I began to talk to supposedly died in a car crash on her way to see me, and her mystery roomate sent me word of this. Should I be sad that someone I knew died, or furious that I'm being lied to? I don't know. It could go either way, because I'm completely unsure of what the truth is.

A sub girl that I've been friends with for years lives all the way across the country, so chances are that would never work. Also, I've never talked to her on the phone. For how much she says she trusts me, and the years I've known her.. I've never talked to her on the phone. So, to what extent can I really trust this person? How well do I really know them? And how well do they know me not to simply call me?

I'm done venting... but please, someone else join me.

-Stefan

P.S. - Share whatever stories you'd like to, or whatever encouragement you think would help me and others.



MissDiandSirHugh -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 1:24:36 PM)

G'Day and Welcome KurtGranz just like the rest of us you have lernt that there is often rejection and hurt but being here and strong minds and wills keep us all going as Subs and Slaves also get rejection just read and post in the forums to find it all out



KurtGranz -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 2:09:58 PM)

Rejection I can handle. Rejection is nothing. Lies, misinformation and being left in the dark about what's going on when I have no means of finding any new information out.. now that, I can't handle. I don't respect rude people. It's just... unnecessary and annoying.

Rude people suck ass, everyone can agree to that I'm sure. =P



Sensualips -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 2:40:24 PM)

Do you only utilize online methods as a way to meet people? Have you become involved in any local groups or communities? That might really help with that "lost" feeling.



starshineowned -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 2:43:58 PM)

Greetings..~smiles~

Slow down Sir..take a few breaths..enjoy living your life a bit. You are in a great state with all sorts of things available and going on. Do you get involved in anything local to meet persons face to face?

Accept now that there are going to be many failures on many levels before you find what you seek. While does not doubt your sincerity, heart, and knowing what you want..your age alone will cause jitters to many. There are no real instantanious options. It took this girl 17yrs of failures, giving up, trying again, repeat and rinse before found not only myself but the right Owner.

Set and work on your personal goals and just seek friends and fun for a change instead of loosing yourself in negativity. It will happen someday.

Best Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin



DarkDreamers4u -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 4:51:19 PM)

Kurt, I am sorry to read of the disappointments that have befallen you in your journey to finding yours. Know that you are not alone as many of us in the community and out of it have also experienced lies, deception and rejection from one’s who claim to want to share life with us. It's not just on Collarme it is everywhere on the net and in life. Finding a compatible partner is never an easy task as even with the best intentions life seems to have it own plans in who we will settle with.

I still get frustrated by the uncouth, disrespectful people that cross my path even if I should know better. It takes patience, perseverance, detachment, a good sense of humor and a willingness to trust in spite of the foibles of human nature. People are not always what they claim to be even in real life and if they are fear, doubt and outside pressures may often override their heart’s desire to be with you. You trust and invest emotionally in the people you meet. That is to be valued as they are rare qualities, unfortunately in this quick fix, immediate gratification world of ours. But it is not better to know that they are not interested before you meet. Nothing happens with out a reason. See it as an exercise in judgment and patience.

Is it possible that you have not been asking the right questions of these perspective subs? Have you been giving them tasks that will allow you to verify their authenticity and sincerity?
You might think about being more detached until they have provided trust worthy enough to satisfy you and then invest, you time, energy and emotion.
You are the Dom so control the process in which these potentials must adhere to. If they don't live up to your expectations give then 2 chances to rectify the situation is all they should get before you move on. Example someone with out a photo. If they keep finding excuse after excuse not to send you one then move on. You say you trust others too much but do you trust yourself enough to trust your intuition? If it does not feel right at any point then let go if you hang on because your desire is driving you then you will get burned time and time again.

I am just sharing some of my observations and approaches that I have adopted over time, might not work for you but it has helped me deal with the reality of online searches.

Still there are many success stories. Of the many women I met online a few have become close friends and even fewer have become lovers but they bought a so much delight to my life. I met Ms. J online and she came from Europe to be with me. I have never been happier so there is hope my friend. Just follow your heart and listen to you intuition and you will not be led astray.

Your girl is out there just waiting to serve you and only you so keep your heart open and you resolve strong.

Dreaming Darkly,
Mister M.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 5:08:42 PM)

One can only hope you'll have more patience with any person you meet than you've show by your post. Whether in this community or any other you're setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. You'd be better to appreciate what you've learned in this long 7 month travail that has been your time at CM.

