24/7 live in questions (Full Version)

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Sheladaris -> 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 1:08:47 AM)

What are some of the first things to Consider when bringing a 24/7 into your home?  Some of the common faults when you bring in a 24/7?  Should you focus more on Service or the D/s aspect of it.? And what should a Master focus on bringing someone into it? And what if this is your first Live in sub



Asherdelampyr -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 1:13:57 AM)

dude, be patient and try not to post the same thing everywhere, a lot of people are asleep right now, so dont expect a bunch of responses immediately



Sheladaris -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 1:17:22 AM)

Sorry PC lagged badly so i thought it didint post so i moved. Edited the other one since i cant seem to delet it



subboi3382 -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 1:37:50 AM)

well speaking as a 24/7 slave, I think you should make your slave the kind you want, that you have in mind, that best suits you. I am mostly service orientated, but there is a lot of D/s by its nature. I think that service does go hand in hand with a 24/7 slave though



angelslave77 -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 1:50:38 AM)

I live with my Sir but honestly 90% of our day is just like everybody else, we get up we go to work, there are kids to care for, we have dinner watch tele and go to bed.
Certainly there are things thrown in there that might not be so common in nilla households. But for us housework, bill paying everything is divided up between us because at the end of the day we are a young working family and the world is not a fairy tale.

Having said that i do know that there are others who have the time and the means to support thier sub/slaves and thus the whole D/s service thing is much more full on.  I guess it depends what you want, but i think peoples biggest mistake is thinking that it is going to be all kneeling and collars and unicorns and rainbows ect. Another mistake imo is when a Dom has a live in sub because he is a lazy ass who is to cheap to pay for a maid thats never gonna end well lol.

From my perspective the best advice I can offer is just like a nilla relationship, find someone you love or at the least someone you have good chemistry with and then let it flow.



colouredin -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 3:01:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheladaris
Should you focus more on Service or the D/s aspect of it.? And what should a Master focus on bringing someone into it?


Should? there arent any shoulds its your relationship so really it should be what you want it to be. I dont know if you are actually with someone at the moment but if you are then the type of person that they are will make a differance, you make up the rules based on your circumstances. As with anything its about communication trial and error and seeing what evolves.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 3:21:36 AM)

First rule of Ds relationships: don't throw out all the communication skills you learned for vanilla relationships.

Second rule of Ds relationships: the amount of communication skills you've learned already isn't enough. Study.

Third rule of Ds relationships: if you don't like them as a person, it's unlikely that you'll like them as a Ds partner.

Forth rule of Ds relationships: there needs to be a clear understand by BOTH people what each wants in the relationships and what each can realistically give. See rules 1 through 3 for clarification.

Master Fire



eyesopened -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 4:32:46 AM)

Make sure there's an agreement on which way the toilet paper roll should roll....nothing worse than a "over" person living with an "under" person.  Sure, the Master will dictate which way the roll goes but it's bound to be a point of common mistakes if there isn't compatibility.




ProtagonistLily -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 5:19:42 AM)

quote:

What are some of the first things to Consider when bringing a 24/7 into your home?

Is this person someone you can live with. While I understand they will be naked, in chains, aroused and willing all the time, there may be moments here and there when life gets in the way, you know, laundry, groceries, jobs, chores.  Is this person someone you want to co-habitate with on a regular, permanant basis?

quote:

Some of the common faults when you bring in a 24/7?

Thinking that 'vanilla' life somehow ceases to exist once you bring someone into the home. That can cause a modicum of embarassment and trouble. Other people stuggle because they don't know each other well enough to be able to comfortably live together in a D/s/M/s relationship under the same roof.

quote:

Should you focus more on Service or the D/s aspect of it.? And what should a Master focus on bringing someone into it? And what if this is your first Live in sub

Honestly, you'll figure this out as the days pass. We'd been together 23 months before we moved in together - until that time we kept separate residences. While we have ample room and lots of play furniture, I can probably count on one hand how many times we've used our 'dungeon' in the last year because life happens. Sometimes there are more important things that need to be done than having my ass beat. I don't always like that, mind you, but I'm adult enough to realize that some things, like certain house chores, supercede my need/want to play.

If I had 2 pearls of wisdom, they would be A) really really know the person you are considering living with and then take the time to really get to know them once you are living together and B) understand 24/7 as it relates to the Power Exchange. If you can understand, with the person who you are contemplating doing this with, what it means to be in a Power Exchange relationship, you are more likely to succeed.

