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when I feel more than than he.? - 10/31/2005 12:20:03 PM

auntielorna

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

Hi. I need some and advice in some issues, please.

I'm a young, unexperienced slavegirl. I only have two and a half years D/s relationsship behind me, but realized that the relationship was not giving me what I needed. For a couple of months ago, I gave myself away to a man wich I have strong feelings for, even dough I don't know him that well. I just know deep inside of me, that he is what I have been longing for. But that's also freaks me out, and I'm scared. Since we live 500 km. away from eachother, I have only seen him three times since I become his slave, and when I have been with him, I have always felt so safe, calm and so good.

But, I also know that this is just my feelings, and I know that he doesn't have the same strong feelings for me. I'm in love with him, and want him as my Master, boyfriend and friend, but he just want's me as his slave, among other slaves. And that hurts. A lot. And I don't know if I want to continue beeing his slave or not. I know that I won't leave him just because he have other slaves and playpartners, even though I know I always will hate it. I don't ever want to say no to any of his whishes, and if I do, I know he wouldn't want me as his slave anymore. But my real issue is, I don't know if I can be his slave without him loving me. I need to feel I'm important and special to him. But he says that he just sees me as "it" among other "it's", and that makes me feel like I rather could be garbage, even when he says he cares about me.

So, I wonder, is it someone else wich are or have been in the same situation, and how did you solve it or handle it? Does it become easier over time?

And I'm sorry for my poor skills in english.. I hope you understands it :)

Post #: 1

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 10/31/2005 12:37:06 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

But, I also know that this is just my feelings, and I know that he doesn't have the same strong feelings for me. I'm in love with him, and want him as my Master, boyfriend and friend, but he just want's me as his slave, among other slaves. And that hurts. A lot. And I don't know if I want to continue beeing his slave or not. I know that I won't leave him just because he have other slaves and playpartners, even though I know I always will hate it. I don't ever want to say no to any of his whishes, and if I do, I know he wouldn't want me as his slave anymore. But my real issue is, I don't know if I can be his slave without him loving me. I need to feel I'm important and special to him. But he says that he just sees me as "it" among other "it's", and that makes me feel like I rather could be garbage, even when he says he cares about me.

So, I wonder, is it someone else wich are or have been in the same situation, and how did you solve it or handle it? Does it become easier over time?

Sounds as though you already know the answer. You just want us to validate you. If you are not happy, which it sounds as though you are not. Find another. Find someone who only wants you for you, not the multitudes of other's out there.
You've found him, you are young. You can find another. Value yourself and find someone who will value you as much as you do.

(in reply to auntielorna)

Post #: 2

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 10/31/2005 12:41:31 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Your post was actually quite eloquent and well stated.

Yes, many others are in the same situation as you.

Ultimately you have to decide- is this situation going to fulfill me or not?

Realistically, the best thing to do is understand that this situation is not going to be what makes you fulfilled over the next ten years or your lifetime. The best thing to do is get over your fear, ask to end it, and seek your bliss elsewhere. The best thing to do is accept the disparaties, and leave before resentment and dissension breeds.

Unfortunately, this is rarely how it ends up happening.

(in reply to auntielorna)

Post #: 3

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 10/31/2005 12:57:46 PM

ginawithaB

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

But my real issue is, I don't know if I can be his slave without him loving me. I need to feel I'm important and special to him. But he says that he just sees me as "it" among other "it's", and that makes me feel like I rather could be garbage, even when he says he cares about me.

I'm responding to your post because it disturbed me. I felt uneasy when I read it. Unfortunately I can't offer a response from an experienced sub POV - I am less experienced than you - only from the POV of being a human being.

First, I'll offer this - I do not belong to a Master, but I do have a Mentor who has been extremely helpful to me in my search for the right Master. During a recent Q&A session with him, I inquired about something that concerned the slave's right to ask for and receive what she/he wants and needs. He responded to me by saying, "even a slave...deserves consideration."

I'm passing this on to you because I agree that slaves deserve consideration. Your feelings deserve consideration, as do your wants and especially your needs. Sometimes discovering the difference between one's wants and needs can be challenging, but they should not be ignored outright, neither by you nor by your Master. I believe most Dominants, the caring ones, the ones who truly give a damn, would agree that they consider the wants and needs of their subs/slaves because they want their subs/slaves to be happy. A miserable slave can only share her/his misery with her/his Dominant. One cannot share joy or serve out of a place of peace and freedom when one feels uncared for. Whatever this may mean to you, understand that I'm not suggesting in any way that you stay with your Master, nor am I suggesting you leave Him. I'm only suggesting that first and foremost you have to give consideration to your feelings and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have a right to them and that they deserve to be respected, especially by the One to whom you have entrusted your feelings.