1. People don't always represent themselves accurately on-line! The "slave" who's parents stayed for two weeks could have easily been a 13, or a 65 year old male.
2. People play games, on-line. The "slave" who "died" maybe wasn't even sick and didn't have a driver's license.
3. Reticent phone sex with someone living across country shouldn't be a goal.

Rule of thumb - don't trust anybody!

When you contact someone who identifies herself as a "slave" but who is unattached, ask her who she is a "slave" for? Why does she call herself a slave in the first place? Require thought and thoughful response and you'll lose a lot of the one handed web surfers.

There are frauds out there - both in real life as well as on line. The real life ones are harder to deal with because a lot of times they've rationalized and don't even know they are frauds. But it's still better and easier to deal with in person. You're in Rochester NY. There are active groups in Rochester NY. NYC is not that far away. GET OFF-LINE! If you meet someone here on CM and they won't meet within a very short period of time, don't invest any emotion or personal affection until you do. Trust is earned by BOTH parties. Don't give yours so readily.

Good luck! Don't quit! Don't compromise! Every experience is valuable, especially the bad ones, as long as you learn from them.



TenderDom2k -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 7:01:27 PM)

Kurt,

Sad to hear indeed. Agree with previous posts. I'm pretty new to this site AND I've only recently come to terms with my inner Dom. But having been through the wringer more than my share, I completely feel for you. In fact, I've been lost in that wanna give up on people cloud many a time.

I gotta tell you though, there is a way to avoid it. I mean, the advice from prior posts is practical. For me though, what has helped is something more 'inner'. Like good 'ole Ben Kenobi says in Episode 5, it's a matter of perspective. I can choose to view the world looking for something that matches some idealized notion in my head, then be gravely disappointed and hurt. Or I can instead take the world in as it is, with the beauty that it has, and without excessive judgement and expectations. I remind myself: It does me no good to rail on about how the grass would look soooo much more fab if it was a nice lavendar shade, or complain bitterly that the sky isn't nearly as pleasing being blue as it would be a splotchy yellow.

I know these are silly examples, and I don't mean to make light of your pain. But navigating in a streamline way through the turbulence of life is less about being "STRONG" than it is about letting things go, things that make us spin in circles and waste emotional energy. People are people, whether on line or real time, and they always will be.

I'm probably writing 10 emails for 1 response. To be expected at this point. Maybe I'll get lied to. Maybe I'll get misled. Maybe I'll be surprised. Who can say? I just need to keep my eyes open, keep my compass working, not do anything too stupid, and be mindful of being ready to receive the unexpected opportunities that can change my life direction toward greater growth.

Okay, better stop before I start getting waaaaay loopy. Next time I should write about the Taoist tapestry with the 3 old men and the 3 clay pots.

TenderDom2k



Estring -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 7:23:48 PM)

First of all, you should read your post and ask yourself, how are you coming across to others? You sound like a confused 19 year old. Which is pretty normal at that age. I hate to tell you this, but you will have quite a few more failed relationships before it is all said and done. We all have had them. Quit worrying about finding someone and focus instead on finding who you are. You can't attract anyone of quality if you don't know what you have to offer. Get off the internet, get involved with REAL LIFE . Go to munches, read books, read the message boards. Listen and learn.
And this idea that BDSM is Truth. Lol. Get over that notion too. It is about people, good and bad. Just like everything else in life. Good luck.



pinkpleasures -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 7:46:05 PM)

i think we may be either supportive or critical; i prefer to be supportive. The Op will have a more interesting, satisfying life because he knows something about himself at such a young age. i am jealous.

pinkpleasures



KurtGranz -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (10/31/2005 9:24:55 PM)

I've made a new friend and I'd like to share the thought that came out of it.

'Of course I don't know everything about myself. That'd be pretty silly to assume this early on that I know everything. Philosophically proven, 'He who knows that he is ignorant, is the wisest.' I don't know the exact quote, but I learned it in Philosophy. It made me think that I now at least know for sure that, I don't know everything.

There's always something new to learn, and often people don't pay attention to that. They claim to know more than someone else knows.

I've simply focused on a few elements of myself. I've worked on what I believe is weak about myself. I try very hard to understand people, places and things. I listen when people talk, and I can read alot about who they are.

I believe that my biggest strength is that I know for SURE that I am a good person. KNOWING that is a very powerful thing. Because then you know that you are due some respect from people that you are respectful to.'

That's part of an answer to a question of who I am. I am who I am because I've made certain decisions and stuck to them.

I want to thank everyone for trying to help out. For some reason I'm very good at using critical comments to help made new decisions. For that same reason, I'm really bad at taking direct suggestions.

