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Etiquette question - 6/14/2008 1:44:26 PM   
snowslave


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline 		I am new to the BDSM community.  I have read references in several posts to proper etiquette that must be followed by slaves/subs when approaching a Domme by email or in person.  However, I don't know what the proper etiquette is.  Can anyone educate me please?

Thank you
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Etiquette question - 6/14/2008 1:48:18 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Every one has their own ideas of what is important to them...i dont think you can go wrong by asking each person.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to snowslave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Etiquette question - 6/14/2008 2:25:52 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline 		As they said.. it varries... I would look closely and read the persons full profile, and journal. some hint of how they like to be addressed is sometimes in there.

For instance clues are in mine. I dislike people calling me Mistress when I am not *thier* Mistress. Generaly Ma'am and Sir are widely accepted terms. You will get a few who are squicked by them.. but normaly it just shows you have manners by using them. Some people are protocol hounds.. some run it fast and loose. It all depends on who you are dealing with. It is always good to ask.

I hope this helps. *hugs and good luck!*

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Etiquette question - 6/14/2008 3:08:52 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Those 'instructions' never have been nor will they ever be written.  

Best of luck figuring it out.   Remember your audience.  Then forget that altogether. 

There's something called 'The Theory of Everything' that brilliant minds have been working on for some time now.  Odds are, they'll succeed before you do. 
Have fun. 

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 6/14/2008 3:16:32 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to snowslave)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Etiquette question - 6/14/2008 3:16:28 PM   
MistressSybella


Posts: 163
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline 		Just be courteous and respectful, be a gentleman. From there, the Mistress will guide you towards her personal tastes. However, you cannot go wrong with old etiquette.

I remember reading an old etiquette book that said this: If a man was in the presence of ladies and the lady next to him passed gas, he was to immediately say, "Excuse me," absolving her for something unladylike.

If only our young men now were raised with such respect for women. ;)

Miss 'Bella

(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Etiquette question - 6/14/2008 10:23:46 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Be polite, be courteous, many set store by good spelling and grammar so pay attention to that, safest to initially address them by their full screen name then ask each person how they prefer to be addressed. And the most important of all? READ THEIR PROFILE first so you know if they are likely to be interested in you, where possible refer accurately to their profile in your message. Don't be too snivelling, most serious Dommes aren't impressed by someone who would be anyone's slave, they want one who will be THEIR slave once they have come to know each other. And remember that Dommes aren't life support systems for body parts you wish to worship or for the whips or paddles you want to feel on your skin, they are living, breathing real people! Treat them that way.
Good luck
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MistressSybella)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Etiquette question - 6/14/2008 10:33:07 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I'm a very Victorian type domme, so I love to see old world manners and correct spelling (I can understand that not everyone has a knack for spelling, so I can fogive a few common spelling mistakes). I absolutely, no way, ever forgive txt speak. As my profile says, if you don't have time to spell out a word, you don't have the time for a Mistress. A personal greeting is essential, eg. Good morning/afternoon Miss Magnolia, and an ending, eg. yours sincerely/thank you ( insert your name). People who don't use a personal greeting and ending are usually sending the same form letter out to every woman on here. A personal greeting doesn't necessarily mean that the email isn't a form letter, but it is polite and less jarring.

Please don't send a litany of your interests in an email. You should have a profile filled out for that, that a domme may look at. It also is very "do me, do me now".

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Etiquette question - 6/15/2008 12:23:06 AM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		While I am definitely not a "high protocol" domina, I have a preference for how I wish to be addressed. And I state it in plain English at the end of my profile. As far as I am concerned, I'm allergic to gruesome grammar, apostrophe abuse, and homospell (all it proves is that you can take the brink hint a mindless spelling checker dropped on you...and that you don't know what a homonym is). Those subs who choose to contact me are relatively few, but then, I'm accustomed to scaring men off, I've been doing that since I was in high school. A dear sub says that he finds brains sexy. Let us hear it for those with brains, who choose to use them.