Do not short-change yourself and please do not allow anyone else to.

(And don't worry about your English...none of us speaks or writes English perfectly...not even the best among us.)

Take care,

gina

(in reply to auntielorna)

Post #: 4

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 10/31/2005 1:07:30 PM

kinkiminx

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/5/2005
From: Brighton, Sussex, UK
Status: offline

Hi there,
Well I'm also a young female sub, so i certainly don't know everything either, but i'll try my best.

I haven't been in exactly the same situation, but i have been in one where i wanted more from a relationship than a Dom had enough time to give, not that he didn't want to give it, but that it simply couldn't work out that way. From my experience, things like that are things you really don't want to go through unless the relationship really, really matters and you both love each other.
As far as being uncomfortable about the situation, sometimes making sacrifices for a Dom can be part of being a sub... but your submission is a very important gift and you should make sure you give it to the right man.

While distance relationships and how many subs he has is something which means something different to everyone, i'm a little confused that he says he cares about you, yet sees you as "it among other its." I would have expected a Master with many slaves to put it somewhere along the lines of he "cares about all of his slaves as much as each other."
If you choose to be with this man, from the sound of what you said you can only ever be one of his many slaves, and if its important you're special to him you have to ask yourself if you could ever really be happy with someone who will never give you that.

If what you're looking for is a Master, boyfriend and friend, you already know that isn't something he wants to give. You've said that if you ever said no to anything he wouldn't want you as a slave anymore. What if you explained that you were unhappy about something, not necessarily saying no, but voicing your feelings. How would he react then?
Love is extremely powerful, but if given in only one direction usually gives a lot more pain than anything else, especially if you're on the giving end.
The fact that you're questioning whether you should be in this relationship clearly shows something isn't right and it doesn't sound like something you can sort out if it is a case of live with it or leave him.

This is just my opinion, but you sound like such a lovely girl with so much to give the right Master, and it only sounds like you're going to get hurt in this relationship. It may sound like a cliche answer, but you deserve better, to be with someone who loves and cares for his slave(s) and will consider their needs as well as his own and work through any barriers you might encounter, not choose to discard you as soon as you run into a problem.
Whether you are in a poly relationship with other slaves and one of many, or you're the only slave, you should still feel like you're special to him!

Hope things work out for you whatever you choose to do.

kinkiminx xx

(in reply to auntielorna)

Post #: 5

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 10/31/2005 2:46:43 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

You are in a painful situation. You need to do what is right for you. It's not good to be in a place where you are constantly longing for a deeper attachment from him. Eventually you may resent him.

Good luck.

(in reply to kinkiminx)

Post #: 6

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 10/31/2005 10:49:29 PM

ginawithaB

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

BTW,

You should consider asking the doms this question also. Might be worthwhile to hear what they have to say.

gina

(in reply to auntielorna)

Post #: 7

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/1/2005 12:59:55 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ginawithaB

BTW,

You should consider asking the doms this question also. Might be worthwhile to hear what they have to say.

gina

He already said what he had to say, without any mercy for her feelings - she is just "it" among other "its". He was cruel and honest and I dont think he should be asked anything further.
It is all up to her now, to decide can she live as "it" or no.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to ginawithaB)

Post #: 8

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/1/2005 5:49:44 AM

auntielorna

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for all answers :)

I have a tendency to analyze way to much. And that's what I have been doing now. And I analyzed what he was saying completely wrong. Without actually ask him exactly what he meant, and what I mean to him. Well, I have asked him now.. many days after he first brought up the subject about other slaves. And I think he knew all the time that I was getting him wrong, that I was confused about what he actually said, and that I didn't ask him. And I was to afraid of the answer to ask, so I just assume.

Well.. the truth is, that he don't have sex with others, just me. I'm not "it" among other "it's", just "it". And well.. that's makes me very happy :) He will, maby, in time want to have another slave, but not before I'm happy with it, or at least don't feel so bad about it as I do now...

And now I feel really guilty. I will probably, to be realistic, analyze and analyze wrong again, but I hope I have learned at least something. That I always should ask instead of assume, even dough I don't always have the right to get an answer, I have the right to ask, always, and I have no reason to distrust him. And when he says that I'm unique, I am unique, and not garbage.

Well, I apologize to all of you for taking your time to something that really wasn't a problem.

lorna

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 9

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/1/2005 6:02:40 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: auntielorna
Well.. the truth is, that he don't have sex with others, just me. I'm not "it" among other "it's", just "it". \

I've heard that line before...but good luck and hopefully things will get settled out before you reach panic mode next time.

