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RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 6:34:55 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
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I require an emotionally strong, strong-willed partner, because I have to respect my partner or it starts to get ugly and then I get bored and go away. That said, I HATE being challenged (without a bloody good reason, that is), can't STAND SAMs (as a partner, they can make highly entertaining friends :P.) I wonder if the person who gave that presentation would understand the distinction I'm making...

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 21

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 6:38:35 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

I love to challenge My Lord occasionally...in good fun...when we are wrestling. The rest of the time, if I have an objection, it's an honest objection and there's a reason for it. I am always happy to give the reason, and he decides what to do with it.

I don't know that I've had enough experience in d/s to decide if I'm a dominant sub, but I am strong willed, opinionated, and willing to dig in if necessary. I am strong. That's fact. I obey My Lord because he has given me every reason to, and obeying him is more pleasurable for both of us then not obeying him. Harmony is always better than discord. He doesn't need to defeat me...we're in this together.

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Post #: 22

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 6:44:54 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

What a wasted opportunity to really educate some folks. I suppose since people used the term 'doormat' in an attempt to bring others down for so long, that someone figured turn-about was fair play so now dominant submissive is being touted to do the exact same thing. Maybe one of these days the majority will try to teach positive BDSM messages instead of negative ones.

*hugs* BitaTrouble.

i have to admit, i agreed with yr post, Bita.

Hope yr enjoying the weekend...it's still f**kig hotter'n hell here. *Sighs*

pinksugarsub

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/14/2008 7:22:43 AM >

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Post #: 23

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 6:46:47 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Sorry if I rambled, but I wanted to share with you. Thoughts?

mmmmmmm sounds like she made a nice little justification to inflate her ego at the expense of others... as well as inflate her Dominant's(if she has one or future one if she doesn't) ego at the expense of others.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 24

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 6:56:17 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

And the words "They make a great challenge, need to be conquered, and are the best way for a dom to prove he's got the chops to be a good dominant" were literally spoken.

If two people need to "prove" themselves, the relationship is lacking trust, as well as depth.

Her thesis collapses right there.

I agree! People in D/s relationships will do alot of things that Proves a Dom's Domination of the submissive as well as a sub's submission to the Dominant. However, the motivation is key here. If the NEED to do this in an ongoing relationship it does to me reflect a lack of trust within the relationship.

However, In the beginnings of a developing relationship, I think that this need to prove and validate that the D/s dynamic is authentic is rather common. But as the relationship moves on and become more stable this need is replaced with a quiet confidence of trust and realistic expectations.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 25

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 7:09:45 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

... If the NEED to do this in an ongoing relationship it does to me reflect a lack of trust within the relationship.

This has been my own view for some time now and totally relate to what you express. I've lately been giving consideration to the twisted thoughts regarding a few things. I do tend to think, that things would or should mellow out in time. I've been turning things inside and out in my head, trying to wrap my mind around this.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 26

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 7:10:56 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Well LA, as usual I tend to agree with you one this one. At one point, when I was learning my way around, I did subscribe to this idea of a "strong dominant rising to a challenge", but have since revised my opinion. As a dominant seeking a sub, I am looking for someone who is ready to make a committment and keep it. I do not want to wrestle and fight for authority. Why are some people like that? Well I can't say for sure, but I tend to think it comes from rushing the process. A huge problem I've encountered is that there seems to be an incredible lack of patience. So many people want the fantasy and want it now, so instead of growing the relationship into one that can withstand the panic of absolute obedience, they create scenarios in which they can got out of their agreement. Kind of like an emergency exit door.

I see it more of a "having your cake and eating it too" situation. The Dominant Submissive, as described, is just what it sounds like. Someone who wants to get the excitement and thrills of submission without actually being vulnerable. Well, wouldn't we all? It's very much like the lazy Dom/me who wants all the power and control but none of the responsibility. It's Ok to play at that, but as a full time way to conduct a relationship it won't work. IMO

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 27

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 7:18:26 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think the word "powerful" is a better word for a submissive or slave who can be self motivating and driven by the desire to serve. In fact, someone who is powerful is really the only person I can personally see having in my life -- when such a person kneels to me, they offer me their world, a world of true value.

Powerful has very little to do with the ideas of submissive or dominant. Everyone has power but being powerful is knowing you have that power and be able and wiling to use it with full responsibility for doing so.

That's my opinion on the matter.

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 28

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 7:20:39 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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so if she/he is not "Powerful"... what is she ..... "Powerless"!

somehow it doesn't work for me.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 29

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 7:25:30 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

so if she/he is not "Powerful"... what is she ..... "Powerless"!

somehow it doesn't work for me.

Is that I said above? I don't think so.

Everyone has power but to be powerful you need to know how to use it and be willing and able to do so while accepting full responsibility.

I do not believe that any human being is powerless perhaps not even after death.

Power is not the same as dominant and submissive which were the terms the reported discussion wanted to use.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 30

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 7:29:59 AM

Leatherist

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Joined: 12/11/2007
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Replace the word "powerful" with "competent" and it works for me.