Ma'am is acceptable until I correct you, if you missed my instructions amid the plethora of words. Text-speak doesn't fly; if the content happens to be interesting (damn rare), but a response in real English elicits more text-speak, I know where the round-file button is.

Content is more important to me than a studiously (and incorrectly) uncapitalized first-person pronoun. "Nice profile" is meaningless. "I find your interest in XXXXX intriguing, but am unclear about your statement about XXXX in your profile. What do you mean..." and so on. Such a message could be a first message that proves that you have more between your ears than vacuum, and enough initiative to do more than trail your coat in a blind hope to lure a meat domina into "playing" with you online (gurk!).

Delilah Deb

_____________________________

"All acts of love & pleasure are My rituals."
--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Etiquette question - 6/15/2008 6:06:50 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I totally agree with the respect, and I despise receiving "wish lists" or offers to move in with me in the opening email.  I rarely respond to one word emails such as, "hello".  Being overly complimentary is a turn off.  I would much rather hear that I have a nice smile than that I am beautiful.  I believe the first, not the second. 

My favorite emails are ones where someone has seen something in my online journal and commented on it, or has seen a post here and has done the same.  That shows me that they care what is going through my mind.  I highly recommend AGAINST sending X-rated photos with an initial email.  It is always better to either ask if the receiver would enjoy seeing one or simply waiting for her to ask for one.

An opening email is just that - an opening, a chance to get conversation started.  Be pleasant, respectful, show a sense of humor if you have one, and don't look like the only person that you care about is you.


_____________________________



(in reply to DelilahDeb)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Etiquette question - 6/15/2008 7:42:06 AM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Replace the term "domme" with "woman" and you'll be set.

How would you go about chatting with a woman in general? Respectful, polite and courteous.

Of course profiles give hints. Some want a certain thing. But if they don't say what they want, I think the best thing to do is just be a normal gentleman. Honestly, BDSM aside it's still a woman and you're still a man. Unless her profile says something and unless you know her well enough, I say go for the casual approach and request a conversation like you would of any other woman.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Etiquette question - 6/15/2008 11:09:26 PM   
jonathan


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Those 'instructions' never have been nor will they ever be written.

Best of luck figuring it out. Remember your audience. Then forget that altogether.

There's something called 'The Theory of Everything' that brilliant minds have been working on for some time now. Odds are, they'll succeed before you do.
Have fun.


Jeez, it's not physics, the everything theory, it's kink. What you refer to is General Unification Theory, reconciling of Einsteinian relativity with quantum mechanics. Poof.

For kink, if on first contacts it's Master if male, Mistress if female, and let them drill you with the fact that it pisses both of them off. Sir or Ma'am works better to start.

They have been written many times, you just have not paid attention.

_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Etiquette question - 6/15/2008 11:11:34 PM   
jonathan


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jonathan

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Those 'instructions' never have been nor will they ever be written.

Best of luck figuring it out. Remember your audience. Then forget that altogether.

There's something called 'The Theory of Everything' that brilliant minds have been working on for some time now. Odds are, they'll succeed before you do.
Have fun.


Jeez, it's not physics, the everything theory, it's kink. What you refer to is General Unification Theory, reconciling of Einsteinian relativity with quantum mechanics. Poof.

For kink, if on first contacts it's Master if male, Mistress if female, and let them drill you with the fact that it pisses both of them off. Sir or Ma'am works better to start.

They have been written many times, you just have not paid attention.


Wait, i forgot, i want to see you pop that bone off your nose & chew on it.

_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to jonathan)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Etiquette question - 6/16/2008 8:54:17 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		'Annoying' is a word that comes to mind.   'Harmless' is another one.

'Intellectual' is NOT a word that associates. 

Are you getting any of this?





Edited because I felt like it.     



< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 6/16/2008 9:13:42 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to jonathan)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Etiquette question - 6/16/2008 8:57:19 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jonathan

Wait, i forgot, i want to see you pop that bone off your nose & chew on it.