Best of luck,

PL



ProtagonistLily -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 5:23:35 AM)

quote:

Make sure there's an agreement on which way the toilet paper roll should roll....nothing worse than a "over" person living with an "under" person. Sure, the Master will dictate which way the roll goes but it's bound to be a point of common mistakes if there isn't compatibility.


Sir recently pointed this concept out to me; I've spent the last 41 years not realizing I was doing this wrong LOL.

PL



CruelDesires -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 5:41:24 AM)

Over. There is no other way. Period. [:D]

CD



orfunboi -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 5:47:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheladaris

What are some of the first things to Consider when bringing a 24/7 into your home?
Finding someone who is compatable with what I am looking for.
Some of the common faults when you bring in a 24/7? 
Not getting to know the person you are about to live with.
Should you focus more on Service or the D/s aspect of it.?
That would depend on which one is more important to you.

And what should a Master focus on bringing someone into it?
Being the best Master you can be.
And what if this is your first Live in sub
Then it should be quite a learning experience.




RavenMuse -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 5:56:26 AM)

Compatability... as with anything, whilst you may have a few things you particularly seek from a girl... and she is looking for a few specific things too... just because you tick the right boxes doesn't mean you have compatable personalitys. Plenty of face to face time first before any commitments get too far and she moves in... else you MAY find there is a lack of compatability and life gets very unpleasent.



thetammyjo -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 7:22:54 AM)

This is my experience speaking but solid, long-term 24/7 dynamics are created over time. You don't initially bring in someone to be your 24/7 -- you take the time to get to know each other, slowly develop what protocols, rituals or rules work for you, and see if that will function 24/7. If it doesn't just flow after a while, you may be taking on too many things to maintain it -- rules, rituals again -- and what happens when life interferes? Life will interfere and if the Ds doesn't just flow between you, you could lose it or find it damaged.

When you, as a the dominant, find yourself forgetting the rules and rituals you have set up, that a sure sign you've over managed the dynamic and you've now set yourself up for failure at some point in the future. Do what helps you stay centered in the dynamic -- everything else is icing that can be enjoyed or left aside when life calls.



MmeGigs -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 7:39:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheladaris
What are some of the first things to Consider when bringing a 24/7 into your home? 
 <snip>
Should you focus more on Service or the D/s aspect of it.? And what should a Master focus on bringing someone into it? And what if this is your first Live in sub


I think that ProtagonistLily pointed out the most important thing - "Is this person someone you can live with."  It's good to have a general idea what you're looking for - 24/7, marriage, casual dating, friends with benefits, whatever, but the specific shape that relationship will take will depend on the people involved.  I can make a lot of plans about just how things will be, but it's very unlikely that I'll find someone who will have the same picture in their head that I do.  I'm going to be more successful if I look for a compatible person who is looking for the same general kind of relationship and work out the details with them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheladaris
Some of the common faults when you bring in a 24/7?


Too many rules and rituals.  While it's all still theoretical, it seems that it would be really hot to have a detailed list of thou shalts and thou shalt nots with punishments defined and all of that.  When put into practice, unless one has a kink for micro-management all of these rules become an oppressive chore for the dom/master.  I'm not just obliging my slave to follow the rules, I'm obliging myself to enforce them.  It's easy to let some things slip and become inconsistent, which can be pretty confusing and irritating for the sub/slave.  I think it's better to start with a few rules that you really care about and will consistently enforce and build things up more gradually if you and your partner find you want more rules and ritual.



PsyVamp -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 7:44:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Make sure there's an agreement on which way the toilet paper roll should roll....nothing worse than a "over" person living with an "under" person.  Sure, the Master will dictate which way the roll goes but it's bound to be a point of common mistakes if there isn't compatibility.




OMG!  I'm not consistent when it comes to toilet paper roll placement!  Somebody should have pointed this out before I brought in my live in last year! [sm=gaah.gif]

Okay, seriously...
You really do need to understand your own likes/ dislikes / wants and needs before bringing someone in on a 24/7 basis.
Do you have the room?  Do they need to be neat freaks?  Do they need to ignore the dirty socks under your bed?  Do they need to pick up the dirty socks?
Take a moment to understand yourself
Take a moment to write down what you believe a "day in the life" should be.
What do you need absolutely?
What can you do without?
Can you give clear directions?

And like others have stated... communication is key.. and with 24/7, the communication is constant.

Good luck
Lady Jag



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 7:47:56 AM)

Realizing that the reality of it is not like the fantasy most have in their heads. Most days are not spent naked, chained to the floor waiting for Master to command me. People work, have children, etc.

