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Love - 6/13/2008 9:19:53 AM

colouredin

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I got a book through the post the other day and it had a passage i would like to quote

"We claim to love, but our love is based on sex or pleasure, personal security or need. we find escape through love or seek to fill some internal void. For most love is a means to an end a way to gain happiness or sustain some ideal"
( The fabric of self, John Mcafee)

Surely then this makes love totally selfish and that cant be love at all? It got me thinking about the language we use in regards to relationships "the other half" "he completes me" I mean this cant be right we are all whole people we dont need someone else to make us whole. If we seek it out as some cure to all our problems then firstly wont it always fall short of the mark and secondly isnt it kind of missing the point of what we seem to idealise love as? Maybe even the mere attempt to define love is missing the point.

Sorry I know this seems random but recently I have been thinking that part of the human condition is this desire to be with other people on a romantic level but at the same time part of the human condition is to be self absorbed. This has to contradict itself, I am not disputing the exsistance of love but that maybe our using it as a way of absolving ourselves is pointless. Maybe we dont need to apply the label as frequantly as we do, maybe its ok to just need someone because we dont like being alone. I am not sure any of this makes sense, I think im just rambling but I just wanted to write something about that passage because its been playing on my mind.

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RE: Love - 6/13/2008 9:25:39 AM

faerytattoodgirl

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yes completely true...i have come to realize that in this 21st century...relationships have been based not on love but on sex or drugs or the all mighty dollar.

with an all time high divorce rate all around the globe. less and less people are actually getting married now for fear of loss of items thru divorce. as there are many chasers of $$$...on both gender sides.

there may still be actual love out there....but i dont even see public affection anymore. not even people doing a simple holding of hands while walking together.

i do find that the happier ones are the ones with kids.

yes i know ill be disagreed with...

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RE: Love - 6/13/2008 9:32:38 AM

ownedgirlie

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I love the man to the degree that all I want for him is his happiness. When he is happy, my world lights up. I want to do anything at all to bring him happiness. This has nothing to do with sex (although I do lust after him, too, hubba hubba), but if it's selfish of me that my greatest fulfillment is to see him happy, content and peaceful, then call me selfish!

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RE: Love - 6/13/2008 9:36:01 AM

colouredin

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I was questioning more the way that we apply the term love too frequantly rather than talking about specific instances or calling everyone who says that they are in love selfish is certainly dont think that, I just think that maybe for many we have become so enthralled with the idea of love and the word that we actively seek it and apply the word to anything maybe that isnt what its all about.

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RE: Love - 6/13/2008 12:33:01 PM

Raechard

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That's a rather narrow view of love because there are those that have laid down their life to protect the ones they love.

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RE: Love - 6/13/2008 12:43:56 PM

GimpinDenial

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Ok...this is my opinion of what love is for I am unsure if I have really been in love:

You enjoy the way a particular peron makes YOU feel.
Special
Wanted
Needed
Sexy
Desired
Important

and then you feel "Love" towards them for making you feel this way....
That is just my opinion...
<shrugs>

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RE: Love - 6/13/2008 1:14:01 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Love to me does mean that I do not have the luxury of being selfish. And yet through this experience of myself, I gain connection to who I am that I can't get any other way and am totally IN my self.

To me love means encouraging the other to be true to themselves, no matter what that means or how far it takes them away from me.

And of course, loving myself means I must give myself that exact same encouragement without compromise.

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RE: Love - 6/13/2008 1:49:11 PM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Love to me does mean that I do not have the luxury of being selfish. And yet through this experience of myself, I gain connection to who I am that I can't get any other way and am totally IN my self.

To me love means encouraging the other to be true to themselves, no matter what that means or how far it takes them away from me.

And of course, loving myself means I must give myself that exact same encouragement without compromise.

I agree, this is what I think love is and very eloquantly put, i just dont think its how everyone applies the term.

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RE: Love - 6/13/2008 2:33:30 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I was questioning more the way that we apply the term love too frequantly rather than talking about specific instances or calling everyone who says that they are in love selfish is certainly dont think that, I just think that maybe for many we have become so enthralled with the idea of love and the word that we actively seek it and apply the word to anything maybe that isnt what its all about.

Ah, ok, I understand your point. Thanks for clarifying! I agree that people throw the word around rather casually. Then again, there are variations of love. I may feel a greater depth of love for some friends than others, for example. But I do think that people are in love with the idea of being in love. :)

I love what LA said, about not being selfish and about encouraging others to be true to themselves. Nicely done.

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RE: Love - 6/13/2008 3:19:31 PM

MissSepphora1

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This is why I get a laugh when I get crap from people, mostly subs, who say you can't have a relationship without love... a BDSM or a sexual relationship.
When, do they even know what love is? Do I? Perhaps one day I'll find it, but I'm not going to hinge every decision or every possible relationship on whether I love someone or not.

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