By the way, YOU would be the one doing the chewing stud. 

Guaranteed.

Have fun.     

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to jonathan)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Etiquette question - 6/17/2008 6:12:21 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Mistress Sybella. Give me a break. A woman farts on a man and he is supposed to take the blame. Where is her respect for the man. Are men called Old Farts because of the women sitting next to him.

(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Etiquette question - 6/17/2008 6:22:01 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Personaly, I am bombarded with the one opening line:  "How may i serve You?"

I hate that.  It says nothing about the writer.  It suggests that I should spend more time sending a detailed answer.  I have a bad habit of answering "I don't know.  What are you good at?"  To which I normally get "I could lick your sweet ass all day long."  WRONG FRELLING ANSWER!  I don't want subs to assume that the only thing I want is sexual contact. 

Personally, the gentlemen who write lovely senarios to me are more likely to catch my attention.  I have limited R/L time to spend with boy toys.  Therefore, I'm only interested in the ones that can offer me something unique.  Wheither that is someone to draw my bubble bath and give me a good a deep body message, or an offer of his body to use as a pinata, or simply a sweet adoring pup who's only desire is to lay his head in my lap.

You need to express what YOU can do that will set you aside from the others - and it better be non-sexual.  95% say "It's all what you want.  TELL me what you want."  To me, that just sounds like they want me to send them wanking material.

--------------

BTW - the 'pup' is the only one wearing my collar at the moment.


< Message edited by MsStarlett -- 6/17/2008 6:23:28 AM >

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Etiquette question - 6/17/2008 6:33:08 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i don't like the automatic "i love you, want to marry you and will do anything for you ...i'm a no limits submissive, Mistress" opening lines which is usually followed by extensive begging and pleading to collar them.  i delete messages like that without responding back.

also i don't like someone telling me to add their yahoo/msn to my friends list or giving me their mobile phone # within the initial message. i'm not going to call or IM you nor am i going to share my private info either until i feel comfortable and trust you.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to snowslave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Etiquette question - 6/17/2008 12:13:34 PM   
MistressSybella


Posts: 163
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Mistress Sybella. Give me a break. A woman farts on a man and he is supposed to take the blame. Where is her respect for the man. Are men called Old Farts because of the women sitting next to him.


Hey now, don't you have a sense of humor? I was not saying that is one of my rules or orders. I was quoting from an older etiquette book.  Sometimes you find fun things when you read.  Surely, you can find the humor in that etiquette rule.

Miss 'Bella
ServeMeWell

< Message edited by MistressSybella -- 6/17/2008 12:46:13 PM >

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Etiquette question - 6/18/2008 5:26:34 AM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		Personally, I find most honorifics dehumanizing, but I am not going to "dock points" off an otherwise interesting sub who calls me Ma'am.  Many women on CM, sub, dom or otherwise say the same thing - one liners or lists of wants from men who have clearly not read her profile are a common annoyance.  Be polite, be compelling, be pleasant - and don't tell me about me, tell me about yourself.  A well placed compliment is certainly nice, but really, I want to get at least a little introduction as to what you are about.  And for fuck's sake, I do not want to see your slave resume.

(in reply to MistressSybella)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Etiquette question - 6/22/2008 8:45:13 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear snowslave, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
When you do write to someone like me; which I identify as a rather Old School/Old Fashioned Dominant; to write using language that your grandmother or grandfather wouldn't be embarrassed to read is a good rule of thumb.
 
In mentioning the person's profile and certain portions of them; as to show you did indeed read the profile; write as you would someone before the computer age.  Fully, comprehending and more than a few lines.  I dislike those who dribble a few sentences each send of mail.  They need to wait and write a more extensive letter than; for example: "Hiya, I like your profiel."  To me that is just spam talk--nothing specific and something that is unique; that shows a person has looked at me; not a mass mailing as to get 'lucky.'
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to snowslave)
Profile   Post #: 20
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