Other Avenues of Approach

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Other Avenues of Approach

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Other Avenues of Approach

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 9:30:38 AM

Saint

Posts: 279
Status: offline

I have a question for the Dommes on here and perhaps the other male submissives. I have been on this website for six years now, on Alt, Bondage (before I removed my profile last year), SubforDommes and most recently FetLife. All of this with no luck. I have dated pretty decently in the vanilla world and in this this one. I am active in my community, attend munches, events and privates parties. I have given up on national events out of sheer frustration though. That was simply background information to help prevent people from directing me that ways.

So now my question: How many Dommes or male submissives have used other methods to find someone? I am seriously considering trying websites like: match, yahoo singles, adultfriendfinder, etc. Have any of you tried these avenues and have you had any success with it?

Any and all comments are welcome to this query. Thank you.

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

Post #: 1

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 9:44:28 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint
am seriously considering trying websites like: match, yahoo singles, adultfriendfinder, etc. Have any of you tried these avenues and have you had any success with it?

I think there are many more people out there with an interest in BDSM, or who might be open to BDSM who are not on the kink sites--each avenue is worth a shot. If there is a site that you think fits you more culturally (years ago a guy mentioned salon.com as more alternative friendly, which I think was also bought out by the folks of alt, who ruin sites in my opinion), you might give emphasis to it.

On more vanilla sites, there would be the question of whether to explicitly indicate an interest in BDSM or leave hints (interest in Anne Rice books, etc).

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 2

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 9:57:11 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

I know I tried adultfriendfinder years ago with zippo results, so I'd not recommend that one specifically.
If you do vanilla sites, as undergroundsea said, the big issue is whether to be explicit about your BDSM practices. My vote on that would be yes, within the site's TOS. Less wasted time that way.

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 3

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 10:29:22 AM

MistressDoMe

Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

It is certainly worth a try.
I am considering something very similar, just be careful about the wording.
Use adjectives like seeks "strong, Dominant woman" with a take charge attitude.
Thank you for the post, I plan on doing something very similar.
Good luck

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 4

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 10:36:41 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

You could also try Craigslist in your area. I haven't had any experience with it, so I can't say what your results might be, but it's an option.

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

Post #: 5

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 10:53:39 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

You could also try Craigslist in your area. I haven't had any experience with it, so I can't say what your results might be, but it's an option.

I am a matchmaker at heart, a hopeless romantic, and I have helped several friends in and out of the community try to find a "match". Most of the dating sites (BDSM oriented or not) I don't think are as good as craigslist. You can look through ads that are posted and search for words like Dominant or submissive, or even post your own ad. You don't have to post a picture, but my suggestion is put something up because some people only read the ads that say they have a picture...but I posted a personal ad there for my best friend and posted a picture someone had drawn of just her eyes, then said in the message "send a picture and you will get one in return". I like the idea of posting an ad as opposed to responding, because that puts you in charge - and I have helped friends (men, women, straight, gay) post ads - then have MANY responses to wean through. The ad will get response if it is very sincere and well written (really the key!!)- and it is up to you how much about BDSM you put in...you can alway post more than one as well - one geared toward someone vanilla that may be open to it, and one that gets right to the point! The ads are free, but remember, it is like a ticker tape - and the last ad posted is at the top, and you can only repost the same ad I think after 3 days. The way I figure it with craigslist is that its free and so you don't have a lot to lose, but stand to possibly gain finding what you are looking for!

Good luck!!

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 6

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 10:59:22 AM

MistressDoMe

Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

Great post Mistress Sandy.
I hate limiting myself to only BDSM sites, as much as I love
CM, I need to branch out for a mate.
Many, many vanilla people are very open to this lifestyle, all they need
is a gentle push.
Many just don't know how to go about "experiencing" this lifestyle, other
than a fetish club, munch or etc.
There are many people that are just not willing to go these events, for a variety of reasons.
The world is so much bigger than most of us realize.

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)

Post #: 7

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 11:07:32 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

I know absolutely zero about any groups in MI. Sounds as though you've already tried that to the extent possible, anyway.