Otherwise, I would be tempted to use words like "reactance" and "asshole".

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 31

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 7:38:03 AM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

My pet is a rather dominant switch.

He does not need to be beaten into submission, nor do I attempt that. (although, the verbage is banded about teasingly).
He serves because he chooses to do so.
If he is serving on a level of slave, it is because he has chosen to serve as such, I have not forced him into it.
In my eyes, if my pet can serve at a slave level, he is an extremely strong person.

If I have to convince someone they should serve me, then the two of us are not right for each other.

I do think you are correct in your assumption that the speaker would scare some into believing slaves are weak or easily lead. I hope that the people who can be submissives or slaves will seek out more information and not take all her words as absolutes.
Lady Jag

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 32

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 7:50:31 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i can relate to the description of a dominant submissive ...i won't bend willingly and abhor the idea of being micro-managed ...having a strong opinionated mind, aggressiveness and independent nature comes with it too. i have been told by other dominants that i'm not submissive (or twue) enough because of this personality ...some have offered to change my dominant ways to more of a slavish side to fit their dominance and style.

however i don't think Daddy saw me as a challenge waiting to be conquered because He's attracted to my dominant personality (and so is the guy i'm dating). He likes the fact i enjoy doing a variety of activities which don't require Him telling me when, where and what must be done. i'm still submissive to Him yet there are times when i'm dominant and in control.

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 33

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 7:55:23 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I do not think I could be the type of slave I am without being a strong willed, thinking person. The speaker seems as though she lives in a cookie cutter world. Sadly I think she is just misinforming people and confusing the new as well.

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 34

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 7:55:39 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Wow. LA, my head would have just exploded at that class, and not in a good way.

My subs/slaves need to know that the chain of command starts with ME. I get the final say, and the final responsibility. Why would I want someone who was constantly in my face about everything? That isn't a challenge, that's just someone who needs some other dominant.

I am a word person, and I do love definitions, but the ones in this class sound like a bunch of bad ones...

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(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 35

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 8:02:29 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Replace the word "powerful" with "competent" and it works for me.

Otherwise, I would be tempted to use words like "reactance" and "asshole".

Hi Leatherist Sir.

May i ask, what did You mean by 'reactance'?

i tried a couple of dictionary sites and all i got were definitions about some aspect of electricity.

Thank You.

pinksugarsub

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(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 36

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 8:03:22 AM

sweeetlips

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline

After reading through these post, I found myself glad I had "double clicked" this link a friend of mine sent me. With respect to what has been mentioned throughout this post, I have not always been comfortable with labels. Have had DOMS explain to me "sweetie, your not a submissive, but your a good bottom"........I do find it offensive and usually my first thought to follow is........."and your tellng me this why, because I have not fallen at your feet". I am very selective of who I allow to touch me. I have been in the lifestyle not nearly as long as some of you (a little over 2 years) and I have seen what happens at the hands of inexperienced.

Within the last say 6 months I was presented with the opprotunity to begin a new journey. Before I continue, to know a little about me......I am a single, career woman with responsibilities. I know there is a greater depth to what I know about this lifestyle thus far and I am/was ready to experience it. Within the last 6 months, I started down that path with a "Master". a seasoned Master I might add. Intelligence taught me to be cautious, but willing to learn. He was aware and verbalized that "training" would be needed......Hey, that was a giver. Which brings me to the subject of training. How can you effectively train someone if you are not able or willing to communicate as a Master (I am talking verbal communication, no cell phone, no text). I made it clear on more than one occassion, if i know what is expected of me, I will less likely fail (that is important to me). Chain of events, NO verbal communication, the event was the loss of 4 important people in their life and i found myself instantly out of "submissive" mode and wanting to console to help.......and would you know........it angered him (mind you no verbal communication). As I drove to/from work everyday, i thought what have i been taught....kept thinking and thinking........."nothing"........I am not a mind reader. The last thing I received via email mind you was a very long explanation of what a slave is and added to it was obviously you are not a slave but a submissive (made that clear from the beginning).......He gave me a condensed list of what a slave is not "entititled" to.......Hell vanilla or kink none of us are entititled to anything......It was a very angry email. My desire someday is to cross paths with an experienced Master/Dom who will be willing to scoop me under his wing and with patience teach me, school me, demonstrate to me what it means to be a slave...............but if he does not respect me...........he will never touch me...........

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 37

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 8:03:56 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

My malesub is strong willed and dominant to those outside of our relationship, but with me I inspire his submission and therefore he follows me as his Dominant. I don't have to "prove" anything, all I have to do is be myself.

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 38

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 8:09:58 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Replace the word "powerful" with "competent" and it works for me.

Otherwise, I would be tempted to use words like "reactance" and "asshole".

Hi Leatherist Sir.

May i ask, what did You mean by 'reactance'?

i tried a couple of dictionary sites and all i got were definitions about some aspect of electricity.

Thank You.

pinksugarsub

Reacting against submitting to authority.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 39

RE: The Dominant Submissive - 6/14/2008 8:32:46 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

deleted for the moment

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 6/14/2008 8:33:29 AM >

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 40

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