Setting goals of what you both want before you live together is good as well as rules, expectations for all involved.  Have set guidelines and talk about things before anyone moves in and lives anywhere.  Read this article and the site overall is very informative.

http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/TPE/24_7_reality.htm



DesFIP -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 8:20:25 AM)

If you don't know before you folks move in together what she's looking for, then you're doomed to failure. Not to mention you ought to know before you start looking what you're looking for.

He isn't ever going to make me into someone service oriented, if he had wooed me one way and then decided "aha, now you will love scrubbing floors" we wouldn't have lasted six months, let alone five years. He knew that my main drive was neither service nor obedience but emotional transparency and that that was his main impetus also. And therefore we were compatible.

As to what actually happened when he moved here? All d/s stopped for about six months while we adapted to living together. He had transferred but still needed to make friends with coworkers, find a new place to stop for coffee where he could chitchat with the waitress who would remember he liked two sugars, no cream etc. We had to deal with combining my stuff and his, rehanging pictures on the wall to include his etc. He likes not to have a small 8 oz mug but one much bigger, so we spent a while looking for a replacement of his favorite which broke in the move.

And then once we had dealt with all of those issues, that's when we felt comfortable enough for him to start taking control out of the bedroom.



dovie -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 8:33:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

First rule of Ds relationships: don't throw out all the communication skills you learned for vanilla relationships.

Second rule of Ds relationships: the amount of communication skills you've learned already isn't enough. Study.

Third rule of Ds relationships: if you don't like them as a person, it's unlikely that you'll like them as a Ds partner.

Forth rule of Ds relationships: there needs to be a clear understand by BOTH people what each wants in the relationships and what each can realistically give. See rules 1 through 3 for clarification.

Master Fire



To the OP:

Having lived in a 24/7 M/s relationship a few times over......I cannot impress upon you how important the above guidelines are. I encourage you to take good notes.

dovie



kiwisub12 -> RE: 24/7 live in questions (6/14/2008 9:01:38 AM)

When i moved in with my Sir, one of the nicest things he did was give me a room for  myself and all my "stuff". I am a quilter (which means boxes and boxes of fabric, sewing machine, etc), a reader (books), knitter (needles, wool, UFO's) and so on and so on.  And i was VERY grateful. I need a space of my own.
He informed me when i moved in how he liked the house kept - a bit messy is ok - i'm not there to be the housekeeper (thank goddess), i'm there for him. We talked a lot about food preferences and dislikes, we went grocery shopping a couple of times so i could see what he liked in the house.
He gave me his preferences in ritual - not a lot tg - but he directed me until i "got" what he wanted -eg coffee on tray, legs spread, until he took the cup and dismissed me. Actually, he had to teach me how to make coffee - i'm a hot tea drinker (grins)

All in all we had remarkably little trouble living together - i am definitely submissive so i tried as hard as i could to do well, and he understood occasional slip-ups.  For me it really helped that he knew exactly what he wanted from me as far as ritual went - there were clear expectations, and i didn't feel as if there were landmines out there that i didn't know about - ie. the way the tp went on the roller - which sounds funny, but it would seem to me that the little things can trip you up faster than the big things.  He also gave me permission to make the house mine as well, to change things as i see fit - and i did.  He had artwork that i wouldn't call cheesy(because i do have a braincell or two working!), but it came down, and mine went up. I had some furniture moved in - and after that i told him he was stuck with me because i wasn't going to do that again.

As far as the playing went - we played everyday for the first several months - and he did warn me that the intensity wouldn't stay that way. Not being a sweet young thing i already knew that, and he was right. We scene once or twice a week typically - more or less depending on the atmospheric pressure, the phases of the moon and other variables.  But no matter what we or i am doing i am submissive to him. I do what i do because he is my Sir.

i realise that this post is sort of a laundry list, but in my experience, life is like a laundry list - it doesn't go away, and you have to deal with it. How he wants the house kept isn't sexy or romantic ,but if you are living 24/7 in the long run it will be more important than wheither you and she likes canes or floggers more. The practical aspects of living with someone need to be taken care of in a fairly comprehensive manner.   and as a side note, you might want to think about how much you insist your sub do as far as ritual goes - because you are going to have to keep up with wheither or not they are doing it. Which means work for you.
My Sir used to be Gorean, but he said as he got older, it became more work than it was worth.

I wouldn't trade my Sir for all the tea in China-  and his experience at live-ins made my moving in with him painless.
Good luck



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