Have you considered finding a very strong archetypal vanilla careerwoman to date that you could introduce to the lifestyle, instead?

Just wondering...

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 8

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 11:17:00 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

Well, getting out and about in Louisiana to find a domme was about as productive as flying an iron balloon. I've only tried CM because I just refuse to subscribe to pay sites because there is no guaranteed success. I've been blessed as I've not only met some really cool dommes on CM, but I've found the domme of my dreams, too. I hit a grand slam when I found Her.

All I can say is persistence pays off. Keep your head up and good luck.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 9

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 12:15:11 PM

Saint

Posts: 279
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

I know absolutely zero about any groups in MI. Sounds as though you've already tried that to the extent possible, anyway.

Have you considered finding a very strong archetypal vanilla careerwoman to date that you could introduce to the lifestyle, instead?

Just wondering...

TexasMaam

The strong business woman archetype is what is most appealing to me actually, TexasMaam. Usually the ladies who are in their mid-30's, strong, driven and successful are the ones who trigger my submission the most. Unfortunately, the very few I have met were already happily married. I have looked at the local craiglist here before for other interests, but not so much for finding a partner.

One of the things I am considering is getting a hobby started that may or may not bring me into contact with the type of Lady that I desire. I am actually considering joining a gym now to get myself into better physical shape and to perhaps network out through that in finding a partner. Either that, or seeing as my current line of employment potentially brings me into somewhat dangerous situations between my offices, joining a shooting club or something similiar. Perhaps a hobby that will allow me to come into contact with strong, driven people may be a route that I could follow to success in this venture.

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 10

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 1:08:34 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Okay, aren't you the guy who said the folks at big events were snotty and unfriendly? So I guess it wouldn't be helpful to suggest going to a big Chicago meet....

There is an active munch (I KNOW I hate munches too) in Lansing, and another in Jackson. Plenty of action in Saginaw, and Flint, as far as people go. The thing with munches is that they are a good place to meet other humans and for them to see what you are like. Meeting people and proving that you were not raised by wolves gets you invited to private parties and other social events. Even if you don't meet the person you are looking for right that very minute that night, you will expand your social circle. Believe me, femdoms TALK to each other. Having a good public reputation will only help you when Ms A calls Ms B and asks "what about that guy?".

In terms of the bdsm sites, I find this one to be the best for finding "serious" leather folk as opposed to the bedroom players on alt. AFF is one scaryass place that I wouldn't recommend to anyone, but hey, guys can be creepy. What is the deal with Fetlife? I am on it, but not sure what the point is....but I don't get Myspace either, so maybe it's a Luddite thing.

Anyway, feel free to CMail me, I can send links.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 11

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 1:17:32 PM

MistressSybella

Posts: 163
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline

I have talked with saint off and on for probably over a year now. I feel he is an awesome catch and I'd love to have him but our "wants" don't line up. He is a submissive looking for a 1 on 1 relationship. And I am a lifestyle dominant, mated, looking for human property only. It's a shame really because aside from this, I think we'd be well matched. ;)

If you want someone local, saint, craigslist may be your best option. I'd have to agree with the person that posted this suggestion. ;)

Miss 'Bella
ServeMeWell

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 12

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 1:32:19 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Not to be too much of a bitch but if you have been doing all of that for six years I think it's time that you do a serious objective look at yourself and your expectations.

See if you can see patterns of attitude or behavior in yourself and in those you are attracted to that may explain a "lack of success".

Frankly it does not matter how many venues you attempt to find a partner in if either you are behaving in an attractive fashion or repeatedly are attracted to people who aren't interested in building a relationship with you.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 13

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 1:36:49 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

I found a submissive through a vanilla dating site because he'd previously seen my profile on alt.com while he was with a Domme. After she passed away, he registered on a free dating site and recognized my picture so contacted me with "extra" details about himself.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to MistressSybella)

Post #: 14

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 2:16:26 PM

subtex

Posts: 129
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline

I saw a recommendation on another board for okcupid which is a free matching service. By that I mean they are supposed to match you up with someone depending on questions you answer and how you use the site. This is a vanilla site so I don't know if simply answering the questions honestly will match up dominants to submissives but that's the idea. I never did try it myself but I read the FAQ and sounds interesting.
Bill

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 15

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 2:44:14 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

The strong business woman archetype is what is most appealing to me actually, TexasMaam. Usually the ladies who are in their mid-30's, strong, driven and successful are the ones who trigger my submission the most. Unfortunately, the very few I have met were already happily married. I have looked at the local craiglist here before for other interests, but not so much for finding a partner.