(in reply to auntielorna)

Post #: 10

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/1/2005 6:14:04 AM

auntielorna

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

Well.. yes of course, my point is just that I first asumed he was saying he have sex with a lot of others, but actually he have never said it.. just in my imagination

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/1/2005 7:38:18 AM

justatoy2

Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

lorna,
the bottom line is if you are not happy in this relationship, if you are not finding it fufilling eventually it will not work. There are people out there that are pefectly happy being one of many "its". They just seek to serve. But you have admitted quite well that you want it all. There is nothing wrong with that. You should go after what you want. I would talk to him openly and honestly, about what it is you want. And if he says im sorry i can't give that to you, then it is time to move on. Don't settle for less. Good luck.

(in reply to auntielorna)

Post #: 12

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/1/2005 9:42:24 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

so I just assume.

This was a tough lesson for me to learn. My Dom said, Never assume anything always wait for the facts. Wow did it make a difference lol

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to auntielorna)

Post #: 13

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/1/2005 10:54:25 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
It sounds like what you require to be happy is not what this Master is offering you. If you want someone who loves you, wants to be with only you, and sees you often maybe this man can keep you company till you find your special Master who can give you what you seek comes.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to auntielorna)

Post #: 14

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/1/2005 3:13:17 PM

Rlittlesecret

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

I am in the same position you are in. New to the game, New master. I have a twist...my master tells me he is uncapable of having any emotional feelings but at the same time tells me that he cares....i am just as confused as you

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 15

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/1/2005 4:20:58 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

my master tells me he is uncapable of having any emotional feelings but at the same time tells me that he cares

I've seen similar things written. Is this the owner/property relationship? I've seen things written such as "you will be cherished and well cared for, but not loved." I would need some emotion, more warm than cold.

(in reply to Rlittlesecret)

Post #: 16

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/1/2005 4:53:20 PM

ginawithaB

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia

quote:

ORIGINAL: ginawithaB

BTW,

You should consider asking the doms this question also. Might be worthwhile to hear what they have to say.

gina

He already said what he had to say, without any mercy for her feelings - she is just "it" among other "its". He was cruel and honest and I dont think he should be asked anything further.
It is all up to her now, to decide can she live as "it" or no.

Kasia, I was suggesting she post her question to the "Ask a Dom" board, not that she ask her dom...

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 17

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/2/2005 5:02:20 PM

Tapestry

Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

Well, my own very small experience was also enough to teach me a lasting lesson. I cannot give away this gift of submission to someone who does not love me as much as I love him. I will always be grateful to my first Dom for leading me to this lifestyle, and helping me to learn about it. But I had to end the union very early on after I realized I could not handle a part-time committment.

Vanilla sex has always been easy for me, in that I don't have to have a committment from the man to enjoy him, it's enough that we get along and enjoy the ride. And I thought I could do that as a submissive too. And I was wrong. This is too intense, so much more than I invest in casual vanilla relations. The bond of trust, and care, the web of sensuality that is woven, the way I lose myself completely in my master. It hurts far too much when there is nothing left after the scene.

But that was my experience, and not everyone is alike, so if you are comfortable in your relationship, good for you, and enjoy! I just know it wouldn't work for me.

tapestry

(in reply to ginawithaB)

Post #: 18

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/2/2005 6:34:44 PM

petwolf22

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

im in just as confusng a relationship. my dom doesn't want to dom,although he finds the kinky sex interesting. different, but i suppose it's all a matter of how importatn the relationship is, and what you are willing to sacrifice for the sake of the relationshio.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes, im trying to correct them as i go but tonight is a bit of a drinking night for me. Just trying to explain.

(in reply to Tapestry)

Post #: 19

RE: when I feel more than than he.? - 11/2/2005 11:19:46 PM

wolfinside

Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

Something I have noticed in this lifestyle is that there seems to be two distinct types of "doms" or "masters" out there. (who are polar opposites)

On the one hand you have men like me who want to find one women to love, dom and cherish.

And then there are the types who don't love. They just want to use subs. (and some subs like it that way of course)

I am not saying either is right or wrong, or better or worse.

But I am saying that everyone needs to find out where they fit in the lifestyle.

If you are looking for a loving dom and are with one who does not love, then you are with the wrong person.

For me it is about "loving D/s" and that is a very different thing from masters who just like to have lots of girls to use etc.

Good luck to you, I hope you find your hearts desire.

Wolf

(in reply to auntielorna)

Post #: 20

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