I recognize that I've got alot to learn. That, in turn, makes me believe that I can and will. I've been interested in D/s since I was 13, since I first started finding things out on the internet. I HAVE had some real life expereince, but I still haven't come clean with everyone that I know. It might happen some day, but I'm not ready for that now.

That's honestly the biggest thing that's limited me so far.

-Stefan :)



Dirlewanger -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (11/1/2005 6:27:41 AM)

For me it is simple... I have NOTHING! with SM, apart from the fact I am Dominant and think everything should go MY way.

I have been betrayed in the lowest manner by MY girlfriend who ditched me for a RICH slave and where she is living a fake life in front of her kids, pretending she has a relationship, when the kids arent there she dominates the guy, up to the point where she even takes all his money. so next year she wants to have a kid with this guy.

All and everything she does tempt ME to strike back vehemently, and take MY revenge... HOWEVER.................!

Since I am dominant and feel MY own lifestyle without any form of SM is better than anything or anyone else, And since MY HONOUR prevents me from striking back at anyone who has hurt me in the past,

I will get over it and step over this person who in MY eyes is not even worth a glance, let alone respect.

I am the better person here, NOT her.......MY intellect is superior, MY feeling of honour is superior to hers, MY life even is worth more than anyone elses for that matter.

So yes... you may feel lost, you may even feel hurt, But as soon as you lose your own self-respect, either being Dom or Sub, You will lose that what makes you, YOU!

so... NEVER EVER let things hurt you... and if they do... step over them quickly, since the people who have hurt you are NOT worth the effort. and whining doesnt help one bit...

DIRLEWANGER



Lethrsubby -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (11/1/2005 11:14:15 AM)

Hi there, I understand what you are going thru.. as a subby I have gone thru similar with Doms... some fakes, some flakes, some woman haters, other just plain lairs wanting pictures and talk about sex so they could excite themselves.. In any case.. you have to weed thru those types and keep moving on.. Somewhere.. Some day.. You will find your perfect match ! There is one for everyone.. it just takes alot of time and patience. Luckily after many years searching, I found a great Dom who was into training me soley to get me past alot of BAD experinces... And then I was fortunate to find my current Master.. we are now collared 9 years and 24/7 for the same. :-) It does work out.. just hang in there... vent if you have to.. but don't give up the hunt !
We enjoy REAL lifestyle friends from anywhere, meaning Dom/ sub/slave/ whatever.......
Good luck in your search..
Subby Sheri[:D]



angaothsi -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (11/24/2005 10:39:20 AM)

Off topic I know, but you sounded like you could use a laugh.........Like my best friend always says ......

"mean people suck..............nice people swallow"


(lol i forget to actually put what my best friend always says!)



KurtGranz -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (11/27/2005 12:45:47 PM)

Just so everyone who's tried to be helpful knows, I'm in a much better groove now.

I'm talking to a few people that seem interesting and I've done a little internal developement. It's alot easier to not get attached now, and be subjective about what I believe. No matter how good you are at reading people, it's always so nice to get better at it. Plus, it's making it fun because I've found a few people that I can actually trust. =)

So.. uh.. yeah! I'm not a stick in the mud damn it! I was just pissed off. lol



Bri4fun -> RE: Anyone feeling as lost as I am? (11/27/2005 3:21:40 PM)

Nah, I don't feel lost. I learned most - if not all - who claim to seek aren't what they say. That their mainly looking for some cheap thrill. And have no conception of the rewards of the lifestyle in its' true form. I've finished my experimentation with msging the so-called subs on here...and won't waste my valuable time giving them the regard of msging again. Anyone...and I do mean ANYONE who sends a thought out msg., that is tactful and friendly will get a response from myself or my slave...simply because it's polite. To date I have found none...domme or sub who feels that way about politeness.
It doesn't hurt me as I maintain my honor and honesty and they don't. So I leave them to find the pretenders, the fakes, the fast-talkers, the predators this form of attitude will attract. In fact, I take amusement they pass true to form people (whether Dom or sub) in their own playing. Don't waste your time msging people here, friend. They'll waste your time as they try to vicariously live the life thru fantasies they create in their own minds. I have it in real life and simply find amusement here, now. Seek it out in real life...that's how it came to me...that's how I got my slave. Simply natural tendencies, my researches and learning...and her natural tendencies and hidden "dark" desires that finally surfaced. Interestingly enough...her sense of freedom as a slave is greater than she ever experienced as a professional.



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