I have several female friends who fit that description to a T--and they're submissive. Just as an FYI - a woman who exhibits the strong business woman archetype may well not be Domme material. Sometimes hard-driven career women (and men) seek balance in their lives through submission.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 16

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 2:45:50 PM

shivermetimbers

Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Not to be too much of a bitch but if you have been doing all of that for six years I think it's time that you do a serious objective look at yourself and your expectations.

See if you can see patterns of attitude or behavior in yourself and in those you are attracted to that may explain a "lack of success".

Frankly it does not matter how many venues you attempt to find a partner in if either you are behaving in an attractive fashion or repeatedly are attracted to people who aren't interested in building a relationship with you.

I strongly agree with you. I was on and off on sites like AFF, Alt, SexyAds, PlentyofFish before I came to this site. It was ten years before someone real even bothered messaging or replying to any messages. It's the way I came across, there was nothing whatsoever about me the person. Just the usual, "I'm kind, polite, and willing to serve" kind of stuff. Which isn't a bad thing, but I can only imagine a domme sees that a million times.

To the OP, just my personal experience from any type of dating I was looking for, I'd stay away from Adult Friend Finder.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 17

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 8:19:08 PM

DelilahDeb

Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

With regards to other sites for hooking up…I tried it for a while and found it less than useful. Your mileage may vary. I got one response from a closeted gent who wanted to scratch his itch on his business trips without causing his wife any upset. Gah. The amount of aggro that those sites generated me caused me to shut up the accounts. Of course, because the OP is looking for Ms Right, he might do better at cupid-like sites.

Good luck,
Delilah Deb

_____________________________

"All acts of love & pleasure are My rituals."
--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 18

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 8:36:47 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I've done okcupid and had a little luck. The amazing thing is about everyone in my area (ok I haven't actually looked into it fully) but a lot of us from here are on there. Just a different type of profile.

I've also done CL with some luck, I've met some really nice guys but nothing long term from it and a bunch of poofs. The trick is that who your looking for also goes to pick up milk and out with friends. You might have already met her you just have to mention this is something your into. (The hard part)

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to DelilahDeb)

Post #: 19

RE: Other Avenues of Approach - 6/15/2008 10:49:07 PM

jonathan

Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

I have a question for the Dommes on here and perhaps the other male submissives. I have been on this website for six years now, on Alt, Bondage (before I removed my profile last year), SubforDommes and most recently FetLife. All of this with no luck. I have dated pretty decently in the vanilla world and in this this one. I am active in my community, attend munches, events and privates parties. I have given up on national events out of sheer frustration though. That was simply background information to help prevent people from directing me that ways.

So now my question: How many Dommes or male submissives have used other methods to find someone? I am seriously considering trying websites like: match, yahoo singles, adultfriendfinder, etc. Have any of you tried these avenues and have you had any success with it?

Any and all comments are welcome to this query. Thank you.

Well, i have you beat by a couple of relationships & several years, but dude, you have done the nut. A sane post, alleluia! Um, at this point you may need to expand your search outside the locals. Be able to relocate as best you can. The vanilla sites are catch-as-best-is, i gave up on vanilla years ago because it was too much hearbreak to learn later that they wanted to be topped. With what you say, at best a switch with a lot of them.

Forget alt & bondage, i've been there since inception 10+ years ago, not worth the money. i quit when they started charging. At least it's still free here at CM.

If you have not been to Thunder in the Mountains in Denver, try this year. July. Google them. And if not, if you make Folsom in SanFran in Sept., myself & Friends will be there.

_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Other Avenues of Approach

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094